Need advice

Astraphobic · October 2015

I have really tried to not be a crazy pregnant woman but my one friend is testing my patience. (This is long sorry)

Little back story we are all 33. I'm the last of my friends to be pregnant with their first. When I find out I'm pregnant it's all hoorays...until my friend finds out my due date it her birthday (like I planned that).

One week later she decides to say that she has to be pregnant immediately even though it's not the right time and she will lose her job because no one lets pregnant women have jobs in education...but she "just can't" have a child over 35 because "something will be wrong with the kid and she couldn't do that" and then proceeds to complain about how she wishes she was pregnant incessantly until this week. (Again I totally get wanting to be done with childbirth by 35 especially when you are someone not willing to deal with having a child with special needs...personally I will love whatever pops out but then again I worry I won't even make it that far)

So throught my 8 weeks and 3 days I've had pneumonia and now a stomach virus bad enough to make my subchorionic hemata start bleeding again.

Today she texts me that the Dr thinks she should wait until she is not sick (she has a cold) to try to conceive. She decided she simply can't wait and is trying anyway...and is not freaking out after having sex one time (Monday) when she's not even due to ovulate till Sunday (she had always had a super regular cycle and got pregnant on attempt one with her first kid) after talking to her for about 10 minutes I just couldn't do it anymore after I told her she is fine about 17 times when she started asking what an xray would do to sperm.... I texted her best friend to please enlighten her why the currently with actual baby person who has been sick might not have the patience to keep telling her to not worry. Any advice on how I don't come off bring a heartless person as I do care but I just can't deal with the insanity of her right now?

missnc77 · October 2015

I don't think it's all that crazy for your friend to hear your good news and having that push her over the edge to try for a second. I feel like in my friend group, there's something in the water. I would just chalk it up to you being sick and not having great patience at the moment, and try to give her a break. Maybe you can give her a "Giiiirrrrl, I'm dealing with some crazy things right now that's hard enough to wrap my brain around. You should check out TTC on TheBump. There's good advice there. As for me, I need a blanket and some netflix. Let's catch up when I'm feeling better."

Astraphobic · October 2015

@missnc77 its not so much her TTC its more her freaking out and ranting about being sick while shes not even yet pregnant and not even listening to her friends (and doctors) who are telling her to not try while she is sick if she is worried it will impact her pregnancy. One of those things like telling someone to not do something because it could hurt and then they do it anyways then get all worried it might hurt?

Astraphobic · October 2015

either way... thank you for the advice! (meant to add that.)

LadySamLady · October 2015

My advice would be to try your best to let it roll off your back. Sounds like she is venting more than looking for real input or advice, can you try to tune it out at least until you feel better? My guess is that it is probably less about you than you think, we're all the center of our own universe after all. And hey you've got much more important things to think about right now. Don't sweat the small stuff, you know?

mrstmoose · October 2015

I honestly wouldn't worry about it. She sounds annoying right now but we are pregnant and don't have a lot of patience right now. If she is annoying or upsetting you, don't answer her calls or texts until you feel better.

Astraphobic · October 2015

Thanks all for the advice and not judging my crazy hormonal self. I have decided to just avoid what i can and offered to buy her the mayo clinic book, as well as sending her a link to hot dogs dressed as disney princesses...because how can anyone be upset looking at something to strange.

lionstigersbears · October 2015

I second the recommendation of telling her to join the bump! It helped me avoid becoming the most irritating sister in the world, as it gave me a place to put all my ttc energy rather than bothering/over-sharing with IRL family and friends.

lest12 · October 2015

Honestly I would find that pretty annoying and eye-roll-worthy. I would probably stop feeding into her neurosis and wait for her to calm down.

It wouldn't kill her to show some signs of being happy for you instead of making it all about her.

dshannah · October 2015

Also: 35 is not some magical number after which all children have birth defects. It increases chances only slightly, just enough that the insurance companies are willing to pay for the types of tests we should all be getting anyway.

I am sure we all know lots of older women who've had lots of healthy babies! My husband's mother was 43 when she had her last kid--without any complications.

Your friend does not have to rush!

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