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January 2016 Moms
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Fellow FTMS - what are your biggest fears? *trigger warning, potential loss discussed*

maureenmcemaureenmce member
in January 2016 Moms
As we get closer and closer to delivery and beyond, I've been thinking about the things I'm most afraid of (mostly at about 2-3 am, haha) and I wondered what other moms were afraid of as well?  I thought in a way it might make me (and us all) feel better to get them out of our system!  And I would LOVE to hear any encouraging words from STMs who have been through the birth/motherhood experience before!

For me, biggest fears:

1. Before delivery - placental abruption and loss of baby  - This happened to a friend of a friend very recently and she lost her baby at 37 weeks.  I cannot stop being afraid of this.
2. 3rd or 4th degree tears in labor - just read an article about this and it sounds SO painful!
3.  Fainting during labor.  I have fainting spells occasionally and that would scare me.
4.  After the baby is born I'm afraid that I won't be able to sleep, ever, because of my SIDS fears.  
5.  Also, my husband has a habit of just hitting a wall and falling asleep very suddenly and I'm terrified this will happen while he's holding the baby, even though he assures me this is absurd.
6.  That I will have a really hard time breastfeeding, baby won't latch, etc.

Whew.  That kind of feels better?  ;)  Anyone else?
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Re: Fellow FTMS - what are your biggest fears? *trigger warning, potential loss discussed*

  • catgrazcatgraz member
    It's true that we all lay at night and worry... I hate those hours....;-)
    Here a few thoughts about your fears (and mine):

    1. We all have that big fear to loose the baby...I know how you feel...not much we can do about it, I suppose...

    2.+3. : my view is that our body is programmed to do this "job" and that we will deal with everything we have to deal with like our mums did... andwe will be rewarded by every minute with our little bundle of joy!

    4.: Same like 1. I got a bit more relax after a few weeks....

    5. I think we sould trust the daddys more... they also have the instinct to protect their child! ;-)

    6. I got so angry and frustrated when breastfeeding didn't work with DD and then she grew up perfectly with formula so we shouldn't overthink: we do our best and if it works, then it's fine and if it doesn't it's no big deal and we should try not to see it as a failure because it isn't!

    I wish you all the best!!!! :-)
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  • AchaeAchae member
    2. Adrenaline and pain killers (if you choose to use them) will help with that. During recovery use the gel packs and otherwise you can make your own soothing packs with witch hazel and pads and freezing them.
    3. May happen, but you'll most likely be in an area where falling isn't a concern (bed, bath, vs standing and trying to deliver). I was given oxygen during mine since I also faint a lot.
    4. You can purchase those sleeping mats that sound an alarm if they detect baby isn't breathing.
    5. If baby is fed and nurtured, in a safe spot etc, it's not a big deal imo if you fall asleep with baby.
    6. You can take bf classes beforehand, otherwise meet with the specialists at the hospital to determine any latching problems, solutions, etc. It is difficult but grows easier over time! I had to start using shields but was able to wean my LO off of them and latch great :)

    I think of myself as a worrier and yet I don't worry too much about the other items - nothing I do can prevent emergencies. 
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  • enkbenkb member
    I hear you with the 3 am worry sessions!  My biggest at the moment seem to be that the baby will be deemed 'late' and I will have to change providers (home birth midwives can't deliver after 42 weeks), or that something will happen before labor starts that makes me need a C-section before I can even try laboring.  My worries seem to change weekly, by next week I'm sure I'll have totally new and slightly silly things to worry about :)
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  • SBH041815SBH041815 member
    This will be my third so I think my fears are mostly related to life after labor. 

    I am afraid of having another baby with colic (my first was very very fussy).
    Dealing with the hormones after delivery for the first month or so scares me a little; it's just so difficult.
    What kind of parent I will be to three children with general lack of sleep that a newborn brings.
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  • maureenmcemaureenmce member
    Thanks for sharing, ladies!  Makes me feel less alone in my late night worries!  I try to remember something my boss (and mother of two) has told me - there will always, always, always be something to worry about once you become pregnant and once you become a mom.  It could be miscarriage, it could be SIDS, it could be choking or getting hit by a car.  She says it's something that just comes with the territory and part of the process is just getting used to that and letting go to a certain extent, which I'm trying to do!  (Though it's hard!)  :)
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  • perfectlyawfulperfectlyawful member
    edited October 2015
    Among all those other fears, which i also have. I am so worried that a nurse or doctor will drop my baby during birth, because she will be slippery. I dont want them to bathe her or anything. I know its their job and they do it every day and that happening is probably super rare... But i cant get the horrible scene out of my head.
    Edit: sausage fingers
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  • fishsticks-n-custardfishsticks-n-custard member
    Buehler99 said:
    I'm a nurse anesthetist, and had an out-of-state colleague have two fetal demises in a 12 hour shift, one at 26 weeks (where I am now), and one at 37. That scares me. An emergency c-section, where I won't get to see my little guy being born, scares me. Unexpected difficulties scare me. Because of my occupation, I know too much. That scares me. On a side note, Sunday I didn't feel well, and the hubs curled up in bed with me and asked me this exact question. This is my first child, his fourth. While he didn't try to alleviate any fears, he was so supportive and just darned cute about it. Hopefully everything will be fine, and my fears will be a thing of the past! Wishing you all health and happiness in the rest of your pregnancies!!!
    This.

    I'm medical too and all I can think about is everything that can go wrong. Random stuff like worrying my baby has harlequin ichthyosis (yes I actually had a dream about that). 

    Me: 35, Hubbie: 33
    Married DH: 2013
    DD: Dec 2015
    BFP 8/14/17 --> Due 4/27/2018

    Babysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker

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  • l4rkl4rk member
    perfectlyawful said:

    Among all those other fears, which i also have. I am so worried that a nurse or doctor will drop my baby during birth, because she will be slippery. I dont want them to bathe her or anything. I know its their job and they do it every day and that happening is probably super rare... But i cant get the horrible scene out of my head.
    Edit: sausage fingers

    Ahaha, I actually laughed out loud at this. I think the odds of this happening are so so so low compared to other horrible things... and besides, lots of babies have been dropped, all over the world by parents who will deny it until hell freezes. We're all fine, right?!
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  • AmeliaKrisAmeliaKris member
    I'm a worrier. I had post partum anxiety with my first (I truly didn't know that was a thing). It made recovery extremely difficult. I had a planned c section with her. Despite a normal pregnancy, she ended up rushed to nicu with breathing difficulties and an infection. I didn't get to see her til the next day. I threw up for 8 hours post c section even while maxed out on zofran. To say delivery didn't go as planned is an understatement. However, baby girl recovered as did I. I'm also medical and see the worst case scenarios regularly. I thought I would be prepared but in all honesty, nothing prepares you for motherhood. It's hard work, it's amazing, and it's scary all wrapped up into one messy ball. I would do it over again (hence pregnant with #2) in a heartbeat. My best advice, don't worry. You have no control over most of it. Also, most people have a birth plan. Make sure you have a post birth plan. You will need time for you., even if you have to schedule it. You will feel a bit like you lost your identity. I remember thinking "who am I now"? It takes a while to find your new you. It's ok. It will happen. You will find a schedule that works for your family. Once it clicks, you will feel awesome. Its a crazy ride, but I love being called mommy.
    BabyFruit Ticker Lilypie Angel and Memorial tickers
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  • MrsB915MrsB915 member
    I'm worried that I will deliver early again or be put on bed rest. With DS I was a to spend almost every waking moment at his side in the NICU and had the luxury of being able to completely devote 100% of my attention to him. I don't know how I'll be able to handle an extended nicu stay with a toddler at home. Plus I don't know how my heart will handle having to see my baby struggle in the NICU again.

    Minor worries include an emergency csection, needing to be induced for any reason and a million other fleeting thoughts that race through my mind at all hours of the night.
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  • sarahbeara25sarahbeara25 member
    The labour itself doesn't really scare me. Never done it but I have a lot of faith in my OB and hospital staff. My big fears are the after bit. I worry a lot about SIDS, I worry about not producing milk (not against formula at all I'd just really like to breastfeed), and I worry about my general ability to raise a child. Blah.......

    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • shrsrishrsri member
    Apart from baby-loss fears, I have a huge fear that I will poop during delivery.. although I keep reading that this is normal and it happens I can't stop dreading it !!!
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  • carlyhammondcarlyhammond member
    My fears:
    - labor itself scares me, being afraid I won't be able to do it or it'll hurt too bad.. ( silly I know millions of women have done it before me.) there's also that small fear of me dying during delivery - I keep having dreams-

    - popping during delivery (I already have a nervous stomach lol)

    - not being able to snap out of the post-partum depression ( it's normal to get it for a few days - sometimes longer)

    - feeling like I won't be a good enough mom - also, having people criticize my parenting skills (family members)

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  • Rach8672Rach8672 member
    Lots of fears for a first time mom but I trust that things will play out as they are meant to be ... My fears are

    1. Losing the baby
    2. Ripping really badly during delivery
    3. Not making it to deliver the baby ... I often fear getting shot at work . I do in home care with patients in a pretty bad area on the south side of Chicago

    Sigh ... Keeping positive thoughts for all of us mommas
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