- Pregnancy
- Baby & Toddler
- Parents
- Getting Pregnant
- Baby Names
- Product Reviews
-
Registry
- Community
-
More
Want a personalized experience?
Download the free app
November 2015 Moms
JStill0603
member
OT: Kindergarten attendance
JStill0603
member
This is OT but it is really getting under my skin right at this second and I mostly need to vent. My SS is 5.5 and in kindergarten this year. DH is the residential parent in a shared parenting agreement that our lawyer told us 2 years ago would be considered by any judge that DH is the custodial parent.
Last year in pre-K, his mother refused to take him to school, calling it daycare and saying he was better off staying home with her. She is only responsible to take him on Tuesdays and every other Monday. She took him while she was working, but when she became unemployed in October, he never went on any more of her assigned days. We contacted our lawyer at that time who said since there was nothing in the shared parenting agreement compelling her to take him to pre-K, there was nothing we could legally do as the court system would take too long and the school year would be over by the time it got resolved.
Fast forward to now: she has been taking him to kindergarten up until this week. SS told us about 2 weeks ago that "mommy doesn't work for the X place anymore" but we don't know her current employment status. Now she has not sent him to school today or yesterday. She lied to DH and said he went yesterday, when he did not. She said he was sick but she did not take him to the doctor and gave him only allergy medication. He has been home for 5 hours and has exhibited no signs of illness other than being very sleepy.
I guess my question is... Is there anything we can do except document this and hope it doesn't happen again? He leaped out of DH's car and exclaimed to me that he was sick and then continued to jump up and down and ask for snacks and his toys as he usually would. Is going back to court worth it or isn't a parent compelled by law to have to take their children to school? I am so worried he will fall behind because of someone not wanting to take him to school. He is a very intelligent boy and already a grade level ahead in reading skills... I would hate for him to have to repeat kindergarten because his mother doesn't take him regularly and the court system works slowly and is very expensive.
Last year in pre-K, his mother refused to take him to school, calling it daycare and saying he was better off staying home with her. She is only responsible to take him on Tuesdays and every other Monday. She took him while she was working, but when she became unemployed in October, he never went on any more of her assigned days. We contacted our lawyer at that time who said since there was nothing in the shared parenting agreement compelling her to take him to pre-K, there was nothing we could legally do as the court system would take too long and the school year would be over by the time it got resolved.
Fast forward to now: she has been taking him to kindergarten up until this week. SS told us about 2 weeks ago that "mommy doesn't work for the X place anymore" but we don't know her current employment status. Now she has not sent him to school today or yesterday. She lied to DH and said he went yesterday, when he did not. She said he was sick but she did not take him to the doctor and gave him only allergy medication. He has been home for 5 hours and has exhibited no signs of illness other than being very sleepy.
I guess my question is... Is there anything we can do except document this and hope it doesn't happen again? He leaped out of DH's car and exclaimed to me that he was sick and then continued to jump up and down and ask for snacks and his toys as he usually would. Is going back to court worth it or isn't a parent compelled by law to have to take their children to school? I am so worried he will fall behind because of someone not wanting to take him to school. He is a very intelligent boy and already a grade level ahead in reading skills... I would hate for him to have to repeat kindergarten because his mother doesn't take him regularly and the court system works slowly and is very expensive.
Re: OT: Kindergarten attendance
I also go through some co-parenting issues with my ex-husband regarding our daughter...she is now in 1st grade and during Kindergarten he wouldn't send paperwork home, late for school, miss school assignments etc. on days she was with him.
We went through the court system in hopes that she wouldn't be required to go over there during weeknights anymore, it was VERY difficult as she had been doing a weeknight prior to even starting school. After going rounds and racking up a $5K attorney bill....all I was able to do was document the occurrences and keep proof....I was advised by my attorney and a mediator that if it continues to become an issue of consecutive tardiness/absences and or she begins to have learning issues or falls behind at school then they can then revoke weeknight visits.
I don't know if that will help you, I know laws vary by state...but that is what was brought to me by the courts here. Good luck, it's really frustrating.
Kids really need routine and missing that much school isn't good for him at all for a long list of reasons. Right now he is young, but as he gets older you don't want him to think that school is a "go whenever you want" kind of thing. Even though he is at grade level right now, there is still a lot they have to learn and missing one day a week is huge!
I would definitely document it and bring it to a lawyer right away. These things take time, and the longer the behavior continues, the worse it could be. A lawyer would definitely be able to tell you if you have a case or not.
I know in my state, kindergarten isn't required by law, so I don't know if they ever actually get the truancy case workers involved. But for my sons school, policy states that truancy case workers are contacted after three unexcused absences. However, a parent saying he was sick would count as an excused absence.
Does the custody agreement say that one has decision power over school related matters? It may be possible that only one parent has the right to call in sick for the child.
My biggest fear in not at least speaking to a lawyer about the matter is that I wouldn't want it to negatively come back on your husband if he is the one that is supposed to be making school decisions and your son is not showing up to school.
@thegingeravenger - I would consider the event that he was ill this morning (and perhaps yesterday) if it weren't for the history of her not sending him to pre-K and making multiple excuses for his absences then (such as illness when not seen by a doctor, she loves him more than us because we don't spend time with him, etc)
However, once truancy can get involved, if you can document that it's occurring on the days where his mom has him, they should go after the mom and not dad. Then you should be able to have a little more power in court to make it so mom can't get have your SS on week days.
Last night, he's getting ready for bed (aka jumping on the bed singing 5 little monkeys...) DH walks in "SS are you ready to go back to school and see your teacher and friends tomorrow?" SS "no, I think I'll be feeling sick." DH "You're not feeling sick now...." SS "My mommy takes care of me when I'm sick, why do you guys just make me go to school? I want you to take care of me!"
Obviously your situation is very different, but with my son we struggled a little bit at the beginning of the school year transitioning to 5 days a week. We got him his own calendar that he decorated and we color coded it for school days, minimum days, and weekends. He follows along with it and crosses off the days as they go by so he always knows how many days he has left before the weekend. Maybe something like this would help. Code it with school days, days with his mom, and weekends. This way he can see the breakdown of days he is in school (and supposed to be in school) and days that he gets to be home and you get to "take care" of him.
I would also recommend making an appointment and speaking to his teacher right away. Make every attempt not to bad mouth his mom, but the teacher should know that you are trying to work through the attendance issues and that your SS is possibly pretending to be sick to get more home time with parents. Also so that you can be notified immediately if his attendance or attitude in class is beginning to affect his performance .
His teacher is my cousins wife, so she knows at least a little bit about our situation. I would never bad mouth his mother, in front of him or otherwise because I feel like he is a part of her and it's not fair to him for me to do so. I try to stick to facts alone and let other adults form their own opinions. I actually got along rather well with his mother until about a month or so ago when she did something to try and get between me and DH and cause us to fight, which is another story completely and obviously didn't work, but I had absolutely no issues with her as a person until that specific incident, which I am having a hard time getting over.