Baby Shower Conundrum

g0lightly8706 · October 2015

Hey ladies. So I have an issue and wanted to get your opinions on how to handle it. I always wanted a small, intimate baby shower with close family and friends who I knew and are actively in my life, also because we want to save money and not have it be a huge party.
My DH has a large family but isn't that close with most of them and I only see the random cousins and whatnot maybe once a year, if that. I have noticed however an influx of them asking when the shower is, as if they expected to be invited even though I don't really know them aside from FB. Also I feel like if i invite one I have to invite them all.
Since it isn't a co-ed shower and my Dh won't even be there, is it wrong to only want the ones I'm close with there? What would you do if you wanted to keep it to close family but are expected to invite everyone?

Monkeybutt80 · October 2015

What does your host say? If the host has a guest limit, it may be a moot point whether or not you feel comfortable inviting these extended family members (or you could also use the guest limit set by the host to use as an excuse to let them know even though you appreciate their thoughts, due to the host's guest limit, the party will be limited to only close family and friends.)

Even if the host is fine with a larger group for the party, I think it's up to you to decide if you want them there. I do agree that if you do invite one, you probably need to invite all to avoid any hurt feelings.

Personally, I would simply just use the host guest limit excuse but let them know that you really appreciate them being interested in coming to the shower.

beharrington · October 2015

PP gave a perfect response!

g0lightly8706 · October 2015

Monkeybutt80 said:

What does your host say? If the host has a guest limit, it may be a moot point whether or not you feel comfortable inviting these extended family members (or you could also use the guest limit set by the host to use as an excuse to let them know even though you appreciate their thoughts, due to the host's guest limit, the party will be limited to only close family and friends.)
Even if the host is fine with a larger group for the party, I think it's up to you to decide if you want them there. I do agree that if you do invite one, you probably need to invite all to avoid any hurt feelings.
Personally, I would simply just use the host guest limit excuse but let them know that you really appreciate them being interested in coming to the shower.

_______

It's being co-hosted by my aunt, sisters, and stepmom. They all say they are okay with inviting how many I want but I feel like at some point I need to cutoff the guest list and you're right, if i invite one I'd have to invite all to avoid hurt feelings. That is a good idea though to just use it as an excuse because I just don't want a bunch of random people there, i understand they are excited but i don't see them enough to make me comfortable in sharing this special day. It's so hard when it comes to large families because they all think because i have his last name, they are automatically invited to these things when I just don't want to spend a lot of money on the shower and my hosts know we're trying to keep it simple.

MississippiCatfish · October 2015

My DH has a huge family, so we had a huge wedding, one large bridal shower with ~ 80 people, and 2 baby showers with 30-40 people each. Would not have been my first choice by any means. I always pictured a small wedding, especially. But it's DH family and he would have been hurt to not invite everyone. Now that it's all in the past, I'm glad that I included everyone. In our case, people's feelings would have been hurt and for what? So that I didn't have to endure awkward small talk with family who just wanted to wish us well? I would encourage you to include those who want to celebrate with you. Obviously just my opinion.

You always have the option of doing a more intimate luncheon with those closest to you, as well. Just a thought.

robinj716 · October 2015

My fiancé has a big Hispanic family and although I'm not close to them, I invited the women anyway. I don't want to assume they're not interested because we aren't close or exclude anyone that might be excited and want to celebrate with us. I also don't want his family to feel like they're not important just because they're from my fiances side of the family and not blood related to me.

It's really up to you though as the person being honored.

I sent invites to a lot of my own family and friends and can barely get anyone to attend.

If his family is interested in coming to celebrate you and your baby, then I say go for it, invite them and have fun!

There will be so much going on, you won't really have to sit and talk to them one on one. Just small talk here and there. Most likely they'll mingle with one another.

Good luck!

wisco29 · October 2015

We just did the whole family thing and dealt with it.
Honestly it's one day and maybe a 2 hour party? I invited everyone who was invited to my bridal showers...because I only had a day over one of the two parties. H's family is filled with people who think your lif is actually about them so if they aren't invited they make a stink.

It's easier sometimes to just invite everyone and go home wishing you could drink lots of wine

g0lightly8706 · October 2015

Hmm you've all given me a lot to think about. I don't like being the center of attention so a small party just seemed like the best idea. Its also hard since my MIL hasn't really given me any of opinion on this so I'm just kind of flying blind. I'll mull over the big vs small party.. And maybe if I mention this to MIL she'll pick up on my hesitation to invite everyone and guide me a little on the guest list.. Maybe lol

dtaded13 · October 2015

Could you do an open house shower? Give a time frame- say 11-1 and people come when they can which avoids over crowding. I know that wasn't necessarily the main concern but that's what came to mind. Plus there's always a plus of more people=more gifts. Not that that is important but at least for me, cutting down costs not having to buy everything for baby would be helpful. But it's our second, so no shower here

sparksfly · October 2015

My DH family and my family are each throwing their own baby shower for us. It's mostly because of distance (we don't live close to either family) but the nice part is that both parties stay pretty small. I don't know half the people at the in-law shower, but it means a lot to my MIL to have her cousins included in family celebrations. Maybe when you talk to your MIL and bring up your concerns about the guest list and wanting to keep this party small, you could mention that you wouldn't be opposed to celebrating with her and your husband's family separately, but feel like the combined party might be a bit too much? And maybe that could be a more casual co-ed party that included your husband (since it's his family)?

cantobean · October 2015

I would say a large shower or two showers and definitely get your MIL involved. Maybe she would host a shower for her side of the family?

g0lightly8706 · October 2015

Thanks all for the advice! I talked to my MIL and she calmed me down and basically said we can have two baby showers and she'll host that one for all my ILs to come if they want and it'll more like a co-ed party instead of a formal shower which totally works for me. Phew.. Glad that's taken care of.

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