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January 2016 Moms
JDBtwinmama
member
Shower traditions among different communities
JDBtwinmama
member
Hi All,
I am expecting twins in late December (real due date 1/14) but they won't let me go past 38 weeks. I've had a ton of problems this pregnancy so my family decided to throw me a shower early on, in case I couldn't travel or babies come early. I asked my husband (who is black, and I'm white) if he wanted a couples shower and he said no, he felt like it was a day for me. So, only women would be attending. Well his father just called and proceeded to tell me that this was incorrect etiquette and he expected an invite to the shower. My husband said "it's a white people thing dad" after he had told me he didn't want it to be a couples shower. I'm wondering if anyone else has heard of this? I've been to women's baby showers who were black and it was all women. Let me know what you think!
I am expecting twins in late December (real due date 1/14) but they won't let me go past 38 weeks. I've had a ton of problems this pregnancy so my family decided to throw me a shower early on, in case I couldn't travel or babies come early. I asked my husband (who is black, and I'm white) if he wanted a couples shower and he said no, he felt like it was a day for me. So, only women would be attending. Well his father just called and proceeded to tell me that this was incorrect etiquette and he expected an invite to the shower. My husband said "it's a white people thing dad" after he had told me he didn't want it to be a couples shower. I'm wondering if anyone else has heard of this? I've been to women's baby showers who were black and it was all women. Let me know what you think!
Re: Shower traditions among different communities
This is our 2nd baby/girl and we are having 2 showers...1 my friends (lady's) are throwing me and he is not invited not is my dad or any man for that matter. Our 2nd shower is being thrown by his baseball team and it is a coed shower...but technically it is for him....but the hosts want it to be coed. So he invited his friends and our families and lady's are invited.
A white thing? No he is WAY off.
My sister is making mine men welcome since her husband is grilling and is also my husband's best friend. I don't know if many/any other men will show up but I did ask my husband to be there for the gifts and to say thank you.
For his cousins' the dads were at each woman's shower and their dad and FIL were there. 2 of the three new dads came late into the party just for cake and gifts. It was fun seeing the new dads interact with the baby gifts.
I wouldn't force men to go, but if they want to join I'm cool with it.
In OP case though, FIL should not invite himself. Besides, you shouldn't be throwing your own shower and complaints should go to the host(s). If it was going to cause a huge ordeal to deny him, you might suggest he come at the end, but you don't have to.
I only mean that for every shower I have given I told the honoree to send complaints my way since it is their day and I hate when people try to rain on the parade to the person I want most to enjoy it.
My sister is fielding any questions and had final say on the guest list for my shower/ head count since she is paying for everything.
I honestly feel like it's the preference of the guests of honor on if it should be co-ed.
My SO won't be able to attend the shower at all ( he is going out of the country, and if he was going to be here he would have to work) I wouldn't ask him to ask off for a shower. Especially when he is going to ask off time for when baby is born.
My shower is going to be female only- I don't see the point in having men there- it's boring enough for me as a female to have to attend, I could only imagine how a man would feel surrounded by loud- baby fever filled- giddy women...
I'm starting to dread my own baby shower......
I've let it be known that I prefer a co-ed shower because if I didn't say it then I wouldn't expect people to know because showers can go either way coed or ladies only.
When your husband said "its a white peoples thing", he may not have been referring to the type of shower or to something else entirely, it sounds like something you would need to clarify with your husband but it's a general statement so without knowing the context I can't interpret it.
Also you never said what type of shower YOU wanted, you said it was going to be women only because your husband said he didn't want you to have a coed shower but that doesn't mean that you didn't want a coed shower.
I'd just say that don't spend the next ten years wondering what's a "black" children's birthday party like or what do black people do for Christmas or Easter. Black or white, people are individuals. You can't just look at your husband's family as a black family or his father as a black father, you have to get to know them for who they are & learn what are their specific traditions, etiquette, quirks etc because not all black families are the same, not all white families are the same, not all white fathers are the same and not all black fathers are the same. Learn how to merge the two families together as peacefully & smoothly as possible.
mean different backgrounds. The reason I limited it when I asked was because my husbands family does not know their heritage. He could be Haitian, African American or anything really. I also was leaving it open for people to share different traditions, simply because I was curious.
He was referring to the shower when he said it was a "white people thing" which is what I stated in my original post. Also, I won't "spend the next ten years worrying about what's a black children's party" etc. we make choices based on how we want to raise our children and how we want our lives to be. I was just curious about baby showers in different cultures.
Lastly, and I'm not sure if you intended it this way, I hope you didn't, but when I look at my husband I don't just see the color of his skin. I see someone whom I love, someone who is kind, intelligent and does everything in his power to live a joyful life. I certainly don't see his family as a "black family", they are my family. I'm not clear if you intended it that way, and I'm sorry if you didn't, but that's how I interpreted it.