Horrible depression

my doctor knows I have major depressive disorder, generalized anxiety and PTSD. I chose not to medicate myself because I've tried 10 years of trial and error of meds. I hate how they make me feel. This is my 4th pregnancy. 3rd baby tho. I have two older kids who their father took them from me. I had them for 4 years after he and I separated. Then the apartment I had flooded. I asked that they stay with him while I pay off old utility bills and save money for a house. It was only 4 short weeks. I was living in my Yukon with my boyfriend. I got a house. With a big fenced yard. Prepared it for them. But I had no furniture as everything was ruined. After spending a couple thousand to move I get hit with custody papers from a sherrif. My heart was ripped out of my chest. They gave me less than 30 days to come up with $500 to file. I had no lawyer and no place would help me as I had previous dv reports filed of him beating me and the kids are now with him (stupid I know) I didn't have much to do. I got papers a couple months later that he had custody now. And days later I miscarried. It's been two years almost. I do get to talk to them but hardly see them. (He's s mean to me) and now I'm due within weeks. I'm so overwhelmed with emotions. I feel happy. Sad. Excited. Guilty. I've been told I don't deserve this baby. That I'm a bad mom. That I'm replacing my other two kids. And so much more. I pay $450 a month in child support as well. Am I a bad mom?! I sometimes feel like I don't deserve to have anymore kids. But I'm so excited to meet my son. To be called "mommy" again. To hear little pitter patters of feet running in the house. To wake up for 3am feelings. I miss being a mom so much