Feel like such a failure

thtrchic · October 2015

I'm trying so hard, but breastfeeding just isn't working for me and I feel like such a failure. I hadn't realized I'd care so much, but really feel devastated that this isn't working. I'm just not making much and it seems to be getting worse. I'm nursing and/or pumping every 2-2.5 hours, eating oatmeal and leafy greens and lactation cookies and smoothies, taking mothers love and daily iron plus my prenatals. I don't know what more I can possibly do and feel so discouraged and disappointed. At this point lo is largely getting formula because after two weeks she was still down 15% of her birth weight. This really isn't what I wanted or want to be our reality, but it's pretty necessary right now. I wish I could find a reasonable solution and make breastfeeding work.

Justone13 · October 2015

Did you try to contact your lactation consultant from the hospital? Or even use one of the le leche supports? If you have exhausted all of your options for breastfeeding you aren't a failure. Are you able to feed your child with formula? Yes right? Then you are doing what's best for you and your little one. Don't beat yourself up over it. In the end do what's best for the both of you and don't stress over it! Big hugs I know it's hard!

thtrchic · October 2015

I've been to lactation at the hospital three times. We're not really getting anywhere. Except, yes, feeding the baby formula so she can get the calories she needs. And they just got me a hospital grade pump for the month. So far no real difference. Was hoping there'd be something immediate

Anyway, thanks for the positive words. I appreciate it.

klirwin82 · October 2015

Hang in there, even if you can just pump a little and add it to formula that's still great! All that matters is that baby gains weight...no one looks back in 25 years and says "Damn, I was formula fed and I'm worse off for it!" Just do what you can and if things work out then that's great but if not then just know it happens. My sister had a serious allergy and my mom had to stop BFing her after a few weeks. She was devastated but there are some things you cannot change, just go with the flow and enjoy feeding your baby, regardless of how baby gets those calories!

littlebean4 · October 2015

I was having issues with my 3 month old who kept dropping in percentiles. I went and saw this crazy breastfeeding doctor in my area. We figured out that I just wasn't making enough. She put me on fenugreek and blessed thistle. I take 12 each a day, 3 with each meal and then 3 more at night. I have seen a difference. She also told me to get up in the middle of the night to feed the baby, even if they're sleeping. Not what I wanted to hear but you produce the most prolactin over night and you will continue to make note milk throughout the day by doing this. Also make sure you aren't drinking traditional medicinals mothers milk. It has mint which decreases supply

marijaa333 · October 2015

It can take up to 8-10 weeks for milk to fully come in! It's great you have a hospital grade pump. If you can, keep pumping every 3 hours and I'd bet you will get more milk in time.

In the meantime, there is absolutely nothing wrong with formula and you are not only not a failure, you are doing a terrific job! I know it's hard to believe now but it will get easier in time. Big hugs to you.

----

In case you're wondering what makes me say that: I had a slightly low-supply at the start, so I pumped and pumped for two months straight with a hospital grade pump, but also put him to the breast every 3 hours although I had to feed him expressed breast milk mostly since he wouldn't latch; then I ended up with an oversupply and mastitis, at which point we discovered a tongue-tie/lip-tie combo; after resolving that, we got a reflux diagnosis and were experimenting with different reflux meds. We FINALLY got to the point where he could nurse comfortably around 3 months of age. Now it's very smooth sailing, but boy, that was some learning curve!

tpete12 · October 2015

Don't feel like a failure. I started supplementing my daughter with formula before bed because she still seemed hubgry after I nursed. I was sheepishly telling this to an older lady and she got mad at me for how I was acting! She told me that I was being a good mom because I noticed a need for more milk for my baby and I gave it to her. You are keeping your baby happy and healthy - MAKING YOU A KICK ASS MOM!

thtrchic · October 2015

Thanks everyone. I really appreciate the thoughts.

hellomommas · October 2015

I had the same issues with BOTH my babies who were in the 3rd percentile. It is scary when they aren't gaining or they are low on the charts. In our case- it is partly just genetics- we are small people in general. BUT I spent way too much time stressing about giving formula than just enjoying my baby! You are not a failure. Treasure the milk you DO have, enjoy those feelings, and then give your lo formula and enjoy that too! A relaxed mom having fun and enjoying her baby is better than a stressed out breast feeding mom. Lesson number 1 of parenting... "Shoot for the moon (set your standards/sights high) even if you miss, you will land among the stars." Cheesy I know--- but just keep that in mind--- we are all not perfect--- we all wish we were doing better at something. Be easy on yourself. When I finally started supplementing with formula and then finally have 100% formula, I knew I had tried my best and it was a huge sigh of relief to KNOW my baby was getting enough.

mal1114 · October 2015

I agree with everyone else. Please do not feel like a failure. Keep pumping every 3-4 hours and give baby what you can So that she gets the benefits of breastmilk. And then feed with formula so she can grow.

The only two suggestions I have that I didn't see mentioned are to drink more water. The days I drink more I make more. And, as difficult as it seems, try not to stress, because stress decreases your supply (so does lack of sleep, but not much you can do about that one unfortunately). So snuggle that baby and enjoy her and try to feel less stressed knowing we live in a time and place where there is a safe alternative to breast milk for those that need it!

caityrose · October 2015

I'm dealing with a similar struggle. Hang in there! You are not failing and it's not your fault

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