Naptime Battlefield

Curlygirl2415 · October 2015

Every time I put my 4 month old DD down for a nap, it's a battle. Her routine looks like this: Wake time is usually 1-1.5 hours. I just watch her for yawning and irritability, then I get her to sleep ASAP. I swaddle her (yes, still swaddling:/), then I rock/pat her until she falls asleep. This is when the crying begins. She squirms, arches her back, and cries for 5-10 minutes, then quiets down and stares for a while, then finally falls asleep. I stopped nursing her to sleep about a month ago, because I'm trying to follow the eat-activity-sleep schedule. I just hate that every nap has to be so traumatic, and wish it could be more peaceful for her. Is this normal? Any advice?

Sarcasm101 · October 2015

It sounds pretty normal to me. As LO gets older she will start to self-soothe faster.

Also google the 4 month sleep regression. This is when a baby starts having REM sleep and it can be a tough transition for them.

Curlygirl2415 · October 2015

Okay, I'll check it out. Thank goodness she's still sleeping well at night (just wakes up once to eat). Thank you!

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

I don't understand following that eat, play, sleep schedule because it usually just makes things tougher. I also don't understand why parents are afraid to feed their kids before they fall asleep. That is so natural for them and usually makes sleep come much easier.

I've given both my kids bottles before every nap and before bed every single night up until they were a year old (my daughter is almost a year). They both sleep great and have never had a problem putting themselves to sleep if they didn't fall asleep drinking their bottle.

IMO parents overthink all of this, naturally, especially FTM's, but you are making it so much harder on yourself than it needs to be.

My biggest advice to any parent is to do what works for your baby whether it seems ideal or not. None of this is going to have lasting effects and nothing you do now will make life harder later.

delujm0 · October 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I don't understand following that eat, play, sleep schedule because it usually just makes things tougher. I also don't understand why parents are afraid to feed their kids before they fall asleep. That is so natural for them and usually makes sleep come much easier.
I've given both my kids bottles before every nap and before bed every single night up until they were a year old (my daughter is almost a year). They both sleep great and have never had a problem putting themselves to sleep if they didn't fall asleep drinking their bottle.
IMO parents overthink all of this, naturally, especially FTM's, but you are making it so much harder on yourself than it needs to be.
My biggest advice to any parent is to do what works for your baby whether it seems ideal or not. None of this is going to have lasting effects and nothing you do now will make life harder later.

I also seriously question the "need" to get baby on a nap-play-eat schedule/routine, and to separate feeding from sleeping. It's nice if your kid is cool with it, but I see no reason to force it on them at this early age.

At night, LO always falls asleep while nursing and then once she's out and releases my nipple I transfer her to the crib where she sleeps happily for many many hours, and will occasionally wake up and put herself back to sleep quietly at night. She doesn't start to lose her mind because she woke up not on top of me anymore. that's something I read would happen and it never has. for the past several nights (14 weeks) she has sleep clear through the night (10-11 hours), usually waking once and babbling to her crib mobile, and then sticking her thumb in her mouth and going back to sleep on her own. Even though I (gasp!) nurse her to sleep initially, it has in no way affected her ability to continue to sleep. She will still wake at night and fuss when she's actually hungry, and will fall back asleep during a brief nursing session, at which point I just transfer her again.

At nap time when she's home, we're 50/50 on how she falls asleep. She either falls asleep while nursing and we follow the routine above, or we rock her to sleep, though recently she has been putting herself to sleep in the stroller or just sitting on my lap when she has gotten tired. The teachers at daycare tell me they stick her in her crib and turn on the mobile and she laughs at it for about 10 minutes and then sticks her thumb in her mouth and passes out on her own.

I think you're overthinking this because you want to be on a specific schedule. You will be better off just following whatever schedule your baby prefers. If she wants to nurse to sleep, let her. If she wants to play and then get rocked to sleep, do that. It will make life a lot easier, and she WILL eventually learn to put herself to sleep. if she doesn't, you can sleep train. I'm hoping to avoid that if possible, but will have no regrets if I need to employ CIO once LO is an appropriate age if nothing else will work.

There is a big leap at 4 months that makes a lot of babies irritable around bed and nap time...so it could also simply be related to that. That's just a phase and will end soon.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

delujm0 said:

Bigboobsmcgee said:

I don't understand following that eat, play, sleep schedule because it usually just makes things tougher. I also don't understand why parents are afraid to feed their kids before they fall asleep. That is so natural for them and usually makes sleep come much easier.
I've given both my kids bottles before every nap and before bed every single night up until they were a year old (my daughter is almost a year). They both sleep great and have never had a problem putting themselves to sleep if they didn't fall asleep drinking their bottle.
IMO parents overthink all of this, naturally, especially FTM's, but you are making it so much harder on yourself than it needs to be.
My biggest advice to any parent is to do what works for your baby whether it seems ideal or not. None of this is going to have lasting effects and nothing you do now will make life harder later.

I also seriously question the "need" to get baby on a nap-play-eat schedule/routine, and to separate feeding from sleeping. It's nice if your kid is cool with it, but I see no reason to force it on them at this early age.

At night, LO always falls asleep while nursing and then once she's out and releases my nipple I transfer her to the crib where she sleeps happily for many many hours, and will occasionally wake up and put herself back to sleep quietly at night. She doesn't start to lose her mind because she woke up not on top of me anymore. that's something I read would happen and it never has. for the past several nights (14 weeks) she has sleep clear through the night (10-11 hours), usually waking once and babbling to her crib mobile, and then sticking her thumb in her mouth and going back to sleep on her own. Even though I (gasp!) nurse her to sleep initially, it has in no way affected her ability to continue to sleep. She will still wake at night and fuss when she's actually hungry, and will fall back asleep during a brief nursing session, at which point I just transfer her again.

At nap time when she's home, we're 50/50 on how she falls asleep. She either falls asleep while nursing and we follow the routine above, or we rock her to sleep, though recently she has been putting herself to sleep in the stroller or just sitting on my lap when she has gotten tired. The teachers at daycare tell me they stick her in her crib and turn on the mobile and she laughs at it for about 10 minutes and then sticks her thumb in her mouth and passes out on her own.

I think you're overthinking this because you want to be on a specific schedule. You will be better off just following whatever schedule your baby prefers. If she wants to nurse to sleep, let her. If she wants to play and then get rocked to sleep, do that. It will make life a lot easier, and she WILL eventually learn to put herself to sleep. if she doesn't, you can sleep train. I'm hoping to avoid that if possible, but will have no regrets if I need to employ CIO once LO is an appropriate age if nothing else will work.

There is a big leap at 4 months that makes a lot of babies irritable around bed and nap time...so it could also simply be related to that. That's just a phase and will end soon.

Very great advice.

Curlygirl2415 · October 2015

I guess I should have mentioned that I was doing the eat-activity-sleep schedule because she was waking up with gas or poop when I would nurse her to sleep. I do nurse her to sleep every night and once in the middle of the night, but I tried not to for naps to help her gas, and it seemed to help. I have nothing against nursing a baby to sleep, and like I said I still do it every night. I just wanted to extend her naps so she could be more well rested and I could give some attention to my toddler. That was really the only motivation. I just wanted to know if all the crying was normal for a baby being rocked/patted to sleep. I only nursed my son to sleep until we sleep trained him at 6 months (and he only slept on my lap for 6 months), so this is my first time trying another method.

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

Curlygirl2415 said:

I guess I should have mentioned that I was doing the eat-activity-sleep schedule because she was waking up with gas or poop when I would nurse her to sleep. I do nurse her to sleep every night and once in the middle of the night, but I tried not to for naps to help her gas, and it seemed to help. I have nothing against nursing a baby to sleep, and like I said I still do it every night. I just wanted to extend her naps so she could be more well rested and I could give some attention to my toddler. That was really the only motivation. I just wanted to know if all the crying was normal for a baby being rocked/patted to sleep. I only nursed my son to sleep until we sleep trained him at 6 months (and he only slept on my lap for 6 months), so this is my first time trying another method.

I'm sure lots of moms would love to extend naps I'm thankful both my 3.5 year old and my 11 month old take a nap at the same time every afternoon so I get a break!

Now that I'm reading your original post again I see that your LO does nap, but she cries before actually falling asleep. You know what I call that? My bonus time. For real. If DD is in bed and fusses before falling asleep I don't even pay attention. I know she will eventually fall asleep and that is just what she does.

I'm sure this will pass before you even figure it out.

smilesallaround · October 2015

When I tried the rock and part to sleep, for the same reason as you, my son screamed at me for 45 min before I got him to sleep. I went back to nursing him to sleep but I gently pat his back to try to settle his stomach and get the burps out. It doesn't always work, and his naps are sometimes cut short because his tummy is upset. But I couldn't take the 45 min of crying.

I don't think there is a "normal" with babies. They are all so different. Just trust yourself. You know what is best for you, your lo, and your toddler!

EmJ628 · October 2015

FWIW I am with the OP on the eat play sleep schedule. I find if we play eat sleep our boys are too tired to eat well and then end up waking even earlier than normal, hungry. So there is good reasoning behind eat/play/sleep, not just a parents desire to be controlling. Good luck to you OP, I am going through something similar but not quite at 3mo yet. I am dreading to think what a 4mo sleep regression might look like!!

Curlygirl2415 · October 2015

smilesallaround said:
When I tried the rock and part to sleep, for the same reason as you, my son screamed at me for 45 min before I got him to sleep. I went back to nursing him to sleep but I gently pat his back to try to settle his stomach and get the burps out. It doesn't always work, and his naps are sometimes cut short because his tummy is upset. But I couldn't take the 45 min of crying.

I don't think there is a "normal" with babies. They are all so different. Just trust yourself. You know what is best for you, your lo, and your toddler!

Thanks! I'm just doing the best I can and trying different things to figure out what works best. Thankfully she only cries for 5-10 minutes with the patting. I know it's all going to be different a month from now anyway:)

As for the 4 month sleep regression, thankfully it seems to just be affecting naps. She just started taking lots of 30 minute cat naps instead of long naps. Night sleep is still good. She goes down between 9 and 10, wakes once to eat, and sleeps until 7:) But that could change any time!

Bigboobsmcgee · October 2015

EmJ628 said:

FWIW I am with the OP on the eat play sleep schedule. I find if we play eat sleep our boys are too tired to eat well and then end up waking even earlier than normal, hungry. So there is good reasoning behind eat/play/sleep, not just a parents desire to be controlling. Good luck to you OP, I am going through something similar but not quite at 3mo yet. I am dreading to think what a 4mo sleep regression might look like!!

I don't think the eat/play/sleep routine is used as a control mechanism but I do think that schedules like that for a very young baby is sort of pointless because they do what they want, when they want and we just have to cater to them.

If it works for you, awesome! We all find something that works eventually.

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