Feelings of past resentment

taylornmoyer · October 2015

Has becoming pregnant made anyone else feel bitter or angry about their childhood? I thought I had all these issues worked out, but since I've been pregnant, I can't imagine treating my child the way my parents treated me. It makes me not want them apart of my pregnancy at all.

Sarcasm101 · October 2015

taylornmoyer said:

Has becoming pregnant made anyone else feel bitter or angry about their childhood? I thought I had all these issues worked out, but since I've been pregnant, I can't imagine treating my child the way my parents treated me. It makes me not want them apart of my pregnancy at all.

Nope, not for me. But I seriously suggest you speak with a professional to help you with your emotions.

taylornmoyer · October 2015

I have. Before pregnancy and during. Just can't seem to shake off these emotions.

Sarcasm101 · October 2015

taylornmoyer said:

I have. Before pregnancy and during. Just can't seem to shake off these emotions.

have you considered finding another therapist? Maybe a fresh approach would help you more.

blessedwtwins · October 2015

Being pregnant has brought up a lot of childhood memories for DH and I as well as discussions on if we want to raise our children in the same manner we were raised. Fortunately for us, our memories were good ones and we agreed that we'd like to raise our children like we were raised.

I agree with PPs that you should seek out a new therapist to work through this issues. If you start the mending process now, it'll make everything easier in the long run. You can, hopefully, work out most of the issues you're processing before your lo comes. And if you are so hurt by whatever happened in your past with your parents, maybe it would be best to have distance with them during this time, but that is something to also work through with a therapist.

I'm sorry you're going through this.

paytonpedro · October 2015

Op, I know what you're talking about. My childhood was less than good, and I always think about how I would never subject my children to things I've been through. Now that I'm pregnant myself, it makes me really question decisions my mother made when I was little. Not that I'm too bitter or angry, I'm pretty much over it in that aspect, it doesn't mean that I'll forget it. While I'm not mad, it's just something I most definitely do not want my own child to ever go though.

I read a quote once that I think might help you, as it really helped me,

"Be the mother you want your children to remember."

I think about it all the time. Hopefully it will give you what you're looking for. All you can do is be the best mom you can be.

ecwk · October 2015

Sorry you're going through this. It's great that you seem to know all that things you want to avoid doing as a parent. I do think you should look into speaking to someone professionally if these feelings get overwhelming. Good luck.

cmerribury · October 2015

I can understand where you are coming from. I had a very positive childhood but get protective of children when I see them being mistreated. I'm quite sure that I would have a much stronger reaction if it were memories of my own experiences.

You seem like you are well poised to be a good mother for your baby, especially since you are focused on being what your parents weren't. I can also understand your desire to limit their involvement with your little one. I don't have an answer for that, as it's an extremely personal decision, but I wish you the best of luck working that out.

2-Step · October 2015

I can see what you mean. Most of my memories are very positive and have led me to want to repeat the lifestyle/parenting choices that my parents made, however there are a few things about their parenting that I won't be doing with my kids. Mainly they were too lax on my brother when it came to rules and accountability during his teen years and I believe it was a contributor to some of his issues as an adult.I do know they both came from very strict families, so they probably felt that in order do maintain a good relationship with him they should back off and let him find his way.

I think it is totally naturally to have these thoughts dredged up during this time and if there was pain associated with them then it would be natural to be feeling that way as well. A therapist could probably really help you deal with these emotions so you can channel them into positivity for your child and hopefully be able to forgive your parents in some ways.

For instance, my father had a very rocky relationship with his father and moved out on his own at 16. He was an overbearing father and very strict. However, as a grandfather he is the most laid back, loving man and I have never know him as anything else. Now, my dad and he have a great relationship that has really grown since we were born. It was like once the pressure of having to discipline was taken off his dad, he was able to just enjoy his family and we all enjoy it. Of course my dad still has a little resentment and wouldn't leave us alone there overnight or anything when we were kids, but we see him all the time and he is a big part of our lives. So unless there was serious abuse or neglect I would work toward the goal of letting your parents be a part of your child's life, on a supervised basis how you feel comfortable. Sometimes grandchildren can heal wounds.

smount2011 · October 2015

Both DH and I have had rough childhoods. Now that I have DD, I've done the complete opposite of everything I hated about my childhood. I'm sure DH will do the same for this one, as will I.

Long story short, I was raised by my grandparents, ignored by pretty much both my mom AND my dad (my father lived 2 doors down and still couldn't be bothered to come see me). My mom and I are pretty close now that I am an adult and my grandmother passed away when I was 17, but I still don't speak to my father.

DH's mom left him and his sibs with FIL to go after her drug dealer, who said he hated kids. She actually gave up her own children for "love". Years later when she ended up pregnant by him, he threw her out because again, he hated kids. She wanted to reconcile with FIL but by then he was already remarried. DH still has mommy issues and nightmares about this situation.

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