Planning on following any expert advice on feeding, sleeping, etc? Example: baby whisperer

CocoR04 · October 2015

I am a STM who has a lot of regrets about "winging it" with my son as a newborn because I feel like I established bad eating and sleeping habits just because my tactics worked at that time. I would nurse him to sleep 24/7 and didn't do much to quell separation anxiety after the normal baby stage that it peaks. He also didn't sleep through the night until 16 months and still doesn't sleep that well at 2.5.

Long story short, I was just reading the baby whisperer's book about how to structure feeding, activity, and sleeping and I feel completely overwhelmed. I did so many things wrong with DS and hope I don't do the same with new LO.

Have you ladies followed an expert's advice on these topics or are you planning on it? What worked for your babies?

tracij12 · October 2015

I totally 'winged it' with DD, but I honestly feel pretty good about it. We contemplated some 'expert' sleep training with DD but tried it for a few days and it was more stressful than just working through it on my own. Good luck and interested to hear others success stories.

komorebi · October 2015

No. My kids have all been parented roughly the same in the early stages and have all come out differently. I'm probably considered an attachment parenting type but i just do what comes naturally. If you would have asked me about it after my first i would have sworn it was the answer to everything, but low and behold, my second born is totally different and so is my third and i imagine my newest will be different too. I think books are great for general guidance or specific things that are very trying, but i would never sleep train, or schedule feed or cio or anything just because a book told me too. Parenting is about learning who your children are and responding to those needs.

CocoR04 · October 2015

@komorebi it's great to hear this perspective because you are right - each child is different and we do need to learn about the specific child's need first before implementing what a book tells us. My parenting style was definitely attachment all the way with DS. no sleep training, extended bf-ing, baby wearing, etc. I'm just now wondering if any of the struggles we had with him eating/sleeping/etc. could have been resolved with a little structure.

komorebi · October 2015

I think you can ap and incorporate structure. Like maybe try naps in their own bed, and make a schedule but don't be a slave to it. I still think the benefits of attentive care with little ones are so strong and make so much sense. My now 4yo is my wild child and i often wonder if i would have changed if she had been my first but I'm glad i haven't fallen for the sleep training, rigid schedule stuff. My only real issue with any of it is withholding affection or not responding to needs based on the idea that the little one is manipulating the parent.

xpaperx · October 2015

In my regular life, I am extremely structured and scheduled. Most of that went out the window when my DS was born almost two years ago. I choose to listen to my instincts and have been basically following attachment parenting. It works for us because he created his own schedule. We definitely have routines, which all kids thrive on. At the newborn stage, they only have wants and needs. There is no such thing as spoiling a baby. Good luck. And remember, they are constantly changing so what works at three months might not work at six months.

lindsayp916 · October 2015

I feel like sleep training and parent-directed feeding schedules are judged negatively on this site, but I've only heard success stories from my family members and close friends who have employed a structured method. I plan on using babywise and can say my bff was "winging it" and had a cranky, fussy 6 month old who never slept more than 4 hrs and adopted babywise and its like he's a different child, sleeps great and improved mood. My SIL also swears by it. I do think it's going to be a little more work in the beginning but I'm committed to giving it the best shot! Good luck!!

LLynde5 · October 2015

lindsayp916 said:
I feel like sleep training and parent-directed feeding schedules are judged negatively on this site, but I've only heard success stories from my family members and close friends who have employed a structured method. I plan on using babywise and can say my bff was "winging it" and had a cranky, fussy 6 month old who never slept more than 4 hrs and adopted babywise and its like he's a different child, sleeps great and improved mood. My SIL also swears by it. I do think it's going to be a little more work in the beginning but I'm committed to giving it the best shot! Good luck!!

I am a FTM but the majority of my friends and family swear by babywise or baby whisper. But it was my understanding when it comes to sleep you shouldn't try anything until the baby is 8+weeks. I don't know if I will be able to follow the books but I will try to some extent.

MamaOwl15 · October 2015

To a lesser extent when DS was a newborn than during the last year of his life, I feel like I let some bad habits develop that I'm hoping to change/not repeat.

For one thing, DS has the hardest time being consistent with naps. Since an early age, he would nap being held by my husband or he'd nurse to sleep. When I switched roles with DH and became the SAH parent, I started nursing DS to sleep till he weaned. He wouldn't stay asleep without me there. He now will nap on his own, but rarely in his bed, and but consistently.

I plan to start DD napping in her crib as soon as possible, and I want to create a better environment of structure for all of us. My son is a creature of habit and even in our lack of structure, he makes a routine. However, I sense that he needs a bit more structure. Nothing rigid, just predictability.

On the subject of sleep training, I haven't read Babywise or the Baby Whisperer or other books, but I did my own "gentle" sleep training with DS around age 1.5, when he started waking up at all hours. At first, he'd wake up once, around 2:30 am, and only go back to sheep if I nursed. Then it started happening all night. He'd wake up, want to nurse, refuse to go back to sleep without me . . . It got to the point that I was barely getting any sleep. For a couple nights, we had to let DS CIO, and after that, he slept 12 hours straight or self-soothed if he woke up. Also, along with weaning, we "trained" him to put himself to sleep, occasionally with tears, but usually without issue.

This I consider a sleep-training success. Note, however, we didn't do anything of the sort till he was at least 12 months old. Infants under 1 have different needs and aren't wont to refuse to go to bed because they just want to play the way toddlers do.

Anyway, books can be a great resource, but every baby is unique and none will be able to predict exactly what your unique baby will need.

AshleeM7784 · October 2015

I think it's good to be informed on the "expert opinions" or methods, but pick and choose what works for you. With my son I think I fell somewhere in the middle between attachment parenting and more structured methods. I agree with pp's - there's no such thing as spoiling a newborn. They cry because they need something and it's my job as a mom to figure out what that need is. As they get older (6+ mos), structure becomes more important and,at least with DS, I could tell the difference in his cries for hunger, discomfort, or just being over-tired. At 8 mos he was a terrible sleeper and I was losing my mind with the hourly wake-ups. He was also grouchy because he wasn't getting the rest he needed. So I read lots of books and methods on sleep training and created a system that worked for us -- I let him cry but would go in and check on him, comfort him, and lay him back down every few minutes until he fell asleep. It was a few rough bed times but I never felt like I was abandoning him and in the end we were both so much happier. I plan to take a similar approach with this LO - follow her cues but work to develop her natural patterns into healthy sleeping/eating habits that work for all of us.

CocoR04 · October 2015

@MamaOwl15 we had a similar experience with the nursing to sleep habit. DS would also nap on me and didn't get used to napping in his crib until well past the 1-year mark. It also sounds like you did sleep training at a good time when your LO could understand that you weren't abandoning him, but just adjusting your expectations about his sleeping patterns. DS started sleeping through the night at 16 months because I night weaned at that time. He was still waking up 1-2 times a night to nurse completely out of habit and DH just went into his room and explained that there was no milk, offered water, and he accepted it without fussing. I would love to night wean this LO sooner, but we will see how that goes!

@AshleeM7784 your gentle sleep training method sounds similar to the baby whisperer's pick up/put down no crying method. I'm interested in testing it out with this new LO at the right age.

allispam · October 2015

FTM so who knows... But for other resources I have been reading Happiest Baby on the Block by Harvey Karp (picked it up at the library since this non punctual baby seems quite content inside:)), only the newborn section so far. I like the suggestions because they aren't really about sleeping "training" per se but more like tips and tricks to help increase the amount of night time sleep / encouraging soothing and self soothing (and he says u can start as early as one week). Not sure how it will go in reality but seems like good info to keep in mind...

ElleMF728 · October 2015

I read a lot of different methods but our parenting strategy is to basically pick and choose the ones that work for us. Different things work for different families and different kids, I honestly can't believe how different my two sons are from each other even at this early point. The key is finding what works for your family and which tools fit your specific needs best. I do think schedules are most effective when they are based off of your LO's natural cycle, that doesn't mean you can tweak it a bit here or there though. I also want to point out that sleep training doesn't equal CIO. We did a very gentle modified version of training starting around 6 months. It took 3 months from start to finish (just in time to start dealing with standing in the crib YAY) but he is an amazing sleeper now.

jeslklein · October 2015

I adapted the Ferber method with sleep training both of my girls, and plan on doing the same for my third. I know that this isn't always popular, but it worked wonders for me. Here are some things we did:
1. First of all, right from the very beginning, I put my babies in the crib to fall asleep. I love rocking, but once I noticed they were sleepy, I'd put them in the crib to fall asleep on their own.
2. If they fought with falling asleep after three months, we would let them cry for a few minutes and then go back in to comfort them (without taking them out of the crib). We would then increase the minutes between check ins and they would eventually fall asleep.
3. There were a few occasions where they were sick and their cry was extremely intense, so we would allow them to be held until they fell asleep, but once they were over the illness, it was back to sleep training.
4. There were moments where this didn't work perfectly, but we adapted as needed and stayed committed to the program.

By four months, both of my gals slept through the night and they are now well adjusted girls who fall asleep within about 10 minutes of going to bed (one is 6 and the other is 3).

I'm not saying this is the only way, but I've not had the sleep struggles that many mothers have faced. I would highly recommend it.

allowe · October 2015

Babywise. I am a FTM but have friends and mentors who swear by it. The whole idea is parent directed, flexible. So, you don't need to be stuck in any kind of rigidity and can deal with your child's needs appropriately for the child and for the rest of the family.

LiveNLove44 · October 2015

The only book we read was The Happiest Baby on the Block and that helped us in the first month with soothing. After that, DD didn't take a pacifier, but she did start to develop some of her own self-soothing techniques.

1. We always put her to bed sleepy, not sleeping.

2. If she was fussing and crying, we didn't rush to pick her up at her first sound; rather, we let her shift and get comfortable to see if she just needed to adjust her position.

3. We understood that as adults, we wake up often, but we know how to quickly fall back asleep. Our babies don't know how to do that yet, so they are just learning.

4. I could have held and cuddled DD at all times, but I also knew that if I nursed her to sleep or we rocked her to sleep much past her first month, we'd create a habit we couldn't break and one that she'd rely on to fall asleep. It was tough for us, probably more than her, but she is a great sleeper.

I am huge on routine in my own life, so I know that my routine structure helped DD know what to expect. It's hard to have a routine with a NB, but it is still possible to start establishing one. My DD needed to be ready for a routine at daycare when I was going to return to work, so it was important to me to help her prepare for it in the weeks leading up to me returning to work. If you're a SAHM, consider looking through common daily schedules for some daycares and think about how you could structure your day with your kiddos. If you are going to return to a job, talk with your DC about their timing and schedule and work on developing that in the weeks before they are going to attend.

In the long run, my best reminder was to keep in mind that babies are still learning how to do the things that come quite naturally to us. If we continue to have no routine, they will adapt to no routine. If we have structure, they will adapt to structure, albeit loose at first. I hope you find some resources that are helpful for you! Good luck, mama!

comland · October 2015

We too are using The Happiest Baby on the Block in combination with some inspiration that I gained from reading Bringing Up Bebe. I feel like the two books are well suited to compliment each other and my own wishes as a parent.

Louisl · October 2015

comland said:
We too are using The Happiest Baby on the Block in combination with some inspiration that I gained from reading Bringing Up Bebe. I feel like the two books are well suited to compliment each other and my own wishes as a parent.

That's my combo as well :>

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Planning on following any expert advice on feeding, sleeping, etc? Example: baby whisperer

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