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June 2015 Moms
mrs_massie
member
Major meltdown
mrs_massie
member
It's now just a few days before month 4 and I find myself curled up in the bathroom with the door locked shut while I listen to my baby scream while DH tries to console him. All the thoughts and feelings of helplessness that I felt in the first few weeks came rushing back to me. Everyone said it would get easier and things don't last forever, but I'm approaching month 4 with a baby who still doesn't sleep through the night, refuses to nap during the day and cries everytime I try to put him in his crib. All I can think about is how anxious I feel and how I feel like I'm completely alone in this and I'm the only one with these problems. I know about 5 people who had babies around the same time as I did and based on the things they post on Facebook and Instagram I feel like they all have perfect babies who are always happy and sleep and eat when they are told to and moms who have it all together and are completely sane and happy. Please tell me I'm not the only one going through this????!!!!!!
Re: Major meltdown
And, today, I posted our 4 months photos on Facebook with smiley, sweet babies. The photo was accurate, but it was one good moment in an otherwise difficult day.
Please know that social media is edited. Or cultivated. No one's life is EVER as together as it seems on Facebook. Guaranteed.
Read through the "nighttime sucks" threads, and you'll see that you definitely aren't alone on the sleeping.
Let DH do the settling for awhile. Hang in there, mama. You're doing fine.
All that to say, we all have days/weeks/months where we wonder how to survive and if it will get better. I'll pray for you; I hope you and DH get some relief. And pp are right - Facebook is not usually an accurate portrayal of every day lives!
I also had to seek some help for PP depression / anxiety. I am better for getting that help now, its actually helped me to deal with what's going on with him now. Don't be afraid to ask for help. And bless your DH for trying to help tonight, that's a good guy. But on the same coin, be honest with him about your needs, too (I need an hour to myself to nap, I'm going to go to the store to get out of the house and away from LO, I need you to hold this baby even it won't stop crying for you so that I can take a few minutes to cry in the bathroom).
You're definitely not alone. Hugs, gal. >:D<
Ladies here, what are your favorite pages like that? I love "take back post partum."
2. I'm calling BS on "it gets better" regarding sleep, too. My kid just will not sleep at night. And my husband just does not seem to know how or want to help, I don't know.
3. Post partum anxiety and depression can be sneaky. I hope you have a doctor you can discuss your feelings with. I've cried and had bad days, for sure. But if you've been feeling this way for four months, it may be time to see if there's something else going on. Also maybe see if you can find a local moms support group. (See if you can find one with "support" as the focus, vs just a meet up.)
4. I have one honest friend who tells me how hard having a baby is. I have another friend who acts like its puppies and rainbows. I talk to the honest friend waaaay more often. She is the one who makes me feel better.
And please do join our other threads - you will see me and a lot of other share many of your frustrations!
Big hugs, mama.
Like others have said, if you're feeling down all the time, don't be afraid to talk to someone and get help. Like my best friend said the other day, even the easiest baby is a lot of work.
Oh and my 14 week old has only STTN once. DS still gets up on occasion in the MOTN and he didn't STTN until he was 8 months old. Every baby is different. Don't compare yourself to others.
1. Perspective - If you think it's not going to get better you can make that your reality. Better is relative is may be an extra 5minutes of sleep or an extra hour but any improvement is getting better. Also sometimes it gets worse before it gets better it's all about progression over time.
2. Positive - Try to remember the positive things about your baby... We tend to focus on what they aren't doing and get frustrated or upset with that but think of all the things that LO has done that are amazing and stole your heart. For me in the tough moments I focus on the incredible fact that he is here and healthy and just looking at him being here means I was already successful in something amazing. Creating a new life.
3. Commitment - I also focus on my commitment to this little life. Though he may fight sleep, cry and poop on me he depends on me for I am his momma and he has no other momma. He trusts me to soothe him at his worst and love him and care for him all in such a short period of time. It's amazing and incredible to have earned this trust so quickly and I am committed to keeping that trust even when I feel so tired and like I want to fall apart he needs me and I need him. We need each other and are committed to each other.
4. Sleep - Much of the literature indicates that babies are often not ready to sleep through the night even at 6months. I think that society has created an unreal expectation of babies and difficult situation from Mommas because then sleeping through the night before you have to go back to work just doesn't always work out. Can you husband take 1 feeding that was you can get some extra snoozing in?
5. Naps - at 4 months I think that the reality for naps is that baby would be napping about 5hours or less during the day. The older they get the less napping or lengthy napping they do.. My LO used to nap for 2hours every 3hours. Now his naps are about 20minutes - 1hr during the day about 5 times and the majority of his sleep is at night. So if LO isn't napping like he was before it's likely nothing is wrong and it's just normal development.
6. Leap - At this time they are also going through a leap that suggests they will crave and DEMAND attention. It seems that closeness is essential for them to complete their phase of mental development. I try and relish this desire for closeness instead of resenting it for the things I can't get done. Everything else can wait because I won't get to be this close to him for long. (With the exception of eating - I make it a priority to ensure I get food and water because asides from his safety his nourishment is my #1 responsibility EBF).
7. Composure - Do what you need to to keep your composure : 10 deep breaths, a 5 minute cry, give yourself a time out. LO will know when you are flustered and upset, will pick up on it and may even take on that unease them self making things infinitely more difficult for you. If you can quieter your anxiety and inside I find they quieter and relax more readily as well.
8. Difficult - Being a mommy is difficult, downright hard even. Cut yourself some slack if you are trying you are doing your job. Don't set yourself unrealistic expectations that make you doomed to feel like you've failed.
9. Support - though it may feel like it prevent yourself from feeling alone. Because you are so not alone. You may not have anyone that is close to you going through it but there's a million resources available to help you navigate this crazy ride. Talk to your doctor, to a counsellor, to June 15, to family, to friends, to mommy strangers do anything but isolate yourself. It takes a community to raise a child.
You're going to be okay, you will get through this - you've got this momma! ~hugs~
I love this place you have no idea how prepared I thought I was... Lol turns out I wasn't and I have benefitted so much from everyone here just want to try and pay it forward.
@MrsMassimilla I'm glad today is better. No matter how bad it gets, you're not alone!
Also sometimes when we are having a bad day I like to mentally make plans for first Halloween, Thanksgiving, Cheistmas, New Years, etc. It helps me just thinking of all these new exciting moments the holidays will bring this year. Not sure if that helps!
Trying to do my part to be more honest and let people know on social media that more often than not, it gets real up in my house!