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January 2016 Moms
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Constant criticism/comments

jessbm9jessbm9 member
in January 2016 Moms
Lately, as I'm now 6 months pregnant and everyone around me pretty much knows I can't seem to avoid an excessive amount of criticism and comments. Usually I can handle them, but sometimes it's just too much.
I've only gained 3 pounds and my belly is so tiny, I just look bloated. So I constantly hear that I must not be eating enough or that I should eat more. Or jokingly people ask "are you sure you're pregnant". If someone asks me if I've had cravings and I say "no, I'm usually not hungry I have to force myself to eat sometimes" a had a coworker say well you could be starving the baby and that's why you're so small.
And because I have chosen to keep my pregnancy a little on the down low early on I constantly have people asking way too personal of questions like if it was because I was trying to hid it, etc.
I'm just getting fed up a lot more lately. Some days it really doesn't bother me and other days I'm just in shock at the things people say/ask.
Have others experienced this or am I just too sensitive to people lol
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Re: Constant criticism/comments

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  • Vamason89Vamason89 member
    I don't enjoy talking about my body with anyone. It's mine. Leave me alone. So I just give a blank stare for a few seconds, make them uncomfortable and give vague answers. Most people never ask rude/invasive questions again after that.

    Or. You could just burst into tears and blame the hormones. Ya know, since we're all just crazy, hormone riddled humans now.

    Regardless, I'm sorry they're unkind. I wouldn't be pleased with it either!
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  • Emott13Emott13 member
    That sucks. I am so sorry. I'm sure you've heard it before, but baby will suck all of your nutrients away before s/he starves, so as long as your blood work isn't coming back saying you're low in something, baby is fine.

    Tell them you and baby are doing fine, and you've actually been wondering if they're not pregnant, too, because they seem to have put on the same amount of weight that you have.

    Not really, that could get your fired. But at least you can think it and give yourself a little laugh after their rude/intrusive questions.
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  • ashhsaashhsa member
    edited October 2015
    People lose their "filter" when it comes to pregnancy. I understand it upsetting you, it also upsets me. The only oppinion you need to worry about is your doctors. If your doctor is happy with your weight then everyone else should be too. And I recomend saying that to them next time they comment.
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  • dtspmamadtspmama member
    People have been saying inappropriate things to me since I made the official announcement at work, and I keep my private life VERY private.  I finally told them that,for their purposes, I'm just getting fat and they're not to comment on it.  It pissed them off (and hasn't stopped them from asking inappropriate questions) but I felt better putting my bottom line out there from the beginning.
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  • stephanienjerstephanienjer member
    I lost 14 pounds before I gained anything. Not for any "starvation" reasons, but because I was eating better! People are so darn nosy! Some days, I feel huge, and other days, you can't even tell I'm pregnant. 

    I wish you could tell all those nosy people to suck it!
    My issue is with people who think than any discomfort I have is nothing compared to what THEY had, and then regale me with their best pregnancy horror stories. Why do that to another woman?

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  • carlyhammondcarlyhammond member
    My mother yelled at me for starving my baby last night... Then proceeded to hand me a Hershey kiss to make it all better....
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  • kodariahkodariah member
    edited October 2015
    I know it's rude of me to even think it BUT everytime I get the "are you eating" or "your so tiny we can't even tell," my head thinks " just cause I'm six months pregnant and still smaller then you doesn't mean I'm not pregnant or that I'm unhealthy, your just fat." I wouldn't say it but I think it :) I swear peoples tact goes out the window when talking to a pregnant person. So dont touch me, don't act like my dietitian, or comment on my belly size or better my boob size cause its not ok when I'm not pregnant so why is it alright now.
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  • LljbeanLljbean member
    image
    Me:28 DH:35
    Married: 7.23.11
    DD:10.17.12
    EDD #2!:1.17.16 







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  • AlabamaWorleyAlabamaWorley member
    kodariah said:

    I know it's rude of me to even think it BUT everytime I get the "are you eating" or "your so tiny we can't even tell," my head thinks " just cause I'm six months pregnant and still smaller then you doesn't mean I'm not pregnant or that I'm unhealthy, your just fat." I wouldn't say it but I think it :) I swear peoples tact goes out the window when talking to a pregnant person. So dont touch me, don't act like my dietitian, or comment on my belly size or better my boob size cause its not ok when I'm not pregnant so why is it alright now.

    image
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  • DaphneMoon1DaphneMoon1 member
    Wow @kodariah, really?

    I mean, it's never ok this comment on a pregnant ladies size, big or small. But most people are trying to be helpful or have conversation. Your thoughts are harsh and super judgmental.
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  • AlabamaWorleyAlabamaWorley member
    I hope that your child is never overweight with a mentality like yours. Holy shit dude.
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  • ntyravgspntyravgsp member
    kodariah said:

    I know it's rude of me to even think it BUT everytime I get the "are you eating" or "your so tiny we can't even tell," my head thinks " just cause I'm six months pregnant and still smaller then you doesn't mean I'm not pregnant or that I'm unhealthy, your just fat." I wouldn't say it but I think it :) I swear peoples tact goes out the window when talking to a pregnant person. So dont touch me, don't act like my dietitian, or comment on my belly size or better my boob size cause its not ok when I'm not pregnant so why is it alright now.

    Apparently people's tact goes out the window when they're pregnant too - assuming they ever had it to begin with.
    Yeah it's annoying when people make comments that you perceive as criticism, but that's a terrible attitude to have toward others. Especially when they probably think they're giving you a compliment.
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  • carlyhammondcarlyhammond member
    Oh no! It's coming! The attack of the cat claws -runs- save yourselves!!!!!
    Jk I agree with what the ladies are saying in response to the "you're just fat"
    I am overweight, I have been my entire life- that was uncalled for. Just because you have a high metabolism doesn't give you an excuse to be rude. K, thanks.
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  • tinne004tinne004 member
    Lol @carlyhammond I totally raised an eyebrow at your first sentence, but then I read the rest. :-) You go girl.
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  • SnoopylovesbelleSnoopylovesbelle member
    Lljbean said:


    Snoopylovesbelle said:

    kodariah said:

    I know it's rude of me to even think it BUT everytime I get the "are you eating" or "your so tiny we can't even tell," my head thinks " just cause I'm six months pregnant and still smaller then you doesn't mean I'm not pregnant or that I'm unhealthy, your just fat." I wouldn't say it but I think it :) I swear peoples tact goes out the window when talking to a pregnant person. So dont touch me, don't act like my dietitian, or comment on my belly size or better my boob size cause its not ok when I'm not pregnant so why is it alright now.

    "You're just fat"...that's mature

    You're just being nice, it was actually, "Your just fat". 

    I corrected it for her 8->
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  • ccoleemanccoleeman member
    @Scullahoo I agree. I see blog after blog on Facebook of "Things NOT to Say to _______" a Pregnant woman, a woman who chooses not to have kids, a woman trying to have kids...etc etc. 99% they flame people for asking general questions or benign comments, like "when are you two planning to start a family?" Or "my goodness you've popped! Look at that bump!". It seems like there's nothing right to say/ask a person anymore without offending them.

    To go back to @kodariah real quick- I'm not trying to insult you back with my response- lord knows we all have mean/judgemental thoughts from time to time. But some thoughts are best kept to yourself; you won't find much empathy from women who are struggling with body issues, pregnancy weight (and pre-pregnancy weight), and hormones.
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    I just try to shrug this stuff off. People generally mean well, so I can empathize with their kind intentions, even if their delivery is oh so horribly horrifying.

    Also, you get what you give in this world. I'm sure the woman who resorts to cruel fat thoughts as a defense mechanism gets her own come uppance.
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  • cyanopecyanope member
    Well said, @Scullahoo. I usually roll my eyes at the women who get annoyed by the attention they receive while pregnant. People care about you and that little human inside of your belly. They're curious. They're concerned. Yeah, the constant dialogue can get a little old, but who cares! Instead of getting bothered by it, be grateful. Someone cares about you enough to ask and to show concern.
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  • kodariahkodariah member
    edited October 2015
    I wasn't trying to be offensive or rude, I see how it was though. Sorry to those who were offended by my post..
    I do think it's funny though and I love how you guys can be judgement and make assumptions on me as a person from a thought I get when people are being rude to me. Its not like I dont have body issues, its ok for people to point them out and make me self conscious about my body but I'm immature and untactful to just think mean things back :) got it...
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  • ntyravgspntyravgsp member
    edited October 2015
    kodariah said:

    I wasn't trying to be offensive or rude, I see how it was though. Sorry to those who were offended by my post..
    I do think it's funny though and I love how you guys can be judgement and make assumptions on me as a person from a thought I get when people are being rude to me. Its not like I dont have body issues, its ok for people to point them out and make me self conscious about my body but I'm immature and untactful to just think mean things back :) got it...

    Yes, it is a little tactless to expect a fat-shaming comment would be welcome in a forum full of pregnant women of all shapes and sizes. /:)

    I can understand that it's frustrating to hear comments like you've heard (and we've obviously all had comments made to us that we didn't receive well), but come on. Audience awareness is important. Eta quote box
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  • LljbeanLljbean member
    kodariah said:
    I wasn't trying to be offensive or rude, I see how it was though. Sorry to those who were offended by my post.. I do think it's funny though and I love how you guys can be judgement and make assumptions on me as a person from a thought I get when people are being rude to me. Its not like I dont have body issues, its ok for people to point them out and make me self conscious about my body but I'm immature and untactful to just think mean things back :) got it...
    That is weird, considering the very first line of your original comment was, "I know it's rude...".  Huh. 
    Me:28 DH:35
    Married: 7.23.11
    DD:10.17.12
    EDD #2!:1.17.16 







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  • ccoleemanccoleeman member
    You do realize that the only judgements and assumptions we can make are based on the things you say, right? If you want people to view you as kind, say kind things. If you don't want people to think you're rude, think about what you're typing and your audience before you hit send.

    I'm sorry but you're just not in a position to play victim and tell us we're judging you-we cam only go off of what you write, and what you wrote was not polite. Simple as that
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  • carlyhammondcarlyhammond member
    tinne004 said:

    Lol @carlyhammond I totally raised an eyebrow at your first sentence, but then I read the rest. :-) You go girl.

    Thank you ;)
    A lot of people don't get my humor... Or my personality for that matter lol
    But I'm glad you kept reading :)
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  • Stobie2016Stobie2016 member
    I am actually getting the opposite- I am 6 months and I will admit, my stomach is huge, and I have people asking if I am carrying twins or just generally commenting on how big I am.

    I was at Macy's in the maternity section and wore a striped shirt. The cashier asked if I was having a girl bc 'I was big everywhere'. About two weeks later I returned something because it had s rip and I was wearing a stripe-less shirt. The same lady who clearly didn't remember me, asked if I was having a boy because all of my weight was in my belly.

    Everyone has an opinion, everyone has a different pregnancy experience. For the rest of your life, people will judge you on the decisions you make regarding your kid(s). Now is a good time to realize- if you are doing what you know is right, sometimes with help or advice, you can't worry about everyone else.

    I am having a boy btw.
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  • Leah6120Leah6120 member
    edited October 2015
    Honestly... other than internal conversations with my best friend or husband I keep my body insecurity discussions to a minimum. I've gained plenty of weight but I was tiny to start so it's all a matter of perspective. Not to be THAT girl.. but what's going on with our bodies is a miracle and for some of us (myself included) hard fought for. At the end of the day I don't care what anyone says about it I got my miracle baby and this is her house for the next few months. Whatever people say usually comes from a good and/or slightly ignorant place anyway.
    *edit for typos
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