Disappointed In my boyfriend :(

kirsty100 · October 2015

So I'm 37 weeks toda! Yay getting closer now!! There's on problem though my bf drinks on weekends, seems to be more then before I got pregnant, my problem is he gets that drunk passes out and I have to look after him. I've spoken to him about this time and time again and it doesn't seem to sink in well tonight he got that drunk my friend and I had to carry him to the car I get home alone and pregnant , try and wake him finally wake him, pull his legs out of the car and get him up with a lot of difficulty as its dead weight, put him against the tree and bam he's pass out in the drive way, I then have to get him up and into the house straight to bed. As pop him in bed I go grab a bucket just incase he spews I walk back in the room he's that drunk he's choking on his own vomit! Because he can't roll over or anything so I grab him and get his head in the bucket. He could of died! It made me realise how irresponsible he is! We're both 23 but holy crap I never have gotten that drunk I have choked on my own spew! And I'm so far pregnant like I think I'm the one that needs to be looked after if I was to go into labour right now he'd have no idea! It actually hurts my feelings to know he can't keep it together he's nervous and stuff I get that, I am too but I would be getting drunk the way he does and expect my gf to take care of me I already struggle enough let alone look after someone else

LLynde5 · October 2015

I am so sorry you are having to deal with that:(

CCasey2015 · October 2015

That sucks! I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I would say next time he does it to video him so he can see just what type of state he's in.

kstitt0830 · October 2015

Next time call his parents or someone else to carry him and watch out for him because literally lifting him like that can cause placenta to detach from the uteran wall and kill your baby...it's that serious! My husband likes to drink beer after long work days and lately he has been a real peice of work about it (I'm due October 4th) I've requested he not drink again until I deliver because he is my only support in labor and if I smell beer on his breath while I'm laboring it's just going to infuriate me...he doesn't love the idea and thinks I'm over the top but he can't argue me on it...I'm about to give birth any day! Have a serious talk with your boyfriend and lay it down...do not stress your self and any out over this anymore!

leah665 · October 2015

I would go batshit on him if that's how my boyfriend was acting. It could be his was of dealing with the anxiety of becoming a dad. However, that is a little extreme. You need to sit him down and have a serious talk, that behavior is unacceptable.

JaqiDec04 · October 2015

I would have left his drunk ass passed out in the front yard. That's if I even bothered to bring him home.

babykitcat · October 2015

I am by no means on your boyfriends side about any of this. As it's very irresponsible! This might be his way of dealing with being scared of what's to come. DH is in his 30's and this is his second child and I can tell he is nervous and anxious. One thing a friend of mine told me when I was talking about the ofd behavior is her husband actually worried that something could go wrong in labor and he could come home alone with the baby OR he wouldn't be able to provide for his family.

Just a thought. Id definitely have a talk but try to keep an open mind as to what's caused him to drink.

nianicho777 · October 2015

CCasey2015 said:
That sucks! I'm sorry you have to deal with it. I would say next time he does it to video him so he can see just what type of state he's in.

I was so going to say that. Have someone record him being put in the car by you and you taking care of him so that he can see how ridiculous he looks. Maybe even use a baby doll as a prop to show him what it will look like in just over 3 weeks when you have a baby in your arms while trying to take care of him.

natalknitter15 · October 2015

Wow, that sounds awful to deal with. You went above and beyond in caring for him. What was his attitude when he woke up this morning? I hope he was embarrassed. I hope this never happens again, but if it does, I think you should film his behavior. Sometimes that's the wake-up call that people need.

beanie1977 · October 2015

Do you think he's an alcoholic? It sounds like his behavior has some pretty bad consequences. This is unacceptable in any case and he needs to be able to be there for you and the baby.

If he got a DUI, if he ever got that drunk and you or the baby needed him, or if he really did die, the situation would be awful for you and your child (and him of course).

I have a friend who goes to Al-Anon meetings for support. You might find people there who can help you know how to help and handle these situations.

Cupcakesandquilts · October 2015

I agree with the PP. get yourself to AlAnon now! And you don't have any obligation to tote him around when he's drunk. Leave him in the car or at his friend's house for that matter.

straithavoc · October 2015

I'm sorry you're dealing with this, my boyfriend was really bad for awhile up until a few weeks ago. He fell off the front porch and smacked his head on the stairs. He came in bleeding, crying wanting me to watch him and I laughed and said I'm sleeping. I think he realized the next day that I have no patience for the drunk at this point.

Even though it's scary to think something worse could have happened, since he was choking...

I would have left his ass in the front yard, also like PP, if I even bothered to bring him home.

angela_angel · October 2015

When I read this, it instantly made my blood boil. I grew up with three alcoholics, who I had to look after on a semi daily basis, and they were not nice drunks. Hearing about situations like this brings me right back to my younger years and all the emotions I dealt with daily. I agree with PPs about going to Al-Anon. My mother is now handicapped, living in a group home because of what alcohol can do. It can tear families apart. And your poor child isn't even here yet.
I realize that you and your SO are still quite young, he may just be stressed or trying to have "fun while he still can", but please just be aware of the issue before it escalates. ((Hugs))

kirsty100 · October 2015

I don't think he's an acholic, I have sat down seriously and said dude this has got to stop reason being im pregnant and I need you to be there when the baby is born also that if anything happens to me while he's passed out he'd have no idea. He sits there has a cry says how bad he feels and how sorry he is and it won't happen again yet it's happened again. It's been happening 4 weekends straight. I did consider dropping him at his parents but his mum and I don't have the best relationship and she'd love the fact that her sons messing up like this she thrives off other people's problems. I am currently in the spare bed I made sure proped him on his side, eg I've seen people choke to death working in aged care it's not something I needed to come home and deal with either. I won't be here when he wakes up so hopefully it's a wake up call for him because I'm done playing this game it's to hard. THANKYOU all for your advice and help means a lot!!

basdenjn6 · October 2015

What I can say is it's okay to put yourself as a priority right now. In fact, it's your job to do so. Maybe he's just young or maybe he's nervous about the future baby. Either way, he'll definitely continue this behavior as long as you make it easy for him. Let him know when you're both calm and sober that his behavior is a risk to you and if he gets drunk like that again he's going to have to call someone else to scoop him up- and mean it. I know it's hard to not take care of someone you love. But he's got to be a grownup and as long as he knows you'll take care of him, there's no reason for him to man up.

JaqiDec04 · October 2015

kirsty100 said:

I don't think he's an acholic, I have sat down seriously and said dude this has got to stop reason being im pregnant and I need you to be there when the baby is born also that if anything happens to me while he's passed out he'd have no idea. He sits there has a cry says how bad he feels and how sorry he is and it won't happen again yet it's happened again.

This is basically the definition of an alcoholic. Someone who cannot see the consequences of their actions, or stop drinking. When one beer isn't enough.

What would have happened if you had gone into labor in the middle of the night, and were unable to drive yourself? Or god-forbid you'd fallen and seriously hurt yourself and your baby?

I'm glad you'll be gone before he wakes up. Maybe it'll scare some sense into him.

ElleMF728 · October 2015

@JaciDec04 said it perfectly. What you described is an alcoholic. If he can't control himself or if he can't stop drinking despite knowing that it could have serious consequences, then he has a drinking problem.

tuinstrab · October 2015

He sounds like an immature 23 year old who is NOT ready for the responsibility coming his way. Id be very concerned if I were you. You might need to present an ultimatum..that if he does it again..not only will you not help him during his drunken state but you will be out of his life. You will have a real baby to take care of...who deserves everyone in his or her life to be 100%. Your sweet innocent baby doesn't deserve a drunk dad and you dont deserve it either!

satindawl83 · October 2015

There are differences between having a drinking problem and being an alcoholic. It doesn't sound like it was a major problem before, but since the pregnancy he's been going balls to the wall.

I know people who have gone through bender periods, were "normal" before and have been normal since, but they were going though something at that time.

OP, unfortunately, all you can do is either wait for him to have his aha moment, or tell him he needs to live elsewhere until he gets this figured out.

zetlopez · October 2015

Next time leave his ass in the car. There is no reason you need to be carrying a grown ass man into the house. Just be sure he's in a position where he won't choke then leave him to take care of himself.

kirsty100 · October 2015

Thanks everyone for your advice. He clearly doesn't remember last night and has denied it all so I can't be bothered with it anymore at the moment, I get his scared and stuff I am to but I'm not behaving that way the worst part is this little baby was planned so I don't know what has happened to my boyfriend but it's grand finale day today so if he gets to drunk again I will be done I think. It's gotten to the point it's not even worth me saying anything because I've said it all and doesn't seem to sink in.

AiramJ · October 2015

Similar problem here too. My husband likes a drink after work and especially when there is a work do. During this pregnancy he came home in a state numerous times, always at stupid o clock. I spent night awake worrying and being furious with his behaviour. I have begged him not to drink, arguing that I can't either, but it falls on deaf ears. It's really frustrating. I told him he will not be allowed at the birth if he had a drink.

hbrooks09 · October 2015

I'm sorry you're going through this, but seriously he needs to get his sh*t together! 3 weeks until your due date and he's acting like this?! I honestly wouldn't make excuses for him, he knows how babies are made and if he can't put on his big boy pants and think about his child instead of himself and his alcohol I would tell his a$$ to get to walking!!!! YOU DONT NOT WANT NOR DO YOU NEED THAT KIND OF BEHAVIOR AROUND YOUR CHILD!!!

Knottie16832459 · October 2015

I've left mine in the driveway in the rain after drinking when I was 5 months. I got him home safe, tried to get him out of the car, and then said "screw it." I left the door open but shut off the lights, closed up the house, grabbed some ice cream and went to bed, in the middle of it. Guys freak out just like we do, I'll support him if I can but he knows when it comes to alcohol I'm done with it and I will tell his mother, or even worse, his sister. I've got a kid in my belly and a 3 year old SS to mind, I don't need an overgrown child, too. Just make it clear how much you love and support him, and where you draw the line. My DH never remembers it in the morning either, so I make it a point to give him a play by play as if it was the big game and he lost. Bitchy, maybe? But he needs to hear the damage he's causing if he doesn't remember it.

millereliz13 · October 2015

I hate to say it, but it's time for what my mom calls a "come to Jesus" talk. I'm an evil crazy person when I need to be, my husband had 1 out of control evening about a year ago, while we were trying. I asked him of this was th we kind of father he wanted to be. He has alcoholics in his family. If I had been in your shoes, it'd be simple, leave him in the yard. You need to ask him, like this, list off the behavior and if a friend did this would you let them near myself and the baby? Basically tell him that you feel like he's putting you in danger. If he won't change, you need to get out of there. My husband's mother is an alcoholic, it's hard to try and fix what she did to her children. My husband is ultra responsible and what happened with him was a one time thing. I had to be super mean and evil about what happened because I felt it was unsafe. If he continues to put you in danger, that's abuse.