Working Parents: What's your schedule?

vinerie · September 2015

I am having a lot of trouble imagining how my work life is going to go once LO gets here. We both have careers that we have invested a lot in, and it is typical for us to be at work, oh, from about 8-9 in the morning to about 6ish. DH will sometimes stay at the office until 7 or so. Sometimes we work in the evenings after dinner.

We work a lot, that's going to change, I know. But I really don't understand how one can keep up a full-time career while also being a good parent. If you must pick up LO from daycare by 5 p.m., that means leaving the office at 4 something. Is this feasible for everyone? It's easier for me (my work life is fairly autonomous; my husband works with a team and can't just up and leave.) So because of that, I feel like the responsibilities of picking LO up and all that stuff will be on my shoulders. How am I supposed to do that while maintaining my work life? Also, won't LO need to be fed and such during the day? And...all this being said: It seems awful to just drop him/her off at daycare all day.

We talked A LOT about this before even starting to ttc, but never really came to any solid conclusion other than that we both have to cut back a bit. I will have to be more efficient at work too (i.e. NO MORE BUMPING.)

I guess what I'm saying is...How the heck will this work? Working moms with one at home already, can you tell me how you do it?

JessicaB0627 · September 2015

You'll figure it out! I think it's hard to imagine life with a LO before you have to actually do it day in and day out. I can drop DD off at daycare at 7:30 and she has to be picked up before 5:30. DH is a retail manager and is basically never off in time to pick her up, so that is my responsibility and I really have to budget time in order to get everything done and pick her up on time.

Also, I felt awful about taking her to daycare. I felt like I was missing a huge amount of time with her but we were lucky enough to find a daycare that she absolutely loves and we trust them with her completely. If I pick her up too early she gets mad at me because she's busy playing with her friends and doing fun things.

As far as LO eating during the day, I'm assuming you mean if you BF? I have no experience here as I was never able to BF with DD. I exclusively pumped for the time that I was home and had to stop (for other reasons) before I went back. I believe most moms will start pumping while they're still home from work and build up a supply so LO can be fed during the day while you're gone and then you would have to pump during the day at work in order to keep up your supply.

It's all a crazy adjustment but you and your DH will figure out what works best for you.

emma+karen · September 2015

Our daycare is open from 7:00-6:00. When my wife and I were both working in charter schools, with long days expected, we dropped him off at 7 and picked him up around 5:00 or 5:30. Now that I've switched to teaching in a traditional public school, with a shorter day, he still gets dropped off at 7 but I pick him up around 4:00. Both of us working in highly demanding jobs just didn't work for our family, so I made the switch to a less demanding job with less pay. It was a sacrifice, but to me it's worth it, and I don't feel like I had to give up my career entirely--just change the nature of my work and make my family the first priority.

nsouplynn · September 2015

I work 7:30-4:30 (on Wed's, it's 7-4) M-F schedule. DH works from 6-6. I have more flexibility at work but DH doesn't so I'm the primary drop off and pick up. Daycare is open from 6-6:30pm. Here's my schedule:

Wake up time is 5am so I can get ready. I will get DD ready for daycare right after I get done. I have to be out of the house by 6am, no later because of traffic. It takes me about 30 minutes to get to daycare and do my usual routine (Drop off, get breakfast for DD, hugs&kisses). I have to be back on the road by 6:50am so I can make it to work at 7:30 (again, due to traffic.)

As for going home, I leave at 4:30 so luckily I get to beat traffic before it really starts. I arrive at her daycare by 5pm and that's it. My child is at daycare for about 12 hours a day and it that depresses me.

alijeff2313 · September 2015

My husband and I work crazy schedules. I work in the city so I take the bus an hour into and out of town. I work 8:30-5 and am home around 6:15. My husband works 8:30-5 Monday and Tuesday, 8:30-8 Wednesday and Thursday and Fridays 8:30-2. Then he works the last 2 Saturdays of every month 8:30-6. We are fortunate enough that my MIL watches DD Monday through Thursday and she goes to daycare on Fridays. To be completely honest...it sucks real bad. My husband used to work M-T 830-9 so I was basically a married single mom when I was home. But we make the very best of it. DD doesn't go to be until about 9:30-10 so that my husband can see her.

I get home. We play for about 30 minutes then I make dinner. We eat then play some more. Then bath time and bed. I smash as much into those few hours as humanly possible. However, it is something that everyone gets used to. She helps me clean up and get stuff ready for bed. As much as we can do together, we do!

With this second one on the way though I am so insainly tired. We haven't told her yet, shes 2 and will blab, but I think she understands somethings different because she likes to sit and color or watch Mickey while I rest a bit.

Bottom line...yes it is hard and yes it sucks...but it is what you need to do to make life work. You will figure out your own routine.

Good luck!

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

I had it a little easier since I brought my son to work with me for the 1st year. But now, I am in charge of drop-off, pick-up and anything else related to daycare. I will say that, had I not been a nanny, I would have preferred a nanny for the 1st year. That way you can be more flexible with your schedule (nanny can arrive earlier, stay later and you don't need to factor in drop-off/pick-up into your commute).

As for the feeding, you will need to pump or provide formula if not BFing. I would suggest pumping enough during maternity leave (if you have one!) to create a freezer stash to last a couple of months. If that doesn't work, at least pump a day ahead (meaning you have the BM all pumped and ready to send to daycare or for the nanny). That does mean you will have to pump at work during the times your child would normally eat to keep up your supply which may not be feasible depending on your workplace. Formula is definitely easier for working moms.

You could see if you could do the lunch time feeding during your lunch break at work, but infants will need to be fed every 2-3hrs so you probably wouldn't be able to make it for every feeding. That means that the baby will be taking bottles of either BM or formula from the daycare workers/nanny for most of their feedings.

I don't feel the least bit guilty dropping my son off at daycare...anymore. The first few weeks were absolute hell. He got over it much quicker than I did. It made a huge difference that he didn't go into daycare until he was a year old, but I know this one will be going at 5 months (2 month maternity leave and then 3 month summer because I work in a school!). I can imagine it will be much tougher, but you can still be a VERY good parent. We make the absolute most of the time we are together by going to museums, playing in the park, and reading constantly after work/daycare. Weekends are special family time and we do a lot of bonding/educational experiences as a family. If I wasn't working full time, there is no way we could afford outings to the aquarium or the children's museum. Yes, I could do all those Pinterest crafts, but I suspect most days would go to the path of least resistance and we would end up watching TV. And my son LOVES daycare. He has so many friends, he is learning from the older kids, he is helping to take care of the younger ones, and he is learning resilience and independence.

It is hard to imagine being a good parent and working full time, but by working you are being a good parent by providing for your family. It is rare to be able to survive now a days with only one income, so you are definitely not alone! Being a good parent doesn't necessarily mean being there for every moment, but preparing your child for a full and satisfying life and making sure they know they are loved and supported, whether you are physically there or not. Is it easy? No. But being a SAHM and trying to stretch a super tight budget isn't easy either. The ideal is being able to get a paycheck while caring for your child (which is what I had as a nanny...remind me why I quit and went back to working in the school again???)

vinerie · September 2015

These are all fantastic replies. Thank you!

lionstigersbears · September 2015

It's hard! After maternity leave DH and I were a bit off balance because I had taken the lead being the one at home. But we found a rhythm. You can likely find a daycare that is open beyond 9-5 to account for travel time to pick up. If you have a longer commute you might consider a daycare closer to your work to help with that too. Others have already talked about the feedings and everything so I'll just say that Ive become so much more efficient now that I 1. Am low on energy as a mom and 2. Have a family to get home to. It has challenged me to find more balance and focus on what matters but in the end, it's a chaotic new normal that you'll eventually settle into.

dsmith211 · September 2015

DH and I currently work at the same place and our schedules are both currently 8-5. We are able to change it to be anywhere from 7-4 up to 9-6. Regardless of what we do (unless our daycare plans don't work out) this should be fine for us bc the daycare we have picked is open 6:30 am to 7:30 pm.

kbrands7 · September 2015

The first year back, I woke up between 4:45 and 5:00 to breastfeed and get ready for work. I left the house around 5:45. My mom watches our son, so she would arrive at 7:30 just before DH left for work.

I'd pump 4 times at work -- once before hours while I planned, once during part of my prep period (teacher here), during lunch, and for about 15 min while I graded after contract hours.

I'd get home around 4 or 4:30 most nights and shower right away while my mom was still there. My mom went home at this point in the day. I'd breastfeed again and make dinner. DH would get home right as dinner was ready. We'd eat; while DS was still under 6 mos, I'd breastfeed again while eating. (He drank a lot of milk...) Once he was older, he ate with us and would sometimes drink right after dinner.

We took some down time with DS after dinner until bedtime routine at 6:45. On a good night, DS would be asleep by 7:30 or 8, leaving me time to do chores, wash my pump parts and bottles for the next day, spend time with DH. DS tended to wake at least 3 times to eat overnight.

This year is easier now that I'm not pumping, and he only breastfeeds once or twice per day. The schedule is similar, but I get a little more sleep and so does DS.

Edited because of silly phone autocorrect and to add:
As far as DS eating during the day, he drank between 16-20oz pumped milk each day while I was at work. I'd pump for the next day each time, freeze on Friday and pull out frozen milk to thaw for Monday. I picked up a pump at home a few weeks before going back to work to build a stash for the first day, date nights, and unexpected situations (like temporary supply hits from stomach flu). The closer he got to 1, the daily pumped amount decreased to 12-14oz.

mrstmoose · September 2015

I have a flexible work schedule, I usually go in between 8-8:30 and leave by 4 at the latest. So I will primarily be the taker and picker-upper from daycare. H works from 7:30-4:30 or 5. We are going to ask my MIL if she is interested in watching the LO (primarily because she is retired and this will be the first grandkid that is close to her and don't want to offend her by assuming she doesn't want to...although the more I think about it, the more I would prefer our LO going to a daycare). But regardless, I plan on pumping while at work and letting my supervisor be aware of that so she knows that will be in my schedule. It'll be a crazy few months getting used to everything!

lest12 · September 2015

I can understand how hard it is to conceptualize such a huge life change. It's hard to wrap your head around it sometimes until you're doing it.

For us, it was a little different - I work days, and DH works nights. Pre-baby, I worked 9-5, sometimes later, and DH would go in 4-midnight. When I returned from maternity leave, my schedule was 7-3, so that I could be home by 3:30 and DH could leave for work. Luckily my job has that flexibility - TBH, there were a few times before getting pregnant (and one when I was pregnant) when DH or I had an opportunity to do something different but we stayed at our current jobs BECAUSE of the schedules/flexibility.

So, DH is home with DS all day, up early only to go into work and get home late, and then I get home after being up at 5:30 am and am with him all night. It is tough. I knew what the schedules would be but I was always really afraid of how it would actually work - how tired we were going to be, how much "family time" we would get given our opposite schedules, how DS would do with the switch.

But like a PP said, we found a rhythm. Some weeks are tougher than others (like this week... molars are coming in, yay!) and other weeks are easy (really looking forward to Columbus Day holiday in a few weeks).

To answer some of your other questions - yea, I had to learn to work more efficiently and work had to learn that I was leaving at 3pm. This might not be true for everyone, but things shifted for me as far as home/work balance once I had the baby. As in, other than any serious deadlines, I just felt like some people were going to survive if I didn't answer their email until tomorrow, KWIM?

It was seriously painful to leave my baby at all... and he was with my husband. It will be tough. You'll be OK, but it will be hard, so be prepared to cry and ask day care to send you pics.

For feeding, that is another thing that figures itself out. I nursed DS and remember the first week back at work being SO OBSESSED with what he was eating while I was gone (you'll want to pump and have a stash of freezer milk if your BF-ing, that will be a whole other thread in itself!). If you formula feed, send in formula. Once you start solids, you just send those in. But again, you find a rhythm and you figure it out and most daycare providers will be able to help you - this is their job. If the baby is hungry and you need to send more milk, or they prefer a weeks worth of solids in the freezer, they'll let you know.

For me, one of the hardest things about becoming a parent was not knowing what to expect... not being in control... having to be flexible all the time. But you'll figure things out as you go and you'll come up with your own little systems for making things work. It's not always easy but some days you're going to feel so accomplished just because.

mcvgal · September 2015

Trust me, you will make it work. It will be an adjustment, but you will find a way. Just know that there is no one set schedule. I used to feel bad about my boys late bed time. But DH was a chef up until recently and we felt it was better for the boys to have a later bed time and wake up later see they can see dad at least once a day.

Each situation is different and you will find what worked for your family.

nsouplynn · September 2015

Ditto, you guys will find a way to make it work. It will all be come routine, routine, routine. It helps out a lot.

finnybooboo · September 2015

You definitely make it work! I didn't know how it was going to work before I went back to work either because she was NOT on a schedule at all before we went back. Basically, she'd wake up early and I'd nurse her and usually she fell back asleep. I'd put her in the rock n play while I got a shower, then I'd get dressed, nurse her again, get her changed/dressed, then we'd be out the door. I would pump 3 times a day at work and that would give me [usually] enough for her bottles at daycare the next day. Our daycare is open until 6, so I'd pick her up after work, go home and nurse her again before dinner, then right before bed too. It all worked out and we developed a routine.

cortney626 · September 2015

Right now I work 8-4:30. I drop my daughter off at school on my way. Then she's out at 3pm and my ex-MIL watches her after school until I pick her up. We'll probably be putting this baby in daycare or in home care. There's a daycare by us that's open 6:30am-6pm. My husband works 9-6 basically but the school/ daycare are opposite direction of his work so I'll probably take care of pick ups and drop offs.

Sharra13 · September 2015

Tell me about it! We have this AMAZING daycare right down the street from us that I would love to be able to use, but I don't think it is going to work.

I own a photography studio and mostly do weddings and Bar Mitzvahs. My busiest time of the week is Friday-Sunday, plus a few weekday evenings. All the worst times for daycare schedules. My husband is a practitioner and works 10-12 hours shifts at the clinic, usually on weekends--again, not so great for daycare.

Our thoughts now (if things don't change) are that we will have to hire a part-time nanny for Fri-Sun and then maybe rotate the weekdays between our schedules. At least with weekdays I can make my own schedule and work around him if I need to.

yogahh · September 2015

I am having the same concerns. My job is pretty demanding, and I easily can be here until 9pm during busy times (ah, nothing like 12 hour days). DH is a teacher, so at least he will be home in time for pick up from DC. I am more concerned though about not being around as much as I would like between my job demands and the hour commute each way. But, gotta make it work!

Hope OP doesn't mind, but I want to ask you all another question...

Any of you teachers, or is your SO a teacher? Just wondering what you do about DC in the summer since school is out? I hate sending out kid to DC when dad will be home all day, but I also know we can loose our spot.

laurenmdrn16 · September 2015

@yogahh we had this issue this past summer. I ended up getting a job at a camp so it was ok, but yeah, otherwise we would have to send my son all but 2 weeks to keep our spot. There was about a week between the end of camp and the start of school where I did housework, got pregnant, and relaxed while my son was at DC.

babycakes8214 · September 2015

You just figure it out. I used to wonder how the heck I was going to work full time, be a good mom, and be in school part time but somehow I'm managing it. I drop DS off at daycare at 7:45 and go to work for 8, pick him up at 4:15 and we go home and do our usual nightly routine (playing, eating dinner, taking a bath) and then he is in bed at 6:30.

I then clean the house, make dinner for my husband and myself, and then do my homework.

vanessa11411 · September 2015

We commute now since the Bay Area got too expensive for us to live in. We somehow make it all work. I work out of two offices so on days that I go to the office that is closer to me, I try to get some gym time in.

5:20 a.m. Wake up and get dressed

5:40 a.m. Grab DS from bed and drop him off at daycare by 5:45 a.m.

DS sleeps at day care until about 8:00 a.m.

6:00 a.m. Be on the freeway (On Stockton days I go to the gym for half hour from 6 to 630)

7:30 - 8:00 a.m. Get to work

3:30 p.m. Leave work

5:00 p.m. pick up DS from Daycare

Also in between all of this. I call and text DD to make sure she is up and getting ready for school and that she makes it to the school bus on time. Once the new LO arrives and I finish my maternity leave, I plan on returning to work part time so that I don't need to be carrying DS and a baby in a car seat. Hopefully I can go in later so that he is up and can make his way down the stairs himself. DH works in the bay area full time, so he leaves earlier than I do and gets home after I do too.

Bookhousegirl · September 2015

I'm going to echo pp's that you just make it work. I work 8-4 or 6/7 on the days I work (3 days per week). My husband leaves at 7:15 and gets home around 7:30 so I am totally in charge of DS's drop off and pick up. Daycare is open 7:30-6 so I get up at 5:45, get myself ready, get DS up, get him ready (I prepare as much the night before as possible) and get out the door by 7:10. I used to work until 6:30/7:00 seeing clients but I had to change that and now only do 1 late night a week and my mom picks DS up that day.

My husband and I decided that one of our careers would have to take precedent over the other and for now that's his. I can't take on as many clients as I used to and it's a sacrifice but something had to give. I feel like I can't even remember what it was like before, you just get used to having to work around the daycare schedule.

If you can afford a nanny it definitely allows more flexibility and may be worth it if your schedule is tough for daycare. We are leaning towards that when we have 2.

zekesmommy611 · September 2015

Getting into a schedule and routine will definitely save your sanity. DH goes to work by 7:30am and works till 5:30pm. I work from 8am to 4pm. DS goes with MIL Monday and Tuesday and she picks him up in the morning around 7am. DH then picks him up after he gets off work so I can get dinner ready and clean up the house. Wednesday, Thursday and Friday DS goes to daycare. DH drops him off at 7am and I pick him up around 4:15pm. Meal planning and having structure with chores around the house is a definite must on these days!

katykatykaty · September 2015

My husband and I are both attorneys and both worked long hours before we had kids. After kids, I decided to do a different type of work to decrease my hours, so now I'm a law librarian. I work 7:30-4, so I'm home by 4:30 every day and don't have to work at night. My husband works from 9 to 7ish, and we have a nanny that comes from 8-4:30 every day. (I didn't like the idea of day care either, and in our area having a nanny isn't that much more expensive.). It's hard, and I ended up changing jobs, but it works okay for us.

mrsjlopez12 · September 2015

These are all great replies! I work from 8-5:30 and my daycare closes at 6:30. My H works long hours and usually isn't home until 9. You should definetley find a daycare that is open later!

There will be some changes but if you find a routine during maternity leave that will work for you then I would say practice that so when you back to work you can keep it up.

I cried the first few weeks of maternity leave 1. Because I was so exhausted and thought I couldn't handle it. 2. You feel like you are pumping and feeding and changing the baby all the time. 3. I read too many books. I was reading one that had a schedule I tried to follow it and I couldn't make it work for me! I would freak out if they baby was haven't his 3rd feeding by a certain time!

Now 3 1/2 years later. I found a routine that works. Yes some nights I don't sleep that much. Some nights not all the dishes get done and we may not have the most glamorous meal for dinner every night . I may or may not look like a hot mess when my husband gets home. But in the end know YOU can do it and it will all work out! Millions of mothers around the world work full time and we may not all have our shizz together all the time but who really does?? Good Luck!

katie1782 · September 2015

@yogahh My DH is a teacher also, so we are in the same boat. In my area there are some daycare centers that allow for variable schedules so I'm hoping that we can find one that will allow us to keep our baby home during school breaks without losing our spot. I know a few people that have done that and it has worked out fine. Another option we will consider if that won't work is a home care setting. DH's mom used to run a daycare and she would only take teacher's kids so that she could have school breaks off. I think there are several people in our area that do something similar. I'm really hoping we make one of those options work!

seabe · October 2015

I'm a first time mom, so I can't comment on how I make it work yet, but I can give a bit of advice coming from the other perspective.

I'm a senior manager at my studio and have been on the receiving end of many "I need to leave by X to pick up my kid" conversations. I have never once made a big deal about someone needing to adjust their schedule, nor have I heard of anyone else within my org having a problem with it.

I work in the video industry, which can mean LONG HOURS - people have pulled all-nighters before. But we're still always able to make it work.

When having the conversation, being open and honest and having a plan go a long way. Also already being a well-performing employee helps. Managers are much more willing to be lenient with people who are exceeding expectations elsewhere.

The conversation typically goes something like this:

Employee - I have to pick up my kid from daycare on Mondays and Wednesdays, which means I'll need to leave work by X. I'll be able to come in early those days to make up the hours (or will log in from home later or whatever). If anyone needs me urgently while I'm gone, they can call my cell. Is that okay?

Me - Yep, just make sure the people you work with directly are aware of your schedule. As long as your work gets done, I don't have a problem with this schedule.

Some things I really appreciate when approached on the subject:

Have a plan for how you're still going to get your work done
Understand that this may impact those around you (teammates and other people who rely on you being in the office) and have a plan for how to account for that
Be clear about duration/frequency (is it every Monday from here on out, or just next week?)

You might also want to consider either observing others or talking to them about what they do, to get a better sense of how open your particular company will be to more flexible hours.

I'd also like to mention that I work in the video game industry (as previously mentioned), which means that 99% of the people I work with are men. These are all guys that are asking for flexible hours to share the load in taking care of their kids. There is 0 stigma of "don't you have a wife for that" or anything of the like. If your male SO doesn't feel comfortable bringing this up with his employers, it would be good for him to know that this is probably more common than he realizes.

doozer1345 · October 2015

My husband and I are in law enforcement so we have crazed hours. What worked for us in the beginning was having a nanny come in overlapping when DH was sleeping during the day for work. For example, DH would come home around 7-8A and I'd leave for work around 10:30A I would have the nanny come at 1 or 3p so DH could get some sleep and I'd be home by 9. In your situation, I don't think it's bad to have your LO in daycare. You are working parents. Maybe set days you are going to work later and hire a nanny to watch LO for you during those days/hours?

jennrooney28@gmail.com · October 2015

My second is due in May but I'll say with my first it was really hard I never wanted to leave him especially not for so long, you just have to think about how long you've been somewhere and how valuable you are to them. I commute an hour each way so I just went into my boss and said I can't get here until 8:45 and I need to leave at 3:45 and he said fine, get your stuff done and no problem, i didn't really ask as much as say hey this is what I need to do. So I work 7 hour days in office (i also work on the train during my commute) and our son is in daycare from 7am to 5:30pm, its still a long time but he does like it now that he's older. You just have to see how flexible your company is and work from there. Finding a daycare that was open 6am to 6:30pm was huge for us so we knew we had some flexibility if we needed it.

meteora109 · October 2015

Thanks for all of these extremely helpful replies (and for asking the question)! I've never posted on one of these boards, but I stumbled across this one as this topic happens to be the one that currently worries me the most, so I thought I'd finally chime in. Even though I am still not certain exactly what will happen, as I'm a legal consultant and don't really know what job will await me after maternity leave, I'm confident now that I'll figure it out!

austintoastie · October 2015

I feel so lucky reading a lot of these. I work full time from home for a great company that is ok with flex schedules. The head of my department works 9 to noon, 1 to 4, and then pops on at night for a couple of hours after her children are in bed. I plan to have a nanny come during the day and work eight hours straight as often as I can but I know I'm very lucky with my setup-to-be.

2.red.heads · October 2015

It's a constant juggling act. I never feel like I'm doing my best as a mom or at my job. I work from home (wedding flower business) and have a lot of flexibility, however, sometimes I crave a schedule. I think I would feel a lot more at ease to do the same hours M-F but it sure is nice to take the kids to that story time, go to the park on a 75 degree day, stop in at the Elementary school at 2:00 to help volunteer.... But when I'm in my work zone I feel good about what I accomplish and am more excited to see the kids after not seeing them for several hours.
It's tricky!!!

Want a personalized experience?

Working Parents: What's your schedule?

Re: Working Parents: What's your schedule?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards