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June 2015 Moms
virginiaunicorn11
member
assessing the big picture
virginiaunicorn11
member
We have all these threads for different aspects of our lives, but I am wondering what your big picture is like. If you're like me, you might get a little lost in the details sometimes.
1. Are you a FTM or what number baby/ies is this for you?
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Feel free to change or suggest other questions.
1. Are you a FTM or what number baby/ies is this for you?
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Feel free to change or suggest other questions.
Re: assessing the big picture
2. We are people who love adventure and change. I wanted our baby to be able to tag along. Fortunately, LO has been a rock star at this. I was afraid our awesome marriage would suffer. It did at first, but we are back on track.
3. Overall, things are great. LO brings us a ton of joy. I am glad both DH and I took so much time off, and we still get around. However EBF is really limiting my independence, and I'm struggling with whether/when to cut that cord. I miss friends and drinking. I am starting to think LO gets maybe too much attention and is on track for "only child syndrome". I am determined to give him a sibling one day!
4. We do everything on-demand. I used to think parents were the boss and kids had to adjust (!). I am waaaaay less judgmental now about other parents and babies. I don't let my kid cry, and I used to think I would (part of that 'parents are the boss' old mentality).
5. So far, the three of us are happy and chill
---- Third timer.
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
---- That DS2 (2.5yo) would regress or resent the baby. He loves her and is pretty gentle most of the time. I however have to constantly adjust my too-high expectations for him.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
---- Pretty good! Just trying to remember every day that they are all still really little.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
---- We always said either 3 or 4 kids but now we're pretty set on 3. I do wish I could give LO a sister, but I think I'd be a better mom to 3 than 4.
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
---- Trying to raise 3 kids that like each other 20 years from now.
1) FTM to Celia
2) I had (have) pretty extreme anxiety, while pregnant I was convinced I was going to lose the baby.. I still have lots of unwelcome thoughts about her dying, so I spend excessive time watching her breathe and have spent hundreds in unnecessary doctors appointments BUT I am definitely getting better now, I have a great relationship with her ped and I have an excellent family that tell me to calm the F down when that's what I need to hear
3) I think all things considered I am doing well! I love LO beyond belief and I know I am doing the best that I can for her.
4) definitely have been worrying about "only child syndrome" as well and discussing future family planning, I hope to give her a little sibling within 5 years (being a twin I always wanted kids super close together but I have gotten more realistic now).. Feeling the same as @virginiaunicorn11 when it comes to the on demand life.. She has full control of my life, not sure how long it will last
5) just trying to raise a happy well adjusted kiddo!
STM, DS will be 3 in Nov.
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
Oy. That DS would regress. That I wouldn't love a daughter as much as DS. That LO wouldn't like me and would resent me (my relationship with my mom sucks). The timing was wrong. That it would affect my career even more. That I would never have time to myself again. I'm struggling with some identity crisis issues, but otherwise I think DH and I have addressed the other issues.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
Every day is different. I think I am slowly moving past PPD, but some days are still hard. I'm trying to enjoy each phase since we're not having any more kids. But I'm really looking forward to LO being able to eat more and being done with breastfeeding so my poor nipple get a break and I have a little more time during the day.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
I'm much more empathetic to other moms. I pick my battles. I'm trying to let go of the little inconsequential crap.
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
For my kids to become kind, well-adjusted adults.
---- Second kiddo.
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
---- That My daughter would be jealous of the baby. She's in love with him and has shown no jealousy at all.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
---- Pretty good! My son appears to be pretty chill and content. He's a chatty dude with a desire to sit up and move. He may be a talker
4. I worry less with 2. I'm much more laid back this time around. It's nice.
5. Big picture in10 years - taking more time for just me and the hubs. Enjoying the independence of older children.
1. Are you a FTM or what number baby/ies is this for you? FTM to Henry (6/22)
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now? I had several issues while pregnant, hemorrhage, awful morning sickness (Thank God for diclegis), irritable uterus, and a car accident at 9 weeks. I went to the ER several times. I was constantly afraid something was wrong. Then he wound up breech and I had to have a c section. After he was born my milk never came in good and I had severe anxiety about breastfeeding and all the visitors. I decided to stop trying to nurse and went back on anxiety meds which was a great decision for our family. Now thatI've gone back to work I'm having really bad separation anxiety and I don't want to leave my boy.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
I just want LO to be a confident, well rounded person. I hope he's kind and generous, but knows it's ok to take risks. I want him to find things he loves that he's passionate about. I want him to be smart and I hope athletic or musical. Whatever he chooses, I'll always support him.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
Other than the breastfeeding, not really. I've pretty much stuck to my guns on the big things. It was a lot harder to go back to work than I anticipated
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
In love with my family in ways I can't explain
2. My biggest fears were not being able to handle the crying, and breast feeding.
Surprisingly, I don't mind my baby's cry. Maybe we are programmed that way. I'm shockingly less frantic than I thought I would be when she cries. And while breastfeeding was extremely painful and tough at first, now I love it.
3. Overall I'm feeling great! DD is a blast to be around and is very good in social situations.
4. Like everyone else, I am much more understanding of moms in general. Same with crying babies. I used to think " why can't she make that baby stop crying?" Now I totally get it.
5. To raise caring, compassionate children. Our world is seriously lacking compassion.
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now? -My biggest fear was that I wouldn't want to go back to work since financially I needed to go back (thanks law school loans). I am doing great back at work (although though I could use more sleep), so I'm counting this as a win!
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts) - I am loving the phase we are in right now (3 months) and I'm nervous I won't like the future ones as much. But I am looking forward to being done with bf'ing. I literally can't wait.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood? It is not as hard as I was expecting! This has helped a lot in speaking to some of my friends who are currently pregnant. I feel like I can share positive uplifting stories instead of war stories to help them prepare (although I know every baby is different, I feel like it is always better to focus on positive)
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Love God, love people, be brave.
2) My fears were related to my ability to be able to mentally handle an infant and 3 yo toddler. So far everything has been just fine, minus all the colds DS has brought home from preschool.
3) I'm feeling great. No PPD this time, which I'm so grateful for. I'm so stinking in love with LO it makes my heart swell every day. She is such a joy to be around. I had delayed bonding with DS because of PPD so it's refreshing to have this bond so strong with LO.
4) I've had much less anxiety with LO. Probably because I kinda know what to expect and have done this before. We even went camping twice so I know I'm way more chill this time around.
5) Move closer to my family (they're 4 hours away) and open my own bakery.
-I'm a FTM o'er here
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
-My friend who has a 2 year old kept telling me how hard being a mom was - no showers, no sleep, basically being housebound. I'm the type of person who needs to be out and about to feel like a human so I was anxious about being solitary and at home. Turns out these were needless worries, LO likes being out as much as I do!
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
-I miss my family, I live in Edmonton while my family is in Vancouver. Before LO I loved this, now it makes me sad because growing up my cousin was my first friend and my grandma provided childcare. Other than that I love being a mom.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
- I really disliked being pregnant so I thought we would only have one...but as LO grows the number of babies I want seems to climb and climb lol. Now to get DH on board
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
- tight knit family sharing adventures big and small.
2. My major fear was that motherhood wouldn't come naturally to me. I had a really hard time at the beginning with a colicky baby, and even now, I have moments where I completely melt down and think that I'm a terrible mom. But then Landon smiles at me, or "kisses" me (ok..drools on me), and it melts my heart and makes me realize that I am being the best mommy that I can be.
3. I'm feeling better every day. I did have some PPD at the beginning, but have gotten help and support from family and friends. As LO gets older, I just want him to be happy. He can do sports, musicals, academic decathalons, or whatever his little heart desires. I will support him in anything that makes him happy.
4. I'm very type A, and have a need to plan everything out to the minute. I thought it would be easy to put LO on a 4 hour schedule (eat play sleep). Boy, was I wrong! I've loosened up a whole lot, and have become a lot more "go with the flow". When he's hungry, I feed him. When he gets tired, he naps. It was a major lifestyle change for me, but it is working out much better for him.
5. I just want to raise happy children who grow up to be motivated, creative, and loving.
2. My major concerns during pregnancy were about DD and how she would react to having a little brother. She had all the attention on her and only her for 3 years that I was worried about how she would react and if she would regress and/or resent her brother. I also wondered how I would be able to possibly love another child as much as I loved my first (silly worry I know! But pregnancy hormones make everything worse as you all know) I also worried about baby's health after I found out that I had sjogren's which can affect baby's heart development but everything was fine
3. Overall I'm feeling great! LO is a constant source of joy for everyone in the family, especially my uncle who lost his mom, wife, and dad all within a year and a half (my grandparents and my aunt) and he really loves holding LO when he visits us. I love being a mom to this little man and being a mom to two kids
4. I don't really have any major changes in my parenthood thinking. I knew what I was getting into baby wise but I knew that I had no clue what having 2 would be like so I left myself open. I still would like to have 1 or 2 more, especially seeing how great LO and DD are already getting along
5. Raising happy and healthy children in a tight knit family
- FTM
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
- My biggest concern was the overall change in lifestyle for DH and I. We get out a lot and like to travel, so part of me was worried we'd never get back to that. I know that we will someday. Another concern was that I never wanted to boss DH around with regards to LO. I have seen many of my friends do this and it's awful. I encourage and guide where needed, but I don't tell him how to handle her. They have their own relationship and he is such a great daddy to her. I don't need to tell him how to do things just because I may have a slightly different method. I think this take on it has helped build our bond as parents.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
- I feel overwhelmed with love for this sweet baby! She has the sweetest, most laid back temperament and just seems a perfect fit for us. Yes, some days are challenging but I can't wait to see what she brings to us in the future and I am always thinking of things I can't wait to experience with her.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
- Not really. I am a big believer in not setting a concrete vision for such large categories as 'parenting.' I am pretty easy going and fluid in dealing with relationships and problem solving...and parenting is sort of both of those things. I don't like painting myself into a corner with how I think something will be.
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
- Best decision; I can't wait to show her the world!
2. Major concerns during pregnancy?
Umm everything that was found in 3rd trimester ( fluid levels on the brain, short long bones, and some elevated amniotic fluid levels a few times). Before then everything was by the books. We were told trisomy 13, 18, 21 and even dwarfism. But I refused testing and I still wonder if it was best not to know. But can't change that now. I still have to be grateful that she wasn't really a premie cause most babies with d.s. are.
3. Underlying fears/ concerns for l.o.?
I feel like everything, like will she be accepted and have lots of friends, will she ever get married or able to have babies.
Our current concern is her health. Like if she has to have heart surgery. The last appointment the doc was pushing for it because of her weight gain, she is a little on the small side. Or the congestion will turn into croup or pneumonia. And even the elevated risk for cancer.
4. I was a planner before dd, heck we even tried to plan her birth to be when school let out. She came 8 days early but honestly nothing could have prepared me for the " extra" little surprise. So she has made me more laid back in some aspects. And in other aspects I would never have asked for help on raising my child but over the past month we have welcomed 3 new people into our lives to help as much as possible. And I know I couldn't have done it alone, she is progressing so much.
5. Probably an awful philosophy: one step at a time and just survive.
Your concerns are valid and natural, but here's my prediction: Your daughter is going to have lots of friends, be a happy person, and spread a lot of joy. Based on the stories I hear about her and your attitude and sense of humor, she's going to grow up loved, loving, and have a good sense of humor.
If she needs heart surgery, I have no doubt that your strength will find her the best team and get her through it with flying colors. You got this, mama. One day at a time, indeed. (I tell myself that, too, so if it's folly, I'm right there with you.)
2. (Sorry for the novel) Previous to LO I miscarried early September, October I started having morning sickness and wasn't sure if it was pregnancy or left over hormones from the miscarriage. I thought it was the latter considering DH and I hadn't done the deed since the night before the miscarriage and we were both feeling emotionally drained and weren't ready. I took 6 hcg tests over the course of 2 weeks reading a little more positive than the last! At that point we were convinced that maybe I hadn't lost the baby and the doctors at the hospital were wrong. A series of unfortunate events, fur baby dislocating hip, her needing surgery, grandfather becomig very ill again passing away early December, making a trip home to attend the funeral and thow holidays inbetween. These events didnt permit adequate time to find a doctor (new town) to start prenatal care. I officially saw a doctor on January 2 and they confirmed the pregnancy and told me I was only between 11-12 weeks but I knew that they were wrong, not to mention getting a chewing out by a bitch of a nurse about not seeing a doctor sooner. Mind you as soon as I thought there was a possibility of still being pregnant I treated my body as so. Have to wait another two weeks for referral to OB to find out more. Fast forward to first OB appointment they immediately do an ultrasound to see what's going on, just as I thought 18 weeks pregnant at that point. Confirm pregnancy was new, I had miscarried earlier. Go through basic questions, rudest midwife ever, didn't believe anything that had gone on or that DH and I hadn't been sexually active. She said it's impossible. Lady why would I lie to my dr. who truly needs to know what's going on in all honesty. After that incident my pregnancy was rather uncomplicated till week 36 asked if midwife could check to see if baby was down because I had a gut feeling he wasnt. She does a pelvic exam and says oh yeah head down. Fast forward to next appointment ask again because once again just didn't feel right, do ultrasound confirm baby is breech. Dr. wants to perform external version, gut feeling says no. Sleep on it, gut still says no, cancel appointment. Ended up having a scheduled C. Baby Raylen arrived here healthy and beautiful, we are so blessed!
3. Feeling great, LO is a blessing and bring so much adventure to our lives.
4. No major changes, I tend to mentally prepare for the worst and go with the flow.
5. Follow your gut!
2. I was afraid I would be too exhausted to function at work. I was also afraid something would be massively wrong with him when he was born that we didn't see. And finally, I was super apprehensive about contractions-I had no idea what they felt like and I was nervous I wouldn't be able to handle it! Turns out I was right to be apprehensive-they were easily the worst part of labor! Work is hard this year-but not because of LO, its just a different atmosphere and expectations, and LO is super healthy so so far those fears have been put to rest!
3. I feel pretty good! I get frustrated that my body isn't the same as it was, and that when I run it feels like someone kicked me right in the lady parts, but other than that I don't have a complaint!
4. I have the TV on while he watches. I really, for some reason, wanted to be one of those parents that is all like, "NO TV!" but don't know how I expected that to happen-DH and I both really enjoy television it would be hard to limit. Obviously right now its less of an issue because he's an infant, but for a minute I was annoyed that I gave into it so quickly. Also like, everything I thought would make life cheaper hasn't worked out-breastfeeding, cloth diapers (rashes!) and the whole making your own baby food thing-by the time he's eating solids it will be winter. I can only make like, 3 types of baby food with winter veggies (if anyone does this and has good recipes, I would love them, btw.).
5.TO raise a curious and imaginative child!
2) I have struggled with anxiety attacks, mostly during major life chsnges, so I was very scared of anxiety after I had him, as well as PPD. Neither have been an issue, thank God! I was also scared of something being wrong or going wrong during delivery.
3) I'm loving being a mom to this precious boy! He's brought so much joy to us. I do get frustrated with how my body has changed sometimes, but am amazed it grew this baby all at the same time. I also miss being pregnant sometime (NEVER thought I'd type that)!
4) I had no major plans. I read nothing, other than what to expect when expecting, and we use what to expect the first year as a reference. I'm pretty go with the flow which is working for us. I'm shocked I'm still breastfeeding honestly. I didn't expect to make it this far, just because most of my friends didn't. I also didn't expect to take LO out as much as I do (or did before I broke my foot). I thought I'd be WAY more anxious about that.
5) I want to raise a self confident, happy child who isn't afraid to try new things. I also want to give him a sibling sooner than later, although DH isn't on board with this.
2. Was worried about leaving him with my husband while I worked and my husband bonding with him, since I was the main one who wanted a baby but the financial situation forces me to work or be in school. DH has bonded with LO and loves him beyond my expectations. Daddy babysitting days have gone ok with no major mishaps, but DH says LO cries a lot when I'm not there. He started daycare this week and seems to be doing great there. Was worried whether I'd be able to breastfeed with inverted nipples--I can and am still maintaining a good supply despite school and work. Still EBF and baby is growing and thriving!
3. Feeling good- mostly recovered physically, love my new university and PhD program, love spending time with LO.
4. Haven't had as much time/energy as I'd hoped to read to LO and provide constant language enrichment--I do talk to him but there are periods of quiet, too. I have more of a sense that parenting isn't just about teaching language--I'm interested in the motor milestones and emotional development too.
5. TL;DR - Back to school, daycare great, loving LO
FTM
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
I was worried about staying home, my marriage failing, and generally being a mom. Part of me thought I'd mess everything up.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
I think we're okay. Marriage is still strong as ever. We have rough spots, but he's an amazing husband and father. LO seems super happy, so I can't be doing too awful.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
I didn't have any idea that it would be like this. I kind of assumed not much would change and I feel like a different person
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Family first, laundry never
FTM
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
My two biggest concerns that I even avoided reading stuff on for fear of setting to high of expectations was, one labor scared the crap out of me and two breastfeeding. Labor I ended with an emergency c section so which was ok although does make me feel like my fear was justified. Breastfeeding is way good so good that I feel bad that I wanna quit at nine months.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
Overall my baby is perfect and being a sahm is the best job ever. I am so blessed!!!
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
no major changes although I do take his temp way more than I would have ever thought
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Raise a kind and productive tight knit family, who love God.
1. Are you a FTM or what number baby/ies is this for you?
ftm to vivan
2. What were your major fears, hopes, concerns while pregnant? How is it going in that department now?
Just that something would happen to her, that I would suck as a mom, that we would have a terrible relationship like my mom and I did, that I would resent my husband...hopes that she would be a healthy happy kiddo, who could be my little sidekick. I still have severe issues with something happening to her, I think I still struggle with being a mom but that I'm not super terrible at it. I think I have some strong skills and priorities to make sure we have a better relationship then me and my mom had.
3. Overall, how are you feeling? Any overarching themes on your mind for your LO(s)? (Beyond the short phases and spurts)
Very Anxious, some pretty severe ppd, I'm on medication, which is good. I think my marriage is suffering a little bit, but dh and I have been together for so long, that while it might suffer it will hopefully endure. I still worry that something will happen to my lo all the time, but am hoping with the increase dose in meds that it will help. I'm very greatful for this space to discuss these lingering feelings. It's very hard for me to open up to dh and others that I know in person.
4. Any major changes in your thinking/planning, for parenthood?
Mostly I want to be there for my daughter. I want to make sure I stop what I'm doing and listen to her, listen to her thoughts give her my undivided attention. I also want to be way better about the tv, I'm totally guilty of watching tv while playing with lo. I would like to make reading and the park more of a regular thing. We read to her pretty much every night but I would like to do it more through the day.
5. TL;DR - Describe your big picture in 10 words or less
Have a life lasting healthy relationship and raise a responsible, caring, happy person. (13 words oh well..)
Basically a summary.
2. I had so many fears. Still do. While pregnant I was so convinced that something would be seriously wrong with LO. Or that he would die before or during delivery. I think a lot of women actually feel the opposite, that their babies are safe inside of them and that they can't protect them the same way once they are born. I don't think I trust my body anymore. I am still amazed that he is as healthy as he is. I was also scared of delivery. Not the pain, but of not having control in that most vulnerable situation. I did not want a C-Section unless 100% necessary and I was really scared that is how things would end up even if not necessary. I got really lucky and had the best, most empowering birth experience. I am really grateful for that. I was really concerned that I would not be able to breastfeed because of medications I take. I'm so thrilled that I have been able to do what I need to do medically and have seen zero effect in LO. SO HAPPY! ... So it looks like I have a lot of anxiety that is pointless seeing as how everything worked out great!