WWYD?

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

So a good friend of mine ( we were room mates all throughout college) is getting married in July of 2016, and she specifically told me she doesn't want any children at her wedding. Do you think I should just rsvp that I can't go, or should I ask her if I can bring the baby? It's just that with my first born I didn't ever use bottles and I plan to do the same thing with this one. Also, she lives pretty far away so I would have to spend the night, so I couldn't leave the baby with someone for a couple hours.

I just don't want to be rude. I want to go to her wedding but I don't want to inconvenience her either. I know this is really far in advance, but when she gave me the save the date she jokingly told me, "So make sure not to have any more babies until after my wedding!"

I'd love your opinion!

candicek15 · October 2015

I've been to weddings where a "babysitter" (grandma) came too and hung out with the baby in town or at the hotel. She would just bring the baby by when mom needed to feed it. Maybe you could arrange something like that?

cattuccino · October 2015

^ that, or rsvp no.
You want to enjoy the wedding too and if you're too busy with baby or preoccupied then you're not enjoying the wedding yourself.
It's also the brides day, and if you show up with a baby she might get hassle from others or other newborn moms to be...

Ultimately you know your friend best so you have a better idea how she may respond....or if rsvps aren't due to awhile see if she says something on her own accord when you announce...

CupcakesRamazing · October 2015

I would either bring a sitter to stay at the hotel with you or kindly bow out. If you decide to bring the baby when the invite specially states no children, that would be rude and completely disrespectful of her wishes.

If you ask her if you can just bring the baby, you put her in an awkward position. Either she tells you no and feels like a bitch. Or she concedes and feels defeated and knows her guests will question why you got to bring your child and they didn't.

jerseybroadwaybaby · October 2015

Maybe just ask her? Something like "I know you said no kids but it's not like the baby will be running around".
I also like the babysitter option!

NicknShan · October 2015

I would just talk it out with her. If a sitter is an option, I would do that.

When my son was about 6 months, we brought my MIL with to the wedding. Our DS was able to attend the ceremony, then my MIL took him back to the hotel from there.

Also, not sure your reasoning for no bottles, but I would pump and let the sitter feed the new babe.

Good luck figuring it out!

mrstmoose · October 2015

Maybe I'm just hormonal and cranky but if I had to choose between going to my friends' wedding or taking care of my (by then) one month old, I would choose my one month old. At that point, especially if you are EBF, you really can't be away from your LO for very long. If she really doesn't want kids at the wedding (which is a whole other issue in my world), then that's on her to expect that some people won't be able to make it.

On a personal note, my BIL (DH twin brother) is getting married 14 days after our due date (they don't know we are pregnant yet). Yes, it will cut into the bachelorette and bachelor parties (do you think I'll want DH gone for a weekend when I'm over 8 months pregnant?!?!) and not staying as late on the wedding day, but they will understand that we will have bigger fish to fry at that point.

aamm04 · October 2015

My baby will be about 6 weeks old for my best friends wedding. I backed out of the wedding party because I felt I couldn't give her the attention she needed/deserved. She was adamant about no children, but made an exception for us when I talked to her.

redheadbride15 · October 2015

Personally, I wouldn't worry about this for a long time... probably not even until whenever the RSVP deadline would be (which will probably be May at the earliest). Did she ask you to be in the wedding party? If so then it makes sense to disclose your pregnancy to her and discuss the timing issues. But otherwise I'd just wait it out...

NicknShan · October 2015

aamm04 said:

My baby will be about 6 weeks old for my best friends wedding. I backed out of the wedding party because I felt I couldn't give her the attention she needed/deserved. She was adamant about no children, but made an exception for us when I talked to her.

I will be a Bridesmaid in my SILs wedding on July 16. She doesn't know I am pregnant yet, but I actually think she assumes I will be pregnant at her wedding. I think she will be surprised to hear that we will already have a newborn. My DS is already the ring bearer, so I just am assuming kids are OK to attend.

This being said, I am still going to allow her to pull me from the Bridal Party if she wants. I think I was a pity invite anyway.

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

NicknShan said:

I would just talk it out with her. If a sitter is an option, I would do that. When my son was about 6 months, we brought my MIL with to the wedding. Our DS was able to attend the ceremony, then my MIL took him back to the hotel from there. Also, not sure your reasoning for no bottles, but I would pump and let the sitter feed the new babe. Good luck figuring it out!

When I decided to EBF my son I had a very difficult time of it. So when he FINALLY got the hang of latching I didn't want to revert back to nipple confusion. After that he just rejected bottles completely. Also, I hate pumping, I thought it HURT so much

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

mrstmoose said:

Maybe I'm just hormonal and cranky but if I had to choose between going to my friends' wedding or taking care of my (by then) one month old, I would choose my one month old. At that point, especially if you are EBF, you really can't be away from your LO for very long. If she really doesn't want kids at the wedding (which is a whole other issue in my world), then that's on her to expect that some people won't be able to make it.

On a personal note, my BIL (DH twin brother) is getting married 14 days after our due date (they don't know we are pregnant yet). Yes, it will cut into the bachelorette and bachelor parties (do you think I'll want DH gone for a weekend when I'm over 8 months pregnant?!?!) and not staying as late on the wedding day, but they will understand that we will have bigger fish to fry at that point.

You're absolutely right on all accounts. Thanks, this makes me feel a lot less guilty.

adiaz132003 · October 2015

My DH has two guy cousins that were really close, they are brothers. Well one cousins wife had their son in June and the brother was due to get married in August. The wife stayed home with the baby because she wasn't pumping yet and dad left the wedding super early even though it was his brothers wedding so he could get home to help his wife. No one took any offense to it at all. They should understand that you can not control babies and when they arrive and when they need something. I wouldn't feel bad about not going especially if it's long distance. I also have a dear cousin who is getting married in July for a destination wedding and reeeeeeally wants me to be there (she has no idea I'm pregnant) but with a 1 month old that's not gonna gonna happen.

Edit: spelling

mkemommy · October 2015

Even if I had a kid-free wedding (which I didn't for the record because of, among other things, the inconvenience it would cause my guests) I would of course allow moms with newborns. If she is truly a friend, she'll understand that a little one who cannot eat without you is more important than her vision of a day. Just my humble opinion. I'm sure if you reassure her that you want to be there for her but obviously your child's health is important and you will be EBF, she will understand. If not, I'd tell her I'm sorry she feels that way and you will miss the wedding but look forward to seeing the pictures.

hopefor28085 · October 2015

I like the sitter idea, or maybe tell her no because you will have a 1 month old and the rsvp said no kids.

WinniethePoohsPants · October 2015

Ya'll are awesome.

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