Pregnant Bridesmaid

katmb23 · October 2015

I am a bridesmaid in a wedding in the end of October and will be 12 weeks prego 10 days before the wedding. I wanted to announce my pregnancy at 12 weeks but wasn't sure if that was blowing up the brides spotlight so close to the wedding? What would you all do? I also didn't want people just to think I look fat in my dress bc I have gained some weight and might have a little bump by then however some people have told me to wait until after the wedding to tell people so I don't pull attention away from the bride.

MoMoWife · October 2015

I would share the wonderful news! Your bundle of joy will not steal the thunder of a bride. Both are joyous occasions! My sisters wedding is 11/14. I'm a matron of honor. I have yet to share the news of our baby; waiting to tell next week when we find out the sex. I'll be 5 months at the wedding. I'm showing already, so hoping the gender results hurry up.

spatter1 · October 2015

I would tell too! It may be stressful for you to try to keep the secret during the wedding. I would recommend telling the bride first and privately instead of a big announcement to the whole bridal party or something so that its a little more low key. With the wedding so close I'm sure she's getting pretty stressed as it is and is probably a little more sensitive than usual (we can all probably relate!). But, I think as long as you let her know but assure her this is still her special moment she'll be very happy for you!!!

pinottoparenthood · October 2015

Yeah I would say tell the bride/people that you are close friends with in advance of the wedding but don't make a big scene about it. Not everyone needs to know because it's not your friends/family. And definitely tell them before the wedding festivities begin so you're not breaking your news at her rehearsal or something!

jasmineahenderson · October 2015

I'm going to say it depends on the bride. Some women will not care and go ahead and share your news, but you know your friend. If she is the type of person that will get upset and feel your stealing the spotlight maybe hold off.

cmjenkies · October 2015

I was just in a wedding this weekend at 10w. I told the bride a couple of weeks in advance as a heads up and to discuss what the plan of attack was going to be as far as my not drinking, etc. I was worried about stealing her thunder if the other bridesmaids found out and it was quite the opposite - she was so excited. I ended up having to tell them all while we wree getting ready. I would give her the benefit of the doubt and just talk to her before. Also, I had people already gossiping about me not drinking at that wedding (I was not a heavy drinker before so I found that kind of rude), so if you're not planning on telling - you may be 'had' anyways. Have fun and congrats to your friend!

klingonboxer · October 2015

Yeah, I agree with a couple of the pps - I'd share a little earlier with the bride, just so she has the info before it's really panic time.

(I'm a groomsperson in a wedding in early May, and I'm not looking forward to telling my friend I'm going to have a very small child at that point... plus finding a suit is going to be interesting because who the heck knows what my body will be like at that point!)

loveymay · October 2015

I would go ahead with your plans and announce. It won't be stealing her thunder, especially on her wedding day. All the focus will be on her! I'm assuming since she's your friend and not family, that your relatives won't make up a huge chunk of the wedding guests. So its possible that most of the guests won't even know! I think its very considerate to think of her feelings about this, so I agree with others that you could tell her in person. Also, if you find that the day of the wedding while getting ready that everyone is gushing over you being pregnant, you can always politely steer the conversation back to the bride!

Julesby · October 2015

I thought I'd provide insight from the bride's POV. My sister (MOH) and another bridesmaid learned they were pregnant not long before our wedding last fall. Both told me ahead of time, which was awesome. We worked through any potential dress issues and it helped us plan for bridal party gifts and day-of mimosas.

A close friend/reader was also expecting, but we didn't find out until we saw her at the rehearsal. She and her husband don't make FB announcements and generally let people find out they are expecting when they see them. I completely respect their choice. It was a bit of a surprise to find out at the rehearsal, but a welcome one.

Bottom line: I was glad that the bridesmaids had told me in advance, since there were more logistics involved with them.

Sarcasm101 · October 2015

As long as you don't announce it at the wedding, I think you are fine.

mrstrax · October 2015

I say announce when you want to, talk to the bride individually and be prepared to throw all the attention back on her for the day/weekend if that what your fellow bridesmaids want to talk about.

sarahufl · October 2015

I am the rare one who has no desire to announce. To anyone, really. So the idea of a timed, coordinated announcement is just not my style.

Tell your friend you are pregnant. I doubt she will see it as you stealing her spotlight.

katmb23 · October 2015

Thanks for all of the great advice! I think I will tell the bride right at 12 weeks which will be almost 2 weeks before the wedding so she will have plenty of time to absorb the info!

Ready4theParty · October 2015

pinottoparenthood said:
Yeah I would say tell the bride/people that you are close friends with in advance of the wedding but don't make a big scene about it. Not everyone needs to know because it's not your friends/family. And definitely tell them before the wedding festivities begin so you're not breaking your news at her rehearsal or something!

This. I got married when my cousin announced RIGHT BEFORE THE CEREMONY that she was pregnant. It did take the attention away from me and my big day, and to be honest about it I am still a little jaded about. She struggled to get pregnant and this was the first great grand and obviously grandkids for that side of the family. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't understand why they were all crying because we aren't close. A different cousin told me it was because she literally announced right as the processional music started.

kimey1 · October 2015

Ready4theParty said:

pinottoparenthood said:
Yeah I would say tell the bride/people that you are close friends with in advance of the wedding but don't make a big scene about it. Not everyone needs to know because it's not your friends/family. And definitely tell them before the wedding festivities begin so you're not breaking your news at her rehearsal or something!
This. I got married when my cousin announced RIGHT BEFORE THE CEREMONY that she was pregnant. It did take the attention away from me and my big day, and to be honest about it I am still a little jaded about. She struggled to get pregnant and this was the first great grand and obviously grandkids for that side of the family. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't understand why they were all crying because we aren't close. A different cousin told me it was because she literally announced right as the processional music started.

WTF. Now THAT is beyond selfish and unthoughtful.

rschenck14 · October 2015

So I have a similar situation. My brother and his fiancé are getting married on 10/17/15. I am already 12 weeks, but we are going to wait until after the wedding to announce or rather let people know. My parents know and my best friend and my husbands aunt and uncle. Outside of that we just have not let anyone know. I preferred to wait because I am worried that it might take attention off them and would rather not. I think it's personal preference and I agree with others and maybe talk to the bride before you announce to everyone else. That way it's considerate of her feelings and her big day. Good luck!

Ready4theParty · October 2015

kimey1 said:

Ready4theParty said:

pinottoparenthood said:
Yeah I would say tell the bride/people that you are close friends with in advance of the wedding but don't make a big scene about it. Not everyone needs to know because it's not your friends/family. And definitely tell them before the wedding festivities begin so you're not breaking your news at her rehearsal or something!
This. I got married when my cousin announced RIGHT BEFORE THE CEREMONY that she was pregnant. It did take the attention away from me and my big day, and to be honest about it I am still a little jaded about. She struggled to get pregnant and this was the first great grand and obviously grandkids for that side of the family. As I walked down the aisle I couldn't understand why they were all crying because we aren't close. A different cousin told me it was because she literally announced right as the processional music started.

WTF. Now THAT is beyond selfish and unthoughtful.

Yeah...I confronted her about it a short while later and she was appalled I would say anything because they tried for so long to get pregnant. She was all of six weeks when she announced, so it wasn't like she was close to the 2nd trimester.

kimey1 · October 2015

Yeah...I confronted her about it a short while later and she was appalled I would say anything because they tried for so long to get pregnant. She was all of six weeks when she announced, so it wasn't like she was close to the 2nd trimester.

@Ready4theParty I can understand the joy from TTC for a long time. It must be somewhat similar, though not the same, as TTC after a loss.

That still doesn't justify the moment that shared the news. She coulda at least told ppl at the rehearsal dinner, or after the ceremony at the reception. Right before you walk down the aile, seriously? Interfering with your life-long memory like that is clearly crossing the line.

seasidesweete · October 2015

I think you are better off announcing on your 12 weeks as planned. That's 10 days before the wedding and enough time between. It won't steal any thunder on her day. Good luck!

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