Choosing legal guardian

Re: Choosing legal guardian

• shantyrae member

  September 2015

  Lurking from the Oct 15 group, hello!
  
  I've gone through this whole thought process too. Finally I reached the conclusion to list whoever I felt comfortable with and no one needs to know about it (so long as anyone listed has been informed) Most guardian paperwork has an option for a secondary choice, so you could list your SIL as the secondary option if it made you feel better.

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• ArtlessIbex member

  September 2015

  **lurker from TTGP**
  
  Do your paperwork the way you want. It's nobody else's business who you choose, as long as the people you choose kbow about it.
  I am trying to fathom the conversation that would lead to questions from your SIL about this, and I can't imagine it. Feel free to tell her it's not her business/you'd rather talk about something else/you're not dead, so it doesn't matter.
  You have to make the best choices for your family. You're not required to tell anyone about those choices or justify them to anyone.

  

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• helsbels222 member

  September 2015

  When it comes to your children, why are you worried about hurting someone's feelings. You chose the people you feel are perfect for the job. End of discussion. Have your SIL and BIL asked you? If not then don't say anything at all. If they did, just tell them it's not them.

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• cMichelle0423 member

  September 2015

  helsbels222 said:

  When it comes to your children, why are you worried about hurting someone's feelings. You chose the people you feel are perfect for the job. End of discussion. Have your SIL and BIL asked you? If not then don't say anything at all. If they did, just tell them it's not them.

  This. Other people's feelings don't matter when it comes to doing what you think is best for you're child(ren). This isn't generally a common topic for people to just have. So I wouldn't say anything else they bring it up.

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• redfallon member

  September 2015

  We did not choose either of our siblings. We chose who we felt would be the best people to take care of DD (and LO #2) based on how close they live to us and that their parenting styles are closest to ours. It is still a close family member, but not either of our siblings.
  
  As PPs stated above, it's not about hurting people's feelings, and there is no need for you to bring up the topic with your SIL if she is not who you and your SO chose. You only need to speak with the people that you would like to choose to make sure that they are ok with it.
  

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• Hector33 member

  September 2015

  Agreed with PP. My husband and I are legal guardians for my husbands brother and his wife's son but we don't feel comfortable with making them legal guardians for our daughter. This is not a matter of "I gave you my child so you give me yours" Its a life at stake here.

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• ChiccoBeanz member

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  Lampeark13 said:

  So I'm having trouble and don't know how to tell my sister in law that I want someone else to be my son's legal guardian if anything should happen to us. I think my brother and his fiancé would be perfect but I think my sister in law and brother in law automatically assume we're gonna choose them because my husband and I are their daughters legal guardian. I'm too nice and I'm scared to hurt their feelings. Any advice?

  
  

  
  

  
  

  I think, and this is me personally, that when people assume such things it is foolish on their part. Just because they feel that you and your husband are the right fit to raise their child in the event that (God forbid) anything happens to them, it does not mean you reciprocate that sentiment. That's okay. If YOU and YOUR husband decide that your brother and his fiance are the right choice, that's your decision. I only suggest that you let them know, if you are telling people, before they hear it through the grapevine. That's usually where the issues ensue. 

  
  

     Will the guardians also be the Godparents? If so, a way to let them and the family know about this, is to ask your brother and his lady, and then announce it to the family as a group. There'd be no time for the info to travel down the grapevine, and it should take out the awkwardness of having a painful convo about it. Plus the family should be too busy being happy. If you are really worried about their feelings, talk to them about your not choosing them and just let them know that it isn't personal and that you feel the people you have chosen would be a better fit for your child. I hope this works out for you. I have a similar situation on my horizon.

  
  

  ETA: To add a few words and to fix the structure. But I agree with PPs, unless they'd also be the Godparents and that info is openly known, then maybe my second paragraph will help. Otherwise ignore me.

  

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• Pepper6 member

  October 2015

  Honestly, you don't need to tell them that you didn't name them . First of all, you'd obviously hope you never need it, so they never need to know. Second of all, if you do, you'd be dead, so who cares if they're upset by it. You could is the most important thing in this situation, so as long as you are confident you are making the right decision, no one else's feelings matter (unless the people you choose don't want to do it).

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