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To try again or not

Serenalynn023Serenalynn023 member
edited September 2015 in TTC After a Loss
We got pregnant by accident. I was on bc but we were still blessed with a pregnancy. We are a blended family. We both have kids from previous marriages, I have 3 boys and he has a boy and a girl. We had already decided we weren't going to have kids of our own. But when we found out I was pregnant, we were happy and spent weeks pouring over names. We discovered the pregnancy right away since my cycle was like clockwork, actually we suspected a week before my period was due and had a positive test days before I was ever late. At 9 weeks I started bleeding, I left work immediately and went to the ER. After hours spent in the Er and several tests followed by a sono, we discovered I had lost the baby. My dr wanted me to pass it on my own, a few days later I thought I had passed everything, in a gas station restroom, it looked like I had murdered someone in front of the toilet, it was horrible. I bleed for a few days more then it tapered to spotting and eventually stopped. At the 2nd week mark from discovering the loss, I started hemorrhaging, turns out I hadn't passed everything. I lost a lot of blood and almost needed a transfusion, I ended up needing a D&C. Today I started my first AF since the loss, 4 weeks after the D&C, 6 after the loss. Today I told him since I have my period again, I could start bc again, and asked if he wanted me to or we wanted to try again. We had a long talk about it. I want baby, I want his baby. I know it won't replace the one we lost but he's amazing father and we never got the baby stage together and I would love to share that with him. He's not against it, he scared of having another mc or of loosing me. He's worried for my mental health if we were to have another mc, I haven't taken this very well at all. How do I explain to him that it is sooo hard because I'm not just mourning the loss of our child but of the loss of the future we almost had? That while another baby wouldn't replace the one we lost but it would still give us the future I dreamt about while I was pregnant. That I cry so hard not only for the child we will never meet but also for watching the man I love kiss our baby goodnight or bounce him/her on his knee etc. I know it won't be the same baby and that we will always have a baby in heaven but we could have that future with another baby..... Is this way of thinking wrong? Do I even make sense at this point? I don't know...
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Re: To try again or not

  • obimomaobimoma member
    I understand. I have 4 kids from a previous marriage but he has none. I lost our baby in June. The thing was I didn't even want a baby until I was pregnant, and when I lost it I felt guilty for having felt that way. Now I want a baby more than anything. It's like it woke up that maternal instinct or something. My Hubby is the same, scared and worried. We're trying again. Hopefully this is the month we get bfp!
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  • Serenalynn023Serenalynn023 member
    I know, I completely happy with the kids we had and never having to go through the baby stage again.... And then I was pregnant and I wanted that baby so bad. and having another baby is all I think about. I want to go through this stage of life with him and share this with him. I hope I get to...
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  • wowcynwowcyn member
    I can relate. Just MC at 6 weeks. He has 2 kids from prior relationship. I don't have any. We weren't trying but it happened and we were both happy. Now he is uncertain about actively getting pregnant again. He says he will never deny what I want but I don't want to force him. Only 3 days post MC and still so sad. Totally maternal now and want one. Ugh. This will be tough choices. Trying to be patient. Sending good vibes your way.
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  • peregrinefalconxperegrinefalconx member
    Everything you are feeling is completely normal. As for mental health, about 4-6 weeks after my MCs was when my hormones went insane. So try and keep that in your rational mind, just knowing that you are still out of whack for multiple reasons. As for trying again, if you both aren't completely on board at this time, there's no harm in waiting. Give yourself time to grieve. And then recollect yourself. You may feel the same as you do now, but at least it may ease your husband's mind in terms of taking care of you AND healing physically!
    *****Losses Mentioned*****BFP MENTIONED*****ALL WELCOME******ALL ABOARD!!

    Me: 42, DH: 46, Married: 11/12
    Losses: MMC#1 11/12 BO, MC#2 11/13 at 8w BO?, MMC#3 8/14 chromo healthy M @12 weeks, stopped growing at 10.
    Negligible AMH, FSH finally went high. Pursued DE.

    DD born at 38w2d on 5-27-16. Finally!!

    Pregnant again with OE. EDD 11/9/17 Girl!




    BabyGaga
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