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September 2015 Moms
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Does anyone else feel unattached?

AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
in September 2015 Moms
Does anyone else feel like they aren't very attached to their baby? LO is 3 weeks and I still don't feel this big heart full of love. Of course I care for her and it hurts me to think about something bad happening to her, but when I look at her I feel like she's not mine. My heart doesn't swell will love and adoration... It feels wrong not to feel that way. Maybe it's because MIL has been here for 2 weeks and pretty much took over. At first it was okay since it gave me a break but she tells me I do everything wrong, she doesn't speak English but I get what she's saying. So now I'm just like I give up, she's not mine, you can raise her then. Ugh. Maybe when she goes home I'll feel different. I'm sure hoping so.
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Re: Does anyone else feel unattached?

  • chelseajeanenechelseajeanene member
    I'm so sorry you feel this way. I have PPD and I started to feel this way too so I think if you mentioned this to your doctor it would be a good idea and they can explain to you that this is normal. You're not alone and her constant nonapproval could easily push you over the edge to make you feel this way
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  • AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
    @chelseajeanene I'm sorry you're going through that. I battled with depression for a long time, it's really hard to deal with. I don't feel depressed just... unattached. But maybe ppd makes you feel different than clinical depression? My Dr knows I was depressed before so she always asks how I'm feeling. They made me see a social worker (for me) at the hospital too before I could leave, so everyone is pretty aware and watching.
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  • cjstats87cjstats87 member
    I feel like that at first with my kids, once you get into your family routine you will get the "attached" feeling. I would also say if you aren't feeling better towards baby after a week without mil Id call the dr.
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  • Yiggle09Yiggle09 member
    I felt that way a few days after we got home but baby is 4 weeks old now and sometimes I get tearful just looking at him. My heart does swell. Talk to your md and don't put pressure on yourself things will work out in their own time.
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  • AtlasmomAtlasmom member
    Please don't be so hard on yourself. Parenting is a difficult job with really no right or wrong way to do it....just styles and preferences. Unless you are straight out neglecting and harming the child which I doubt.

    Your MIL already had her kids. This is your LO. Don't let her take this special time away from you. With time you will settle into a routine and your bond with LO will get strong.

    Good luck!
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  • str13str13 member
    It's worth it to mention it to your OB if you think it could be PPD. My PPD after my middle daughter got way out of hand and was awful.
    However I think it's normal to not feel that swell in your chest. I've never felt it. I love my girls and would give my life for them, but I had an extremely hard time immediately postpartum. I honestly don't remember a moment when it just clicked and I felt attached. It seemed to grow over time. I never loved them less.
    It sounds like your MIL may be near the root of these feelings. When is she leaving? I really think once you have time to just be yourselves it'll be easier for you to attach.
    Your baby knows you love her! And you're doing an amazing job!! Good luck momma!
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  • maiatenemaiatene member
    edited September 2015
    Speak with your ob to make sure what you're experiencing is not PPD, but i believe what you are feeling is relatively normal.

    Like you I know I loved my son and would do anything for him but it took me a while to get that warm and fuzzy feeling. Part of it was because this being a mother thing was so foreign to me so like everything else I needed an adjustment period. It like that commercial - I went from being me to being mum with all of this responsibility in a matter of a car ride. I think part of it was fear of the unknown but it does get better. You will live baby in your way and if that's different than what you imagined that's perfectly OK :-)
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  • WDDCHWDDCH member
    It can take time to get to know one another. And it may seem you have this disconnect but once someone tries anything with your baby you will quickly find your inner mama bear! It's all within you, whether you feel it right now or not.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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  • piscesmommy222piscesmommy222 member
    Don't let your mil boss you around!! This is YOUR baby, claim that baby and show mil who is boss!!!
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  • MufflerloveMufflerlove member
    Don't feel bad, it's normal. Of course I loved my daughter when she was born (DD 1) but I didn't experience that all consuming love you're "supposed" to have. I can't remember when it happened but all the sudden one day I just loved her more than anything and it made me want to cry. Give it time. Newborns are hard. I don't particularly enjoy the newborn stage myself.

    I imagine it's rough with your MIL there. It's hard to bond if she's telling you you're doing it wrong. You know what's best for your baby. I would consider asking her to leave for you and baby can get to know each other.
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  • jabeauty90jabeauty90 member
    Here is an amazing read! I felt this same way with my first, you aren't alone.
    https://www.ravishly.com/2015/09/25/postpartum-depression-stole-two-months-my-life?utm_source=scarymommy.com&utm_medium=referral&utm_campaign=pubexchange_facebook
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  • AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
    Thanks! Its nice to hear it's normal, I'm bugging my husband to take her home now, so he said maybe Tuesday. Hoping it's Tuesday!
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  • May14th2011May14th2011 member
    If it doesn't go away after she leaves, talk to your Dr. Feeling that way is a sign of PPD.
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  • theglitteredpterodactyltheglitteredpterodactyl member
    I think it's a lot more normal than people like to talk about to not feel an instant swell of love and attachment. Your body just went through a huge ordeal and your hormones are all kinds of whack. You're not getting a lot of sleep and things are incredibly stressful--these are not support conducive to feeling any kind of bliss or deep love.

    Also, This is a brand-new person and it takes time to meet them and connect to them. My little turned three weeks yesterday and I have a lot of days where I feel like I'm just taking care of this cute, delightful little stranger. I have more and more days of feeling genuine love and familiarity, though. There are pockets of just blissful happy and I dish those up and try bit too beat myself up when I'm not feeling it as much.

    I also have only felt those pockets when it's just me and baby and my partner--your mil sounds stressful, even if she is just trying to help. I hope you get done time alone to just be a family, because I think that really helps. All our visitors are lovely people and we'll intentioned but that didn't mean they're not also an interruption to our family time. Limiting that kind of interruption had been so helpful for me, I hope you find a way to navigate it! Best of luck and I hope things turn around soon.
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  • bumptinkbumptink member
    I went through this the first week of LO's life. I had a c-section and baby was 11lbs so really over what I am supposed to be lighting. Nursing was very uncomfortable and I could not get out of bed quick enough to meet his needs so DH slept on the side of the bed beside the pack and play. DH did basically everything besides pump breastmilk for the first few days of baby's life and they bonded so much. I became super jealous and still feel a little resentful because I was probably the 20th person to see my baby bc I had to be put to sleep.
    Once I had a couple of days alone with baby, my feelings started getting much much better! I agree with pp's that a call to the doc may be in order, but I also think that once mil leaves you will have the opportunity to bond with baby much more easily!
    Make sure to take care of yourself, momma!
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  • MewkieMewkie member
    I had similar feelings with my first and even this one as well. Of course you love your baby but you don't really know them all too well yet. Really you just met! In my opinion it can take time to build that relationship with your LO for some moms and that's okay. I did have the "baby blues" I guess you would call it with my first but it never extended passed a few weeks. A general disconnect from everyone really with bouts of tears all the time. I think once my hormones evened out and breastfeeding was a little less painful I began to feel better. I hope once your MIL leaves and your body continues to heal physically you will feel better emotionally as well. Before you know it that little babe will give you a smile and some interaction and that helps too!!
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  • AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
    Maybe a call to the doctor is in order, I feel so horrible but I got so mad at her last night, and she was just being a baby...I woke up at 630 the morning before and it was 3 am and I had yet to sleep. She was being so difficult, wanting to eat but not taking the bottle and then crying because she wanted it. I finally woke DH up and handed her over, he got her to take it right away, which made me angrier. So I think I should maybe talk to someone. I feel so angry and neglected and tired.
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  • MewkieMewkie member
    A call to your doctor can't hurt so trust your gut. Lack of sleep can make the most reasonable person feel out of control emotionally so don't beat yourself up for feeling angry and tired and neglected. Definitely talk to someone and just know that these sleepless nights will end eventually. Hang in there!
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  • AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
    @mewkie thank you :) 
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  • v1wwov1wwo member
    First of-your not a bad mama. In the beginning I could not feel the love for my baby because we had a feeding problem and everyone had a opinion on how to fix it. I was really unhappy and stressing out about feeding. Finally I told everyone to keep their opinions to them selves. And as soon as that lifted of my chest my heart had soooooo much room to love my little girl.
    I feel like you are weight down by your MIL. Tell her to go home so that you can make your home :)
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  • jen83mnjen83mn member
    P.S. Tell your husband that while you appreciate your MIL's help, you need time now to bond as a family and get settled into your routine. As someone who has had a visitor over every single day except 3 since my little guy was born 4 weeks ago, I know how stressful it can be (and while MILs mean well, sometimes you just don't have the energy or patience to deal with them!). Now that my husband has gone back to work, I'm taking an entire week off from visitors just to get settled into our own routine and not feel like I have to look presentable, clean the house, or cover up the "milk machine" before people come over. Not to mention on those hormonal days, I would rather not have to entertain anyone!
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  • AmandaNacoraAmandaNacora member
    @jen83mn She went home but I still feel...disconnected. DH brought it up tonight. He said he feels like I don't love our daughter, it hurt so much to hear him say that. I love her I know I do, I'm just, I don't know. I don't know what I feel. I'm not happy but I'm not depressed, I just feel so vague, like I'm just going through the motions.
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  • monicaPmonicaP member
    It sounds to me like you need some solid sleep and a nice long shower. I swear I am like a snickers commercial. I am EBF so not too much I can do about the sleep but I must get my shower in the morning or I am miss cranky pants and just because I love LO and she is cute as can be, I can still feel cranky with her too. Once I have had my shower and taken care of myself, then I can be all smiles and coos.
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  • AllieMac11AllieMac11 member
    This is PPD. I had both regular depression and PPD. They feel different. There is no award out there for not getting treated for PPD. Don't wait. Call your doctor today and get help. I can't stress how important this is.
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