How do you avoid probing questions?

redheadbride15 · September 2015

My apologies if this has been discussed recently, but I searched and couldn't find exactly what I'm looking for.

I'm fresh from the TTC board, not even 4 weeks along yet, but I'm already worried about "hiding" my early pregnancy. I'm older (38) and have additional risk factors for miscarriage and also plan to do genetic testing, so we do not want to tell anyone (including family) until at least 12 weeks. However, I see family fairly often, and we're all known for being somewhat avid drinkers, and it will be very plainly obvious that I'm not drinking. My family can also be a bit blunt and probing (they mean well, I'm sure). I don't want to outright lie, but I'd love to have some vague canned answer that I can give whenever someone says "oh, are you pregnant?!?" Has anyone else come up with something? Other ideas?

adiaz132003 · September 2015

If you're asked outright "Are you pregnant?" You may have to lie in some cases or you could laugh and say "HA very funny" no lying there hahaha. Come up with a drink that looks like a cocktail, my go to is club soda and cranberry juice with a lime. Stick a lime on anything thing and it looks like booze. Lol. They will be happily surprised when you give an official announcement.

redheadbride15 · September 2015

I like the fake cocktail idea... it works if I'm helping myself, but in most cases I won't be. It would be way easier to hide with a big group of people, like at a wedding, a bar, or another big event. It's the small gatherings I'm afraid of. I'm trying to figure out what to do Friday because I have a birthday dinner with my brothers at a restaurant. So we'll be ordering our drinks from the table (not a bar). And this restaurant is one of our favorites and whenever we go I ALWAYS get a caipirinha, which is what they're famous for. I'm just hoping they don't say anything (fat chance!). I think I'm going to try to avoid my family over the next few months, but we planned this particular dinner a while ago...

I'm thinking of just saying "I'm just being careful" and leave it at that. I'm sure everyone guesses we've been TTC. "Nothing formal to report yet" is sort of a white lie I could use in a pinch. Ugh.

kimey1 · September 2015

We also have frequent small family gatherings and I actually make sure I always have half a glass of wine at family gatherings. I figure if the French drink wine throughout their pregnancies, it can't hurt me either. I usually have half a glass of wine for an entire afternoon/evening, then wash it down with a lot of water afterwards.
I say no to hard liquor and stick to wine so I'd say I drink a glass of wine a month? Two weeks ago I tried my cousin's homemade wine but didn't drink that because it was more like really strong mead.
At 9weeks+3 I've had about 6ppl ask whether I'm pregnant and I just say no or overreact by telling them how I'm tired of people asking when I'm not, and it's none of anybody's business, not even family's until we put it out there. (Ppl at my office are very nosey.) My sister-in-law asked once and after seeing my reaction she's not probing anymore.
I'm also in my mid-30's so I dont plan on telling anyone until the genetic testing results are back. All my rants and questions are on TB!
Hang in there mama!

adiaz132003 · September 2015

redheadbride15 said:
I like the fake cocktail idea... it works if I'm helping myself, but in most cases I won't be. It would be way easier to hide with a big group of people, like at a wedding, a bar, or another big event. It's the small gatherings I'm afraid of. I'm trying to figure out what to do Friday because I have a birthday dinner with my brothers at a restaurant. So we'll be ordering our drinks from the table (not a bar). And this restaurant is one of our favorites and whenever we go I ALWAYS get a caipirinha, which is what they're famous for. I'm just hoping they don't say anything (fat chance!). I think I'm going to try to avoid my family over the next few months, but we planned this particular dinner a while ago...

I'm thinking of just saying "I'm just being careful" and leave it at that. I'm sure everyone guesses we've been TTC. "Nothing formal to report yet" is sort of a white lie I could use in a pinch. Ugh.

You could always just not order it and if they ask why you're not drinking just say "I don't know, just not feeling it today. *shrug*".

kimey1 · September 2015

Another one I used when nobody there knew my schedule the day before is:
"I'm gonna pass. I overdrank last night - I can't even look at alcohol right now :S"

penelope4612 · September 2015

redheadbride15 said:

I like the fake cocktail idea... it works if I'm helping myself, but in most cases I won't be. It would be way easier to hide with a big group of people, like at a wedding, a bar, or another big event. It's the small gatherings I'm afraid of. I'm trying to figure out what to do Friday because I have a birthday dinner with my brothers at a restaurant. So we'll be ordering our drinks from the table (not a bar). And this restaurant is one of our favorites and whenever we go I ALWAYS get a caipirinha, which is what they're famous for. I'm just hoping they don't say anything (fat chance!). I think I'm going to try to avoid my family over the next few months, but we planned this particular dinner a while ago...

I'm thinking of just saying "I'm just being careful" and leave it at that. I'm sure everyone guesses we've been TTC. "Nothing formal to report yet" is sort of a white lie I could use in a pinch. Ugh.

Can you get there early and order your drink from the bar? That way you can ask the bartender to make it without alcohol. Alternatively you can order from the table but then pretend you're going to the restroom and try to grab your waitress and ask for the drink to be non alcoholic.

You can also say you have a UTI and your doctor put you on antibiotics so you can't drink. That might be TMI enough for people to leave you alone.

redheadbride15 · September 2015

Thanks for all the ideas guys!

Hahaha - I'm now wondering what my family will think of me if I fake drinking for the next 3 months and then if I make an announcement they'll secretly think I'm a terrible person because they've been watching me booze it up for months!

delujm0 · September 2015

is your significant other going to dinner with you? a good trick is to order the same drink and then set them down next to each other and switch them when no one is looking. SO will wind up drinking both of them, but because they keep switching spots, it looks like you're drinking too. You could even pretend to take sips every so often. A friend and her husband totally fooled me doing this with glasses of wine once (full disclosure: she was actually taking small sips of the wine).

This is also easy to accomplish with a bottle of beer, because when it's done you can fill it with water and no one can tell that the liquid in there isn't beer (assuming it's a green or brown bottle, obviously). Good trick if you're at a bar...where it's not uncommon to bring your drink with you to the bathroom. Dump it out, fill with water at the sink, and continue drinking the water out of it.

The "I'm too hungover to even look at alcohol today" excuse also works, but generally only once or twice with the same group of people before they think you have a drinking problem. ;-)

redheadbride15 · September 2015

delujm0 said:

is your significant other going to dinner with you? a good trick is to order the same drink and then set them down next to each other and switch them when no one is looking. SO will wind up drinking both of them, but because they keep switching spots, it looks like you're drinking too. You could even pretend to take sips every so often. A friend and her husband totally fooled me doing this with glasses of wine once (full disclosure: she was actually taking small sips of the wine).

This is also easy to accomplish with a bottle of beer, because when it's done you can fill it with water and no one can tell that the liquid in there isn't beer (assuming it's a green or brown bottle, obviously). Good trick if you're at a bar...where it's not uncommon to bring your drink with you to the bathroom. Dump it out, fill with water at the sink, and continue drinking the water out of it.

The "I'm too hungover to even look at alcohol today" excuse also works, but generally only once or twice with the same group of people before they think you have a drinking problem. ;-)

Brilliant! My husband will LOVE this idea! And then I'll have to carry him home. Haha!

sarahufl · September 2015

I take small sips and let H drink most of it. It isn't a huge issue for me because I almost never drink, which basically everyone knows about me.

We did go on a vacation with H's family when I was about 6 weeks and I was EXHAUSTED and vomiting, which I had to hide. That was tougher. Most people who know me well enough know better than to ask because I am not very nice to people when they do inquire

Also, HIIIIII!!!!! So happy to see you over here!

redheadbride15 · September 2015

Hi @sarahufl ! Now you know my secret

I'm just all over the place right now!

I am a big drinker (well that makes me sound like an alcoholic... I very rarely have more than about 2 drinks, but I also NEVER turn one down when offered). A couple weekends ago I was drinking gin & tonics with family and my uncle said "Well, it looks like you're not pregnant yet!" Ugh, I just know this issue will be impossible to avoid. Maybe I should start being more mean.

ejled · September 2015

If you're comfortable with it, you could simply respond that "we are thinking about trying... So I'm taking it easy from now on just to be safe." Of course that's alot of honestly and potentially more questions, but at least you're not totally lying either.

desertheart · September 2015

I really wanted to wait until 12 weeks to tell everyone at work. Well, that didn't happen. I've been so sick with MS and I look like hell (exhausted, circles under eyes, kind of pale). Coworkers were asking if I was sick. So, I ended up telling early because they were worried about me. Spilling the beans early actually ended up benefiting me. With so much notice they might be able to budget in a great part time position for me to fill once baby is here.

I get virgin drinks at bars and no one suspects anything. Or use the antibiotic excuse.

mabapunta · September 2015

ejled said:
If you're comfortable with it, you could simply respond that "we are thinking about trying... So I'm taking it easy from now on just to be safe." Of course that's alot of honestly and potentially more questions, but at least you're not totally lying either.

Agreed - if people know you're TTC they shouldn't question you being careful. I'm been telling people that I've just stopped drinking unless I'm on my period. I have also taken tiny sips of friends' mixed drinks just to taste them and hopefully discourage prying questions.

I also really like the drink swap idea as long as you and SO drink the same stuff. Hubby and I do not so it wouldn't quite work lol

mc123mc · September 2015

I found that no one really notices, or if they did, they didn't have the balls to say anything!

I too am a person who doesn't pass up a drink but I think I fooled most people with these tricks:

- Get to the bar early and tell waiter or bartender to make you a soda with lime but put it in a cocktail glass. Then just order another of what you were having! I did this with O'Douls the other day. O'Douls is disgusting BTW so I didn't even finish a quarter of it but no one said anything.

- If you are at someone's house, take the glass of wine, bring it with you when you go to the bathroom or kitchen and dump wine out.

- If it's family or a party, bring vodka and soda, or rum and coke, then just make a cocktail without the booze!

- When someone offers to buy a round, tell them to get you a water for that round, you're feeling tipsy etc, then go back to the bartender and get your non-alcoholic drink

Also think about if you notice how much your friends or family drinks. Sure you see them with a drink in their hand but you never count how many beers or refills they have. Just hold a beer- especially if it's a can. You can do that all night!

How do you avoid probing questions?

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