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November 2015 Moms
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Shower etiquette for dad's to be

abolznerabolzner member
in November 2015 Moms
My baby shower is at my house this weekend and my husband will be in the detached office/garage away from the house watching the football games with his brother and a good friend- are people going to expect him to be inside? I've seen dad's come in at the end of showers to help load gifts, but since it's at my house not sure what etiquette is (ps-he would rather watch the games then join us ladies ;) thanks for the suggestions!
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Re: Shower etiquette for dad's to be

  • ashleywuliashleywuli member
    I see no issue with him not coming to the whole shower. I do think he should pop in to say hi to everyone and show his love and support. Some of these ladies are probably close to your husband. So I am sure they would appreciate a thank you for coming and showering my wife/soon to be child.
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  • Gapeach83Gapeach83 member
    Just pop in at the end to say thank you. That's it no real need for him to be there. Just give him a time to pop in when you think most people will be getting ready to go. He will be bored out of hid mind most men don't want to ohh and ahh over baby clothes.
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  • oooonerooooner member
    I say screw the etiquette! :)>- Think about whether you want your hubby there or not, and go with what makes you most comfortable. In my case, I suggested a co-ed baby shower and the hosts were more than fine with that, so my future hubby will be there the entire time along with other male friends and family. Good luck, I'm sure your shower will be lovely with or without your husband's presence.
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  • NovvbabyNovvbaby member
    My husband has to leave 14 hours away from where we are so he won't be able to attend our baby shower, but he won't attend for personal reasons so I totally understand!
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  • wulfpackgirlwulfpackgirl member
    If it's an all girls shower I say just pop in and say hi and then come in at the end to help with clean up, packing up and tell everyone goodbye.
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  • kittyberetkittyberet member
    I responded on the duplicate since this was posted twice. If your SO is available it's always a nice gesture to have them there either in the beginning to greet or at the end to say thank you. My husband helped park cars and came back to snag some dessert at the end. Men aren't expected to be there for long but if he's in the same house simply popping in would be a nice gesture.
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  • sdw84sdw84 member
    The original plan for my DH was for him to pop in at the beginning and end. He ended up staying for the whole thing. I rather enjoyed that he was there. I received one gift that made me start crying and it was so nice that I had him there to help me get through it.
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  • AmoLovesAudAmoLovesAud member
    jscasher said:
    ...  And as far as etiquette, there's a big difference between doing what works for you and yours, and just straight up being tacky...and you don't strike me as one to blow off common sense and courtesy so I'm sure you'll be fine.

    Is there honestly a tacky element to this?  I'm seriously asking, I never heard about the dad-to-be being there or not being there was tacky in any way.  I just figured it was whatever works best for everyone?  Except I guess making him sit there the whole time being bored, but that's not really tacky, that's just rude to the poor guy.


    Its looking like my DH won't be at my shower at all.  He was originally going to drive down behind me (we both have tiny sedans, I thought I might want some extra car space), hide and play video games all day, then help me pack the car(s) after (and probably say hello to a few relatives on their way out).  But now its looking like that Saturday will be the only day we have available to schedule the movers.  I suppose he could drive over when they're done (shower starts at 1pm and the movers will likely be here at 8am, there's not much here to move and the new house is only 20 minutes away, they could be done by lunchtime), but that seems silly for him to drive an hour and a half just to say hi, load the cars, and turn right back around.

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  • VexedMommyVexedMommy member
    AmoLovesAud said:
    jscasher said:
    ...  And as far as etiquette, there's a big difference between doing what works for you and yours, and just straight up being tacky...and you don't strike me as one to blow off common sense and courtesy so I'm sure you'll be fine.

    Is there honestly a tacky element to this?  I'm seriously asking, I never heard about the dad-to-be being there or not being there was tacky in any way.  I just figured it was whatever works best for everyone?  Except I guess making him sit there the whole time being bored, but that's not really tacky, that's just rude to the poor guy.


    Its looking like my DH won't be at my shower at all.  He was originally going to drive down behind me (we both have tiny sedans, I thought I might want some extra car space), hide and play video games all day, then help me pack the car(s) after (and probably say hello to a few relatives on their way out).  But now its looking like that Saturday will be the only day we have available to schedule the movers.  I suppose he could drive over when they're done (shower starts at 1pm and the movers will likely be here at 8am, there's not much here to move and the new house is only 20 minutes away, they could be done by lunchtime), but that seems silly for him to drive an hour and a half just to say hi, load the cars, and turn right back around.

    I guess that depends on what you perceive a shower to be.  My social circle sees it as welcoming a child into the world and giving gifts to help with that child.  In that case, I think that it's best etiquette for BOTH parents to attend since the person being honored is a product of both of them and the gifts provided are for the benefit of their child.  If your social circle sees a shower as welcoming a woman into motherhood, I don't see why the father would need to attend. 
    If there's something strange underneath the hood.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  If there's something weird and it don't look good.  Who you gonna call?  Your Doctor.  Immediately.  If it's new, painful, and possibly pregnancy related get your ass off the internet and call your doctor.  It's for your health and your child's. 




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  • Elyse1384Elyse1384 member
    ooooner said:
    I say screw the etiquette! :)>- Think about whether you want your hubby there or not, and go with what makes you most comfortable. In my case, I suggested a co-ed baby shower and the hosts were more than fine with that, so my future hubby will be there the entire time along with other male friends and family. Good luck, I'm sure your shower will be lovely with or without your husband's presence.
    Oh shocking.  Please tell me more...

    image
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  • makeoutside7makeoutside7 member
    For my shower, I invited entire families. The men stayed in the backyard drinking beer, frying eggrolls, keeping the children busy with games. They also helped with setting up and putting things away. My husband and I opened gifts together. He also helped draw names for prizes. He was pretty involved with everything. It worked out well for us. Didn't even know that men are not suppose to be there...

      FTM due 11/06/2015
    Married 09/21/2013
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  • Emilie121011Emilie121011 member
    My mom is hosting my shower at the rec center our complex has. My hubby is hosting only specific male friends at our place for a diaper buy in poker game, football, food and beer. (Specific friends bc he doesn't know all the ladies invited to the shower) he will pop by to say hi, but most of the time will be entertaining the guys at home.

    We thought that was a nice way for both of us to celebrate our baby with friends, family and for me, some of my clients(I do hair/makeup).
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  • JELaurie15JELaurie15 member
    edited September 2015
    I am having just one shower and it is co-ed.  I have several close male friends who want to celebrate this exciting time with me.  Plus my hubby, Dad, brother and uncles will be there.  This is my first baby and I have been to several other baby showers that were co-ed and very successful. How do you tell your best male friends they aren't invited if you intend on having only females? I don't get it.  Personally I think strictly women only showers are little old fashioned. We made our baby together, lets celebrate together! 
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  • Emilie121011Emilie121011 member
    All my really good guy friends live far away so I was able to avoid this! If not they would have celebrated with the hubs. We just had too many people to do 1 co-Ed event. Big families on both sides and friends. Parents friends included.
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  • FalchasFalchas member
    This thread made me think of my FIL (sorry, I tend to do this, but I love reading other people's strange family stories).  My lovely SIL hosted a very traditional, girly, ladies-only shower when I was pregnant with my son.  My husband, father and FIL all stopped by at the beginning to say hello and spend a few minutes chatting.  As the activites started up, my husband excused himself saying that he was taking my dad and his dad out to lunch and so nice to see everyone... except that my FIL decided that the food looked just fine where he was and he wanted to stay.  So he did, sat down with a big plate of food while we did all the silly games and opened presents.  It was just a bit weird.  My husband came back a few hours later to help with presents, and there was his dad, still hanging out eating a big piece of cake.
    Anyhow, I think it would be very nice if your husband came in to say hi and maybe a few minutes at the end to say thank you and good-bye.  Or maybe the spread will just be too tempting for him to leave!  Have a fun shower!
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