The best advice you can give to First Time Moms... GO

christinelo5314 · September 2015

I'm coming up on my due date, as I'm sure most of you are... And as a first time mom, I was hoping to get some advice from moms who have already experienced labor/delivery, childbirth, postpartum etc. Not parenting advice, but just personal advice to help all of the first timers get through all the excitement and anxiety that's headed our way.

(i.e. What to expect at hospital, things you wish you had done but didn't think about your first time around, specific items to bring to hospital, advice on getting through the self-conscious stages of postpartum... Etc)

Thanks for all of your support ladies!

MamaOwl15 · September 2015

It's completely normal to feel weird the first few weeks. You may feel like you're living someone else's life, or like you're happy and sad all at once. Your hormones are rapidly adjusting, you're surviving on little sleep . . . Eventually you get into a routine and baby seems like he/she has always been a part of your life.

Physically, don't be surprised if you still look pregnant for a few weeks. It takes time for your uterus to go back to normal. And you'll probably feel like your belly is made of jello and your guts are sloshing around. That feeling goes away, but till it does, I highly recommend wearing a belly binder or postpartum girdle.

Cupcakesandquilts · September 2015

My best advice is to make a bunch of freezer meals. I approached PP last time like I was going into a war zone and on the easier days, I was pleasantly surprised.

silly514 · September 2015

You've got this. The first little bit is insane but you can do it and you will do it, it will surprise you how crazy things are and it will surprise you how fast that goes by and you will find your groove in no time! (I mostly just needed a cheerleader the first time around, there's really no way to be ready for the insanity but you do get through it!)

tracij12 · September 2015

Be willing to laugh at your "mistakes". Obviously being a parent is serious business, but try not to take it too seriously. You and baby are learning together and that's perfectly OK. Don't feel like you have to listen to - and take - advice from people just because they have kids. Follow the motto of our kid, our way and don't feel guilty about it.

In the hospital, don't be afraid to ask a million questions. I was afraid to ask 'stupid' questions the first time around and really wish I would not have been. This time I asked anything that came to mind and it was a much more relaxing experience.

mammadin · September 2015

Enjoy every moment. They are only newborns for such a short time. Know that you are doing your best and that's good enough! (It's not like Bub has anything to compare you to anyways

christina4436 · September 2015

Get the epidural as soon as you are feeling some pain. Takes awhile to kick in and no point in feeling uncomfortable. I wish I got it a little earlier.

Contractions are like really bad period cramps... I imagined them differently.

CocoR04 · September 2015

I looked pregnant for about three months after... Then I just looked chubby. It was a SHOCK! Don't be afraid to rock your smaller maternity clothes after baby. No one knows or cares that you're wearing maternity jeans until everything shrinks back into place.

We rarely left the house the first month and didn't let too many people visit for two months. In hindsight, I should have gotten out more because I was definitely suffering from PP anxiety. I was so scared of DS getting sick. When I started going on more outings, our world changed and life was happier. Don't take baby to crowded theme parks, etc., the first month or so, but go shopping, walking, etc.

Final piece of advice...

Don't ignore yourself! I had a terrible yeast infection (tmi) for about a week PP before I called my doctor about it. I was neglecting myself and shouldn't have.

alinic916 · September 2015

MamaOwl15 said:

It's completely normal to feel weird the first few weeks. You may feel like you're living someone else's life, or like you're happy and sad all at once. Your hormones are rapidly adjusting, you're surviving on little sleep . . . Eventually you get into a routine and baby seems like he/she has always been a part of your life. Physically, don't be surprised if you still look pregnant for a few weeks. It takes time for your uterus to go back to normal. And you'll probably feel like your belly is made of jello and your guts are sloshing around. That feeling goes away, but till it does, I highly recommend wearing a belly binder or postpartum girdle.

This is great advice. I'm a FTM and so excited for our little one, but the feeling of how our life is going to change so much and that she is going to be all ours and we have to take care of her is a little scary and intimidating! I can absolutely see those first few weeks feeling like it's not my life!! I am such a creature of habit and not having a routine right away is going to drive me crazy, but knowing that's all part of the deal will make it a little easier.

akfbookworm · September 2015

FTM here, but I've had 2 friends warn me (one is around my age, the other has grown kids my age) that there will be a time where you feel like you can't handle any of this and you just want to cry and run away. It's your hormones and it's normal. They say find someone to leave baby with and call a friend just to get out of the house for a while.

FrozenMommy · September 2015

DO NO, I REPEAT, DO NOT GET PREGNANT IN THE FIRST YEAR FOLLOWING YOUR FIRST!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! That's the best advice I can give. While it's nice to have siblings so close in age, it also really sucks to have siblings so close in age. Plus, that first year my baby got really robbed of stuff because I had a C-section and was very restricted in lifting her etc after her sister was born, and spent a lot of time taking care of baby while daddy spent time with her.

emeraudecephiro · September 2015

If you think you can get away without your diapet bag when taking your baby out even on a quick trip to the store for a few things, you run a greater risk of that being the one time your baby explosively poops everywhere

Always be slightly more prepared than necessary, babies keep you guessing! I know I thought my son would sleep through me getting some bread a few minutes away... I left without bread and a baby with poop up his whole back and no diaper bag!

cindykinnear · September 2015

Don't feel guilty if you are exhausted and the baby stays in the nursery for a few hours so you can sleep. With my first, I kept her with me the whole time and I couldn't sleep, I just stared at her and made sure she was breathing every second. I did not get the sleep I needed after giving birth. With my second, I let them keep her in the nursery all night so I could sleep. They would only bring her to me when she needed to nurse. I was so glad I did! She was up all night her first night home!

EricaOO · September 2015

Let your house fall apart and sleep instead whenever possible. Your sanity and well-being will be more important than a clean house during this phase.

EricaOO · September 2015

christina4436 said:

Get the epidural as soon as you are feeling some pain. Takes awhile to kick in and no point in feeling uncomfortable. I wish I got it a little earlier. Contractions are like really bad period cramps... I imagined them differently.

Agree! I did this too.

sgoodsel · September 2015

The first 3 months are the hardest.

Everyone else told me the whole, 'enjoy every moment they are only little once' line. Sure, there are amazing memories from that time period. But I most appreciated the friend who told me the first 3 months are the hardest. Because that gave me hope that life would get easier in those crazy, sleep deprived, what the heck is going on, I can't keep this up forever type of moments.

dchiapella · September 2015

I'm a FTM too but I wanted to share one of my favorite pieces of advice that I've received so far...

"Take a shower/ bath every day."

It helps to make sure you feel human and that you don't get lost in the mix. Baby needs you, just you, and if you can't find yourself, how can he/ she. Take time for yourself. It's not being selfish or neglectful, it's actually the opposite because it allows assists in keeping what's left of your sanity to be the best you can be for baby!

OH! and "accept help" is the other one I'm trying to keep in mind. I don't accept help easily, never have, I feel like if I'm not doing it myself than I've failed. But if someone asks to come over and make you dinner, or if someone is over and starts doing the dishes... LET THEM. I think we'll be given a pass on this one. There's always an opportunity to repay the favor when they have newborn themselves.

cmjn94 · September 2015

Agree with PP on contractions.
They feel worse than the worst period ever. Definitely agree that you have to take care of yourself! And take time for your SO too; baby will be okay for fifteen minutes while you spend some time together. And yes, let people help. They want to, and it just makes the hugest difference.

AA1983MV · September 2015

Like many said before me, the first 3 months are the hardest. Its ok to cry because you don't sleep and feel like it will never end. Know that it does and when you look back, you just can't believe how fast it went by. Its crazy because in the moment it seems like it goes by so slowly. Looking forward to remembering my own advice and enjoying my sleepless nights with my new little girl.

scgirl1123 · September 2015

Thanks ladies. Makes me feel a little better reading these. Nerves are starting to get to me. Due Oct 2nd......

millereliz13 · September 2015

I am a FTM too, I learned a few things c-section related. Take the stool softener, the pain meds plus,the surgery will make bathroom time difficult if you don't. Accept the help, I am not a full week post surgery and it's still painful to fully move.

whitemn04 · September 2015

I'm a FTM but the best advice I got at my baby shower was even at the worst moments and you are at your wits end, it's only a moment in time. A few weeks or months is nothing compared to your whole life you have ahead of you.

sarapagan · September 2015

I'm a STM and if I had anything to share from my first experience with my son is try to limit visitors in the hospital as much as you can. My mom kept trying to tell me to just have some quiet moments with my husband and new baby but my hospital door was a revolving one! There was always a (well-meaning) friend or family member coming in, wanting snuggle time with the baby. By the time I was home with my new little guy I was so overwhelmed and didn't know what to do when I was alone! With this baby, I plan on telling immediate family (parents!) they can surely come visit. And friends and extended family will get a text/phone call with baby's arrival and we will then stagger visits once we are home.

But most of all, try to enjoy it

They're only little for a little

tracij12 · September 2015

emeraudecephiro said:
If you think you can get away without your diapet bag when taking your baby out even on a quick trip to the store for a few things, you run a greater risk of that being the one time your baby explosively poops everywhere Always be slightly more prepared than necessary, babies keep you guessing! I know I thought my son would sleep through me getting some bread a few minutes away... I left without bread and a baby with poop up his whole back and no diaper bag!

This made me LOL, but it is SO true!!

xpaperx · September 2015

Get out of the house once a day but don't be in a rush. If you need to get an errand done quickly, something will inevitably happen.

Know where the bathrooms are! I never had great bladder control but postpartum was much worse than I expected. ...

margies2010 · September 2015

I agree with all of the above! And, I'd love to add...

- Keep an open mind regarding your birth plan. Be open in case things go south and trust your medical team. They are trained to get you and baby through this alive and well.

- Be nice to your nurses. They sometimes have so many patients delivering at once that they get overwhelmed. My L&D nurse delivered four babies in the seven hours I was on that floor, three of which were c sections (each takes about an hour, plus scrub time, plus the critical recovery time, plus charting and finding time to eat/pee). She even had to find time to pump since she's breastfeeding.

- Embrace the experience! This is a magical time for your family. Don't be afraid to ask questions. Don't be afraid to speak up when you need or want something.

ElleMF728 · October 2015

Let your partner parent. Don't hover over him or her at every possible moment offering advice and trying to help. He will do things wrong, he will do things that drive you crazy but he is ultimately forming his own relationship with your child in the meantime. I love watching DH and DS1 together, my husband parents differently than I do in so many ways but its amazing to see how different his bond is with our son than mine is though it is just as strong.

The first three months are all about survival, you will find yourself doing things you said you never would just for 20 minutes of sleep. Don't worry about bad habits, there is plenty of time for that later when you are feeling a bit more human.

jrb2015 · October 2015

take the squirt bottle they give you and use everytime you pee also steal the baby nose sucker thing, you'll never find another one as good as the hospital grade one. have plenty of heavy duty pads at home as well as granny panties you don't care if you have to throw away. laugh as much as you can, be honest with what you need (As far as help from your partner, family or friends) and don't take yourself too seriously.

MamaOwl15 · October 2015

You may have moments where you're at your wits end and baby won't stop crying and you think you're going to lose your mind. It's perfectly normal to feel like this and perfectly ok to lay baby down in the crib and walk out of the room for a minute or two to catch your breath. A couple minutes of crying so mom can collect her thoughts will not hurt the baby. And it doesn't make you a bad mom if you have an "I can't take it anymore!" moment. You're still human and probably sleep-deprived.

cmjn94 · October 2015

MamaOwl15 said:
You may have moments where you're at your wits end and baby won't stop crying and you think you're going to lose your mind. It's perfectly normal to feel like this and perfectly ok to lay baby down in the crib and walk out of the room for a minute or two to catch your breath. A couple minutes of crying so mom can collect her thoughts will not hurt the baby. And it doesn't make you a bad mom if you have an "I can't take it anymore!" moment. You're still human and probably sleep-deprived.

My baby is two days old and I'm listening to him cry while my husband changes his diaper. I needed to hear this lol.

MauKa23 · October 2015

Take the time you need to feel like you again. You will become constantly touched, prodded, clung onto. And while that snuggle time is precious and priceless, it can leave you feeling drained after months on end. Give yourself a month - then make a point to take some you time, even if it's a quick pedicure or massage.

Also, when you feel like you're at your wits end, pull out the take-home outfit. Everyone will tell you "this too shall pass" - and it's true, but in the heat of the moment, it sure doesn't feel like it. Having that attachment to something from those first days is a great way to pull yourself back and realize just how fast time goes and things change... And that you'll get through.

Finally, don't be afraid to hide! If you have people there to help, all of those good intentions can get overwhelming - particularly with the crazy hormone changes that follow birth. Don't be afraid to go hide out in the shower or in a quiet space for a bit - your visitors will understand (and likely appreciate it to the alternative).

gabrielafrnqyepez · October 2015

use common cense..... if baby seems sick call your doctor, dont wait ! nothing in the crib with baby !!!!!!!!!!!! EVER!!! try to sleep when baby sleeps easier when your a FTM take advantage ofthe time oyu have with baby it flies by ! as hard as its going to be youll be able to do it be positive ! ....and the best one pls do shower / change / fix yourself (no need for tons of makeup or fancy clothes ) just clean and put together!, it will make you feel like a brand new person !!!!

tate62610 · October 2015

Fight the urge to roll your eyes when others tell you "it gets better." They're right!! I would get so annoyed when DD was having trouble eating, having nightly meltdowns for at least an hour, etc. and my friends with kids would just say "it gets better, I promise." But they were right. It really does get better.

bmolson1 · October 2015

I would add that while sometimes it's nice to have people bring food/come over to visit, don't be afraid to say no if that overwhelms you. I personally got very stressed knowing that people were coming over and really didn't feel comfortable with it. I'm an only child and I just prefer my privacy, especially when I was learning to nurse, trying to rest, and trying to figure out dd. Dh has a huge family and I felt bombarded by them wanting to visit, insisting on holding dd, etc. For me, the offer of "we'll bring dinner" just wasn't worth it. I don't intend to keep them from seeing this baby, but I also recognize that we can set limits so that I feel more comfortable this time around. Newborns are "exciting" for others, but for mama and baby, that initial time to bond and learn to nurse is crucial, so others will just have to wait.

clafo · October 2015

Lot's of great advice on here! I remember my first realization that I couldn't run around on my time schedule anymore. I'm a big planner and I had to learn how to get on my baby's schedule, not the other way around. It was a big adjustment for me, but made my life much easier when I gave in to his schedule. It saved me a lot of frustration during those sleep deprived months. The good news is that you can adjust their schedule to your liking as they get older. I know a lot of people hate to hear the advice to 'Sleep when the baby Sleeps', but I can tell you from experience that it was a life saver for me. Also, everyone will have an opinion about how you parent, even strangers. You will notice people watching your every move and will experience everything from smiling faces to disapproving looks. Ignore the negative attention and feel confident that you are the best Mom for your baby and you are doing the very best you can. It's no one else's business how you parent your child.

The best advice you can give to First Time Moms... GO

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