Viral FB Post--Curious of opinions!

Jem0285 · September 2015

Hi ladies! I saw this FB post today and would love to hear some feedback!

https://pix11.com/2015/09/28/womans-none-of-your-business-facebook-post-about-children-goes-viral/

Personally, I really like what this woman has to say. My husband and I have been married for 5 years and just started to try to get pregnant a few months ago and that was OUR choice. I have been asked almost on a daily basis when we were having kids and at one point, we were not sure we even wanted them. We were truly enjoying our time together and with busy careers, we weren't ready. I know people aren't saying it to be rude, I just think there is a better way to ask like "would you like children?" not "Oh it's about time to start having kids". I know many people who have struggled getting pregnant or maintaining a pregnancy and I can empathize with them. I can't imagine how they would feel with the constant questions. In addition to people who struggle, there are people who just don't want children and when they say they don't want them, they shouldn't be shamed or told "oh well you're young, you have time". No one should feel guilty about their own life decisions. Again, I realize the intentions are good but it is something personal and should be handled with care. Sorry for the rant but that's my thoughts. Please share yours!

LadySamLady · September 2015

I totally agree! Since getting married two years ago I've fielded some extremely inappropriate questions and comments related to child rearing that truly floored me, not because I'd dealt with IF or loss but precisely because the person commenting had no clue either way. I couldn't believe someone who barely knew me at all would be so brazen about such a sensitive topic. At my cousins baby shower last summer one of her husband's great aunts turned to me while she was opening presents and asked "Are you sad? Is this hard for you that all the other young gals here are pregnant or have babies?" First of all, of course I wasn't sad! I was watching my cousin having the time of her life at the baby shower I was hosting for her and second, what did she expect me to say? Start crying and tell everyone I was sad? It was so weird and uncalled for. I politely told her "Sad? Of course not, I'm thrilled for Ari!" but inside I was seething. We hadn't started trying yet but she didn't know that! And then last fall at another cousins wedding a guest I didn't even know showed me pictures of her children and then asked if I had any. When I told her that we weren't there yet she basically told me we'd better get there or I'd run out of eggs! I couldn't believe it, I think I just smiled and slowly backed away. What is it about baby-making that makes people cross the line with such personal questions?!? Later I joked with my husband that I should have turned the conversation to my period, since she was so interested in the contents of my ovaries.

Phew! That rant felt goood!! Thanks for posting!!

Jesse835235 · September 2015

I definitely agree with her. I think many people just spew the question out because they can't find any other ways to make small talk. Most people mean no harm, so it's easy to just brush off. However, it can be very annoying and hurtful if people ask in an insensitive way, so it's probably a good PSA to put out there.

A lady in my previous job (before I was ttc) would ask me all the time when I was going to have a baby and when I couldn't take it anymore I sarcastically said, "I'm having sex alllll the time, I don't know why it's not working?!" She never asked again. :P

Jparke2 · September 2015

My old boss, who is notoriously a horrible business owner with zero people skills, especially in regards to her own employees, would ALWAYS ask me "You aren't pregnant, are you?" whenever anything happened (if I looked tired, it I had to take a sick day, if we were talking about anything baby related). She was scared of losing me and having deal with maternity leave. When I put in my notice (I now work for my father's business), the first thing she asked me was if I was pregnant. She then spent the next month harassing me, saying she was betting I'd be pregnant real soon. Little did she know, a huge reason I was leaving was because we wanted to start trying for a family, and I knew working there and being pregnant would be a bad mix. I got pregnant my first month away from that place and now I don't want any of my old coworkers to find out, because I know my old boss will be all "I knew it!!!" I just want to yell at her and tell her its none of her business! I always found it so inappropriate that she would constantly harass me about it.

doozer1345 · September 2015

I agree with the woman. I remember when we were told after surgeries and numerous tests we couldn't have children was when sooo many people were saying "It's time for ya'll to have kids!" or "When are ya'll having kids?? I thought you liked kids?" SOOO hurtful and annoying. I recently went to a friends funeral and was in the middle of two girls from high school talking. The obnoxious one said to the not obnoxious one "sooo when are ya'll having kids?? I bet you get asked that all the time huh?" Then why the F ask? The way she sounded was like she was passing judgement or looking down on her for not having kids! BTW obnoxious... Not even married or has kids! So, yes, I totally agree with the writer. It's none of your business.

avidkeo · September 2015

I had a patient who did this to me a couple of months ago - she knew we had one child and was asking when we would start trying for No2. I just brushed it of, oh not in a hurry etc. She kept pushing. So I said actually we have been trying and it's much harder than you realise to get pregnant - in THAT tone of voice.

she promptly shut up.

thismakes4 · September 2015

Totally agree with the writer. I hate when people ask when I'm having more... Or when will I have a girl... It's really none of their business. My cousin and I were talking after I had my third and she opened up about having miscarriage after miscarriage. I had no idea... I never asked and that's actually why she reached out to me... Because I never bugged her about it. Oh and I just found out she's pregnant

asunna · September 2015

i recently just gotmarried so personally never been asked, but do have a story
however i think asking women is just wrong, unless its like a topic you and youre best friend are discussing

ok heres a story, i had to double think of it cause i was so taken aback that it make me double take to think if it was rude, but came up with yes defiantely rude

so my landlord who ive met twice (just moved here) came to check something this was unannounced but needed , and i happened to be laying down in my bed..of course with just my undies on so he knocked on the door and it took me a minute to get dressed to get to the door...

so anyways, i said "im sorry it took me a min to get to the door im not feeling well and i was laying down" (totally true was not feeling good)
and he goes " you pregnant?"
and im like just thinking...WTF?! how is that any of your business, i dont even know you!?

i said no, because i had just found out i was like 4 weeks ...like it was so rude...god im still offended

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