Baby shower crisis!!!!! Help please!

livnicolery · August 2015

Okay, I know that it is early to be planning and thinking of a shower but we have a "situation". My husband is in the military so we are stationed in Washington and our families are in Michigan and Missouri. Our baby will be the first grandchild for both of our parents and everyone is SO EXCITED. My mother just informed me that not having a shower is not an option but because of my career (retail management) and the season the is fast approaching (holiday) I will not be able to just fly home for a long weekend until January which she doesn't want me flying that late in the pregnancy. So the solution:: long distance baby shower - most likely via skype. Has anyone had experience with one or has/is having one thay can give me advice??? We are kind of stuck!!

fwtx5815 · August 2015

I guess this depends on how big of a group this would be for but just from an etiquette standpoint, people that are invited to shower you with gifts would need to be hosted (so some type food and drink available). If your families were planning on shipping stuff to you to open, and hosting people at their house while you open gifts on skype, that just doesn't sound like fun as a guest tbh. Or would they not even have people over and just ask your friends and family to mail you their gifts? I guess this needs more clarification but to be honest, based on the info provided, this doesn't sound like a good idea.

Maybe you could make a trip once the baby is born and do a sip and see/meet the baby get together.

jmathi0149 · August 2015

I flew home from Colorado to South Carolina at 31 weeks for a shower in the middle of july. I was there two weeks and it turned out great. Everyone knows I live in Colorado so they were very gracious and either shipped directly to my house or gave me a gift card. In my personal opinion I wouldn't ask people to attend a shower that you won't be attending. It seems odd to me that people would celebrate your pregnancy without you there. I think it could come off a little gift grabby. Everyone knows you are pregnant. Many people will want to send a gift anyway.

ACleanLife24 · August 2015

I would not expect a shower without me attending. I deliberately and flying home in dec/Jan for a shower and that I can't imagine my family never seeing me pregnany. Fkyig up to 32 weeks is fine (that'd trans atlantic)... I am one of the furthest along here due March 2nd so going home first or second weekend of Jan should be great.

I have also created an amazon UK registry to avoid shipping and customs nightmares- my nana has already "tested" the system and it works a treat

ceds07 · August 2015

Crisis seems like a bit strong of a word. I would imagine unless you are high risk flying home right after the holiday season - either the last week of Dec or first week of Jan - would be perfectly fine. I cannot imagine having a shower that I wasn't in attendance for. How exactly does that demonstrate how excited that people are about you having a baby? They want to see you and celebrate. With the exception of maybe the grandparents, buying a present does not equal celebrating.

SouthernCharmedLife · August 2015

ceds07 said:
Crisis seems like a bit strong of a word. I would imagine unless you are high risk flying home right after the holiday season - either the last week of Dec or first week of Jan - would be perfectly fine. I cannot imagine having a shower that I wasn't in attendance for. How exactly does that demonstrate how excited that people are about you having a baby? They want to see you and celebrate. With the exception of maybe the grandparents, buying a present does not equal celebrating.

Lurking, but all of this here. A Skype shower seems so awkward. I would be mortified.

Also, why is your mother ordering you around like a child? If it's fine with your doctor, you know, the medical professional, it should be fine with her.

I would either fly home for the shower or politely decline.

ehowa499 · August 2015

I've been to a similar shower. My cousin lived in Texas at the time and was unable to fly home. We had a big party without her, and she called and talked to every guest. She didn't open gifts at the time though, but it was a few years before Skype/FaceTime was easy. It was fun for the family to get together anyway, and we did some surprise things for the bride together- I think it was a baby book or a picture frame.

FutureMrsCaesar · August 2015

I'd fly home in early January as long as your Dr says its fine. I know that you can fly with a Drs note up to 36 weeks, per the airlines. I think the Skype shower wouldn't be much fun for you or the guests.

RosyK · August 2015

We've done a 'shower by mail' for several of my cousins. We all sent gifts to the hostess (a mom or aunt) by a certain date, then whichever family lived close to the bride/mommy to be took her out for lunch and then went somewhere to open gifts and have more yummy snacks.

ecwk · August 2015

I think a long distance shower is so cringeworthy. I can't imagine people being invited to a party to bring me gifts without me being there. As PPs have mentioned, you should be fine to travel. I'm flying transatlantic return over Christmas and don't anticipate any problems. Otherwise, like @fwtx5815 said, couldn't you have something after the baby is born?

linny4 · August 2015

Sorry but I think a shower without you there is weird. If your doctor says your ok, I would fly home.
If you can't go home, I think it would still be ok to have a registry that if people specifically ask you for the info they could send gifts directly to you (but only if they ask you!!!) I wouldn't send out info on a registry without being asked!

Stormiewinter · August 2015

My brother and his wife live in California but the rest of the family and their friends all live in Canada. They couldn't get home for a shower, but her parents did host a sip and see this summer when they were visiting. It went over really well. As pp said most airlines would let you fly early January if you wanted. I am at risk for complications so for me personally I wouldn't plan to fly that late (we had my shower really early because of this concern). However, if you anticipate a healthy pregnancy then I would definitely consider flying as an option.

mb0112 · August 2015

I agree Skype showers seem awkward and no fun as a guest. I would send a gift but skip the virtual "party". I think you might try flying in January. It's not toooooo close to your due date and much easier than the other suggestion of trying to fly out there with baby after the birth. Infants on a plane never seem like a good time.

kfarr26 · August 2015

Ok, I guess I'll be the one with an unpopular opinion here. I think if there's no way to fly home, it's very sweet that people still want to celebrate your first pregnancy. I hosted the actual shower for my brother's wife, but she has a lot of family in Illinois that couldn't make it down here. They all got together the day of our shower here. One of her cousins filmed it and edited it all together and sent her the video - they did games, food, books, gifts and everything. It was actually very sweet and everyone there seemed to have a great time. My sister in law loved it and got really choked up watching it.

I also had a wedding I attended where my husband's cousin was marrying a girl originally from Ecuador. Her family, including her mom, couldn't make it here for the wedding, but they all watched and spoke for them via Skype and it was very nice. Not awkward at all. It would have been so much harder on her and her family had they not been able to watch and participate.

Sometimes when travel just isn't an option technology is a great way to help family feel more connected to what's going on. It may not be ideal, but the effort is very sweet and is a lot better than nothing. Good luck figuring it all out!

mrsB68 · August 2015

I agreed with everyone to fly home in Jan or later with the baby but then the idea of watching a video of it sounded somewhat sweet. I think I'd still try to get home, a shower is such a fun event, you'd really enjoy it if you can. Or afterwards, infants are really easy to travel with when they're small. We took a flight when my lo was 4 months and she slept the whole time both ways. Now at a year and a half...well I wish we travelled more when she was an infant!

livnicolery · August 2015

Thanks for thinking it's not a horrible idea. My mom and I were bouncing around ideas and if we have to do a long distance shower we'd have one with my friends in Washington at the same time as the one in Michigan with my family and friends there. Skype at the same time so everyone is "all together". sometimes a $450 plane ticket across country isn't always the best option although I would LOVE to be with my family during this time, it's not always the option that is the most readily available with a retail and military schedules.

JessJ0727 · August 2015

I work retail as well and getting the time off is practically impossible this upcoming time of year! I agree that it would be so much better for you and for those getting you and your new baby a gift if you could actually see and talk to them. It's personal and appreciated more.
I think a "come meet the new baby" shower would be a great idea after he or she is born. Not just for the family who won't get to travel and see the baby after the birth, but also because you're more likely to get diapers, formula, and stuff you NEED rather than clothes that you'll never use.
Also, people just spent a lot of money during the holidays. Having a baby shower in mid April vs. early January will be better on everyone's wallets!

Msantana87 · August 2015

I attended a Skype shower. I had no choice, it was my sister in laws shower, if not I would have not attended. Everyone is right, it was awkward. The guest seem obliged to be there, my SIL kept thanking everyone for coming over the computer monitor. It just seemed forced. I would have rathered Mail the gift. Or waited to see her and the baby to give the gift. I felt it was a bad idea, and I'm close to her, I can only imagine what the other guest were thinking. If I was you, I would fly home and enjoy everyone in person. It would be a much more pleasant experience for everyone involved.

adotgorman · August 2015

I wasn't able to make my shower because I went into labor at 27 weeks and was in the hospital when my dads side of the family had a date set. They had the shower in my honor and sent me a bunch of pictures of people eating and playing games and my aunt opening gifts. My dad drove everything to my house. He lives a couple hours from me. I felt so bad because I couldn't be there but I had no choice. I heard everyone genuinely had a great time though. I was so appreciative of everyone involved.

kynbar5 · August 2015

adotgorman said:
I wasn't able to make my shower because I went into labor at 27 weeks and was in the hospital when my dads side of the family had a date set. They had the shower in my honor and sent me a bunch of pictures of people eating and playing games and my aunt opening gifts. My dad drove everything to my house. He lives a couple hours from me. I felt so bad because I couldn't be there but I had no choice. I heard everyone genuinely had a great time though. I was so appreciative of everyone involved.

I think with a situation like yours there can't really be any hard feelings about you not being there. It was out of your control. I think in the op's situation if her mom insists she have a shower but also insists she can't fly when she can make time to be there then I completely understand others feeling some type of way about it.

mommytobe2122 · August 2015

Why don't you do it earlier? Like after you are done your 4 month, when you are in your 5the month? My sister in law did this. I am planning to do it at my 7th month but maybe I will be too tired but now you will be able to fly and spend your energy with people.. So for my opinion attend your babyshower just do it earlier.

@livnicolery

aubreylv · September 2015

My husband is in the military as well and we had our first baby overseas in Korea. This idea was thrown around for us but we decided to have a meet the baby party after we got back home instead. She was only two months old so that worked out for us. Some of our friends overseas did do the virtual "shower" but it was more of then opening gifts on Skype and telling their families thank you. In your situation, I would suggest either flying home before the holiday season and doing the shower then or doing one in early January. Good luck.

tdart14 · September 2015

I'm a big no for the Skype shower for your situation. Have it early, or if doc ok's it hav it in Jan. Or just wait till after the baby born to have it. But I wouldn't attend a shower that the mother wasn't going to be at unless it was extreme circumstance such as mother to be was in hospital.

2-Step · September 2015

I would definitely fly home. Either have the shower early before the crazy retail season starts or fly in January. I would be annoyed if I were invited to a Skype shower and would not attend. That seems completely ridiculous. Like pper said, go after the baby is born if none of the other options work for you.

ETA: Do you have friends in WA that might attend a shower here? I would suggest having your mom fly to you and throw the shower for you and some WA friends if she is intent on having it prior to the birth and you don't want to fly. She can send let close family know where to send the gifts if they would like to and she can take photos or video to share with them back home. Then fly back and have a meet the baby party with your extended friends/family after baby is here.

SarahFoley725 · September 2015

I read this a while ago and didn't have any ideas, but I've been thinking about it a lot for some reason!

In my opinion, if your mom is insisting that you have a shower, she should be the one to come to you. I am certain that the people who love and care about you would be more than happy to mail you a gift or send it with your mom. Flying is expensive and taking off of work costs you money as well. I would want to pocket all of that extra income and use it on the baby. If you're going to go out there, I would wait until the baby is born because then your family will actually be able to see it. We had a trip planned for Christmas that we are going to push back until next summer so we can bring baby with us and kill two birds with one stone.

I hope y'all can come up with something that works! Just try not to make yourself miserable trying to please everyone else.

Melodyags · September 2015

Why not try having the shower in early/mid November before Thanksgiving travel and Black Friday. Personally the Skype thing sounds a bit weird to me.

Baby shower crisis!!!!! Help please!

Re: Baby shower crisis!!!!! Help please!

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