March 2016 Moms

Multiple shower question..

This may have been brought up before but I'm pregnant with my second and I've asked my family to not host a 2nd shower for me. We have everything we need with the exception of girls clothes, if we have a girl this time around. We were very careful that many of our newborn/0-3 month items were gender neutral and absolutely all of our baby gear is as well.

I'm planning on travelling 4 hours to my cousin's wife's shower in a few weeks. It's also her second, and it's a girl (their boy will be 2 shortly). I didn't think a 2nd shower was tacky, just not for me. I went on Facebook today and thought I goofed the dates because there were pictures of this gorgeous shower her mom threw with 50+ people. There will be the same amount attending my parents. I never thought of showers as present grabs before... but this has me almost changing my mind.

I'm considering sending a present but not going. Is that petty? I can tend towards being a minimalist and think all the stuff is just too much (FYI it was 2 minivan loads lol). I'm not entirely sure if I want to give up an entire weekend (we'll leave Friday night and return Sunday morning) for a shower where my presence might not be missed.

Am I nuts or is it the hormones talking??

Re: Multiple shower question..

  • Not nuts or petty. You are never, ever obligated to host a shower, attend a shower or give someone a gift. If a gift isn't a voluntary gesture, then it isn't a gift!
    It's a boy! Born 42 weeks, 2 days.
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  • So she's having two second showers? Oh man that's crazy.

    I also told my mom that I did not want a shower this go round (even if it is a boy as we have a girl now).

    I would go if it was a chance for me to see people I haven't seen in a while but otherwise pass
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  • I would totally send something small and not go. I'm a minimalist myself and totally see what you are talking about.

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  • kynbar5kynbar5 member
    edited September 2015
    I wouldn't send anything. She's having TWO SECOND showers. Seriously? I'm huge on the no no for a second shower at all but the fact that she's having two! What could you possibly get her that she hasn't already gotten/going to get?! That's extremely tacky. Save the money and use it on your own little one. :)
    ETA- I've established on previous discussions that there are certainly exceptions to the 2nd shower deal however, this definitely is not one!
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  • oceanchildoceanchild member
    edited September 2015
    kynbar5 said:
    I wouldn't send anything. She's having TWO SECOND showers. Seriously? I'm huge on the no no for a second shower at all but the fact that she's having two! What could you possibly get her that she hasn't already gotten/going to get?! That's extremely tacky. Save the money and use it on your own little one. :) ETA- I've established on previous discussions that there are certainly exceptions to the 2nd shower deal however, this definitely is not one!
    agreed; i wouldn't even send a gift, unless you just have tons of money to blow. and i definitely wouldn't travel for that! TWO van-loads?! and shes having *another* shower?! i bet half that stuff gets returned or regifted or just stuck in a closet and forgotten until it gets donated or consigned. eff that tacky noise, WTAF

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  • I personally can't stand when people have showers for multiple kids. This is my first baby and everything that I have registered for is in a neutral color because that just makes sense to me. When we got married we had two showers and I could barely stand that! If I were you I would stay home and if anything send a little gift card. It sounds like she is well covered. Plus you have your own baby to spend money on.
  • Honestly I wouldn't feel guilty not attending and not sending a gift. She obviously doesn't need anything. 


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  • i think i would feel guiltier about spending money from our tight budget on a gift when we can't really afford it. i am feeling a bit guilty about going 2h away to a shower for a second baby this weekend, bc gas $ and gift $ take away from grocery $, but i felt this was kind of one of the exceptions to the rule (huge gap between babies, years of illness then infertility and 5 losses, they donated all of their baby gear/clothes to a womens'/childrens' shelter, mama never got a shower with first baby bc they were deployed to Minot, ND at 30 weeks with no family/friends, haven't been able to see her and family since our wedding bc of living far away). she has nothing, and she doesn't expect/want handouts, but really this family deserves it. they are such selfless people, always giving themselves to others. and the shower is only going to be family and close friends.

    March 2016 siggy: babies - expectation vs reality

    Brian's Whovian wife (5/'09) 
    AP, BF, BW, CD, CLW, CS, ERF, Catholic mama 
    to Evan (7/'10), Clare (8/'11), Dean (3/'14), ^F(12/'15)^, Rose (3/'16)
    *no longer a Timelord ~ WibblyWobbly BabyWaby is here!*
    <3 but i still feel bigger on the inside <3
     Autism mama! 
  • I DO think showers for second babies are kind of tacky (A "sprinkle" I'm okay with. But VERY small.) and TWO showers for a second baby is TWICE as tacky. I would totally side-eye that. 
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  • Thanks y'all. I'm not too worried about the money. Although I should be hubby is a student... A well paid student but still we're not rolling in it.
    I'll stick to my new plan of giving a $30/$40 gift card to Swiss chalet (dine-in/take out chicken place that's decently healthy) and a card saying "Dinner's on us one night after Baby X arrives". I don't want to do nothing since my family is pretty close but they REALLY don't need stuff.

    I love giving presents and I'll likely buy something adorable for when I visit for the first time but 4 showers in less than 2 years is nuts. I had 3 showers (family out of province, local one w hubby's family and a work one) and I thought it was way overboard. I was extremely grateful but I just thought it was a lot for one family. So I couldn't imagine doing it again. I told everyone this time around if they felt like they needed to do something a home cooked meal and taking my LO out to the park for an afternoon would be more than generous.
  • Thanks y'all. I'm not too worried about the money. Although I should be hubby is a student... A well paid student but still we're not rolling in it. I'll stick to my new plan of giving a $30/$40 gift card to Swiss chalet (dine-in/take out chicken place that's decently healthy) and a card saying "Dinner's on us one night after Baby X arrives". I don't want to do nothing since my family is pretty close but they REALLY don't need stuff. I love giving presents and I'll likely buy something adorable for when I visit for the first time but 4 showers in less than 2 years is nuts. I had 3 showers (family out of province, local one w hubby's family and a work one) and I thought it was way overboard. I was extremely grateful but I just thought it was a lot for one family. So I couldn't imagine doing it again. I told everyone this time around if they felt like they needed to do something a home cooked meal and taking my LO out to the park for an afternoon would be more than generous.
    Having someone bring you a meal and take your older LO(s) to the park is the best gift you could give a mama! I like the way you think. And I also think sending a gift card for dinner for the parents is a very thoughtful, non-tacky way of handling this situation.
    It's a boy! Born 42 weeks, 2 days.
    Pregnancy Ticker
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