Help! My mom is crazy!

Jen&MAC · September 2015

So ever since i told my mother that we had our first ultrasound at 6 weeks and I told her all you can see is a dot (the yolk sack) she's been saying I'm calling her 'Dottie' and it's a girl. I know it's petty but its driving me NUTS! We are 13 weeks now and I have told her several times that my hubby and i are hoping for a boy and the name Dottie brings images to my head if some 60 year old chain smoking waitress at a run down diner getting on the back if her unemployed biker boyfriend's motorcycle. Just EW... So I've been really straight forward and she still insists on torturing me with this. I tried joking, 'you are poking a hormonal bear' and 'wow, that'll be awkward when he's born' etc... Any advice? This can be our only child for health reasons and my husband is the last male to carry on the name, this baby being a boy would be such a big blessing. Why doesn't she see that and stop hurting my silly little feelings?

ceds07 · September 2015

Aw it's definitely frustrating that you've told her it upsets you and she insists on doing it anyway! That being said, it will probably be a moot point once you do find out what you're having so if at all possible just ignore her for now. If you really truly can't then just tell her you're not going to engage in conversations about the baby with her until she can respect you. (IE: don't answer if she asks "how's Dottie?") Sorry she's being annoying about this!

FutureMrsCaesar · September 2015

I think you need to just ignore her. Enjoy the fact that she has no control over the sex or naming of the baby. Are you worried that by referring to it as a 'she' or Dottie she is somehow going to influence the sex? I highly doubt it. The sex is what it is since conception. If you're finding out the sex and it is a boy I'm sure she will get over it and stop, and if it's a girl maybe you could tell her what name you are using and she can call the baby that? Either way I think you need to try and let it go in one ear and out the other. She is obviously enjoying pushing your buttons for some reason.

flowerpower5838 · September 2015

If it really bothers you, you need to be super direct. "Mom, if this baby is a girl her name will not be Dottie. Please stop calling my future child a random name that has no significance to her/him." Of course, this could cause same ill feelings. I know with my relationship with my mom, she would respect my wishes, but with my MIL (whom I love and is truly like a second mom to me), it would take a little more of the tough love, direct route. Surprisingly she has been great though.

PERSONALLY I don't see that it's that big of a deal. Surely she knows that you aren't going to name your baby Dottie if you've expressed that to her. Some people just need to call the baby something and it seems like Dottie stuck for her. We don't call the baby anything - not bean or peanut or anything. It's just "the baby" but I can see some people's need to create a nickname in the meantime of finding out the sex.

cataleya82 · September 2015

I have a friend who keeps referring to my baby as "little Darlene" because Darlene is my friends name. I just ignore her and she hasn't done it in a while. Also I'm only 17 weeks and still don't know the sex, but everyone keeps referring to baby as a girl (because I have 2 boys already). It's pretty annoying, but it's best to just ignore, no sense in getting yourself upset over it.

bntfroggie · September 2015

I agree with most of the posters, it isn't doing any harm. If you really want someone to stop don't beat around the bush about it, put your foot down. My nephew's were calling their baby sister Jinglebell as soon as they found out mommy was pregnant. No harm done, it was like nails on a chalk board because all I kept picturing was an elf, but she came out and wasn't an elf.

ceds07 · September 2015

My nephew's were calling their baby sister Jinglebell as soon as they found out mommy was pregnant. No harm done, it was like nails on a chalk board because all I kept picturing was an elf, but she came out and wasn't an elf.

Really?! I sort of think this is the cutest thing ever! Maybe just because the boys came up with it but that's actually a sweet nickname from her brothers :-)

smount2011 · September 2015

I know there is no sense in letting it bother you, but sometimes when it comes from someone as close as your mother, it truly does. I don't know the sex of my baby yet either, but we said if its a girl we are calling her Charlotte, Charley for short. My mother stuck her nose up and said she is not going to be related to another Charlie/e/ey, if we name her Charlotte she will call her Lottie. Lottie is HORRIBLE!!! And she won't let it go.

Everyone did the same thing when I was trying to come up with a girl name for my DD. I mentioned every name and everyone stuck their nose up- including my mom. I had even tried her current name and everyone said no. Well when she was born she was my little Hailey Simone- and everyone loved it even after they poked fun at it months before.

kynbar5 · September 2015

Moms can be and a lot of times are annoying and irrational but that's just how it is. You have to choose your battles even though it can be really annoying. We don't know what we're having yet but have decided if it's a girl her middle name will be my maternal and paternal grandmothers names since they're both gone. My mom had made more than a few comments on "why can't the baby have my moms 1st name as her 1st name?" "You mean you're not going to use my moms 1st or middle name as her 1st name?" "I think her name should be (insert mothers name here)." I've learned to just let it go even though it really aggravates me. Plus, like I said, we don't even know if the baby is a she or he yet

gardensparrow · September 2015

Well, you're description of "Dottie" made me laugh.

But I'm sorry your mom is driving you crazy by calling the baby by that name. Have you been able to tell her seriously that it's bothering you? Maybe she doesn't think you actually mean it when you tell her in a joking way. But, hopefully, as the ultrasounds of the baby become more clear she'll lay off with the name.

LoA · September 2015

I totally get it! My mom keeps insisting we are having a girl too, which I'm actually hoping for except now it has caused 2 issues!

One issue being my older son who is 5 is also believing this and seems pretty set on getting a sister, and every time we mention it could be a boy he tears up and doesn't understand! Agh!
Second issue is, my crazy MIL over heard my mom ask how the "princess" is and keeps insisting that we know it's a girl and haven't told her! She is crazy! She keeps asking me if there's something I need to tell her! So annoying, but I just try to let it go and walk away from the both of them - otherwise they stress me out! Lol

ecwk · September 2015

Honestly I think you're overreacting. I understand that it's annoying but I think you are letting it get to you too much. Your discription of Dottie is hilarious though. If you ignore her you'll take away her power, that's what I would do.
Also, you seem totally intent that having a boy is the only outcome you're happy with. If I were you I'd really try accept the fact now that you have a 50/50 chance of having a girl and you should adjust yourself to this idea in case that's the way it goes.

EmeraldSea · September 2015

charley15 said:
I know there is no sense in letting it bother you, but sometimes when it comes from someone as close as your mother, it truly does. I don't know the sex of my baby yet either, but we said if its a girl we are calling her Charlotte, Charley for short. My mother stuck her nose up and said she is not going to be related to another Charlie/e/ey, if we name her Charlotte she will call her Lottie. Lottie is HORRIBLE!!! And she won't let it go.
Everyone did the same thing when I was trying to come up with a girl name for my DD. I mentioned every name and everyone stuck their nose up- including my mom. I had even tried her current name and everyone said no. Well when she was born she was my little Hailey Simone- and everyone loved it even after they poked fun at it months before.

Haha we are thinking Charlotte and using Lottie as a nickname (to each their own fwiw it's a family name for us) and my mom is the opposite! She keeps calling her Fiona!? And all I can think of is shrek.

2-Step · September 2015

My youngest son calls our baby "Taco Junior" and "Treefort" Honestly, I think you're getting upset over something kind of silly. All of our friends had funny names for our baby and each other's babes when they were in utero. None of them stuck past birth. Who cares if she wants to make up a funny nickname for your baby, I would just ignore it and live your life. It sounds to me like maybe you have some other issues with your mother that this is bringing up. Maybe think about it and get to the root of why this is so frustrating for you coming from her. We all have issues with different people in our lives that may make little things seem bigger than they really are, so getting to the root of that might just make it easier to forgive her silly things like this.

ETA: I would never assume someone's feelings were being hurt by giving their unborn child a silly nickname either, so I think if you want her to stop you need to clearly communicate that it really makes you feel bad and not hope she can interpret that on her own.

smount2011 · September 2015

EmeraldSea said:

charley15 said:
I know there is no sense in letting it bother you, but sometimes when it comes from someone as close as your mother, it truly does. I don't know the sex of my baby yet either, but we said if its a girl we are calling her Charlotte, Charley for short. My mother stuck her nose up and said she is not going to be related to another Charlie/e/ey, if we name her Charlotte she will call her Lottie. Lottie is HORRIBLE!!! And she won't let it go.
Everyone did the same thing when I was trying to come up with a girl name for my DD. I mentioned every name and everyone stuck their nose up- including my mom. I had even tried her current name and everyone said no. Well when she was born she was my little Hailey Simone- and everyone loved it even after they poked fun at it months before.
Haha we are thinking Charlotte and using Lottie as a nickname (to each their own fwiw it's a family name for us) and my mom is the opposite! She keeps calling her Fiona!? And all I can think of is shrek.

Lol and Charles or "Charlie" is a family name for us! Lol we just thought it would be cute to have a girl Charley instead of all those boys!

elle313 · September 2015

ecwk said:

Honestly I think you're overreacting. I understand that it's annoying but I think you are letting it get to you too much. Your discription of Dottie is hilarious though. If you ignore her you'll take away her power, that's what I would do. Also, you seem totally intent that having a boy is the only outcome you're happy with. If I were you I'd really try accept the fact now that you have a 50/50 chance of having a girl and you should adjust yourself to this idea in case that's the way it goes.

I agree with all this ^ I would try to laugh it off and not dwell on it. I have a friend who calls my baby Pat, which I'm definitely not naming this child, but I know its a joke and take it as such. Also, I think ecwk makes a good point about preparing yourself for a boy OR a girl since you do have just as much chance as anyone of having a girl (and girls are great, too!). Good luck!

Jen&MAC · September 2015

I've told her straight up serious. Provided the girl's name we have picked out as an alternative, then asked for her commitment by saying,'what are you going to call the baby?' She said Dottie again. I told her it's not funny. She's being childish now. I'm gonna tell her to Grow up, Grandma next time she does it. Why does my mother do this? Grrrr... It's so silly, but it's silly on both sides. She's not the mom who couldn't get pregnant for 13 years so maybe I would like her to be the bigger person just once.

Jen&MAC · September 2015

Actually we have a girls name picked out, too... Which I provided my mother with as an alternative. I was not able to get pregnant for 13 years and just wanna savor every part of this. She knows the whole story... I wish just ONCE she'd be the bigger person. I mentioned that my feelings are silly, I still just wish that my mom wouldn't proactively try to stomp on them.

ecwk · September 2015

Again, congratulations on your pregnancy and I hope you do get to savor every single bit of it. I stick to what I said and I believe you are overreacting. If you're letting yourself get this irritated over this you're going to prevent yourself from savoring any part of your pregnancy. It sounds like you're actually fueling it by drawing attention to it when she does it. If you ignore her (hard as it may be) she will have to stop.

llybeck · September 2015

Ignore her completely. I don't want to be that person but I have to say, there will be SO MANY things that people say that are going to piss you off so much worse than this. And it gets worse after you have the baby! The best thing you can do to keep yourself happy and to enjoy your time being pregnant is to ignore it.

I know you're not trying to but I would really try to stop being adamant about having a boy or a boy being such a blessing. Every baby is a blessing and I know you know that but I think it would help you to let go of the notion of sexes right now too because that seems to be fueling your mom as well. And I am not trying to make assumptions or be rude but I think it would do you well to let it go so that you don't get disappointed if it is a girl. Girls are awesome! I was the last chance my dad's family had of passing on the family name and he doesn't care one bit that I am a girl. Your husband won't either, passing on a name really means just about nothing. It has nothing to do with your family, child, anything. It's just a name.

flowerpower5838 · September 2015

Your mom isn't trying to "proactively stomp on your dreams." I am sure your dream was to get pregnant (OMFG congratulations. 13 years?? What a long and tumultuous ride your and your DH have been on. Truly happy for the both of you).

Surely having had gone though such a devastating thing like infertility (like many women here have also) you can understand that your mom calling the baby something you don't like just doesn't seem like that big of a deal? YOU'RE PREGNANT after such a long struggle and you're letting something as silly as a nickname for a fetus get you so riled up. I get it. You've asked her to stop and she hasn't. Einstein famously said “The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again, but expecting different results”. If you asked and she hasn't stopped, your best course of action is just to ignore.

I've only been trying to have a baby for a little over 2 years and if my mom wanted to nickname my baby Lester I might be a little annoyed, but I'd still be riding high from the fact that I am PREGNANT.

If you think your mother is calling this baby Dottie in spite of you or to purposefully make you mad, then don't talk to her. It's that easy. If it really is as simple as you think she is attached to a nickname that you don't like, I am sorry, but you're not going to get a lot of empathy.

100% agree with the PPs that have mentioned preparing for the fact that you have a 50/50 chance of having a girl. You are a girl - would it be so awful to have a little mini-me?

Edited because my paragraphs didn't work?

SarahFoley725 · September 2015

I'm sorry! I agree with the advice to just ignore her. I know it's hard and frustrating, but if she's not picking up on your hints there's not much you can do.

We have a nephew and my parents are always saying (in front of me) how my nephew is the cutest boy ever and no little boy will ever be as perfect as him. We don't know what we are having yet so it's super hurtful to hear. I cried about it and got over it because there's nothing else to do really.

Your mom will be happy with whatever you have and this is probably just her way of being excited.

kfarr26 · September 2015

My in laws are calling our baby Sebastian...you've just got to laugh it off or ignore it. At this point you've fixated on it, though, and you're making yourself miserable. Sure your mom could and should stop after being asked several times, but you can only control yourself here.

I get it, though. I tend to fixate on little things, too, and it is hard to let go. My husband and I now just say "O P P" when I get rolling...other people's problems...not mine!

Congratulations on your pregnancy! 13 years, wow! I hope this is your biggest worry and you have a very happy and healthy pregnancy and baby!

mommytobe2122 · September 2015

I am sorry but this is so funny:) don't be mad at your mom just ignore her let her say whatever she wants to say.. Wish for a healthy baby and the rest does not matter at all

Unknown · September 2015

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Melodyags · September 2015

I'm sure I'm going to come across as rude or judgemental here but this is what I have to say. I'm sure she isn't purposely trying to upset you and hurt you and your husbands feelings. She is probably just really excited and overjoyed. She besides you and your husband have been eaiting a ling time.She probably thinks the nickname cute because of picture you mentioned looking like a dot. She should however listen that you don't like it and bothering you and stop. Id make it clear to her again in a nice way. If doesn't work you'll know soon enough what your having and baby will have an actual name for her to call baby for sure. This is nothing to jeopardize a relationship with your mother over. Everyone's mother gets on their nerves at times. We all deal with it. Mine is a big part of all our lives.You may also want to try to warm up to the idea that the baby might actually be a girl and not a boy. You have a 50/50 shot and it's already decided. You seem to only want a boy by the sound of your post eventhough you claim to have a girls named picked out later. A daughter is just as rewarding as a son. I have 1 son, 2 daughters and another daughter on the way. All that should matter is you have a healthy baby and having one you've been trying to have.

Torpedogirl · September 2015

I have 3 boys now. Before I knew what I was having everyone and I mean everyone kept saying your little girl is going to be so beautiful, do you feel "her" yet, this has got to be a girl this time, and the best yet if it's a bit you can just try again. I know this is not exactly the same thing but I am telling you because every time I cringed when someone said something. What I did was what everyone is saying to do. I just giggled and walked away. When I told everyone we were having a boy my sitter actually said "only God knows you still have a chance". As if the only reason I was having another child was to have a girl. I seriously was really upset. Of course I wanted a girl but they were what was making it even worse for me. The comments have finally stopped and now I can enjoy the rest of my pregnancy without hearing sex opinions. The comments and opinions about your child from others will never stop so I would say just ignore her and when she realizes you don't care anymore she will stop. I am also very sorry it took you so long to get pregnant and hope you have a very healthy baby.

gardensparrow · September 2015

Well, it definitely sounds like you've done as much as you can to get your mom to stop with the name. Sorry, she doesn't seem to be taking the hint. But, hang in there-not much longer til the baby's here and the name's official!

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