DP from 1st tri: any other minimalist soon-to-be moms?

kns1988 · September 2015

Double post from 1st trimester board because I don't know how many people frequent both. I hope that's not taboo!

I've been living a minimalist lifestyle for 3 years now. I know some may think it's a fad, but for me, it's a way of life that gives me space to breathe and time to focus on what's truly important in my life. My family, on the other hand, are people who love to shop and don't understand my choices at all. After multiple conversations about it, I've FINALLY convinced my mom to stop buying me things that I don't want or need. I'm not looking forward to the barrage of stuff that babies bring, and I'm wondering if there are any others out there who feel the same way. For those of you who have kids already, what things did you *truly* need for a newborn? How did you or how are you planning to deal with people pressuring you to register? Or did you find a balance of registering for just a select few items?

EricaEly · September 2015

We thought we were one and done so we got rid of everything, but we have now decided to have another. The first time though we wanted it all. Somethings rarely got used so second time around I am only getting essentials: convertible car seat and baby carrier. Instead of getting things all at once we will be buying them as we go along if we find them neccessary. No one really buys off your registry anyway. I am with you about minimalist living. I hate to have extra clutter.

helleebellee · September 2015

Honestly, I could get by with only a wrap to carry baby with. My kids never really did like swings, and things like it. We co sleep, so a bed isn't necessary. I did buy a Moses basket type bed for my last that was extremely helpful, but definitely not necessary. Oh! And a nursing pillow, if you go that route. I love the Brest Friend pillow. If I had those two things, I'd be just fine. Of course, I'm only talking big ticket items.

kbrands7 · September 2015

I would have loved to not have had all the extra stuff. The big items we used the most: the pack n' play (DS slept in it in our room for months); a small, portable lounger (we used it outside a lot); and a Mai tai wrap. I hated having a swing: it was bulky and DS didn't like it. We tried limiting toys to one of each type (blocks, sorters, etc) but all of that crumbled when Christmas came.

TheThornBird · September 2015

This is *such* a great topic, thank you so much for posting it. I absolutely hate having extra "stuff" lying around the house.

Does anyone have advice for family members who buy lots of unneeded gifts? I see this problem among other family members who tell everyone to stop giving them gifts aaaaaand people keep giving them.

kbrands7 · September 2015

I wish I had advice for family over-gifting...we tried encouraging people to put money toward a college savings account, but it only diverted extra gifts a bit. We also tried setting an only-on-holidays boundary, abd sharing a google spreadsheet of stuff he already had with close family members, but that eventually broke down too because I didn't want to appear ungrateful when grandparents, siblings, and great grandparents showed up with random toys. We do keep a stash of those toys with grandparents and great grandparents though, so not everything is in our livingroom!

kns1988 · September 2015

TheThornBird, it took me a few years to get through to my family about unwanted/unneeded gifts, but I finally got through to them. I just repeated my views over and over again and tried to explain to them the reasoning behind it. I even put it in writing for my mom, which I think helped. I also let go of the guilt that came with donating things people had given me as gifts. Now I suggest things that I actually would appreciate, like consumables, and that seems to have satisfied my mom's need to show her love by buying things. It might sound cold to some people, but I was feeling like my family didn't respect my wishes and didn't respect me by continuing to give me things when I asked them not to. I think we're all a lot happier now that we've come to an understanding.

Of course, the baby could and probably will set this progress wayyyy back.

Google "minimalism unwanted gifts" and you'll find some good articles about ways to handle it

kns1988 · September 2015

Another plan of attack that DH and I have already discussed is having 1 designated "Grandma's toy box". We'll let her put whatever she wants in there as long as the lid closes, and things will have to be donated when it gets too full.

austintoastie · September 2015

We're actually planning to move about two months after ours is born (our first), so my buying is going to be kept to a huge minimum. We're not setting up a nursery in our current house - I think I'll just be buying a bassinet/sleep basket, car seat/stroller, a few toys, maybe a playpen, and the basic clothes. The less we have to move and pack, the better. We'll set a proper nursery in the new house but I still plan on keeping the buying to a minimum. I'm not a fan of being buried in unnecessaries.

joemunson · September 2015

Thank you for posting this! My MIL has a problem buying my nephew stuff he doesn't need- he has so many toys my SIL doesn't even bother to put them away cuz they won't fit and last year he got a Halloween costume in July because it was "just too cute to pass up". My SIL loves it but I can't stand people buying more than we need. I think being honest with people from the start and telling people what baby needs and how they can generate their desire to spend and not just be buying toys or ugly clothes all the time.
Someone else mentioned donating stuff- I think that's great! People rarely care after they give the baby something about constantly seeing baby in it/using it. If you've been clear about not needing be something and they buy it anyway, don't feel bad about saying "like we said, our baby didn't need a 65th teddy bear so we gave it to this great organization that gives toys to kids who aren't as lucky as our baby".

DanandVan · September 2015

I hate walking into Babies R Us. The place tries to make it seem like you need so much for a baby. Here is my list of things that we used with my other kids, most recently my 2 yr old.
Oh, and I buy 2nd hand, garage sales, craigslist for almost everything. The only things I bought new for my other kids were carseats, cloth diapers (although you can absolutely buy used, it just grosses me out...), and my really nice baby carriers (Tula and kinderpack).

Cloth diapers (I have about 30)
Changing table /dresser we got for $50 craigslist
Graco carseat (new)
Graco stroller (used $25 craigslist)
Bouncer ($3 garage sale)
Pack-n-play (borrowed, wasn't a necessity but was nice to have for the first few months)
Ring sling, Tula, and Kinderpack baby carriers were my big splurges that were worth every penny. And guess what, I can sell them for what I paid (even make a profit) on them whenever we are done babywearing.
Baby coslept with us till she turned 2, so we did buy a guard rail for maybe $30? All her clothes were garage sale, Target clearance, and hand me downs. We made all our own baby food - just froze pureed food in ice cube trays. Never used bottles or pacifiers.

I would register for bare necessities but be ready for people to give you all kinds of random things. If you find them useful, great, otherwise just sell them on craigslist or donate them. Babies go in and out of stages so quickly, there is no harm in picking up things for a short while. Like we had an exersaucer (picked out of neighbors trash in pristine condition) that was huge and took up a lot of space, but she loved it and it was great from about 6-9 mo. Then we passed it on to a friend.

obryana6219 · September 2015

Just a reminder that not everything works out the way you want it to. I planned on EBF and my daughter has a condition called hypercalcemia which means she requires special formula or she would die. So I didn't buy many bottles and had to go get a bunch more. Also our daughter hated sleeping in our bed. She would fuss and cry until we put her in a bassinet right next to me. We also planned on only using a convertible car seat for her but had to buy an infant carrier at the last minute because of my complications with the pregnancy. I had a ton of doctor appointments and needed a place for her to sit while the appointment was taking place.

mightylady · September 2015

You can live without a changing table. Just put down a towel or something.

I needed the carrier (we did ergo with infant insert. I could never figure out the Moby wrap. Now we use a ring sling a lot at almost 2. We almost never used a stroller)

You need someplace safe for the baby to sleep. Crib will be good for YEARS especially if you get one that converts. Unless you travel a lot I would get a crib over a pack n play, my son is 2 and is too big for it. If you plan on bed sharing I'd get one of those in bed baby bassinet just to prevent roll over in your sleep.

If you're able to breast feed, you want a breastfeeding pillow. Regular pillows don't cut it.

If you end up bottle feeding go straight for the largest size (8 or 9 oz) then you don't need to have the smaller size at all.

I really would recommend a baby gym. (one of those mats with the dangling toys.) They even make one that can grow with them and turn into a tunnel they can crawl through I love multipurpose toys.

You could probably live without a baby bath tub but I preferred having one. You don't need baby towels or wash clothes that stuff is a racket. Regular towels are good. You don't need body wash and shampoo. I recommend Mustela foaming shampoo. It rinses in one go. Super important. I never needed baby powder or baby oil. Occasionally lotion.

emilyj77 · September 2015

I agree with all of the suggestions that you don't really need much ahead of time, especially all of the bulky items. With DD I didn't know if she'd like a swing or a bouncy seat. We got a bouncy seat, DD arrived and a couple months later found that a swing might work better. A friend had one that she gave us for free. Some babies like to be bounced, some babies like to be swayed and you don't know until you meet them.

For this baby I plan to use the rockn'play (hopefully he/she likes it) for the first six months for sleeping. It's portable, provides an elevated position to reduce reflux and small. I'm also planning to use our baby carriers a lot more this time around. I had so many, I forget which ones.

Also, there are so many good organizations that will accept new baby items as donations (church, women's shelters), I wouldn't give it a second thought. You could try telling family and friends that it's your plan to donate any "extra" items, that way they won't be shocked when their gift isn't out when they come to visit.

somethingbluetoo · September 2015

Love this! We are expecting our third and we have definitely sold a lot over the past few years just because we didn't use it, don't want it or it took up too much space. You actually need very little. Even with baby toys - your first will use them but when you have your second child the baby will just play with the older kids toys. I feel like my second child barely saw any baby toys! We have a toy basket - if it doesn't fit in there it doesn't stay.

We liked how our stroller has a bassinet that can come off and you can use that for them to sleep in rather than buying another bassinet for in the home. We use our pack n' play often enough that I actually got another one (our girls are 15 months apart) perfect for keeping them out of trouble or when they need a nap at oma's, camping...etc. I think this time around we will buy an ergo or something similar...how will I go grocery shopping with 3 under 3?

We got a regular sized dresser and used that for a change table...they can use that until they move out.

There is so much out there that you don't need when it comes to babies! I would go with someone else's suggestion and buy as you need. There are always going to be sales or second hand stores (totally recommend) that have something if you do need.
And for your family that keeps buying...find a family in need that is expecting and donate it to them or a pregnancy centre. At least when you tell your family that it went to a good cause it'll be easier.

lest12 · September 2015

I would skip a changing table. I just used a changing pad on top of the bureau and now, floor.

I definitely would want a baby "bucket" car seat. You don't want to wake a sleeping baby to carry him in and out of places if you don't have to. And I love my stroller. Walking is my main exercise since DS and it is a mental health necessity for me.

But my suggestion for most other things is to just buy as you go, or not invest a lot of money into anything. We were gifted both a bassinet and a mamaroo - both were totally useless and the $60 RNP was a lifesaver. This could probably be true of a lot of items. You are going to want to have a few bottles on hand, even if you're BF-ing, but I wouldn't go put stock in medela until you know that LO is going to take those nipples - you might end up with Avent. KWIM?

helleebellee · September 2015

Mightylady is right! You totally don't need all the fancy baby bath stuff. My kids have had bladder issues, so everyone showers, even the newborns shower with me. I never use lotions anymore because it dries their skin out. I use coconut oil on their scalp to help with cradle cap.

lest12 · September 2015

^We used the baby bath tub and J&J wash, but I agree that you don't need the baby towels. TBH, a lot of them are really cheaply made!

kns1988 · September 2015

All of these tips are so helpful! I'm already starting to compile a list of true needs based on this thread, and I'm planning to shop yard sales, Craiglist, and buy/borrow from friends. Thank you!

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DP from 1st tri: any other minimalist soon-to-be moms?

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