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Premie in nicu

woofnhoowoofnhoo member
in Preemies
I was in labor for 5 days and we tried everything to stop it but my son was born at 29 weeks. He's in nicu and today is the end of the second day and my first night out of the hospital which is almost an hour away. He's doing fantastic but it is killing me to not be by his side and able to not hold him and not be there. Is there anyone who has gone/going through this? I really would love any sugestions of how to handle the overwelming questions I am asked by friends and family and how to deal with the heartache of not being able to be there and this worth less feeling. Thank you
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Re: Premie in nicu

  • blairdavis99blairdavis99 member
    Hi mama! Congrats on your LO. Sorry to hear he's in the NICU. I imagine it's an extremely stressful time for you right now. NICU time always is. There is such a range of emotions you will experience while your son is there & honestly, many of them aren't good. But you need to hang in there & be tough for your LO. Sometimes that means being right by his side, interacting to any degree you can. And sometimes that means taking a break from the hospital. The NICU can be very isolating. Either way, please don't feel worthless because you are absolutely not. Soon enough you will be his whole world and he definitely does not see you that way! It's hard not to feel helpless - we all did I'm sure - but do what you can and take care of yourself! Please see posts in New Preemie Mom thread about 9 posts down. There are some great words of advice there. Hang in there mama! You got this!
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  • woofnhoowoofnhoo member
    Thank you so much for saying that. I'm just so thankful he's doing so well
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  • larms12larms12 member
    I hope things are going well for you and your baby!  I had Nicholas June 8, I was 27 weeks.  We are still in the NICU now.  Its very tough.  How have you been doing since your post? I had to go back to work to keep my benefits. Hang in there!
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  • barnmombarnmom member
    My daughter was born June 26, at 35 weeks. she was in hospital for two weeks after. I was very lucky to be able to pay to stay in a guest room at the hospital, so I could breast feed. I spent as much time in the nicu nursery with baby, often just sitting next to her isolette reading. I would also hold her hand, or do kangaroo care as often as allowed.

    Be strong and dont forget to look after yourself!
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  • JenLovesDesignJenLovesDesign member
    My baby was born on August 13th and has been in the NICU since. I am very fortunate to live 7 minutes from the hospital, but it gets tougher every day as our bond strengthens. I kangaroo her about 6 hours a day. Her biggest obstacle right now Is feeding. When I'm nit with her, I just think of the great world outside that she is missing. i feel so bad that she thinks the world consists of wires taped all over your body and a revolving door of plastic gloved caretakers. I don't like her nurse today, and every time I've been gone and come back she's been lying in spit-up. I try to look at the bright side, that the nurses are teaching this ftm how to take care of her. I'm a lot more confident now than I was a week ago. It's tough though. I get almost crazy anxious trying to get to her each day. I also can't do too much at my own house, being here most of the day. She needs me though, more than anything, This place sucks. We already have everything for discharge, and they expect it to be within the week. I can't wait.
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  • sjra1028sjra1028 member
    Congrats!!! My daughter was born at 34 weeks on July 6th. She had a 15 day stay in the NICU. I know how hard it is to be away from your baby! The best advice I can give is to visit as much as you can. Get the room ready for when your baby comes home. It'll help keep you busy when you're not there. If you're pumping, then keep yourself on a schedule to stay busy. That's what I did, and I managed to keep my sanity while she was there. I had some tough days, but they're worth it in the end! Good luck and stay strong!
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  • blovemamablovemama member
    If you're able to, pump breast milk. I felt so helpless when my boy was in the NICU but being able to provide him breast milk made me feel like I could do something. Your hospital probably will have a pump you can rent.
    Together since '07
    Married since '12
    Off the pill since 5/14
    BFP: 8/10/14 -- CP 8/22/14
    BFP: 12/10/15 -- Prayers requested

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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    I just came to this board as I gave birth Thursday to an IUGR preemie. She had been measuring 9th percentile weekly since anatomy scan. She came at 33w6d and 4lb9oz. I came home today but she is still in the NICU. Dropped alittle weight this week but is doing well. Breathing on her own and breastfeeding couple times a day. She was under the lights today for some reddening and hopefully once that's gone she can be weaned out of isolate. Luckily I love 5 mins from hospital so the plan will be there to go in am to breastfeed stay for awhile leave for lunch time and come back around dinner. We will see how it goes!

    They won't give a commitment to timing they just say she has to eat, breathe and regulate temp on own for 5 days straight before they consider going home. So weird having my first baby and whirlwind of last two days and now to be home again just hubby me and the dogs.
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  • Knottie86476496Knottie86476496 member
    My little girl came 5 weeks early.  At first she seemed perfect but quickly we identified she had Apnea and was transferred to a different hospital with an NICU.  I got discharged early (at my request) so I could be with her (gave birth at 3:35 am and was discharged by 8pm that day).  

    She was in the NICU for a week and a half.  It was the most difficult thing ever.  I didn't produce enough milk to breast feed and pumping was dismiss so I felt like such a failure. the NICU was about 30-40 minutes away but I would go for as long as possible and I would just hold her for hours.  The worst was going home without her.  I couldn't think about anything and just moved around like a ghost always on the verge of tears.

    This time had a lot of ups and downs.  She was apnea spell free and then, the day we were supposed to take her home, she had another one and had to stay another 5 days in the NICU.   The NICU was definitely the best place for her but it killed me to have it away from me.  At the same time I was terrified to bring her home in the even she had another spell.

    I am a very private person and pull in during times like this.  I communicated with many people via text and FB giving them updates and then explaining that I just was not ready to talk in person or via phone.  I kept things pretty soft stating that "she has some typical preemie challenges and needs further monitoring."  A few close friends who had preemies, I would share more details and feelings but it was always via text or messenger because I just couldn't talk about it without breaking down.  I also got sick of people telling me "this is best for her."  I knew that, but it didn't make it easier.  Communicating is hard because as Christina4436 said, you will probably not have any firm dates and there will be a lot of "waiting and seeing."   In my daughters case, with the apnea, they have no real cause so everything just seems so fuzzy. 

    I really hope that your little boy gets healthy and strong quickly.  Below are a few tips for you because I know how difficult this time is:

    1) Spend as much time as possible and be as involved as you can (change diapers, feed, bath etc..)
    2) try to be around when the doctors do rounds so you can ask questions and understand the course off action.
    3) don't start googling or blogging about conditions unless it is a very reputable source (like webMD baby). The internet is full of the worse case stories and they will terrify you
    4) Be prepare for set backs.  Even when I finally got to my discharge date, I knew that if she had an unexpected set back, we could be starting our 5 day spell free time again.  Then when we hit 5 days, we were told she wasn't eating enough so they were holding her till she put on weight for 2 consecutive days.  
    5)  If your NICU has an overnight room where you can room with your baby, take advantage.  The nurses will be there to help.  In my case we have an apnea monitor and it was great to have that first night there with the nurses on call because I had 3 false alarms in the first hour.  

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  • christina4436christina4436 member
    Knottie86476496 said:

    My little girl came 5 weeks early.  At first she seemed perfect but quickly we identified she had Apnea and was transferred to a different hospital with an NICU.  I got discharged early (at my request) so I could be with her (gave birth at 3:35 am and was discharged by 8pm that day).  


    She was in the NICU for a week and a half.  It was the most difficult thing ever.  I didn't produce enough milk to breast feed and pumping was dismiss so I felt like such a failure. the NICU was about 30-40 minutes away but I would go for as long as possible and I would just hold her for hours.  The worst was going home without her.  I couldn't think about anything and just moved around like a ghost always on the verge of tears.

    This time had a lot of ups and downs.  She was apnea spell free and then, the day we were supposed to take her home, she had another one and had to stay another 5 days in the NICU.   The NICU was definitely the best place for her but it killed me to have it away from me.  At the same time I was terrified to bring her home in the even she had another spell.

    I am a very private person and pull in during times like this.  I communicated with many people via text and FB giving them updates and then explaining that I just was not ready to talk in person or via phone.  I kept things pretty soft stating that "she has some typical preemie challenges and needs further monitoring."  A few close friends who had preemies, I would share more details and feelings but it was always via text or messenger because I just couldn't talk about it without breaking down.  I also got sick of people telling me "this is best for her."  I knew that, but it didn't make it easier.  Communicating is hard because as Christina4436 said, you will probably not have any firm dates and there will be a lot of "waiting and seeing."   In my daughters case, with the apnea, they have no real cause so everything just seems so fuzzy. 

    I really hope that your little boy gets healthy and strong quickly.  Below are a few tips for you because I know how difficult this time is:

    1) Spend as much time as possible and be as involved as you can (change diapers, feed, bath etc..)
    2) try to be around when the doctors do rounds so you can ask questions and understand the course off action.
    3) don't start googling or blogging about conditions unless it is a very reputable source (like webMD baby). The internet is full of the worse case stories and they will terrify you
    4) Be prepare for set backs.  Even when I finally got to my discharge date, I knew that if she had an unexpected set back, we could be starting our 5 day spell free time again.  Then when we hit 5 days, we were told she wasn't eating enough so they were holding her till she put on weight for 2 consecutive days.  
    5)  If your NICU has an overnight room where you can room with your baby, take advantage.  The nurses will be there to help.  In my case we have an apnea monitor and it was great to have that first night there with the nurses on call because I had 3 false alarms in the first hour.  

    Good insight and advice. I'm starting to get impatient to at least know a timeline. We have the 5 day thing too, and I'm frustrated every time we have to use a feeding tube to finish a feed, or every addl day she has to be under the jaundice lights bc I know that its not the beginning of the end yet. It's also hard being on mat leave and not knowing when she will be coming home. But I don't want to go back if it's going to be In a week or two, and then if not I am losing out on time on the back end :-/

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  • sarahmills86sarahmills86 member
    Our daughter was born July 5th at 26W5D. She is still in the NICU but will hopefully be home within 2-3 weeks. This has been the most trying time of my life!! We don't always like the nurse with her, I'm sick of them acting like I don't know how to take care of my own baby and pick her up by myself, etc. but just remember they are where they need to be to grow and get stronger and one day it will all be over! As much as the beginning is scary and there is so much unknown it seems, I feel like the end is the hardest because you're so close to leaving but feel like it takes the longest. Just try and breathe and take one day at a time. Things will go up and down and trust me I've had my scary days and balling nights, but they will make it through and so will you!! The one positive I know that comes from this besides our special miracles, is that I think after going through all of this to get them home we will appreciate everything so much more and know how big of a deal each milestone is!!
    God luck!
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  • smvojesmvoje member
    My daughter was born on August 31st at 31 weeks. We also live an hour away from the hospital and cannot be up there all the time. I had a really hard time the first few weeks after I got discharged. My husband didn't know what to do with me I would just start crying at random times and it was often. I finally decided to find other people in the same boat and being able to talk to them helped me more then anything. It's still hard and I want my baby home (hopefully only 3 more weeks) but I know she is where she needs to be at the moment to get stronger and she is doing good.

    Lots of love
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