Team green, baby names, help advice

armywife8289 · September 2015

I feel very deattached to my baby. I'm a STM. First time team green! I'm really struggling with it!!! I feel very very deattached to this baby! I don't have a name for it like Bogo or peanut. I hate most of those names, mostly because peanut is a food, nugget is food... So how do I feel more attached to my child? I really don't even care when it kicks! Some times I do, but not really. I feel like maybe I got to find out because I need to feel love for this child too... Scared I will have the baby and not love it like my son.

yl1m32015 · September 2015

Are there maybe more emotions at play than simply not knowing the sex? Were you maybe not ready for a second child? Are you overwhelmed with the thought of caring for two children? Will knowing the sex help with attachment? Do you have a boy or girl named picked out either way? Is it because you don't know what to buy for the baby? How does your SO feel? I just feel like there's probably more going on and more to your feelings that you should explore.

Mizuiro007 · September 2015

I agree with pp and just wanted to add, I've noticed this for myself. I got pregnant unexpectedly when DS was 5 months old. I'm thrilled to have another baby as DS is the light of my life but I think the difference is that I'm so busy this time with DS that I don't get to just slow down and focus on this pregnancy and this baby. There's also a little bit of a been there, done that feeling this time since I just went through all of this last year.

The best things I found were to pick a name and use it (I just picked Bun and went with it and everyone else joined in after a while). The other thing was when I started making things for this one. I made some hats and blankets for DS and started taking whatever downtime I had and working on some things (usually about an hour every few nights after DS went to bed). I crocheted a sweet little mint and antique white ripple afghan and plan to make matching hat and sweater for pictures like I did with DS. As I'm working on it I feel Bun moving around and it helps.

With DS I used to lay on the couch or in bed and relax and listen to music, or read to my bump and I felt like that was our bonding time. I just have to work harder at making the same type of bonding time with this one as well.

Gingermom15 · September 2015

armywife8289 said:
There could be other feeling. This one was a BC ops, how in the???? My first we had just talked about trying and i went on a diet, we actually didnt start trying he forgot one day and came in me... Lol so it was not too much of a suprise! But my husband and I are coming out of an affair, she just may have had his baby... She's kind of a slut sleeps around a lot. Dates don't add up, it was like after a week affair she was pregnant by him???? But had her baby almost a month too early for when she said she was prego. (Baby has health issues, and a gofundme account and it says nothing about being a Preemie, and it should if it was right??) Plus I mean seriously, me getting pregnant on birth control after that? But she's been out of the pic for the entire thing until now, and really she's not even in the pic. Because we told her to get lost, but we'd pay CS after DNA until then its not his. And if she couldnt respect it he was gonna sign rights over. (She is a drama lama!) But we right now are doing pretty well together. Our friends who went through this too n have helped us, are wowed by how well we r doing! I'm a stay at home mom, so I'm chasing our almost 3 yr old around! We only have a girl name! Boy name Omg we do not like a single name the other does but Benjamin and neither of us really are too fond of that.. I don't need to buy anything for baby. With my first I got everything in teal and green! (The major stuff) I have my best friend who had winter babies like me, and she had a girl then boy. (We swapped boy clothes) and she never found out for hers so I have all neutral clothes from her...I don't need to get anything!!! I guess its almost like other than this belly there is no need to prep! Idk if finding out will help. I'm just so very depressed at not feeling anything to this baby! I'm not sure how to change that. Or if it will change when it gets here

Sooo, I'm sure you will find a name you like and that you will feel a lot of love for your baby once he/she is here. Good luck.

nik6499 · September 2015

It doesn't sound like your detachment is about your baby. It's likely about the host of other issues in your life.

To address the bigger elephant in the room, you should have a paternity test done on the other child and eirher clear that off the plate or deal with it. Unfortunately if it is his he can't just sign rights away, most judges won't allow it. But the first step is determining if this child is in fact your husbands so you can deal with the bigger issue.

Secondly I would strongly suggest couples therapy, or even therapy alone to help you work out how you feel about the affair, how you feel about your relationship and how you feel about bringing another baby into it. You can play with all the minor details all you want, but my assumption is it is the bigger ones that are the real source of your discord

hplunkett2883 · September 2015

Pregnancy tends to bring emotions to the surface. You could have been feeling slightly depressed due to the other issues around you that you suppressed. Now managing emotions becomes more difficult through the surge of hormones. I don't think it's necessarily the baby making you feel like you are but maybe you haven't dealt with some things and it is preventing you from enjoying this pregnancy. Affairs are difficult to make it through for anyone especially if there are underlying issues (possible baby) and underlying emotions, fears, and worries that haven't been properly dealt with. I hope that you find your answers. Best of luck to you.

armywife8289 · September 2015

There could be other feeling. This one was a BC ops, how in the???? My first we had just talked about trying and i went on a diet, we actually didnt start trying he forgot one day and came in me... Lol so it was not too much of a suprise! But my husband and I are coming out of an affair, she just may have had his baby... She's kind of a slut sleeps around a lot. Dates don't add up, it was like after a week affair she was pregnant by him???? But had her baby almost a month too early for when she said she was prego. (Baby has health issues, and a gofundme account and it says nothing about being a Preemie, and it should if it was right??) Plus I mean seriously, me getting pregnant on birth control after that? But she's been out of the pic for the entire thing until now, and really she's not even in the pic. Because we told her to get lost, but we'd pay CS after DNA until then its not his. And if she couldnt respect it he was gonna sign rights over. (She is a drama lama!) But we right now are doing pretty well together. Our friends who went through this too n have helped us, are wowed by how well we r doing! I'm a stay at home mom, so I'm chasing our almost 3 yr old around! We only have a girl name! Boy name Omg we do not like a single name the other does but Benjamin and neither of us really are too fond of that.. I don't need to buy anything for baby. With my first I got everything in teal and green! (The major stuff) I have my best friend who had winter babies like me, and she had a girl then boy. (We swapped boy clothes) and she never found out for hers so I have all neutral clothes from her...I don't need to get anything!!! I guess its almost like other than this belly there is no need to prep! Idk if finding out will help. I'm just so very depressed at not feeling anything to this baby! I'm not sure how to change that. Or if it will change when it gets here

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