teen parent vs in laws

MrsAllende1 · September 2015

Being pregnant and not living with the father is extremely hard. I have to constantly take a train, walk up and down stairs and by the time I get to my fiancés house im exhausted. He has been trying to comvince his parents to let me move into their house but they keep telling him no even though at this point I am currently 8 months pregnant. A day before our anniversary, my fiance and his parents got into a big fight and his mom threatened to call the cops on me even though I had nothing to do with the argument. I honestly dont know what to do anymore...please any type of advice will help.

mandy903 · September 2015

Why isn't he coming to see you? If it's difficult on you to go there don't. And if you are both teens living with parents it's the parents house and rules even if they are unfair rules. .. If it was me I'd stay away from that stressful environment.

KonaCoffeeBean · September 2015

My advice would be to work, save up, and get your own place. I'm sure that's quite difficult as a teen, but I hope that if the two of are are mature enough to take on marriage and parenting, that you're mature enough to take on the responsibility of living independently.

Latina211508 · September 2015

I got pregnant at 17 with my first child. I did already have a job and a car. My husband at the time did as well. My parents had rules and I respected them. They would never let my husband move in but I never asked. Vice versa with his parents.We waited till I was an adult, saved up and bought a condo together. He should be coming to see you. I suggest just stay respectful on your part, I wouldn't expect to move into your inlaws. Save up and get a place together.

kyraaD · September 2015

unfortunately if you guys are teens & he lived with his parents who dont want you living there, there's not a whole lot you guys can do about it. why isnt he coming to visit you instead of makinf you take the train & whatnot while you're 8 months pregnant.

but anyways, i agree with PP's. all you guys can do really is save up money & look for a place to rent/buy together (which i suggest you rent first if you've never lived together before). thats how basically all couples start out. until then maybe request he starts coming to visit you instead of making you travel all the time.

aleecats · September 2015

You can't make his family let you live there that's up to them. I'm 19, when I first found out I was pregnant it was hard. My fiancé doesn't have family, his mother passed away and he was living with a family friend the last year. Seeing him was difficult and the woman he was living with didn't like me or that I was "forcing a child on him" (her craziness is a whole other story). Anyway my parents we're supportive but they were adamant they didn't want him living here and they didn't want the baby there so we were at a cross road.
I didn't beg my parent to let him move in instead we came up with a plan, he found a steady stable job that gave him 40 hours a week plus over time. We saved together and started looking for places for him to live where I could stay occasionally (we both agreed it'd be best for everyone if I lived at home for a while so I could have constant help with the baby since his job is demanding).
My parents came to the conclusion that our daughter would need us both present constantly on their own. Because we didn't pressure them and we showed them that we were going to make it work no matter what they agreed to let him move in. Our agreement is a year from the day she's born were allowed to live here and build up a decent savings so we can find a place we love not just somewhere we can afford.

Sorry if that got long but my point is instead of trying to convince them to let you move in show them you two are going to take this seriously. My parents biggest hesitation with us was that we weren't going to be able to handle this and we'd bite off more than we can chew. By coming up with plan (living situations, parenting and birth choices, talking through all our options) we showed them that under any circumstance we'd make it work and they were more willing to help and work with us.

spottedginger · September 2015

Sorry, OP, but their house, their rules. If they don't want you to move in, that is their call. Until you have a job and can get a place of your own, you will have to live by your parents' rules and he will have to live with his parents' rules. I agree with PP that he should be making the trip to visit you, too.

redfallon · September 2015

From the sounds of it, even if she hasn't said so, maybe his parents are forbidding him to visit her?

aleecats · September 2015

redfallon said:
From the sounds of it, even if she hasn't said so, maybe his parents are forbidding him to visit her?

I could see it except they're allowing her to come there.

redfallon · September 2015

aleecats said:

From the sounds of it, even if she hasn't said so, maybe his parents are forbidding him to visit her?
I could see it except they're allowing her to come there.

Still doesn't mean that they want him going to her house. They can't control anything if it's not under their roof.

thegingeravenger · September 2015

redfallon said:

aleecats said:

redfallon said:
From the sounds of it, even if she hasn't said so, maybe his parents are forbidding him to visit her?
I could see it except they're allowing her to come there.

Still doesn't mean that they want him going to her house. They can't control anything if it's not under their roof.

Well, to quote Juno, she's already pregnant - what other shenanigans could she possibly get in to?

OP, unfortunately there's not much you can do. Take care of you and your LO and maybe they'll change their mind of their own accord. I can't really blame them though. Allowing someone to move into your house with a LO on the way is asking a lot of anyone. If his mom is threatening to call the cops on you then you probably don't need to move into that environment.

ChiccoBeanz · September 2015

Honestly, this is a tough situation. I'd scrap the entire idea of moving in with his parents. They sound, interesting, for lack of a better term. Make other arrangements to spend time together in neutral places if you can and focus on getting yourselves together and prepped for your own place. I STRONGLY suggest distancing yourself from his family if they are trying to create issues for you. If anyone called the cops on me and I hadn't done anything to warrant that...they'd be on the path to no return in my life. But I'm a bit drastic and I don't trust people who do things like that.

Knottie59387608 · September 2015

Get jobs, get a car and rent a house or apartment. It will be hard but if you were grown up enough to be engaged and get pregnant and decided to keep the baby, then you have to be grown up enough to deal with the consequences of your actions and deal with the situation you are in until you can do it yourself. I dont understand why you would want to live somewhere youre obviously not wanted anyways? Until you get out on your own, there is really nothing you can do about it except be respectful to your SOs parents wishes for their home and your own parents that are taking care of you. You arent entitled to live with them just because you are pregnant.

(None of this was intended to sound mean in anyway or come off as me being a hardass, but reality sucks sometimes.)

nik6499 · September 2015

Adulting is hard unfortunately. His parents have the right to do and say whatever they want. You and your boyfriend need to figure out what you are going to do. If you can't live together yet, then you come up with a plan that works for both of you. If it's one sided and you are doing all the traveling and making all the effort now is the time to decide if that is really the best option for you moving forward. You can't make them accept you, but you can make your own plan for moving forward and being your own adult.

groovylocks · September 2015

Parents who threaten to call the police on a pregnant teenager don't have a good relationship with that teenager (best case scenario) or they're just a little .... peculiar. (slightly less best case) or worse.

You don't want to live in that kind of toxicity, regardless of who is causing it.

This house moreover is their property. They and only they decide how it's run and who lives there and if they say they don't want you moving in, whether out of the best intentions or otherwise, that's the end of the story. It's not a question of what's fair because what's fair is them living in their own home the way they want to and they don't want the additional chaos (and you sound really nice and sweet but a new mom and baby are total chaos by their nature) Not to scare you but they already know what's coming. They've done this before. They don't want to do it again.

But if you and your fiance are serious about living together, i think you should find an independent way of doing so. I think it's important for you to both at least try to live together if you can.

Find it rather odd that he's the guy you want to marry but he's got you doing all the moving. HE wants YOU to move in. HE wants YOU to visit. Doesn't he have enough motivation to do some of this?

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teen parent vs in laws

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