Lack of attendees for Baby Shower

Re: Lack of attendees for Baby Shower

• Gingermom15 member

  September 2015

  Has the host followed up with any who were invited? When I planned my SIL's baby shower we invited roughly 30 people as well. Two RSVP'd. I followed up with most of them and still received no answer. Almost all who were invited showed up. I'm not usually one to complain about etiquette, let people do what they will. I don't care. But when it comes to someone's presence affecting planning, then this simple act is pretty rude to skip.

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• missemmawoodhouse member

  September 2015

  I think your attitude of having a good time is good. Hopefully the hostess is following up with the non-RSVPs and nailing down a yes/no answer from them.
  
  As for those that can't attend, showers aren't really tit-for-tat. If I have a conflict on the day of a shower or the time is in the middle of my kid's nap, I'm not going.

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• yl1m32015 member

  September 2015

  We had the same issue, apparently no one felt the need to rsvp. Like hello, we have to pay per plate, we have to have a number. So when rsvps were due my mom and mil had to call around and get answers. Yes it's awkward, but you have to be able to prepare and plan.

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• taysun member

  September 2015

  It may seem like a slight for someone to say no, however there could be plenty of reasons they aren't going other than simply.not wanting to. I'd be more put off by the non responders myself, but I think your attitude about having a good time is great!

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• EEB88 member

  September 2015

  A friend of mine threw me one with my first and only one person attended. It wasn't about the presents, it was offensive and hurtful that the people I felt were important to me didn't feel the same about me.
  
  I get where you're coming from and I know how it feels. In the end it didn't really matter because I got my adorable son.

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• lablover920 member

  September 2015

  My mom is dealing with a lot of non responders on my DH side. My MIL hasn't even rsvp'd. I agree with PPs above about not taking it personally if someone cannot attend and they did respond to your rsvp. I am with you on being hurt/put off by the non responders. It is rude and inconsiderate seems how I am willing to bet the majority will show. Have your friend reach out to those who haven't responded if she needs a head count (my mom refuses to call the non responders and the shower is at her house anyways so it's not a huge deal space wise it's just the fact that it's rude). 

  

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• redfallon member

  September 2015

  I hope the people who didn't RSVP don't complain about the lack of food if they show up, if you need a head count to get food, even if it's finger sandwiches.
  

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• MyCousinVinny member

  September 2015

  I can completely understand being hurt by those people who aren't bothering to RSVP.  It's rude to the host, who is trying to figure out how much food to plan for, etc.

  
  

  You have a great attitude, though!  I'm sure you will have a wonderful time at your shower with the people that can attend.

  
  

  FWIW, I agree with PP about showers not being tit for tat.  Someone not being able to attend your shower shouldn't be an indication of their love for you.  One of my closest friends had her shower a few weekends ago and I couldn't attend because that was also my DD's birthday. It doesn't mean I don't care for her but being there to celebrate my child's birthday takes priority.  

  
  

  Have a wonderful time!

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• satindawl83 member

  September 2015

  Yes. Definitely follow up with non-responders. People are horrible at RSVPing. My sister told me after my shower that most people who attended the shower didn't RSVP and she had to follow up with them all.

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• LMJL member

  September 2015

  I agree, it's probably a lack of rsvping. I had to contact about half my invite list & all of them who hadn't said yes when I did! Same thing happened with my wedding. I used to be really bad at RSVPing as well. Not anymore, I do it as soon as I get the invite now!
  

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• Taylovesbrad member

  September 2015

  I know that I SUCK at Rsvping and it has n I thing to do with how much I care about people's weddings or showers. I would try to think the best of people, maybe the date is really tough if you get a ton of nos

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• GardenMama116 member

  September 2015

  Thanks for all of the encouragement, Ladies!  I am not sure about the hostess following up with the non-responders.  My sister has checked in with some and I've checked in with some others.  Everyone we followed up with has been a No.  I understand if people say they have a prior commitment, like friends or family in from out-of-town.  I don't really understand "I have to work" because you were invited 6 weeks before the day of the shower and you could have asked off or made arrangements to switch with someone else.  I've worked in retail and in restaurants (10+ years before my current job) and know that this is not an impossible feat.  Like I said in my original post, it's not about the gifts, it's about spending time together to celebrate.  Life is busy and there are not too many opportunities to gather together.  This baby was very much planned and prayed for - half of the fun in sharing our good news was telling people in person and I couldn't even get some long-time friends to meet for lunch.  When they also decline a baby shower, it's hard not to interpret that as letting me know where I stand in their life.

  

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• redfallon member

  September 2015

  GardenMama116 said:

  Thanks for all of the encouragement, Ladies!  I am not sure about the hostess following up with the non-responders.  My sister has checked in with some and I've checked in with some others.  Everyone we followed up with has been a No.  I understand if people say they have a prior commitment, like friends or family in from out-of-town.  I don't really understand "I have to work" because you were invited 6 weeks before the day of the shower and you could have asked off or made arrangements to switch with someone else.  I've worked in retail and in restaurants (10+ years before my current job) and know that this is not an impossible feat.  Like I said in my original post, it's not about the gifts, it's about spending time together to celebrate.  Life is busy and there are not too many opportunities to gather together.  This baby was very much planned and prayed for - half of the fun in sharing our good news was telling people in person and I couldn't even get some long-time friends to meet for lunch.  When they also decline a baby shower, it's hard not to interpret that as letting me know where I stand in their life.

  I'm sorry
  

  Jamie

  
  

  
  

   

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• MyCousinVinny member

  September 2015

  GardenMama116 said:

  Thanks for all of the encouragement, Ladies!  I am not sure about the hostess following up with the non-responders.  My sister has checked in with some and I've checked in with some others.  Everyone we followed up with has been a No.  I understand if people say they have a prior commitment, like friends or family in from out-of-town.  I don't really understand "I have to work" because you were invited 6 weeks before the day of the shower and you could have asked off or made arrangements to switch with someone else.  I've worked in retail and in restaurants (10+ years before my current job) and know that this is not an impossible feat.  Like I said in my original post, it's not about the gifts, it's about spending time together to celebrate.  Life is busy and there are not too many opportunities to gather together.  This baby was very much planned and prayed for - half of the fun in sharing our good news was telling people in person and I couldn't even get some long-time friends to meet for lunch.  When they also decline a baby shower, it's hard not to interpret that as letting me know where I stand in their life.

  I can understand how this can be hurtful.  May I offer another perspective?

  
  

  Some people get limited days off of work, whether they be personal, sick, or vacation days.  As bad as it sounds, using one of those days to attend a baby shower may not rank very high for those people because they may need them for a very wanted vacation, sick days to use for the upcoming cold/flu season or if their kids get sick and need to stay home from school/daycare, or personal days when they just need a mental break from the daily grind.  For some people, their thinking is that they can always get you a gift and give it to you later, as actually having the baby is a more momentous time than the shower.

  
  

  Also, when I got pregnant with DD1, it was very clear very quickly which friends would travel over to the 'parent' side and which ones would not.  Having children is a huge lifestyle change and some friends naturally just drift apart.  There were some friends that were very interested in continuing to party, go to bars, etc. and didn't want to give that up to do something more low-key with me.  Which is totally fine, I would never ask or expect someone to change their life for me.  But it was obvious that we were moving in different directions.

  
  

  It hurt and it hurt a lot.  Sometimes, there's no way to avoid it but others, you can still maintain the friendship with a little more effort and planning.  

  
  

  I'm sorry that you're experiencing some distance from long-time friends.  I hope it's just a conflict of schedules and that you can touch base at a later date.  

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• grkgdss00 member

  September 2015

  My group of friends are horrible at RSVP'ing, and honestly after noticing it from my bridal shower and showers i've hosted, i'm better now. Just because you haven't heard doesn't mean they don't plan to come - definitely have the host followup so you get a better idea. Yes it's rude of them, but you have the right attitude.

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• satindawl83 member

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  GardenMama116 said:

  Thanks for all of the encouragement, Ladies!  I am not sure about the hostess following up with the non-responders.  My sister has checked in with some and I've checked in with some others.  Everyone we followed up with has been a No.  I understand if people say they have a prior commitment, like friends or family in from out-of-town.  I don't really understand "I have to work" because you were invited 6 weeks before the day of the shower and you could have asked off or made arrangements to switch with someone else.  I've worked in retail and in restaurants (10+ years before my current job) and know that this is not an impossible feat.  Like I said in my original post, it's not about the gifts, it's about spending time together to celebrate.  Life is busy and there are not too many opportunities to gather together.  This baby was very much planned and prayed for - half of the fun in sharing our good news was telling people in person and I couldn't even get some long-time friends to meet for lunch.  When they also decline a baby shower, it's hard not to interpret that as letting me know where I stand in their life.

  I'm sorry. Agree with @mycousinvinny on this. Having moved across the country, away from my hometown, I was forced to be honest with myself about who my "real" friends were (the ones I still talk to to this day and visit when I go back) versus those who I just hung out with just because of our history together. If you've lived in the area for awhile, it can be a little harder to discern the difference between to the two.
  
  I wouldn't take it personally and know that relationships evolve. Regardless your shower is going to be great because you'll be surrounded by people who love you and want to share in this moment with you.
  
  A few great friends are better than dozens of shitty ones.
  
  

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• haylierm member

  September 2015

  Arg! Well I typed out an entire response commiserating with you but it wouldn't let me post it and didn't save it. The short version is I'm going thru the same thing with non rsvpers for my shower. I'm sorry you're going thru it too. My feelings have been hurt throughout my entire pregnancy because all of my friends have cut me out and haven't been there for me at all. Thank goodness for family, I know they will be there to support but friends Idk because no one answered by the rsvp date. Perhaps your host can double check with a few people to get an idea of food and such. Again, I had a long response but in short, sorry people are being poopy to you

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• JackJacktheCat member

  September 2015

  Sorry this is happening to you! It is really hard not to take it personally, I know. People that don't even RSVP are so rude & inconsiderate of you and the host. I had a huge wake up call when some of our closest friends couldn't come because they had no one to "watch their dog" (could be a valid excuse but in this case I know it wasn't). Sometimes I think bs excuses are even more hurtful, especially when you give people plenty of notice & you've re-arranged your work schedule or appointments to attend their events. The host should follow up with everyone who didn't respond for sure. Everyone who doesn't RSVP and doesn't attend... Maybe time to re-evaluate those relationships. Which may not be a bad thing. My parents met all their closest lifelong friends when my sister & I were in elementary school. Everyone keeps telling me that becoming a parent really causes a shift in your social circles, and usually for the better. You have a great attitude and will surely enjoy your shower with the people that can make it.

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