Hormonal, childish, jealous?!

Re: Hormonal, childish, jealous?!

• KiwiZ2 member

  September 2015

  Hi, I can totally relate with you. Besides the horrible losses you faced, the same situation occurred between me and my brother. I was even more upset when they announced, they 'knew what we were doing'(getting pregnant) when they had only been dating a few months and marriage wasn't even in discussion. My husband and I went through some pretty stressing things with our son(health problems; 33 week premier, then head/brain surgery for bleeding and hydrocephalus) for the first 6 months of his life. We were always very cautious and conservative even throughout pregnancy where as it seemed my young brother and his GF were not. We get made fun of by them(behind our backs) all the time because of how safe and protective we are. Anyways, my son loves his little cousin so much and yes there is always comparisons especially with the grandparents, but we have learned to live with it and they love both of their grandsons equally! *BTW the firsts are always the most special, so although he won't be the only boy he will be the first!*
  We are now in the same boat with baby #2 as my niece was born about 6months ago and our baby girl will be following. I can totally sympathize and relate to you, my advice, hang in there and don't feel bad about venting. My DH is amazing at listening to me vent, you need to be able to vent to someone who will not judge you on how you feel. Good luck and hang in there and just realize what a blessing you have been given and try to focous on the three of you. Good luck and Congrats!!

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• angelastef member

  September 2015

  Thank you so much for the reply, so happy to hear your little boy is doing better!! I can only imagine that experience would make one be extra careful.
  
  Also good to know that someone else has felt this way in some way, that I'm not just crazy
  
  Thanks for the advice and good luck to you too with your little girl

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• nianicho777 member

  September 2015

  I can relate as well. My brothers ex gf (was his gf at the time) announced that they were expected the day I told him we were expecting which was 2 days after we told our parents. She ended up losing the baby and athough I was annoyed with their timing and I didn't feel that they were stable or ready it honestly hurt my heart when they lost the baby. She has 2 kids who live with their fathers and he has 1 who he supports not enough let's just say that. Shortly after the loss she was pregnant again and she's due mid December (me Oct 1, but really any day now). They aren't together anymore and she is driving my family nuts because she keeps complaining how she needs this and that and she doesn't even work. Its annoying because it kinda takes attention from our little one but he has everything he could want or need and we are just so happy that we get to meet him soon and it will be nice for him to have a cousin close in age so I'm kinda over it now.

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• DianaF84 member

  September 2015

  I feel the same. I'm an only child. My hubby has a daughter from a previous marriage, but I will be having the first boy. My SIL got married 10 months before hubby and I did, shes 6 months older than me, but hubby is 2 years older than her. Shes now pregnant (due in February, but considered higher risk because she is quite obese) I've had my share of problems with this pregnancy. They opted for the blood test to see what gender they are having, and, it's a boy. Shes always been jealous of me, and has made it clear since we were teens. Its the first child for both me and her, and I'd love to share with her anything I've learned, but she will have nothing to do with it or me. Honestly, since she is also daddy's little princess, it's put a strain on the relationship my husband even has with his father. Don't feel that it's anything wrong with you. If they don't like it, or don't want to be around you, you don't need that stress. Keep thinking that it's your family you are creating and raise them as your kids, not theirs.

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• CocoR04 member

  September 2015

  I completely understand!! My cousin (who is like a sister) got pregnant 1-2 months after me both times. First we both had boys and now we are having girls. All our families do is compare the now toddler boys (who knows his ABCs, who's talking better, who's a better athlete, etc) and now our girls will face the same comparisons. I've vented many frustrations that have been childish, too!
  
  However, on the bright side, even though our families compare our kids all the time, my cousin and I have a great relationship and our babies have family their age. When we are gone one day, they will have family to fall back on for love and support. I just remind myself of these positives when I get irritated.

  

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• cdepperschmidt member

  September 2015

  While I have not experienced any of your situation I don't think you're being unreasonable. You seem to be handling yourself well, despite the way you feel. Honestly, if someone had said rude things like the things your in laws said to you I would probably feel the way you do.

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• perrysaurus member

  September 2015

  My cousin in law and I were expecting and to be due the same date. I was so happy for her as she found out first, neither of us were trying by any means, but I still was a little bummed my DH and I wouldn't have the first, grand/ great grand child. There were other differences, we are in a long term stable relationship and she wasnt. When she lost the baby I was so lost. As much as I love her and support her, I think it's absolutely normal to face some form of jealousy or another. I did realize I wasn't being very rational, just emotional. You're not alone!
  

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• flerbnerbin member

  September 2015

  My sister is due February 29th and is a year younger than me. I felt some frustration, because timing worked out that as soon as I told everyone, she pretty much got knocked up the same week. She also doesn't take care of herself, or have a good job, or a boyfriend that helps out. She's still living with our dad. There was a bit of annoyance at the fact that I never seem to get to do anything without her doing it first, or the same time. That's been a trend since early childhood too. And there's the fact of her not seeing a doctor until 16 weeks, with some high risk factors running in our family. I feel left out as well, because I don't live near my family. Granted it took a long time for everyone to be okay with her pregnancy. But at the same time I'm so stinking excited for her, and I can't wait to find out the gender. And I hope she has a girl, if only because she wants one. I'm scared she's not going to be capable, but I want to support her.

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• Rikki_5 member

  September 2015 edited September 2015

  You know I wish my husband's brother or sister would have kids (or my brothers or sister).  But it seems like besides my SIL who wants to get pregnant but cannot no one else wants to have kids in our family.  I feel bad for my son because both my husband and myself waited until our late 30s to have kids and there's really no other little kids in our family.  This is why I feel that I should at least try for 1 more so my son isn't alone.  I worry about him being spoiled too much because he is the only kid in the family on both sides and not being around other kids.  So I would be so excited if he had a cousin around his own age to play and grow up with.  I think that you are right that the things they said were insensitive but just be thankful your kid will have family members his own age to grow up with.  I love my cousins and feel sad my son probably won't have any.  I'm still hoping that my SIL will get pregnant though and maybe giving him a little brother or sister in a couple years even though I will be 40!

  <a href="http://lilypie.com/"><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie.com/TikiPic.php/ZX0jQgE.jpg" width="80" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie - Personal picture" /><img src="http://lb1f.lilypie.com/ZX0jm5.png" width="400" height="80" border="0" alt="Lilypie First Birthday tickers" /></a>
  

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• sarapagan member

  September 2015

  OMG. I can totally relate also, but it was with my last pregnancy. My son just turned four, but when I was pregnant with him, my SIL had a 5 year old little girl and was "done having kids". She offered me her crib, and various other baby items. I was grateful for both the baby stuff and for her being so generous, but I also questioned her by saying, "Are you sure you're done?" "Yes," she said..."I have an IUD I'm not having another baby!". My husband was more hesitant but I just basically told him, "its in perfect condition lets just accept it all and be thankful." So we did. (BTW she is his half sister and they have always had a bit of a strained relationship).

  
  

  So our little guy was born September 2011 and everyone was over the moon. He was the first grandchild on my side and for my husbands mom, HER first grandchild (my SIL is not her daughter)..but nonetheless he was a spoiled little guy and very loved by all. 

  
  

  Now it's Christmas 2011 and we are gathered at my inlaw's house. In walks SIL and her daughter with a shirt on "I'm getting the best present of all...to be a big sister"

  
  

  ARE YOU KIDDING ME!!!?!!?!?

  
  

  My husband was beyond pissed off, and I was just so shocked and in utter disbelief. Really? All of a sudden you're having another baby when 6 months ago you were all about NOT having more babies. Come to find out she's having a boy too, and I was so upset. To make matters worse, not long after her announcement that she was having a boy, she has her husband call my husband and ask for the crib and all the baby items back! 

  
  

  Reliving this is infuriating to me, so I know exactly how you feel. The boys are buddies now, but still...she definitely did this on purpose (she had to have her IUD removed, right?) This whole mess definitely put a strain on our relationship. When we announced our pregnancy this time, she goes and says, "Don't worry, this time I definitely won't be stealing your thunder." She's a monster, and a jerk. 

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• gerbies member

  September 2015

  I can totally relate. My SIL has sort of stolen our thunder a few times. My husband and I got engaged in October ten years ago; we quickly set the date for the following October. Two months after we got engaged, she got engaged, but decided she had to be married that July (just 2.5 months prior to my weddin). Fast foward a few years. I announced my pregnancy to my husband's family (I was 9 weeks and was just a few months passed a traumatic loss of our daughter at 24 weeks). After finishing our announcement, my SIL looks at us and said "Well, I'm pregnant, too." We learned she was due about a month before me. Unfortunately, my son arrived very early at 30 weeks, but I have to be honest when I say that once I knew my son would be ok, I was happy about having the first grandchild. I am now 38+3 pregnant with a boy. My SIL now has 3 children (2 boys and 1 girl...the last one is a boy who is one year-old). I am already feeling annoyed that my boys will be grouped in with the other boys and my niece will be treated special because she 's the only girl. I also get VERY annoyed when my son and his cousin (they are only 8 weeks apart) get the same presents at Christmas. It's been this way since they were born and I hate it. By the way, your SIL shouldn't 't be so concerned about used stuff...who said you would be giving them anything? I wouldn't share anything.

  Me: 39

  DH: 39

  
  

  TTC: #3 - first cycle TTC - 10/2014
  Preg #1 - PTL @ 23.5 weeks - angel in heaven (Addison Margaret)

  Preg #2 - PTL @ 30.1 weeks - Kellen born @ 3 lbs. 5 oz in Jan 2010 - My Pride and Joy

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• Lbloom member

  September 2015

  It's interesting hearing this problem on the other end of the spectrum. No, your feelings are valid and you're keeping them to yourself which is probably a good thing. I've had a stillbirth and a live birth and my DD is still the only grandchild on both sides. I was thankful for this when I was grieving over my angel but now I would love to have some nieces or nephews and for DD to have a cousin or two. She does have some step-cousins who adore her but we only see them a couple times a year and they are quite a bit older.
  My DH and I each have a brother who are unwed and childless and unlikely to be so in the near future. My BIL and his wife seem perfectly happy to be childless and don't seem likely to start a family any time soon. The problem is my sisters who I know have been trying and they and their husbands want children very much. One keeps having miscarriages and the other is battling cancer at a young age and is looking at freezing eggs to keep them safe from the chemo. My heart goes out to them so badly because we have struggled to have a family ourselves but they can't even seem to get out of the gate.

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• erinboehme member

  September 2015

  It took me over a year of trying to get pregnant with my first. When my sister in law found out we were trying, she decided that she had been married longer and was older and needed to have the first grand child. BAM! She was pregnant. Our kids are 6 months apart. Also at the same time, my cousin (who was like my sister) announced she was pregnant and due within 2 weeks of me. I felt like I had been trying for so long, now my baby was just going to be another kid added to the mix and by then, nothing special because there were babies everywhere.
  
  My second baby also took a year to conceive. I, stupidly, let my SIL again know that we were trying. BAM! She was pregnant and her second is 4 months older than my second.
  
  My 3rd was a surprise, but suddenly my SIL needed a 3rd too (she was only ever going to have 2 kids).
  
  My fourth only took us 4 months to conceive. I didn't know my SIL OR my sister were trying. When I called to tell my SIL I was pregnant, her only response was "Well, you BETTER not be due before me!" I was - by 3 weeks. My sister called to tell me she was pregnant and was unhappy to hear that I was too - and 5 weeks ahead of her.
  
  So, I guess I've unintentionally been on both sides of this. I've been very hurt by it several times too. I know how you're feeling.

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• erinboehme member

  September 2015

  @CocoR04 - my 5 year old has 5 cousins similar age and constantly gets compared to who is reading, who plays what, etc. The difference is, mine is DEAF and has spent so much of his life in speech and physical therapy, not to mention countless hours in the audiologist and traveling for multiple surgeries. I just want to tell everyone to shut up! He's happy, he's healthy, and he can talk like a champ now. He'll catch up and I know it (he's my 3rd deaf child), but no, he's not reading at a 4th grade reading level like his cousin.
  
  

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• CocoR04 member

  September 2015

  erinboehme said:

  @CocoR04 - my 5 year old has 5 cousins similar age and constantly gets compared to who is reading, who plays what, etc. The difference is, mine is DEAF and has spent so much of his life in speech and physical therapy, not to mention countless hours in the audiologist and traveling for multiple surgeries. I just want to tell everyone to shut up! He's happy, he's healthy, and he can talk like a champ now. He'll catch up and I know it (he's my 3rd deaf child), but no, he's not reading at a 4th grade reading level like his cousin.
  
  

  The constant comparisons are terrible. I just hope DS and DD don't realize they are/will be compared to their cousins or this mamma bear is going to roar!!

  

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