Am I crazy? — The Bump
Baby Showers

Am I crazy?

Recently, a close friend of mine found out that she was pregnant. We're pretty excited because she's due only two months after me (I'm currently a FTM at 21 weeks pregnant) and it will be so much fun to have babies together. It's her second child (she has a four year old daughter) and the other night I asked if she knew of anyone planning to throw a baby shower for her. I know that some people side-eye second showers, but in our area/group of friends it's not really seen as a big deal. She told me that she didn't know of anyone who would offer to throw her one, and without even thinking, I offered to throw a shower for her.

Don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE to plan parties/play hostess, and the idea of planning a baby shower seems like a lot of fun. But I wasn't even thinking about how I'll have a newborn at home around the time that we would have my friend's baby shower. If we have her shower around the 30 week mark, then my baby will only be a few weeks old.

Am I absolutely insane in thinking that I will be of sound mind to plan and host a baby shower for my friend when I'm only three or four weeks post-delivery myself? I feel bad for even offering now, because I hate to go back on my word when my friend seemed pretty excited about the idea.

Re: Am I crazy?

  • My personal thoughts on second showers aside, I think your best bet is to wrangle another friend into co-hosting.

    With one newborn, you can actually get a lot done at home since they sleep a lot. If friend #2 can do the errand part, you can easily do the home work - invites, RSVPs, decor, etc.

    I, too, would not feel comfortable going back on my word.
    ecwkChiccoBeanzkimey1ashhsa
  • I think it will be ok. A co-host is a superb idea. I'd say make this a sprinkle rather than a shower if the new baby is also a girl. Limit the # of people.

    I saw an online invite to a sprinkle shower the other day. LOL
  • I think you have a few options. Which you choose will depend on what you think would work best for you and your friend.

    1) Keep your friend's shower VERY small.  As in, grandmas, sisters, closest friends.  Seriously, aim for under 10 people, which is appropriate for a 2nd shower anyway.

    2) Have a traditional "big" shower, but ask for help from a mutual friend or friends.  Offer to handle an aspect of the shower that will be do-able for someone who will have a new baby.  Maybe you pay for the room or hall, but another person does the decorations.  Maybe you handle invites and RSVPs.  Maybe you buy all the decorations ahead of time, or whatever. 

    3) Offer to throw a joint "sip-n-see" for your friend's family when her baby is a few months old.  That way your baby will be past the teeny-tiny newborn stage when you are having the event and you won't be so overwhelmed with adjusting to motherhood while you're trying to throw a party.

    4) Go back to your friend and confess that you made the offer without thinking it through. Tell her that if anyone offers to throw her a shower, you would be more than willing to be a helper, but that you would probably be biting off more than you can chew to take the lead role, given the timing of your pregnancies.  Apologize profusely for letting your excitement and enthusiasm about her pregnancy announcement cloud your judgment.  She'll probably understand, given the fact that she's on her second child.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
    ashhsa
  • suteki325 said:

    Recently, a close friend of mine found out that she was pregnant. We're pretty excited because she's due only two months after me (I'm currently a FTM at 21 weeks pregnant) and it will be so much fun to have babies together. It's her second child (she has a four year old daughter) and the other night I asked if she knew of anyone planning to throw a baby shower for her. I know that some people side-eye second showers, but in our area/group of friends it's not really seen as a big deal. She told me that she didn't know of anyone who would offer to throw her one, and without even thinking, I offered to throw a shower for her.

    Don't get me wrong - I absolutely LOVE to plan parties/play hostess, and the idea of planning a baby shower seems like a lot of fun. But I wasn't even thinking about how I'll have a newborn at home around the time that we would have my friend's baby shower. If we have her shower around the 30 week mark, then my baby will only be a few weeks old.

    Am I absolutely insane in thinking that I will be of sound mind to plan and host a baby shower for my friend when I'm only three or four weeks post-delivery myself? I feel bad for even offering now, because I hate to go back on my word when my friend seemed pretty excited about the idea.

    I think it will be ok- just book it now so it's all done. Maybe wrangle in another friend to deal with the decor but the restaurant you pick will obviously do most of the work. I wouldn't stress.

    Feb '16 Siggy Challenge: Favorite Thing About Fall: Haunted Houses and Scary Movies! 
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    Pregnancy Ticker
  • I think you could do it if you do all the work now. Make a detailed list of the things that have to be done the day before/day of, and enlist a co-host or at the very least someone to help with your baby. If I were your friend, I would have hurt feelings if you offered and then rescinded.
  • Find a location that won't require you to do a lot of decorating. Get the invites ready to go and send a few weeks before the shower date. Print or purchase whatever you're doing for games now. You can do it. Or get another friend to help. 

    Baby Birthday Ticker TickerBabysizer Geeky Pregnancy Tracker
  • You could cetainly do the shower later than the 30 week mark. 36 weeks may feel late to some but this is a second time mother, she really already has pretty much everything she needs anyway. By then your baby will be a few months old and you may not feel quite so overwhelmed. I also like the idea of of of having a very tiny shower with maybe 10 or so women in attendance.
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