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January 2016 Moms
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Feeling Bad

BabyBump2BabyBump2 member
edited September 2015 in January 2016 Moms
So I am starting to feel like a bit bad. I'm feeling as though my son is being left out of this pregnancy. He's two years old, but is in the state of...I would say a 6 month old. I guess I don't really know how to make him feel more involved during this time.

Edit: Because I couldn't figure out how to word it without it sounding bad.
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Re: Feeling Bad

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  • BabyBump2BabyBump2 member
    I guess I worded that wrong. She doesn't expect presents every time we get something in the mail. Because she knows that's not how it works, and we have told her that.

    I was just trying to say that her grandparents like to send her stuff in the mail. But that's not even the point of my discussion. I was asking about my son.
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  • willashbabywillashbaby member
    Sorry if it wasn't the point but you might want to re-word your OP to make it more clear. If it's the case that they're sending things for DD and not DS then I would just tell them why that could be hurtful towards DS. Just explain it, you're Mom, speak up. If they don't comply with your request I would stash anything they send for an actual occasion when gifts might be expected, like a birthday or the holidays. Then it's up to you to kind of even things out for the kids. 
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  • BabyBump2BabyBump2 member
    Hey thank you for the help. I guess I don't really know how to re word it without it sounding exactly how you took it. Ha. I wouldn't say they don't send things for him, he just doesn't realize it. Which I know I can't fix.
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  • ellaxo1ellaxo1 member
    Agree with @willashbaby you may want to reword your post, as it clearly states that "everyone knows that if they send presents for the baby my daughter gets a present too". I guess I'm a little confused are you saying that people send things for the baby and your daughter, but not your son? If that's the case then I would definitely speak up. I have no idea what kind of people would do that, but it's completely rude and I would have spoke up the first time it happened. If you are saying that your son gets just as many presents as your daughter, but the baby gets more then there is really nothing to do except not open all of the baby presents in front of your other children. I'm not sure what disabilities your son has, and if it would be too difficult explain the same thing to him that you explained to your daughter, but I feel like if he doesn't seem upset then he probably isn't, especially is he is getting presents at the same time your daughter does. It's a hard situation as I don't know how much he can comprehend, but what happens at birthday parties when the person is getting presents but he isn't? Does he seem to understand that concept or seem upset when this happens?
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  • BabyBump2BabyBump2 member
    edited September 2015
    Okay, so I reworded it. He literally cannot comprehend much of what is going on. It explains It a little more now. I just feel as though he is being left out somehow..
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  • ntyravgspntyravgsp member
    mrettig13 said:

    Okay, so I reworded it. He literally cannot comprehend much of what is going on. It explains It a little more now. I just feel as though he is being left out somehow..

    Well, he is. MY DD is 2 also, and she has no clue what is going on. She knows to point at my belly when we ask her, "where's the baby?" But I doubt she will truly comprehend until we bring the baby home with us. It's just how it is, I don't think you should feel bad about it.
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    I'm pretty confused because I never saw the OP before the edit and everyone is talking about gifts. But, regardless, if your son has regressed in development or isn't mentally where he should be, I recommend getting professional assistance. A family counsellor, psychologist, public health nurse, women's center or doctor are all places that might be able to help or point you in the right direction. Most women here won't be qualified to assist with this.
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  • l4rkl4rk member
    But if you just think he is being left out, I wouldn't worry about it? Spend time with him, do special things with him and give him love. He will learn in time that some things are about him and some things aren't. That's a life skill that even some adults haven't mastered, so respect his feelings and understand he's struggling, but don't cater to that type of behaviour.
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  • BabyBump2BabyBump2 member
    Well, thank you all for the help.
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  • ellaxo1ellaxo1 member
    mrettig13 said:

    Okay, so I reworded it. He literally cannot comprehend much of what is going on. It explains It a little more now. I just feel as though he is being left out somehow..

    I saw the original post so I'm replying to the whole story. It seems as though you do what you can do. It is impossible to explain something to him that you truly know he will not understand. As long as he is getting the same thing as your daughter now I wouldn't worry too much about it. I know it must be so difficult, but it is not your fault and you are doing everything you can. Maybe it will be easier when he can physically see a baby. However, if it is the case that I had stated before about people intentionally leaving him out I would definitely say something. I'm sorry your going through this. Maybe a child psychologist will be able to help more in ways that you can involve him despite his disabilities. I wish you the best of luck and please don't worry too much I am sure he is fine and as long as he is getting fair treatment that is all you can really do!
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  • ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    I remember seeing on here once that a poster had mentioned that their hospital or library had taken their kids to a sibling class in preparation for new baby. 2 sounds young for a class but who knows, maybe there will be some pointers you can pick up and apply. I'm a FTM so I don't have any real advice. I do have a niece (she's 5 though) and I've tried to include her by saying - oh will you help me read to the baby or can you help with a diaper change because baby diapers are going to stink. I think kids like to help out and be appreciated for being helpful.
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  • KellycrazymommaKellycrazymomma member
    My son is 5, and has been super excited. We started from the beginning having him talk to baby. He was hesitant to share the things he has outgrown. We broke the ice on not having to replace ALL of the bedding by getting him a new big boy set with the same theme... and left him feeling proud to give his things to baby, like gifts from him, and excited to match. His little hands kept missing the kicks, so he took to sitting in my lap, so his whole body is touching, and he can feel his brother.Maybe some of of this can help?
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