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October 2015 Moms
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Holiday traveling and MIL

arwestover3arwestover3 member
in October 2015 Moms
Okay, so, for the most part, I love my MIL but she has a tendency to be a little controlling. We have planned on going there for Christmas and all of my husbands' siblings will be there, and it will be a much better Christmas for our two-year-old than if we stay. However, my husband and I are not looking forward to that 10+ hour drive with two young kids, and there's a good chance the baby will be coming out of that easy-to-travel newborn stage (our first had already by that age). My SIL asked on a group text if we were planning on coming out still, and I felt like I had to be honest and joked that we were nervous about the drive, but we really wanted to be there. All my MIL said was that newborns travel easy and some friends of the family were planning on us sleeping at their house. That's it. I just wish she could be supportive and understanding, instead of arguing and trying to make me feel like we have to come. None of my friends who're having babies this fall plan on traveling for Christmas, and some even think we're crazy to consider it. Anyways, tips on how to handle this gracefully? And how to help me avoid feeling resentful if she just keeps being manipulative and makes us feel like we have to come?
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Re: Holiday traveling and MIL

  • nianicho777nianicho777 member
    I'm not sure I'll be much help on this, only because I'm a very direct person....my logic is, I do what's most comfy for my husband and I, and of course soon our son as well. I think you have to consider what's best for your family and not put so much thought into her. Whether you go or not, she doesn't have to drive the 10 hours with two small kids and probably hasn't had to I'm decades lol is say be respectful but direct and nicely shut her down if/when that becomes necessary and just help her to understand your perspective on the situation.
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  • midge519midge519 member
    Maybe you can say something like "our plan is to come as long as everyone is feeling up to it. Close to the date and seeing how our family is adjusting to the big life changes will determine our exact decisions. We will let you know for sure then"
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  • sarapagansarapagan member
    My MIL is similar. And if you are honest and upfront by saying "We'd really love to be there, but with a toddler and a newborn, the drive and trip will just be too much for us. We can have a family celebration when you get home" (or something like that) and she still persists, just have your husband jump in and handle it. This is how I deal with my MIL. I deal with her until she cannot be dealt with anymore lol and I have him step in from there. You need to do what's best for your family, bottom line!
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  • comlandcomland member
    @arwestover3 - we are in the exact same situation. This year is our turn to drive the 16 hours to MIL's house for Christmas (usually snowy and icy roads). As PP's have said, we took the approach of simply saying that we really want to but won't know for sure until the time comes. She has made a few comments like "we really hope you can make it" but we feel strongly that we need to do what is best for us and are pretty sure that means not going this year. We did invite her here for the holidays but since she is coming at Thanksgiving to meet the baby, I don't think she is interested in coming again so soon.
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