In need of encouragement. — The Bump
Single Parents

In need of encouragement.

Today I experienced my first single mom mean comment and treAtment.

Some back story, I was raped and found out I was pregnant with twins about a month after. I decided I would keep my girls and it was the best choice I have ever made and I wouldn't regret it for the world. I choose to keep who their father is to myself and only close family knows everyone else just thinks it was a one night stand. Honestly I would prefer people thinking that then everyone knowing my personal hurts. I have been very blessed with my sister who is an amazing support and helps me to work full time and do school with twins.

Having said that... I do work very hard I am in school full time, working full time and have 3 month old twins. Today I was at the store with my twins and one of them started crying so as I was getting her out of her car seat to comfort her I was approached and was scolded for having children out of wedlock, living off the government(I'm on no government aid) and expecting society to raise my girls. I was heartbroken. I am sure I am lucky to have made it this long without having such an ugly experience but it was def. not something I was prepared for. And I just feel so down on myself now. All these doubts are now in my head questioning if I am offering my girls the best And if I am providing them all they deserve in this world! I love them more than I could ever had imagined but I hope I am not keeping them from all they could have had had I not been a single mom.

Re: In need of encouragement.

  • Wow, I have never gotten such a comment. What a rude, ignorant person.

    Listen, YOU ARE DOING GREAT. You are doing the best you can in the situation you are in, which is more than some families with two parents.  Don't let such a rude, disgusting, insecure jerk bother you.  Clearly, if they were 100% perfect in any way, they'd know better than to open their mouth and judge you openly without even knowing you or your situation.  And, also, there are a lot of single parents out there that have chosen to be parents without a partner.  That jerk must not know about those families.

    You have a lot on your plate and you are making it work and in the end your DDs will be more grateful than you can even think about right now.  Much love mama bear.  <3
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  • People that are mean and say mean things, are the ones with all of the issues. That person has more issues than he/she knows what to do with so they put it off on other people! You are doing absolutely great and better than a lot of moms in better situations. Keep showing your girls how to be the best they can be!
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  • Thank you! Some days I just feel like I can't do anything right and when someone says something it just plays right into those insecurities. I am blessed to have a wonderful supportive sister it I don't have any single mom friends. And the struggles are different. I love my girls more than I could ever explain but some days I just feel exhausted and full of self doubt! Thanks for the encouragment
  • 20thirteen20thirteen member
    edited September 2015
    Parenting isn't easy.  If anyone tells you differently, they aren't be doing it right.  The only single mom friends I have are the ones I made on this board (we're FB friends).  I only know 1 single mom outside of internetland and she's not really a great person, so I don't really talk to her.  She's not so much supportive or anything, and is very critical of others. Just like with any group of people, you have to figure out who is worth it to be around and who's not.  Also, I don't understand how people could be anything other than supportive, but maybe it's just how I was raised.

    The only time I really get a little upset is when my married friends with children tell me about how "ugh, I have to single parent it this weekend" or "I asked my husband to do [this] so I could do [this] and he did [that] and just ugh!".  Oh, that's cool.  "Single parenting for the weekend" really doesn't cover what it's like to be a single parent.  Also, if I need something done around the house while simultaneously watching over my toddler, I have figured out how to do so. Sometimes I feel like I'm doing better than the married couples, LOL.  

    Insecurities are normal.  They're a part of life. But the best thing to do to keep them from taking over, is to sit and think about all the great you are doing.  And being exhausted all the time is also part of raising kids.  They will WEAR YOU OUT! Holy crap! In the end, is there anything better?  No, not really. :) 

    Much love, mama bear
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    salovedJessHeppell
  • Thank you so much!!!

    This next weekend I will have to leave my girls with an actual babysitter and I'm freaking out. I don't really think this is a single mom issue just a mom issue but I'm going crazy... My girls have only stayed with me and my sister since they were born. I've been trying to prepare but it is just a hard thing to feel confident in. I found a sweet college student who seems very nice and responsible but I am still very anxious! I have to take my nursing certification exam and my sister and her family will be out of town.

    I'm so nervous that I won't be able to focus on my test bc I will be worried about my little angels!

    One of my co worker informed me that since I am a single mom I need to just get use to strangers parenting my children. The thought of this just rubbed me wrong! It's seems like such a silly comment that just bc I am a single mom I need to just be okay with people who aren't me with my girls! Like leaving them with a babysitter should be easier for me bc I am a single mom! Blah!

    I so agree that there is nothing better than being a mom. For me this isn't how I imagined it would be. I never envisioned being a single mom, but I wouldn't trade them for the world! They're sweet little smiles and snuggles make every rough moment worth it!
  • Uh... single moms aren't the only people that call on "strangers" to watch their kids.  Working mom/dad families do, too.  You get some weird comments!  I'm fortunate enough that I live close to family members so that if I am in desperate need, I can call on aunts/uncles/siblings/parents and so on, but I also am unfortunate in that I can't afford a babysitter outside the family so if I can't find a babysitter, I end up missing out on things.

    And I'm kind of in your boat, I never imagined my life to be this way, but I also was dead sure I'd never be a mother.  To the point that when I was showing symptoms of pregnancy, I thought I had cancer because "there's just no way I could ever be pregnant".  But here I am, with a beautiful daughter and I really would never change it for anything. 

    Much love!
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  • Wow! first I have to say "YOU ROCK!." YOU rock as Mom and just as an human being. I will also be a single Mom and will be dealing with my own battles. Hearing your story gives me encouragement. You are a wonderful super Mom so don't ever doubt yourself. If anything...reward yourself. Good Luck on your test :-)
  • Uh... single moms aren't the only people that call on "strangers" to watch their kids.  Working mom/dad families do, too.  You get some weird comments!  I'm fortunate enough that I live close to family members so that if I am in desperate need, I can call on aunts/uncles/siblings/parents and so on, but I also am unfortunate in that I can't afford a babysitter outside the family so if I can't find a babysitter, I end up missing out on things.

    I only have my sister, no other family. So if she can't watch them I don't really do anything. Although unless it's working and school I don't do much these days. And honestly it hasn't been to much of a bummer bc oddly enough work and school is to much time away from them already I wouldn't dream of needing a break(yet) haha. But this is my certification exam so I HAVE to take it this weekend or I'll have to wait for a new test date which could be months! It's very important.

    Yes it seems I do have some odd comments made to me and from what I am understanding they aren't normal. I just figured it was something that came from being a single mom. It makes me feel better to know its not always like that and hopefully when I switch jobs I'll be around more supportive people!!!


  • kiam032 said:

    Wow! first I have to say "YOU ROCK!." YOU rock as Mom and just as an human being. I will also be a single Mom and will be dealing with my own battles. Hearing your story gives me encouragement. You are a wonderful super Mom so don't ever doubt yourself. If anything...reward yourself. Good Luck on your test :-)

    How far along are you? I think every mom has their own battles they have to deal with which is why I think it's so important to have mommy support systems haha!!! Being a single mom is without a doubt the hardest thing I've had to do... But it's so rewarding and I wouldn't change any part of my story if it meant o wouldn't get to have my beautiful girls... Do you have a support system. Family, or friends that will be there to help us out? I am sure it's possible without but for me I would be lost without my sister. She has literally and figuratively held my hand since day 1!!! My babies wouldn't have survived the past 4 months without her . Haha. Neither would I!!!

    Thanks for the luck! I need all the good vibes and positivity I can get!!! I'm so nervous!!!
  • @saloved Hi!! I'm 23 weeks and having a baby girl. Due to a myomectomy I will have a c-section the very last few days of Dec.

    My family is my support system to an extent. I just moved in with my sister and her family. Things are a lil clashy here but at least I have a place to stay until the baby is born. Then I'll move in with my Mom to save rent until I get back in my feet. Staying with either one of them has its drawbacks but I have a roof over my head. I also have my brother for emotional support and two great friends. Just with they were closer.

    Things have been rough. My job cut my hours to almost nothing. I'm pretty sure it's because I'm pregnant. I went from making above average middle class income to..damn near broke. I signed up for a temp agency so hopefully something will come soon so I can save before she is born. They don't pay much but I'll get hours. I also filed for assistance and paying I'll get help soon. If course the BD is completely ignoring me.

    I tell ya! My life has flipped completely this year! I'll be the big 30 next month and I surely didn't see this coming. All in all..at least I will have my baby girl.

    You're lucky to have a sister like yours. Not many siblings are willing to be there like she is. Give her a huge hug for me :D
  • I'm a definitely blessed with her!!! I honestly can't even tell people how special she is to me!!! And my girls adore her for sure! My Lo selah cries for her sometimes. I live on the same street she does which has been so helpful. I have my own area and home but the support of her! I couldn't imagine having to live with her. I'm sorry girl! That has to be stressful!!!

    I am working at a min. Wage job and have been going to school... I had my girls at the end of my nursing school. Now all I have to do is pass my test and I will Have my BSN . Which will help my income a lot... Raising 2 babies on min. Wage is killer!
  • Oh I am sure! Im definitely the type to live on my own and take care of my own. So, mentality and emotionally it's taking a toll but that gives me motivation. I see my situation being very different in 2017. So I would hope.

    In my eyes you already passed your test :-)
  • Awh thanks!!!! That means a lot!!! The last few months have been so trying. I have so much self doubt it's so nice to have some encouragment and to see others mamas out there being single strong moms to their Los
  • @saloved - Everyone becomes a parenting expert when they see parents out with their children. :)  Nothing makes me roll my eyes harder than someone who thinks they know better than me when they a) don't know me/my DD or b) talk about how they handle parenting when their "fur-baby" is being out of control, because dogs and children are basically the same, right?  But I don't get those comments a lot, or the unsolicited advice either.  But I also work full-time at a law firm that handles collections, so I can only handle so much each day, lol.
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  • Isn't that the truth!!!!

    I took my test Saturday, left my babies with a babysitter and they made it through the day haha! I know it's silly but I was so very worried. It was def. one of those moments when I realized I was a single mom. Bc as I was telling the babysitter their routine and emergency contacts I realized if anything happened I was the only one she could call. My sisters family being out of town I was really all alone. It was good for me to feel that but it was a little overwhelming. Someone asked me a couple days how I do it everyday. Meaning work full time school full time and have 4 mos twins all by myself... I realized you just do. You figure it out everyday just like any other mom would! Right?

    Anyway... Now just the wait to see if I past! WAITING IS THE HARDEST!!!

    20thirteen
  • Fingers crossed!!! Waiting really does suck!!
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  • You seem like a wonderful mom. Your girls will grow up with such a strong role model!!

    I am 20 weeks pregnant and will be on my own, so I've had a lot of fear of what people would "say". But I am starting to realize people will ALWAYS find a reason to judge. It's just human nature. We thrive on others' misfortunes. 

    I read somewhere that the hard times are what defines us, and I really believe it. You seem like a strong woman, and taking care of your girls will make you even stronger. 

    I love the support of this forum, even though it's only virtual haha. Hugs to you, hope the test resutls are great!
  • Yay!! Fingers crossed!!!
  • I PASSED!!!!
    JessHeppell
  • YAY!! That's great!!

    imageimageimage
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  • Woohoooo!!! I am sooo happy for you. I am in the backroom at work and saw you passed. I yelled "YES!! I knew it" and they heard me on the floor LMAO!
  • So glad you passed! I read through the whole post. I know it's been awhile since the original but yikes! How do they even know you're a single mom?!
  • kiam032 said:

    Woohoooo!!! I am sooo happy for you. I am in the backroom at work and saw you passed. I yelled "YES!! I knew it" and they heard me on the floor LMAO!

    Awh that made me feel so good! I was so happy. I start my new job this coming week and it's like a breath of fresh air! I feel so excited for me and for my girls!!!! Thanks for sharing my excitement!
  • Baby'smom said:

    So glad you passed! I read through the whole post. I know it's been awhile since the original but yikes! How do they even know you're a single mom?!

    Honestly I think it was just assumptions... A girl by herself with 2 babies and no ring.
    Since I have become a lot more confident while at with my twins alone and I think that has helped people from giving me a single mom speech. It really did take my breath away that day and caused so much doubt within myself if I was doing the right thing for my babies but I love them and provide for them and honestly there are people who aren't single parents who can't say that so....
  • saloved said:
    So glad you passed! I read through the whole post. I know it's been awhile since the original but yikes! How do they even know you're a single mom?!
    Honestly I think it was just assumptions... A girl by herself with 2 babies and no ring. Since I have become a lot more confident while at with my twins alone and I think that has helped people from giving me a single mom speech. It really did take my breath away that day and caused so much doubt within myself if I was doing the right thing for my babies but I love them and provide for them and honestly there are people who aren't single parents who can't say that so....
    Haha, when I was out with DD alone and people saw I didn't have a ring, I got a lot of the "side eye":
    imageimageimage

    No one approached me though, because I was not about to have it.
    image  <-- Sometimes you just gotta be this guy haha

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