Baby Name Regret- Is this normal?

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

Hi Mamas and Mamas to Be,

I am looking for some support/advice here. I have a beautiful daughter who is 6 weeks old. When I was pregnant, I was very depressed. I didn't want to take any medication however so I just toughed it out. As a symptom of the depression, I had the hardest time making the smallest decision. Every time I went to research baby names I would get so overwhelmed. I started to feel better in the last month of my pregnancy but I never came across a name that felt like "the one". I went into labor a week early and had an index card full of about 100 names. Part of the overwhelming feeling of coming up with a name is that my husband and I disagreed on every single name choice. He hated all of the ones I loved and vice versa. I like long, formal names with a nickname option and my hubby preferred short names. We ended up with a short name- Ella. I don't dislike the name really but I have always loved long pretty names for girls. My husband actually liked Olivia during our pregnancy and really wanted to name her that. I liked it for a while but towards the end didn't like it. Now, of course, I like it again and wish we named her that. I loved the name Sophia while I was pregnant but my husband's Aunt has that name so it was out for us. I now wish we named her Sophia as well. My favorite girls name of all time is Lillian, but we have friends who used that name- but now I even wish we used that and just copied their name. In full disclosure, my depression from the pregnancy went away but it turned into really bad postpartum anxiety so I am being treated for that. I am feeling a million times better than I did while I was pregnant or when I first came home, but I just can't seem to get over this baby name regret. I spend all day researching baby names and feeling so sad that I don't love my daughter's name. I love her more than anything and I want her to have the perfect name. In addition to the name being shorter than I'd like, I am consumed by fears that classmates will call her "smella" or "ella-phant". If I could go back in time I would in a second and change her name to Sophia, Olivia or Lillian- but I know this is not possible. My fears in changing the name are 1) judgement by friends and family 2) that she will see her original name on her birth certificate and wish I never changed it. Has anyone else experienced this? Did the regret go away? Did you change your baby's name? I feel so lost

flas · September 2015

Not sure why you posted 2 threads saying almost the exact same thing. First if you truly regret the name then discuss it with your spouse. They might be okay with the name change. You could also use her middle name instead. Either way every name can be made fun of to some degree so it's pretty much impossible to find a name that will never be able to be negatively used.

blockedrose · September 2015

You can get it legally changed with a new birth certificate, then she will never know. You can find something suitable, and move ella to her middle name.
If all else fails find a name that uses ella as a shortened version. Still change it on the birth certificate but you husband and family can still choose to just call her ella if they want. With something like this your family and friends might not have a problem with the change since its still kinda the same. You could always blame labor and pregnancy brain.

mylilwildflower · September 2015

If she is only 6 weeks old then change it! Life is too short to have regrets

and if you don't feel like she is an Ella...then name her what you want. Ella is a lovely name but very overused.

FutureMrsCaesar · September 2015

It did take me a while to get used to the names we picked for our first two kids, to me they didn't 'look like' a Matthew and an Andrew. But I had already promised DH we'd use Matthew, so I didn't want to go back on it. The names did eventually grow on me. Oddly our third seemed to fit his name from the get-go, and we didn't decide on it until I was in labor.

I'd say if you really regret it, it's fine to change as long as your husband supports it. But I'd try to make sure you really don't like it, and it's not your postpartum anxiety making this seem worse than it is. I know I tend to obsess over things when I get anxious.

mrstrax · September 2015

I say this in the nicest way possible - get off this board for a while. Please don't feed your anxiety by spending time on name boards and sites. Try to step back from the pressure of naming and just enjoy your baby for a few days, then, if the name Ella still bugs you, talk to your husband about a name change. It seems unnecessary to me for such a pretty name (btw, all 4 of your names were on our top 6 list) but that comes down to you two.

ElRuby · September 2015

mrstrax said:
I say this in the nicest way possible - get off this board for a while. Please don't feed your anxiety by spending time on name boards and sites. Try to step back from the pressure of naming and just enjoy your baby for a few days, then, if the name Ella still bugs you, talk to your husband about a name change. It seems unnecessary to me for such a pretty name (btw, all 4 of your names were on our top 6 list) but that comes down to you two.

This is really great advice... This board will only confuse you and stress you out in your current mindset.

I adore that name as I said in the other thread.

libby+nate · September 2015

I could have written this post word for word. The anxiety is crippling. I had a loss at 13 weeks my first pregnancy and with this LO I was terrified my entire pregnancy. Add in kidney problems and IUGR. I couldn't make any decisions from strollers to names. We were torn between two names my entire pregnancy and at the hospital we finally decided when a staff member made a terrible comment about the name (penelope) and we flipped back to Piper. I contacted the state when she was 2 weeks and backed out because family convinced me I was hormonal. My DD is 10 months now and I wish I would have changed her first name. I'm actually 90% sure I am changing her middle name to feel better about the whole name but a little part of me is afraid I would regret that too! I'm really glad you are getting treated for the anxiety. I wish you the best of luck at coming to peace with a decision, whatever that may be. My advice is to follow your heart. It's your child and you deserve to be happy with her name. ((Hugs))

sorarose · September 2015

I absolutely love the name Ella, and only have positive associations with the name. I've only ever had one student named Ella, and she was adorable. I have a close friend with the name also, so again, only positives. I like to know what names mean: Ella means goddess. Can't get much better than that, IMO.

If it's bothering you, perhaps change it, so Ella is a nn. Names like Isabella, Ariella, Gabriella, Daniella, Arabella, etc.

KaLikeAWind · September 2015

mrstrax said:
I say this in the nicest way possible - get off this board for a while. Please don't feed your anxiety by spending time on name boards and sites. Try to step back from the pressure of naming and just enjoy your baby for a few days, then, if the name Ella still bugs you, talk to your husband about a name change. It seems unnecessary to me for such a pretty name (btw, all 4 of your names were on our top 6 list) but that comes down to you two.

I also agree. Do yourself a favor and step away from the name stress for a while. Likely after a little while of NOT thinking about it, you'll realize the answer you seek is in your heart.

FWIW, I think Ella is a lovely name. I had a little bit of... Not name regret but name uncertainty... After my son was born. I just kept using his name over and over out loud, it began to seem more and more appropriate as time went on.

holocene · September 2015

I think Ella is lovely. But I agree with what others have said here that you either need to just change it, or step back from thinking about it too much. At 6 weeks, it's really not a big thing! I promise you, the only one who will think twice about a name change is you. (If you're feeling embarrassed about what other's may think). I think it's really important to love your child's name. I didn't love our second sons name, but he's almost two and I utterly adore it now. It's perfectly him, and I'm glad I didn't change it.

I hope you can find some peace soon.

cmerribury · September 2015

I think taking some time is a good idea. 6 weeks may seem like a long time, but she's still a teeny tiny baby. I have a friend who changed her sons name after he was born because she didn't feel like he looked like the name they chose. They are really happy they did it. Ultimately the name is up to you and your SO. She will be happy and loved no matter what you call her. A rose by any other name...good luck!

MamaWren919 · September 2015

I love Ella! It's my favorite of all of your choices. I like 1 or 2 syllable names best, too. Three+ syllable names always get shortened. When we were picking names, I deliberately wanted something that wasn't long.

I think Ella is beautiful and that you should stick with it. I already answered your post about "smelly Ellie" etc. I wouldn't worry about this! I hope you grow to love your daughter's name.

Linsbins · September 2015

Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

ashleyandely · September 2015

Linsbins said:
Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

Is there a reason you are taking this absurdly personal? Chill out. Maybe OP just wanted other opinions as well. Your comment was really unnecessary as she mentioned nothing about how name regret is interfering with time spent with baby.

AlyLynn07 · September 2015

Linsbins said:
Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

Yikes.

libby+nate · September 2015

Linsbins said:
Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

As a loss mom, I can tell you that name regret does NOT mean you appreciate or love your baby any less. You can't assume you know someone's story. A lot of it boils down to anxiety. Please don't take things so personally. I don't think OP has done anything wrong in asking for opinions. I'm sorry this is obviously a trigger for you, but your post was uncalled for.

MyCousinVinny · September 2015

There isn't much I can add that PPs haven't already said. I, too, like the name Ella and there are a bunch of longer names out there where Ella could be used as a NN. So her name wouldn't change completely but still have more of what you're looking for.

Gabriella

Isabella

Annabella

Eloise

Elizabeth

Daniella

Eleanor

Stella

Luella

oneblessedmess · September 2015

Linsbins said:
Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

Whoa. Holy overreaction Batman.

OP, I can't say I've experienced any name regret, but my parents did change my sister's name after she was born and it doesn't bother her seeing her original name on old documents. I don't think there's any shame in changing her name either.

I think an important thing to note that you didn't mention is how your husband feels about changing her name? If he is open to it, maybe together you can figure out which name suits your baby best.

I also wouldn't worry about negative nicknames for Ella, like PPs said you can make a bad nickname out of almost any name.

fourtsixand2 · September 2015

I mean this with no disrespect, but I honestly think you need to see a Doctor or counseling. Your post is all over the place.

Your daughter is 6 weeks old? That means for the first 6 weeks, and most crucial weeks of her life, she has been known as Ella.
Ella is a beautiful and classic name and while I can't just tell you not to regret it, I can tell you that you should be happy with it because it really is lovely.

To me, changing it this far along in life seems ....odd.

Again, that's just my opinion.

And I really don't think it's worth the pain, anxiety, and stress you're putting on yourself over a name. Concentrate on loving that baby and being proud of her, instead of spending your days depressed over a name.

Good luck to you!

libby+nate · September 2015

fourtsixand2 said:
I mean this with no disrespect, but I honestly think you need to see a Doctor or counseling. Your post is all over the place.
Your daughter is 6 weeks old? That means for the first 6 weeks, and most crucial weeks of her life, she has been known as Ella.
Ella is a beautiful and classic name and while I can't just tell you not to regret it, I can tell you that you should be happy with it because it really is lovely.
To me, changing it this far along in life seems ....odd.
Again, that's just my opinion.
And I really don't think it's worth the pain, anxiety, and stress you're putting on yourself over a name. Concentrate on loving that baby and being proud of her, instead of spending your days depressed over a name.
Good luck to you!

I wouldn't say the first six weeks are the most crucial. A baby won't even recognize their name until at least 6 months, and most psychologists agree changing before 9 months is fine. 6 weeks isn't a big deal. Many children have their names changed after adoption much later. I understand what you are trying to say, I just wanted to offer a different viewpoint on that particular piece.
ETA: I know your post was nice and I'm not trying to argue or anything.

TheBorg7of9 · September 2015

I read this interesting article on Slate about this very thing. https://www.slate.com/articles/life/family/2015/05/baby_name_regret_i_couldn_t_live_with_it_so_i_changed_my_son_s_name.html

Personally, I do sometimes regret my second son's name, but I am trying to come up with a good nick name to make me feel better about it. I have thought of a boy's name for our third child (if he is a boy) and I often wish I could go back and use it on our second son. But the feeling comes and goes. I actually can't imagine calling him anything else.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

Original poster here... my apologies for leaving two posts. While I have been a member of the bump for quite some time, I have never posted before nor read any message boards. I wasn't sure if my original post about the name Ella worked, so I created another one.

Thank you to those who replied. A special thank you to those who replied without judgment. I am bonding with my daughter beautifully and I am snuggling her all the time. The name my husband and I have chosen for her does not affect the way I feel about her.

I was hoping that I would get some replies from mothers who regretted their child's name but didn't change it and realized it was just the hormones talking. I am not sold on another name, I guess I just don't love the name Ella due to my "naming style". I have shared some of how I'm feeling with my husband and he does not want to change her name. He said he will if I absolutely can not live with her name, but he thinks Ella suits her and is a pretty name- both of which I do not disagree with. I am going to see how I feel in a few weeks and not allow myself to read any more message boards or look up baby names. Thanks again for the feedback!

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

FutureMrsCaesar said:

It did take me a while to get used to the names we picked for our first two kids, to me they didn't 'look like' a Matthew and an Andrew. But I had already promised DH we'd use Matthew, so I didn't want to go back on it. The names did eventually grow on me. Oddly our third seemed to fit his name from the get-go, and we didn't decide on it until I was in labor.

I'd say if you really regret it, it's fine to change as long as your husband supports it. But I'd try to make sure you really don't like it, and it's not your postpartum anxiety making this seem worse than it is. I know I tend to obsess over things when I get anxious.

Thank you so much for the reply. It makes me feel much better to know that there are moms who had to get used to the names and got over it. You are 100% right on the obsessing things due to anxiety. This is why it's not a cut and dry case of either change it or get over it for me. I don't know if the regret is coming from a logical place at the moment. Thanks again!

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

mrstrax said:

I say this in the nicest way possible - get off this board for a while. Please don't feed your anxiety by spending time on name boards and sites. Try to step back from the pressure of naming and just enjoy your baby for a few days, then, if the name Ella still bugs you, talk to your husband about a name change. It seems unnecessary to me for such a pretty name (btw, all 4 of your names were on our top 6 list) but that comes down to you two.

I will do just that, thanks for the advice.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

libby+nate said:

I could have written this post word for word. The anxiety is crippling. I had a loss at 13 weeks my first pregnancy and with this LO I was terrified my entire pregnancy. Add in kidney problems and IUGR. I couldn't make any decisions from strollers to names. We were torn between two names my entire pregnancy and at the hospital we finally decided when a staff member made a terrible comment about the name (penelope) and we flipped back to Piper. I contacted the state when she was 2 weeks and backed out because family convinced me I was hormonal. My DD is 10 months now and I wish I would have changed her first name. I'm actually 90% sure I am changing her middle name to feel better about the whole name but a little part of me is afraid I would regret that too! I'm really glad you are getting treated for the anxiety. I wish you the best of luck at coming to peace with a decision, whatever that may be. My advice is to follow your heart. It's your child and you deserve to be happy with her name. ((Hugs))

Thank you for your reply, it is nice to know I am not alone. I'm sorry you still don't feel great about your daughter's first name. I wish I knew how to make the regret go away. Good luck with the name change for the middle name. I will say the same to you - It's your child and you deserve to be happy with her name!!

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

holocene said:

I think Ella is lovely. But I agree with what others have said here that you either need to just change it, or step back from thinking about it too much. At 6 weeks, it's really not a big thing! I promise you, the only one who will think twice about a name change is you. (If you're feeling embarrassed about what other's may think). I think it's really important to love your child's name. I didn't love our second sons name, but he's almost two and I utterly adore it now. It's perfectly him, and I'm glad I didn't change it.

I hope you can find some peace soon.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts about not loving your son's name right away. That makes me feel a lot better.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

ashleyandely said:

Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.
Is there a reason you are taking this absurdly personal? Chill out. Maybe OP just wanted other opinions as well. Your comment was really unnecessary as she mentioned nothing about how name regret is interfering with time spent with baby.

Thank you for your support.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

Linsbins said:

Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

This is exactly why I have never posted in message boards prior to this. Your comment was rude and hurtful. My repeat post had nothing to do with your response and I'm not sure why you would think it was. I hope you are not this judgmental with others posts on here as moms and future moms should be supportive of one another and not make someone feel worse than they already do. Trust me, no one is more upset with me than me about not loving my daughter's name, which is why I reached out for advice/reassurance/support.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

vineheart137 said:

Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.
Whoa. Holy overreaction Batman. OP, I can't say I've experienced any name regret, but my parents did change my sister's name after she was born and it doesn't bother her seeing her original name on old documents. I don't think there's any shame in changing her name either. I think an important thing to note that you didn't mention is how your husband feels about changing her name? If he is open to it, maybe together you can figure out which name suits your baby best. I also wouldn't worry about negative nicknames for Ella, like PPs said you can make a bad nickname out of almost any name.

Thank you so much for sharing. How does your sister feel about her original name. Is she happy your parents changed it?

KaLikeAWind · September 2015

With regards to what you said about not being sure if this was the hormones talking or not, that is a valid consideration. I had some PPD but didn't even begin to get it addressed until my 6w followup appt. It was in a pretty low place, for me, and it did take me a few more weeks to get back to feeling more like myself (my LO is 13w). I questioned a lot of my decisions when I was so down (including the name uncertainty), and after allowing myself time to adjust to everything (mentally and hormonally) I'm more at peace with the decisions I've made. So your suggestion to yourself to give it some time to allow your hormones to settle is a good one.

Also, I don't know how often you venture out with your LO, but I found that going out with him and having people compliment him, and his name (which I stressed a bit over since its uncommon) helped my state of mind a lot.

Linsbins · September 2015

IsEveryUsernameTaken said:

Linsbins said:

Did you not like what I said yesterday? How rude. You have a beautiful baby at home, something many is us are wishing for. Go spend time with your baby and don't post the same thread again.

This is exactly why I have never posted in message boards prior to this. Your comment was rude and hurtful. My repeat post had nothing to do with your response and I'm not sure why you would think it was. I hope you are not this judgmental with others posts on here as moms and future moms should be supportive of one another and not make someone feel worse than they already do. Trust me, no one is more upset with me than me about not loving my daughter's name, which is why I reached out for advice/reassurance/support.

Which is exactly what I gave you on your first thread.

LizaKate1213 · September 2015

@libby+nate, I love love love the name Piper for a girl! I think it is absolutely adorable. OP, Ella is classic and beautiful as well. What is her middle name? Perhaps she could go by that instead if you prefer it? But Ella truly is a very pretty name.

Kristi4938 · September 2015

I have to think that what you're feeling is normal considering you're dealing with anxiety. I wouldn't make any decisions right now. Ella is a gorgeous name and one of my top names for a girl. It's classic and reminds me of the amazingly talented Ella Fitzgerald. Can't beat that!

libby+nate · September 2015

@LizaKate1213 thank you so much! That means a lot

Bigboobsmcgee · September 2015

OP I also mean this in the nicest way possible but it sounds to me like you might need some counseling. You have a brand new baby and you are spending all day researching names? That's a tad over the top don't you think? Just think that maybe you aren't realizing the real problem here.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

Bigboobsmcgee said:
OP I also mean this in the nicest way possible but it sounds to me like you might need some counseling. You have a brand new baby and you are spending all day researching names? That's a tad over the top don't you think? Just think that maybe you aren't realizing the real problem here.

I just meant when she is sleeping. I am not ignoring my baby so I can look up baby names. And yes, as I referenced in the original post, I have postpartum anxiety and am well aware of this.

IsEveryUsernameTaken · September 2015

LizaKate1213 said:
@libby+nate, I love love love the name Piper for a girl! I think it is absolutely adorable. OP, Ella is classic and beautiful as well. What is her middle name? Perhaps she could go by that instead if you prefer it? But Ella truly is a very pretty name.

Thank you! Her middle name is Marie and was used because it's my middle name as well as my mothers. I never even thought to use a middle name as a "back up first name". Now I know for the next one. I also think Piper is a pretty name. I've loved it ever since I heard it on Orange is the new Black.

Bigboobsmcgee · September 2015

IsEveryUsernameTaken said:

OP I also mean this in the nicest way possible but it sounds to me like you might need some counseling. You have a brand new baby and you are spending all day researching names? That's a tad over the top don't you think? Just think that maybe you aren't realizing the real problem here.
I just meant when she is sleeping. I am not ignoring my baby so I can look up baby names. And yes, as I referenced in the original post, I have postpartum anxiety and am well aware of this.

I think you need to be focusing on the anxiety and not baby names.

Elsa1984 · September 2015

To the OP, I am sorry that you are having such a hard time with the name. I know plenty of little girls named Ella, and think that it is a great name. And honestly, there are crazy nicknames that kids can make up to to hurt another child's feelings....no matter what the name is.

I can say that I did have a hard time with my daughters name at first. We didn't have a name picked out prior to her birth, I had a birth I hadn't prepared myself for, and dealt with PPA after she was born. I even called her a different name a few times, when nobody else was around, just to see what it would feel like. My number one pick for a name, wasn't the one that was used, and the middle name was a name that honored my husbands grandmother (who I had never met, and I wasn't even a fan of the name, but it was extremely important to him). It felt weird to me, using her name in the beginning. I think mostly, because I spent the whole pregnancy referring to her as "the baby", it was odd all of a sudden calling her by name. Her first name, was my husbands number one pick, and it was on my list....but not completely my naming style. However, after several months, I didn't even think twice about it. It was really hard for the two of us to come to an agreement on a name, since we both have completely different naming styles. And there are so many names that I loved, that he hated....and that makes me sad that I wont get to use those names.

We never changed her name, it was there for good. It grew on me as my bond with her grew, and I cannot see her having any other name. And I love the story we have behind both her first name and middle name, when someone asks about it. I feel like if there isn't one that you absolutely LOVE, and your husband does too, naming becomes really hard....and you will second guess yourself a lot more. I think it took me a good 3-4 months, before I finally fell in love with her name. With dealing with the PPA, being a new mom and extremely tired and hormonal, and getting to know this new little person.....those first few months I had "what if I made a mistake?" in the back of my mind with her name. She is almost 4 years old now, and I am 100% glad that not only did I choose the name that she has, but I am so glad that I never pushed far enough to try and convince my husband to let me change it.

Talk about it with your husband, and let him know how you are feeling with the name. There could be a chance that he isn't in love with it either. If that isn't the case and he likes the name, give it time. You went through a lot emotionally and with the anxiety, I totally know how it feels making a decision (and feeling like that decision is a good one). I know my daughter's name didn't really feel like "her name" until she started responding to it (well, as much as a 3-4 month old can respond).

elle313 · September 2015

My daughter's name is Clara and I didn't feel like it really fit her until she changed from her baby/toddler stage into the little girl she is now. I have a feeling the same is true for Ella, since its such a pretty, elegant name it will fit her well as a cute little girl and as a an adult better than it does now as a baby. My daughter was adorable, but in a funny, chubby, old-man, bald way, and I don't think a name needs to suit that stage of life. All this to say, I'd bet your daughter will grow into her name and it will fit her much better than it seems to now.

Baby Name Regret- Is this normal?

Re: Baby Name Regret- Is this normal?

Choose Another Board

Search Boards