Older siblings and baby

AdventureMama · September 2015

Those of you who already have kids, are they pretty interested in your pregnancy? Do they ask questions, do you guys talk about it a lot, what are you doing to prepare them? How old are they? Just curious.

My son will be two in a few weeks so he really doesn't understand it much, but we talk about "beebee" a lot and he kisses my belly and pats it. He also plays with his doll a lot and I remind him that we're going to have a real baby soon! Recently he somehow got it in his head that the baby is in my boobs and not my stomach, so for the last couple of days, whenever I say something about the baby or ask if he wants to kiss it, he pats and kisses my boobs. I'm really not sure how that got mixed up in his head but it's hilarious!

ashcody2 · September 2015

My son will just have turned 3 once this LO is born - right now he doesn't really understand, I've tried telling him "there's a baby in mommy's belly" and he usually tells me "no, baby!" he's also not really a fan of me holding other babies in front of him, he's thrown tantrums the few times I have, yikes. I'm hoping that once he realizes it's "his" baby and will be coming home with us that he will change his attitude though.

He does great with other kids at daycare surprisingly, it's just he gets pretty protective/possessive when mommy's around.

ohbaby714 · September 2015

DD is only 15 months so she really doesn't know what's going on yet. I've been trying to talk more about the baby even if she doesn't understand me. She has been playing with her baby dolls a lot more lately and feeding them with the toy bottles. It's adorable.

Achae · September 2015

My daughter is 2 and she doesn't seem to register the concept of baby at first, but now that my stomach is bigger she points to it and goes "There's a baby in there?" and then points to her belly and goes "there's a baby in there." She has a couple babies she has started taking care of. So far she's only confused belly button and nipple haha.

Latina211508 · September 2015

All 3 of my kids are interested in the pregnancy/baby and are all excited. My son is 6.5, my daughters are 4.5 and turning 3 in Nov. They all kiss my belly, hug my belly, say how much they love their brother etc. Yes, they ask questions like when is the baby coming out or where will he be sleeping. They ask a lot lol. We honestly are not really doing anything in-particular to prepare them. They are all so much older and already understand the basics. As in they have to be quiet when the baby is sleeping, they know that I have to hold/care for the baby a lot etc. Luckily my kids have never been jealous when a new sibling arrived. But we always talk to them about the baby and what they are feeling (happy about having a brother).

MississippiCatfish · September 2015

My almost 3 year old asks about baby infrequently. But he also get confused and points at my chest sometimes! Haha.

kshows03 · September 2015

DS at 23 months has no clue. The only thing he has noticed is my growing chest. He gently rubbed my boob on Sunday saying "too big!" Yep buddy, they are too big!

Twindling · September 2015

My twins are 2.5 and will be 3 March 5. Baby is due Feb 9. They know mommy has a baby in her belly. They like to rub it and kiss it goodnight. They also like looking at the ultrasound pictures however I don't think they quite grasp the whole concept. They know mommys boobs have food for the baby. They also still don't mind jumping up and down on my uterus like a trampoline.

When I ask them if mommys baby is a boy or girl, one twin says girl and the other says boy.

Shatzegirl · September 2015

My son is 3 1/2 and I think he concepts it a little. He'll say, "Baby in there?" "Baby come out?" "Baby's cute!" He also seems to confuse my boobs with my belly lol! Whenever he sees a baby, he seems really enamored with them.

We've been reading him books and having him watch shows about being an older brother. Our friends are having a baby in December so I'm hoping we can hang out over there a few times to get him used to a newborn.

DaisyTortilla · September 2015

I have 2 toddlers, one will be 1y9m and the other 2y8m when LO is born. DD (the oldest) knows where "momma's baby" is and she does touch my belly and kiss it. DS doesn't really understand yet. I try explaining but he still tries to climb and jump on me. I'm nervous about having 3 under 3.

Aussiechicka · September 2015

My son turns 2 in a couple of weeks too and we try and tell him about the baby via books and words but not having a lot of success. Sometimes he'll rub my tummy and say "baby" other times he'll jump all over me and when I say to be gentle because of the baby he says "no baby Mama". When she arrives it's going to be a massive shock I think, he's a big Mama's boy.

camusoh2011 · September 2015

My 4 year old tells me that his tummy hurts because he has a baby in there too. My 7 year old goes around telling anyone and everyone who will listen.

dtaded13 · September 2015

This baby is actually due on our daughters 5th birthday! She is beyond excited and has been praying for a baby for about 2 years. We struggled with secondary infertility for almost 4 years to get this one (started ttc when dd was 6 months). She loves to help shop and asks how big he is every Saturday because that's my ticker change day, and she remembers. I think she is more than prepared but do worry about how it'll affect her.

blueberrymomma · September 2015

My DD will be just over 2.5 when this one is born. She like pp said knows baby is in my belly and gives kisses. And yes she also sometimes thinks the baby is in my boobs. We took her to the ultrasound today and she knew where the baby was.
She loves looking at babies and giving them kisses. DH has a huge extended family and someone always has a baby. I am more worried about her being jealous of the grandmas holding the new baby then of me. She can't stand when my mom holds my sisters almost 2year old and not her. And she's my MIL only grand baby.

blueberrymomma · September 2015

ashcody2 said:
My son will just have turned 3 once this LO is born - right now he doesn't really understand, I've tried telling him "there's a baby in mommy's belly" and he usually tells me "no, baby!" he's also not really a fan of me holding other babies in front of him, he's thrown tantrums the few times I have, yikes. I'm hoping that once he realizes it's "his" baby and will be coming home with us that he will change his attitude though.

He does great with other kids at daycare surprisingly, it's just he gets pretty protective/possessive when mommy's around.

My mom always said I would point to her belly and say "no no" when she was pregnant with my sister. I even stood on the front porch when they brought her home and said "mommy no no," We are almost exactly 2years apart and polar opposites. Whenever she upsets my mom(frequently) I say you should have listened to me lol.

stephz44 · September 2015

My DD and LO will be born right around the same day. DD is going to be 3. She definitely understands that her brother is in my belly. She kisses my belly and pokes him. She knows his name. She speaks really well. The good thing is, she goes to a day care and is pretty exposed to babies. She has younger cousins, too. So, she's familiar with babies. Though, I'm not quite sure she understands that her new brother will stay with us after he's born. I don't see that going over so well! lol

MamaFroFro · September 2015

DS is 5 and he is really excited. We watch the weekly bump video every Thursday then he spends the rest of the week telling people how big the baby is. He is coming up with names too. Some days I think he isn't super pumped about it but for the most part he seems very interested and excited.

AdventureMama · September 2015

I think DS will be more jealous of my husband holding the baby than me. I could be wrong, I don't know. But he is waaaay more attached to Daddy right now than he is to me.

HandsomeJacksMom · September 2015

My son will be almost 4 when baby comes. He's mildly interested at times but generally doesn't seem to care much. I think he will be very jealous.

Latina211508 · September 2015

My kids were never jealous of the baby. But with my youngest daughter my husband likes to annoy her. So he says the baby is his baby. She gets mad and says "no daddy he's my baby" "he's my brother". Lol it really gets to her. But it's really cute.

lovelydaye · September 2015

DD just turned 3 and she is very interested in "brother baby" She climbs in bed with us in the mornings and always asks if she can give the baby (aka my belly) kisses and hugs. She has also decided that one of her baby dolls is a "brother" pretends to change his diaper. We've from the beginning emphasized that were having a baby and that she gets to be a big help and take care of him too and I think its worked to make her feel included/ excited. The last few weeks she's been saying she has a baby in her belly too which always cracks us up. Especially the other day in Target when I got a random and very loud, "Mommy, the baby is really hurting my tummy today! He's kicking me"

SoSirius · September 2015

My son (21 months) sounds just like yours. He demands to kiss my belly but gets distracted by my boobs sometimes. He also gently pats my belly. He'll get really upset if I cover my belly before he's ready to stop playing with baby. He's really not a jealous kid so I don't know how he'll react.

wisco29 · September 2015

AdventureMama said:
I think DS will be more jealous of my husband holding the baby than me. I could be wrong, I don't know. But he is waaaay more attached to Daddy right now than he is to me.

First question: she doesn't really understand at all, I've only mentioned it a few times that I have a baby in my belly but I don't want to confuse her. I showed her the ultrasound pic and told her it was the baby and she wasn't so sure since it doesn't look like an actual baby but she believed me.

For jealousy it's going to be crazy I already know, h's conworker's wife is having her baby Monday so we will go visit them once they are home. It's going to be a good test of how she's going to act, I'm excited and nervous to see.
When I've held another baby or even kid in the recent past she freaks out and I have to hold both at the same time.

shupertj09 · September 2015

My DD will be 4 in November and she talks about our baby a little, every once in a while...mostly to tell me I look "so fat" with our baby in my belly.

Scornelius · September 2015

Our situation is a bit different. My 6 year old son is autistic, and he was pretty badly traumatized by my miscarriage. For the first few months of this pregnancy, he asked me every day if the baby had died yet. If he ever bumped into me or leaned on my belly, he would ask if he'd killed the baby. I didn't really know how to handle it all, so we just didn't talk about it much. On the advice if our therapist, we started being much more enthusiastic and ignoring the possibility of anything going wrong. Since then, he's been more excited. He's suggesting names, and wants to start buying gifts and stuff. He has been very vocal about wanting a sibling for years. I can't wait to see him as a big brother!

oregontrailmom · September 2015

My 4 year old is totally excited and definitely "gets it."
My two year old asks every day of the baby is going to drink mommy's milk. He still remembers nursing despite being weaned for 6 months and I'm anticipating some boob jealousy once the baby comes.

AdventureMama · September 2015

Aw I forgot about boob envy.

My kiddo will definitely have boob envy, we just stopped nursing a few months ago and he was not ready.

Life is Exciting · September 2015

My son turns two this week. He knows that there is a baby coming. And it's very cute because every time we go into the baby's bedroom he says Eva's room. But I don't think he fully understands that he's no longer going to be an only child and that the baby is in mommy's tummy.

bublesmiled · September 2015

My dd will be 7 next month and is excited about being a big sister. Our strange thing lately has been she worried about the baby hurting me when it kicks or that the baby will hurt me when it comes out. But I'm also starting to transition a few thing so I can start putting some baby stuff in her room since the girls will be sharing a bedroom.

Nymommy2015 · September 2015

Scornelius said:
Our situation is a bit different. My 6 year old son is autistic, and he was pretty badly traumatized by my miscarriage. For the first few months of this pregnancy, he asked me every day if the baby had died yet. If he ever bumped into me or leaned on my belly, he would ask if he'd killed the baby. I didn't really know how to handle it all, so we just didn't talk about it much. On the advice if our therapist, we started being much more enthusiastic and ignoring the possibility of anything going wrong. Since then, he's been more excited. He's suggesting names, and wants to start buying gifts and stuff. He has been very vocal about wanting a sibling for years. I can't wait to see him as a big brother!

My 7 year old son is also autistic. At first he was very very excited. He kept saying "I really hope that it's a girl!" We kept talking about how there was a possibility that it could be a boy, and that would be ok too! He seemed ok with it until we found out that baby is in fact a boy. All of his excitement has now gone away and he's said "I really just wanted a little sister". It's definitely something we are going to have to work on with his therapist... Hopefully he will come around and fall in love with little brother once he arrives!

SoSirius · September 2015

@Nymommy2015, maybe try having him make something like a vision board about all the things he want to do with his brother. There are a few magazines for boys (Boys Life off the top of my head) where he can clip some fun adventure pictures. Also, if he watches TV, have him point out when there are brothers on the screen or even in real life. My experience with autistic children is limited to the classroom but they often get excited about learning the details and he might start enjoying the idea of a brother once he can picture it better. He had his heart set on a sister and all this visualising must have come easier for him and now he has to give up those ideas which can be hard. Change is even harder for autistic children. You know all this but I'm just adding the reasoning for my ideas :-). Hope that helps.

wisco29 · September 2015

AdventureMama said:
Aw I forgot about boob envy. My kiddo will definitely have boob envy, we just stopped nursing a few months ago and he was not ready.

I'm sort of worried about this but I have a book with the baby nursing so I just tell her the baby is eating. Maybe just maybe it's helping

Nymommy2015 · September 2015

SoSirius said:
@Nymommy2015, maybe try having him make something like a vision board about all the things he want to do with his brother. There are a few magazines for boys (Boys Life off the top of my head) where he can clip some fun adventure pictures. Also, if he watches TV, have him point out when there are brothers on the screen or even in real life. My experience with autistic children is limited to the classroom but they often get excited about learning the details and he might start enjoying the idea of a brother once he can picture it better. He had his heart set on a sister and all this visualising must have come easier for him and now he has to give up those ideas which can be hard. Change is even harder for autistic children. You know all this but I'm just adding the reasoning for my ideas :-). Hope that helps.

Those are all such great ideas, thank you. That's what I've been telling everyone. I don't particularly think that he is upset about having a brother. I do not think that he is "jealous" of having a younger sibling. He just really wanted a little sister. And once his mind is set on that, it is extremely hard to change the way he thinks about it. He is disappointed. But I think being able to show him things like that will be extremely helpful

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