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October 2015 Moms
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Custody Battle

joyfulsimplicityjoyfulsimplicity member
in October 2015 Moms
Soo im 4 weeks away from delivery. So far my son's father has been to one appointment. He doesn't consistently reply to messages. He doesn't ask about our sons growth or progress. Didn't remember his due date and so forth. His family hates me and so does the mother of his other child. So I finally asked him to sign over custody and just be done with it but he refused. He hasn't been here a single moment but intends to fight me on this. So I started looking into an attorney and I dont want a custody battle. And in my state they tend to stand behind the father. If they give him sole custody or even joint custody and determine he can take my son months out the year etc it will kill me and I just dont know what to do.....
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Re: Custody Battle

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    midge519midge519 member
    edited September 2015
    I don't know what state your in but if he is fighting already you should definitely go through with filing! It sounds harsh but filing for primary custody immediately after being released from the hospital may be in your best interest. I've been consulting with a lawyer about custody regarding my ex and my older children(not the baby) and in the state I'm in (PA) they try to have the child divided equally between the parents. We were able to come up with an agreement on our own so we don't have to go through the court system to have the time hashed out. But from what she said they will typically have parents split custody with one having primary physical custody but having joint legal custody, the non primary usually gets every other weekend and a few days during the week, holidays split, respective mothers/fathers days, etc. For children not school age it can go where one parent has the child for 3 days and then the other for 3 days. It really depends on how it all goes. But I would contact an attorney immediately and start the process.

    Edit- as long as you say you want him in the childs life and you want to do what is best by your child and prove that they typically split the time. Do not tell them you want him out all together because that looks bad on you and could hurt you in the case
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    on_the_moveon_the_move member

    I don't have any experience with custody battles, but I would hold off until the baby is born before you kick him out of it's life.  Just because he isn't really interested in your pregnancy doesn't mean he won't be a good father.  His family and his past relationships have no bearing on you, your baby and him.  I would look at how he acts with his other children and know that having a father figure in your son's life can be very important.

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    xpaperxxpaperx member
    I don't have any experience with this and I'm sorry that you are going through it. I would talk to a lawyer immediately and document absolutely everything. Save all the text messages emails and voicemails so that you have a case against him. If he has been unresponsive and uninvolved, there's no reason to think that he will change. Especially in the first six months of baby's life! They are the hardest, especially for men. And I disagree with the pp about his family. They are absolutely influential in the relationship. Get all your ducks in a row now before you are too exhausted to fight. Then hope for the best, of course. Good luck!
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    JaqiDec04JaqiDec04 member
    I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but you seem to be "expecting the worst." Just because he doesn't want to give up his parental rights, doesn't mean he necessarily wants to take the baby 50/50.

    I definitely think you should speak to a lawyer. If your breastfeeding, there is no way they will take your infant away for days at a time. A baby needs its mother.

    Keep all the unreturned text messages, phone calls, and emails. Document everything, and speak to a lawyer. A custody agreement needs to be in place once the baby is born. Also, if you aren't married, you may not be required to list him on the birth certificate. Putting it on him to file for paternity, DNA test, etc.
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    Knottie16832459Knottie16832459 member
    JaqiDec04 said:

    I'm sorry you are dealing with this, but you seem to be "expecting the worst." Just because he doesn't want to give up his parental rights, doesn't mean he necessarily wants to take the baby 50/50.


    I definitely think you should speak to a lawyer. If your breastfeeding, there is no way they will take your infant away for days at a time. A baby needs its mother.

    Keep all the unreturned text messages, phone calls, and emails. Document everything, and speak to a lawyer. A custody agreement needs to be in place once the baby is born. Also, if you aren't married, you may not be required to list him on the birth certificate. Putting it on him to file for paternity, DNA test, etc.
    Just to elaborate, log all communication. Saved texts don't hold up and various sources don't present well. Keep a log book to present.

    And just sayin, he could come through after the birth. I've heard of husbands that are just as out of touch through pregnancy and they're loving fathers. Be accepting and ready for both a crappy baby daddy or a good dad that is there for the kid more than he was there for you.
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