Child Spacing- 10,6,4, new born. Dynamics? Will they be close? — The Bump
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Child Spacing- 10,6,4, new born. Dynamics? Will they be close?

Hi all,

I am expecting in November. This baby is a surprise! When the baby is born, my children will be 10,6, and 4.

I know it all depends of course, but after all the worry about a healthy baby and being an "old parent", my next biggest worry is the spacing. Will my kids be close? Will the 10 year difference be too much? Will my current trio of boys be too old and not really embrace the new one?

Would love to hear insights from others! Thanks.

Re: Child Spacing- 10,6,4, new born. Dynamics? Will they be close?

  • I don't think it'll be am issue at all. I have an 11 and 5 with one on the way. My 11 and 5 have such an amazing bond. My 11 y/o is from a previous relationship and her father has a 2 y/o who my daughter is very close to. I don't think you should be concerned ;)
  • I think you have to define what you mean by "close" and perhaps expand your definition of "close" beyond the idea that they will be playmates.  The relationship between siblings who are 10 years apart will be different from those with a 2 year spread.  Kids closer in age will probably play together more, but they'll also fight more.  And in the long run, when they're adults, the age difference between your kids will not seem like an obstacle.  When the youngest is 30 and the oldest is 40, they'll be in more or less the same stage of life.  They'll spend more of their lives as adults than as kids.

    My H is the 4th of 5 kids.  He and his oldest sister are 5 years apart.  When they were kids, they got along fine, but she was clearly the boss of the kids, and he was the little brother -- they weren't particularly close.  When my H was in college and she was in her mid-20s, they found out that in terms of personality and interests, they have a lot in common that just didn't become apparent until they were older. Now they're much closer.
    High School English teacher and mom of 2 kids:

    DD, born 9/06/00 -- 12th grade
    DS, born 8/25/04 -- 7th grade
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  • My siblings and I span 12 years, and most of us are about 4 years apart in age. We are v close as adult siblings, though the range was much more pronounced when we were growing up (my youngest sister was 4 when the oldest graduated from HS). Just encourage healthy family dynamics, and make sure the oldest stays part of the family moving into HS/college years.
    DS1 - Feb 2008

    DS2 - Oct 2010 (my VBAC baby!)

  • When DS's little brother was born, he and his older brother and sister were 15, 12, and 7. All of them are very close. DH and his little brother shared a house when DH was in medical school and his brother was just starting college. It made the transition a lot easier and more fun for him.
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  • I am due in November too and we have a five year old who will be 6 by the time the baby comes.  I'm hoping they will be close. 
    DS- June 2009

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  • I can honestly say it does just depend on your kids. My brother and I have a 6 year age gap. We have never gotten along even till this day. But my husband is the oldest of 4 (26,21.5,15 and 8.5) and they are all extremely close. Lol they make me jealous.
  • There was an article on the attachment parenting website about how to encourage sibling closeness. It had to do with meaningful shared time and helping the siblings see they had things in common. It was interesting.
  • We are having number 4 also and our kids will be 10, 8, and 2.5 when she is born. Our oldest are close but they also fight alot. The do adore their little sister and include her in play the majority of the time. I'm sure it won't always be that way but it is a good foundation that they are building a close sibling bond on. I'm excited to bring our last "little" into the group and watch how they all continue to grow.

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