Baby shower date/host issue

Re: Baby shower date/host issue

• Elizabella85 member

  September 2015

  Wow, for someone who is struggling financially, flying back and forth is huge. Even if she had to rent a car for a day to drive to your shower, that's still a lot cheaper. And 4 hours is nothing, who's cranky after a four hour drive (aside from toddlers and women in the third trimester). I'd be quite annoyed. I know people say you can complete the registry after baby is here, but who wants to shop and set things up with a newborn, and some registry items are needed with a newborn.
  
  She may be a hostess, but parties (in my opinion and within reason) should be planned to the taste and for the convience of the guest of honor. You and your mom have offered a reasonable solution to work around the wedding, and I don't think you're being bratty. It's unfortunate that she has made you feel guilty, especially when you need to complete your registry will be a complete weeks away from your due date.
  
  I hope you guys are able to work it out so that you are comfortable with the date.

  

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• mac-n-cheesy member

  September 2015

  I completely get how you feel about your baby shower being that close to your due date and it's being switched to even later. It would make me feel very anxious and I'm sure very few women feel up to being the center of attention at their own baby shower that close to their due date.
  The thing is, the shower is a gift to you so while you definitely have every right to voice your concern over the date change, there isn't a whole lot you can really do (in my opinion). You're not being a brat at all. You have valid concerns about being so far along you won't really enjoy something that should be very special for you and your loved ones, having to possibly go out and do a lot of shopping so close to your due date, or even giving birth beforehand and having to miss it altogether.
  I really hope it works out for you and that whatever the result is, it isn't too stressful on you.
  

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• jenbstevens member

  September 2015

  I'm sure she's just embarrassed and upset about the situation, and I'm just projecting that she's mad at me. I'm glad I don't seem too unreasonable. I'm just trying not to be upset with her (my husband kind of was) since she is doing a really nice thing for me and it doesn't serve a purpose to be mad at her for making a mistake.
  
  @elizabella85 I really thought the same thing about the drive but thought maybe that was just me since I enjoy driving. I know she doesn't, but four hours still isn't THAT long in my opinion. I also couldn't help but see the irony in her pushing the shower back to a date when I felt I would be cranky and tired so that she could avoid being cranky and tired at the shower lol.
  

  
  

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• ChiccoBeanz member

  September 2015

  You aren't wrong for being upset about the whole date thing. She planned with you and your mom and it was decided on a date that you all agreed upon. Yeah, she forgot about the wedding, but she knew the wedding was coming up and could have made an effort to find out the date sooner. It's nice that she wants to make arrangements to be at your shower, but if she is strapped for cash, I don't think that putting up money for plane tix, a shower and a wedding is in her best interest. But who am I to count someone else's pockets. It is human nature for you to feel bad, but keep in mind she is also doing all of this to accommodate herself. SHE wants to host your shower. SHE wants to fly back and forth at HER own expense. Don't let her make you feel guilty for her decisions. By all means be grateful and understanding, but please do not stress yourself with her choices. I just got married last Sunday and allowed a bridesmaid to do this to me and it just made me stressed out and worried, when the issues weren't even mine to deal with. Plus it effects the baby and that's who is priority. I hope it all works out. Keep us posted.

  

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• LMJL member

  September 2015

  My mom was originally the "host" of my shower. (I'm basically doing the whole thing myself, don't tell the shower Nazis!) And she will be away all of October & the first week in November, when I found this out I said the shower would need to be in September. She then replied, "oh, I was thinking about November." To which I replied, "Absolutely NOT! That's way too late" (My DD is 12/12) One of the best things about doing this myself is the control aspect. I'm having everything that I want, co-ed, comfort food in a cool bar/restaurant with football on for the guys! (FYI- no one really WANTED to throw me a shower, so it's not like I wouldn't let them if they did.)
  
  Anywho, I say all that to agree with PPs, that this is YOUR shower. YOU are the guest of honor & should enjoy it, you probably won't get another one, so make sure you have fun at this one. It's more important that you aren't a tired, cranky bitch, than it is for your friend! I agree with @ChiccoBeanz, she doesn't HAVE to fly, she's doing it for her own comfort, so don't feel bad about this. Also, you can't wait until you are in your 40th week to be buying things like cars seats, & bottles, etc, not even counting the other small things you'll get. I have a feeling your friend hasn't been pregnant before, or she would totally understand all this. I think someday when/if she is & gets to be 30+ weeks pregnant, she will totally understand & feel bad for this whole situation.
  

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• violetigerlily member

  September 2015

  I'm sorry.  It's frustrating to be put in a situation where someone's gift to you is turning into something stressful, and you're torn between wanting to be gracious at personal cost.

  
  

  Maybe it would help to have the bare bones basics bought and set up already so that after the shower you can choose whether or not you feel up for running around to buy/set up the things you want but won't need in the first week or two.  Get your car seat, whatever the baby will be sleeping in for the first few weeks (crib, bassinet, whatever). Maybe you can tell your mom that you're planning on buying x, y, and z (ex: car seat and bassinet) now so she can let you know if any family members were planning to buy it. Aside from that, a few onesies in newborn and 0-3 month sizes, a bottle or nursing supplies (not a full set), a pack of diapers/wipes and one sleep sack might be enough to buy you some piece of mind and time while leaving room for shower gifts. That way you know that whatever happens you'll have the necessities for the first few days.  I

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• jenbstevens member

  September 2015

  Thanks for the advice/reassurance everyone, it is much appreciated.
  
  @violetigerlily that is basically the plan, to buy the big ticket essentials (bassinet, changing table/dresser combo) before the shower and take them off the registry. I know my SIL is buying me the car seat (well I don't KNOW but she texted me to ask if I also want the stroller that goes with it, which I don't, so I'm assuming) so I have to wait on that until the shower. If baby boy decides to come early she'll be here anyway, so I'll have it for leaving the hospital. That way I won't be totally strapped if he comes early or running around like a chicken with my head cut off to get the absolute essentials at the last minute. Stroller we are buying ourselves anyway as it is our one really big splurge (uppababy cruz).
  
  @LMJL there was recently a thread about how far along everyone will be at their baby shower and most people were at like 34 or earlier, so that really got me feeling that even the original date was late! Glad you are taking control to get the shower you really want.
  
  @chiccobeanz congratulations on your wedding! I'm so sorry you had to deal with that but I hope everything went smoothly and it was the day of your dreams I definitely agree about not counting someone else's pockets but we are close enough that I know she is pretty broke (she is having to get a roommate because of it). I mean we live in one of the most expensive places in the country (bay area of California) and she's a teacher (so am I, but my husband has a good job) so extra cash is hard to come by, I don't blame her, but I can't take responsibility for her decision to pay to fly. I'm sure everything will work out fine in the end
  

  
  

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• ChiccoBeanz member

  September 2015

  If you didn't live in cali and she wasn't a teacher, I'd say this is the same person we are talking about here. I swear. Thank you for the congrats! But seriously, don't make yourself worried about her decisions.

  

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