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August 2015 Moms
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I need a break (rant)

cseley321cseley321 member
in August 2015 Moms
I love my baby dearly but I am in desperate need of a day off. I haven't really had any help since I left the hospital. My husband is working and I quit my job to be a SAHM, but I haven't been able to leave the house without the baby or even get more than 3 hours of uninterrupted sleep since she was born. Usually I just get 30 minute naps...

My husband for whatever reason won't even give her a bottle of pumped milk to help out. In his defense he has had to work the weekends as well as his regular shift since going back to work, but I can't get the help I need from him. Also I don't really have anyone else to watch her.

I hate to say it, but I'm starting to regret agreeing to quit my job. I know it will get better, but I'm just feeling down. I know that I would snap out of it if I could just get one day to myself.

Sorry for whining, I just had to get that off my chest.
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Re: I need a break (rant)

  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    Do you all live away from family or just not have contact? If yoy live away could you reach out and ask someone to visit for just a weekend? Tell them they can stay with you and youll have groceries etc. to help with expenses while they are there if expenses are keeping them from being able to visit.
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    My mom broke her wrist from falling while walking and texting (rolls eyes) and my in laws work weekends or are not really available for long stints of time. I was depending a lot on my mom for help initially, but she can't do anything now with her arm in a sling
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    :( so we will all just pray your LO STTN soon?? FX!
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  • JNOVA2015JNOVA2015 member
    Can you hire someone to help for a day? Maybe a night nurse? Might be worth it to get a break!!
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    edited September 2015
    I've been thinking about it. If things don't get better by next week I might do it. I'm worried about getting depressed over all of this and I'm already catching myself yelling, etc.


    I'm planning to ask my husband to give me one night of sleep but if he doesn't do it, I will just hire someone for a night I guess.

    Edit - last time I asked him to take over for the night, he brought the baby to me and woke me up after 3 hours, then he went to bed lol
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  • candicejeff2013candicejeff2013 member
    Well. I'm in a similar situation as I have become a SAHM for the first time and we live hundreds of miles away from any family. It's rough. I prob get 1.5 hrs of away time on weekends to shop for anything I want/need. Like this past weekend I went shopping for some clothes that I could BF in while looking cute too. I didn't even try on. Was just in and out in like 20 min. I haven't gotten a long stretch of sleep in 5 weeks since DD has been born but I keep telling myself that this is the hardest part and there's a light at the end of the tunnel.

    If it were affordable I'd hire a personal assistant ASAP! Lol But in all honesty your H needs to compromise and help. He needs to support you. That's what having a partner is for. You NEED a break. But also know this is a very tough time and why it's often called the "fourth trimester" ...it requires endurance and persistence. Be positive - good luck!
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  • JNOVA2015JNOVA2015 member
    I agree with @CaliforniaDream87. I never understand the husbands that don't help at all because they work. You've got a demanding job right now too - there's no reason he should be functioning as normal and you should be a mombie. If you share the load and are both a little tired, but capable of doing your jobs (his work and your care for LO), it's better for everyone. DH still takes a night shift even when he has to go to work the next day. If he doesn't I'm calling him at work begging him to come home by noon, so we're both better off if I get an acceptable amount of sleep!!

    But if he truly won't help I think you should hire someone for at least one night a week. You aren't going to be able to care well for LO if you're dead on your feet!
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  • cseley321cseley321 member
    I don't get it either, he hasn't ever really helped with household things though, even while we were both working. Hell, he wouldn't help when I was working and he was unemployed. I've tried everything to get some help from him but no luck. He just tells me to hire someone if I need help. I finally gave in last year and hired a guy to cut our lawn.

    I had hoped he would be more helpful with the baby, but he has it in his head I think that he can't sooth her if she is upset. Once his work settles down some I plan to have a heart to heart with him, but if I bring it up now he will just fight with me, so I'm biding my time. They should lighten up on him in a week or two. They just went through layoffs so tensions are running high still.
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  • blovemamablovemama member
    My husband pulled that bullshit. We had a come to Jesus meeting at 5 am after he told me the baby was my job because he already had a job. No buddy, it's both of our jobs to take care of this kid. I told him to pick a 3 hr chunk of time any part of the day to be his time. He picked 9 pm-midnight. If the baby needs to eat (I pump and nurse), needs his diaper changed, or just wants to be held, it's Daddy's turn during that 3 hr period. He also feeds him once before he goes to work in the AM so I can sleep from the 3 am feeding until about 9 am.
    Together since '07
    Married since '12
    Off the pill since 5/14
    BFP: 8/10/14 -- CP 8/22/14
    BFP: 12/10/15 -- Prayers requested

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  • gulimzgulimz member
    I can't give you advice because I'm guilty of letting my husband sleep because he works and I've become a SAHM. But I hope things get better for you soon! It's hard and for some reason, some husbands don't understand because "you're home".
    FX that LO starts sleeping longer stretches so you can get more sleep and that your mother gets better soon so she can help out.
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  • bpwife&mamabpwife&mama member
    julesventura said:

    I got some of that "advice" from an aunt and my mom. They said, "you better get used to the fact that you will be exhausted for the next couple of months. It's not easy taking care of a newborn all day and all night!" I asked what they meant and they basically told me to be considerate and when the baby cries at night that I should leave the room to let hubs sleep because he has work early in the mornings... So I said on top of recovering from major surgery (yes mother, a c section is considered major surgery) I have to cook, clean, care for a newborn and take care of the older kids by myself because my "man" is working? Nope! It took two of us to make this baby. And on top of that I had 9 horrible months of pregnancy where I was sick the entire time and I couldn't sleep well. Hubs is helping no matter what!

    I don't get that logic! Husbands DO NOT get a free get out of jail card just because they clock in and out of a "job." Having a baby and taking care of it is harder work than they will ever know! Nope! Your hubby needs to put his big boy pants on and get to work!

    Since when is it acceptable for husbands to check out after the reality of the baby actually
    Being here? Thank god for my husband. We are a team 110%. He loves our boys so much and loves feeding them and being a parent to them. Did I mention he works at a FEDERAL PRISON and works crazy hours? He comes home every night at 11 and kisses each boy good night and gets up for the first feeding with the new baby. He tells me he has the easy job right now and my job at home is much closer harder.

    Moral of the story to all the douchey husbands neglecting their duties at home- step the eff up!
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker

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  • Baby2HGBaby2HG member
    Try to convince him and demand help.

    I have ppd and my baby is with my mom right now insted of with me. He needs to step up.
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  • SashaDenn25SashaDenn25 member
    @Baby2HG glad your mom could take LO for you to get some needed rest!! Take care of yourself. *hugs*
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  • prairiedreamsprairiedreams member
    Agree that it took two to make baby so it takes two to care for baby.

    I found it helped so much to conect with other new moms when i had DS four years ago. Even though he was with me for the outting i got to that other women were going through the same ups and downs i was. Our local ymca has a group just for stay at home moms.
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  • emmacake08emmacake08 member
    I agree with everything above. He needs to help more and give you some sanity time and rest. I can tell you that it does get easier. My first LOs had me at my whits end all the time. As time wore on, I adjusted to the chaos, neediness, and constant crazy.

    I used to have constant help from my MIL but then she had some personal problems and I went to having zero help pretty much overnight when I had 1 year old twins and first trimester vomiting. I thought I was going to lose my mind but I managed (very poorly at times).

    From one tired momma to another, you deserve a break and I hope you get one soon!
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