single and newly pregnant

bennaboo · January 2015

Hi all, I just found out I'm pregnant from a fling, I'm not really planning on telling him because I know he won't help and I know I can do this all on my own. Anyone else not tell the father? Does your kid ever ask about them, and what do you tell them?

xooemilyrose · January 2015

I WISH I didn't tell the father. He's one that will bail until it's convenient and then try to act like man of the year. When my child is old enough and asks id tell him who his dad is. It's kinda hard because if the father didn't do anything wrong then it makes it even harder to actually not give him a chance but you have to do what's best for you.

congrats and good luck!

bennaboo · January 2015

well he seemed really nice but we really only talked that one night we were together, and I just don't think he's a step up kind of guy tbh and I don't know that I want to even give him a chance.

xooemilyrose · January 2015

Well it's not like down the road you can't turn around and tell him lol however if you do tell him, there's no taking it back and possibly just causing yourself more hassle than anything. Like I said, I WISH I didn't tell the father. I wouldn't if I was you and then if you feel like at some point you should then that's when you do it.

bennaboo · January 2015

Yeah I think I'm going to hold off on telling him for a long time. I know he doesn't live close to me so that will make it easier to not tell him.

Mandig990 · February 2015

I told the father and the first thing he said to me was, and I quote, "You know you can't keep that right?" Like my baby was a cat I found on the street. Not only has he not been helping me out this pregnancy, but he's gone out of his way to bully me and harass me. He told all my friends I was lying about being pregnant then the went as far as to threaten my safety so much that I had to get a restraining order. Then all of a sudden (literally the day after I went to the courthouse) he changed his mind and decided he wanted to be involved and even asked me to move in with him

20thirteen · February 2015

OP - you guys have any friends in common? I would tell him if you do, only because the worst way to find out is by rumor.

@mandig990 document everything. He hasn't changed his mind, he's manipulating you. Keep him at an arm's distance, you can do better than him anyway.

Mandig990 · February 2015

20thirteen said:
OP - you guys have any friends in common? I would tell him if you do, only because the worst way to find out is by rumor.

@mandig990 document everything. He hasn't changed his mind, he's manipulating you. Keep him at an arm's distance, you can do better than him anyway.

I'm saving every text and voicemail. For some reason the rest of that post got cut off but I believe him leaving me alone would be doing me a favour. And to OP you have to compare the stress of having him involved than uninvolved. Bickering parents take a huge toll on the kids life. That helped me make my decision and I hope it helps you make yours

20thirteen · February 2015

@mandig990 High five. Especially during the pregnancy, the best thing would be for him to leave you alone. No added stress. My ex didn't contact me until 3 days before I gave birth. He left me when I was 2.5 mo along, only stopping by once after that to drop my stuff off from the apartment to my dad's house. So, for 6ish months, I was completely stress-free from his stupid bullshit. It was great.

brandyann15 · February 2015

I wish I hadn't told my BD. But I started to feel bad after being told "he has a right to know" by everyone and their mother, and my son (due in june) had a possibility of a heart abnormality so I felt like I needed to tell him. He was excited at first and then after announcing it on FACEBOOK he started arguing with me about when we were together and that it couldn't be his. We had a rocky three month fling and I found out about my little surprise a month after we broke up. He jumps from relationship to relationship and couldn't remember himself when we broke up and his next fling began this combined with the fact that I didn't want to be with him it must not be his. I have no problem being a single mom "again" ( I have a 20 month old son) and had decided to do this with or without his help anyway, but I personally could have lived without having to defend my vagina and my general character at all, let alone to someone who can't remember who or when he dated someone. ..there's just that many. He tried to hook up the other day with me, and when I turned him down told me he hoped I knew it was dirty to get with someone while pregnant with another man's baby. Exactly the kind of attitude I want to deal with at 5 months pregnant and on top of that was uninterested in his unborn son's helth or status. Yeah, I really wish I'd kept my mouth shut. Go with your gut, if you think it will add stress to tell him now then wait and see how you feel later when the baby is here. Just do what makes you comfortable now.

lucyjoana · May 2015

I am 13 weeks pregnant from a fling and I told him (only because my mom told me too) and he told me so many rude things but I'm still glad I said something. I think in the end it's all about what will make you feel at ease.

scornwell717 · July 2015

Mandig990 said:
I told the father and the first thing he said to me was, and I quote, "You know you can't keep that right?" Like my baby was a cat I found on the street. Not only has he not been helping me out this pregnancy, but he's gone out of his way to bully me and harass me. He told all my friends I was lying about being pregnant then the went as far as to threaten my safety so much that I had to get a restraining order. Then all of a sudden (literally the day after I went to the courthouse) he changed his mind and decided he wanted to be involved and even asked me to move in with him

The father of mine wanted me to get an abortion too. Easy for the man to say when it's not his body, right? He bullied me a lot at first too, telling me I was only keeping the baby to ruin his life. It's been two months since we found out and he's come a long way, but he still hasn't shown much support for me. It's an awful feeling

20thirteen · July 2015

scornwell717 said:

The father of mine wanted me to get an abortion too. Easy for the man to say when it's not his body, right? He bullied me a lot at first too, telling me I was only keeping the baby to ruin his life. It's been two months since we found out and he's come a long way, but he still hasn't shown much support for me. It's an awful feeling

If he's telling you things like "you're only keeping the baby to ruin my life", you don't want him around. You BOTH made the baby, YOUR body YOUR choice on whether or not you go through with the pregnancy. Don't ever let him bully you. He didn't want to have a baby? He should learn risk assessment when it comes to having sex. If you walked away, do you think he'd bully you for walking away? If it's healthier for you two to be apart, I would definitely recommend it. There are lots of health risks to babies when the mother is under a lot of stress. Maybe give him the option to not be in the baby's life. There are so many more options for dudes because they're not the ones carrying the child, and while some of those options may hurt us, sometimes it is for the better.

cardie · July 2015

It's nice to see other woman dealing with what I am. I am 7w and my boyfriend of 2 years left me after I told him. He told me there is no way it is his. Told me I needed to get an abortion. Told me it will ruin my body and my life. My advice to you is don't tell him if you don't think he will be supportive.It will just add so much unwanted stress. I wish I didn't tell my BD.

JugoBoss · September 2015

Just wondering how you're holding up...I'm 14 weeks pregnant and never thought I'd be alone. My BF asked me for this baby but then took off for other reasons. Either way, I guess I'm gonna be a single mom and that's terrifying!

20thirteen · September 2015

JugoBoss said:

Just wondering how you're holding up...I'm 14 weeks pregnant and never thought I'd be alone. My BF asked me for this baby but then took off for other reasons. Either way, I guess I'm gonna be a single mom and that's terrifying!

Welcome @JugoBoss, sorry for your troubles. I haven't seen OP on here in a long time, this is a pretty old post. Haha. Being a single mom isn't all that bad, it seems terrifying but in the end it's all alright. If you need help with anything, feel free to PM me. Sending you love

kiam032 · September 2015

I told my babies father a couple of days I found out and he said every nasty horrific jerk thing to say in order for me to have an abortion or not file for child support. He's ignored me since then. Mind you, I also knew him for 10 years!!! I only contacted him twice afterwards to show him my first ultrasound and my 20th week that showed the gender and babies name.

I honestly prefer little as possible contact with him. I'm stressed enough and don't need anymore added stress. My next contact will inform him of when/where the baby will be born. Which...I'm sure he won't come.

20thirteen · September 2015

Oh, that's sad. I'm sorry to hear that @kiam032

I flat out told my BD that he wasn't allowed to come to the hospital, I even gave the security desk and L&D nurses his picture to prevent him from showing up. I knew he wouldn't, but as a "just in case" type thing. Of course, my situation it different than yours. I wouldn't advise anyone to do what I did unless they feared their BDs, I was just being mean because of the way we broke up and how everything went down. I see that now, I don't necessarily regret it, but I know it wasn't right.

Sending you love, I hope you can take some time for yourself to relax and get ready for the beautiful new life coming to you

kiam032 · September 2015

Thank you 20thirteen. I've been trying my best not to stress. My job has been cutting my hours to almost nothing and I believe it's due to me being pregnant. They are being very slick about it so I can't sue them. I'm forced to file for assistance. I also have a temp agency trying to help me find a job.

I had to move out of my wonderful apartment and live with my sister and her family. I can only stay for another 6 months. I just hope I get a job soon so I can save some money before it's time. At the end of all of this I know things will work out.

20thirteen...what is the biggest advice you can give as a single parent?

20thirteen · September 2015

Well, I guess it depends. In your situation, I would apply for housing as well as child care. That could get you a place to live after your sister's place and a certified center to watch your LO while you either a) look for a new job or b) start a new job, or, if you choose to go back to school, c) go back to school. There are a lot of scholarships out there, you just have to find them. Also, I don't know how far along you are, but you should consider filling out all that paperwork ASAP. If your county is anything like where I live, it'll take a while before you get an answer. WIC is another thing to look into, although I wasn't eligible for that since I live with my dad and his fixed income that I see absolutely none of had to be factored in for whatever reason.

Saving money is a hard task, at least for me, and I was able to scrape by with a little help from an organization by my house that helped with pregnant women and children. They offered counseling, and I got free clothes and toys for DD when I couldn't afford to shop at goodwill (times were tough when she was very very little, even though, that wasn't *too* long ago... she's 2yrs old if you're mobile and can't see my signature). Try googling "pregnancy help + [where you live]" and see if there is an organization near you. I still suck at saving money but I've gotten better at it. I can buy clothes and shoes at Target now. Hahaha. Coupons are your friend!

May I ask what your job is now that they're cutting back your hours?

kiam032 · September 2015

Hi! Yes, I'm a Lead Co Manager for a retail store. I am also 24 weeks pregnant. Was making great money but not no more. I applied for everything I could. Im going to move in with my Mom hopefully in jan. Not sure how that is going to workout since I won't be able to lift and there will be lots of driving involved. ..something will workout. When you apply for foodstamps and so on and move with a relative or anyone you have to say you pay rent.

Right now I live with my sis family and I got a lease stating I pay a certain amount for a room, etc. Then you can file for head of household and they can't say they are helping you or consider their income. What they make has nothing to do with me. I'm really just in a room trying to hold out until after the baby is born.

I also applied to a temp agency and it is still hard finding another job so saving is out the door. I am just hoping I can get foodstamps real soon. There are times I feel like I am starving my baby and it kills me. I do the best I can.

20thirteen · September 2015

Oh, wow, thanks for that, I was kicked off assistance because now the household makes too much money even though I'm not making very much at all!

Good luck to you, I hope the foodstamps application goes through!

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