Double standard

dezzlynn · September 2015

i have a friend who is having a very hard time conceiving. She hasn't found the cause yet but has told me that this is why she has a hard time even talking or hearing about Xander (my son)let alone seeing certain hashtags like #momclub on my IG account. Although we have distanced a lot with the new changes in my life as well as hers , I have tried not to mention Xander when I'm with her which is extremely hard because in with him every moment of the day and he is my life! And I even stopped using the #momclub hashtag in respect for how she felt . I have not however toned down my love and excitement about celebrating and enjoying my momdome on my social media because in my eyes it is my right and place to do so and if anyone didn't lien it they can unfollow my feed or delete my social media from theirs. Am I wrong to think this way? I'm still mindful of how I phrase things so that it doesn't seem unfair to anyone who is having a hard time or cannot have kids but even when I write something like "I'm the happiest that I've been in my whole life because of this guy" as a caption, I feel like she takes it the wrong way as if it's personally towards her. Only I and her other friend have had kids out of her group of friends. She doesn't even talk to her anymore and we r already distanced as I said befor. Now she has begun following an IG account called "childfreequotes" and posts kind of rude and bitter quotes referring to parents and although I've been trying to not personalize it, it's hard since I know I'm the only friend who has had kids that she speaks to. I'm beginning to feel really hurt because why is it that I shouldn't be able to post a hashtag saying "no club" but she can post childfreequotes quotes making fun of or being bitter towards parents? The worst is that the last time, one of my other friends was the one who tagged her in one of these quotes and then she proceeded to post it .. Made me feel like they were both being bitter towards me for becoming a mom when I've always said and they've known that being a mom was my one dream! We used to talk about it all the time and how excited we would all be when it happened. And that's definitely not how it turned out. I'm happy no matter what but it's just an always position I feel I'm in and I just think It's a double standard he way she can say mean things on social media but I'm not supposed to just be free with my love and excitement . Thoughts?

cgf21 · September 2015

Just stop thinki about it. You will never know the pain your friend is going through. Leave it alone

krislynn20 · September 2015

Honestly, if you've never dealt with infertiliy you won't be able to related. The pain of thinking you'll never have a child is unbearable at times and it makes it extremely hard for those people to be happy for others. Your friend is likely hurting so much that she can't be happy for you. It's unfortunate that your friendship is weakening but like the pp you'll never know the pain she has to deal with every day. Just try not to think about it too much.

courtneylevesque · September 2015

Just do you. If you want to post stuff on social media about your little man go right ahead and do it without thinking so much on her taking it personally.

Honestly I cannot imagine what it would be like to struggle with getting pregnant, and Iget that she is experiencing difficulty in being around your baby. But what does she honestly expect you to do? Not enjoy being a mom? If that's the case, that is very unfair of her to ask of you. Just ignore what she is doing, if she wants to post child free quotes on her social media let her and don't worry about it so much. Maybe that helps her? Who knows. Just focus on you and your sweet little boy.

rosing · September 2015

We tried for 3 years before we had our daughter , saw a fertility specialist and I even had a surgery for endometriosis . And every month it was a let down not being pregnant . I'm sure she's just upset with her situation, it's frustrating , stressful, and depressing when your trying so hard to have a baby. It does make you jealous of your friends with children . It hurts seeing the posts of photos of their children , or some milestone that they've achieved. Your heart just wants to enjoy that for yourself . I don't know you or your friend, and she could just unfollow your posts but she probably still does want to see you happy . Infertility is aweful . I thank God everyday that I was able to have my daughter. I hope your friend will be able to convince and then you can enjoy you being mommies together

kgabhart · September 2015

I can understand both sides of this. It took us 3 years of being told nothing was wrong with us before we finally got pregnant. During those three years I wanted to die every time a friend announced a pregnancy. I really wanted to be happy for them, but it was killing me that it seemed like everyone I knew was pregnant. It got to the point where it was difficult to even smile and say "congratulations." I had all but given up on ever being a mommy when we found out about our little miracle. And despite my excitement, I almost felt guilty announcing because I had friends who I knew were still waiting for their miracles.

Now that she's here, she's my world and all I want to talk about. I would imagine your friend is still happy for you, but perhaps struggling with her inner torment of wanting it so bad. I would try to not read so much into what she posts and try to not take it as personal attacks. She may just be trying to convince herself that she can be happy without a baby and it's simply how she's coping right now. As previous posters said, struggling with infertility and difficulty conceiving is pure hell and can really take a toll emotionally.

LadyBlood · September 2015

A real friend would be happy for you even when they're going through their own troubles. She sounds selfish and like a terrible friend. That would be like not being allowed to be excited planning your wedding because your friend is going through a break up or a divorce. Yes, it's hard on women who want kids but are having a hard time doing so, but that doesn't mean they can't be a good and supportive friend.

NPReed10 · September 2015

I have several friends who have had/are having difficulty conceiving. We got pregnant on our first try. It was very hard for me to tell those friends having trouble, that we were expecting. I also found myself holding back sharing much with them while pregnant & even now that our LO is here. It wasn't anything they ever did or said, but it was just out of my respect for their feelings knowing they want to have a child of their own & not being able to conceive. Its a tough spot to be in on both sides and there is no easy or right answer. I just felt the need to be very sensitive about their feelings with it all.

mars8k · September 2015

It took us 3 months of trying to get pregnant nd i almost lost my mind, i can't imagine what it would be like to try for years.

I can imagine where she comes from, but, a lady at work has been trying for over 3 years with no luck, and this year 3 other collegues had babies and 1 guy's wife is expecting. She congratulated us all, and i don't post much about LO on social media but she always leaves a sweet reply. She never shows a sign of being upset if we talk about our babies she even asks about them every once in a while.. We never bring up the subject when she's around out of respect but i know it can't be easy to hear about it or see us walk around pregnant but she was very kind about it.

I understand it might be difficult if you guys were close and not just work together but still i feel she should either be more supportive or she should just ignore your posts or unfollow you like you said.

I'm most active on snapchat and i only allow lo's aunts, uncles, grandmothers and my friends with kids to view my story mainly because i post way too many baby stuff and i just know no one else can handle it, i know i didn't bfore LO!

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