I need help. How do you stay positive?

jlcfashion · September 2015

I need help ladies. My heart keeps breaking every time we try and have no success. It has been a year of trying with two miscarriages. I am 31 and healthy. I am seeing a specialist, but there is no good reason why I am having so much trouble. Clomid and trigger shot no success. I know I am not the only one with problem, but everyone around is pregnant or has a couple of kids and I don't think they get it. I just want advice on how to cope., because I feel defeated.

riveridgional · September 2015

Just know that you're not alone. I wish I had an answer for you. I feel like it's harder when your with a specialist but at the same time I have more hope at the start of each cycle. I guess I also feel more positive after seeing success stories here. Some of these ladies are just officially entering infertility tratments and others have been through unimaginable amounts of treatment and results. We are a very supportive group and these women are fantastic at giving inspiration, positive thoughts, and being there when you just need to vent. Good luck to you, and I hope the ladies here can help make this journey less lonely for you.

HBamama2B · September 2015

I second @riveridgional . This group is a fantastic support tool. Every time I see a big belly and feel a bit down, I imagine that maybe it's a fellow IF who had success. And when I get a BFN again, I head straight here.

I don't feel like people who don't have IF and haven't had miscarriages can fully understand, but everyone has been scared or lost in the process at some point. I feel for you. What you're going through is difficult and you are stronger than you realize having worked through it and continued on. I admire your spirit and wish you GL on your journey to a H&H 9 months. FX for you!

rachlee2010 · September 2015

Its a tough process. I have cried so many tears and feel so alone but coming here helps a lot. Women who truly get it and you can just vent to without worrying what they will say or think. I started knowing about our fertility issues in March and I will tell you it has gotten easier to deal with since then in the sense that I am not crying daily over it like I was. I still have my moments/days (like this morning when I woke up to an email from a friend who just had her 3rd child last night and her oldest is only 3.) A baby or pregnancy announcement can put me in a funk for a few days but I try my best to stay positive and believe it will happen for us. Hopefully your DH is supportive and can help when you feel down as well or if you have someone in real life. As weird as it sounds I have talked to my mother in law about our issues a lot and she helps more than my mom because she went through a lot of issues herself between having my DH and his brother.

jlcfashion · September 2015

Thank you ladies. September was my first month with clomid and the trigger shot. Clomid really messed with me (I got super emotional) and the trigger shot injection area hurt pretty bad for at least 4 days. My doctor thought it would be pretty easy for me, because I have gotten pregnant (miscarried both times). Yesterday I got a BFN. It is just so hard to swallow that I am going through this hole process again only to have this possible disappointment. And the thing is I have no choice. I have to put my head up. I have to be positive, and I have to try again. I just hope it gets easier or I get a healthy, happy, beautiful baby.

khochanadel · September 2015

For me, the best thing to keep me positive was the treatment plan we got when we started seeing our RE.

I'm a pretty Type A person, so when we started TTC and I did everything I was supposed to do for pregnancy to happen naturally and it didn't happen, I was devastated month after month. I kept feeling like there was something wrong with me. Why was I doing everything right and still failing?

Once we had a plan, a logical set of steps I could put on the calendar and cross off (the further and futher down the list we got to IVF), I didn't feel helpless anymore. Especially once we started our IVF cycle and got our meds schedule, I finally felt like I was in control of *something*, which was big for me.

I also rely on an anthem of sorts that I play whenever I start to feel helpless. As cheesy as it sounds, playing "Try" by P!nk has dragged up out of the dumps more times than I can count.

villacis811 · September 2015

@jlcfashion I completely understand your feelings. My emotions change everyday. My best friend and I had talked about being pregnant together. She is now 3 months pregnant and I am extremely happy for her but its a constant reminder that I have many hoops to jump through before DH and I can get there. Very few people know about our situation which I think makes it harder bc sometimes I feel like I'm hiding a huge secret. I personally like talking about it and getting support from others. Reading the success stories really helps me. I'm trying to enjoy all the pregnancies around me and just staying positive that I will be there soon. (I hope) RE told me I WILL have a baby one day and thats what I need to focus on. Good luck to you all!

kuposa17 · September 2015

I think it's really important not to put too much pressure on yourself to be positive. Yes, positive thinking is healthy, but so is crying, venting, pity parties and support groups. I believe in a good balance of both.

I don't know how others feel, but for me personally, it gets easier for me each treatment cycle. My pity parties used to be 1-2 weeks long and now they are 1-2 days long and then I start looking forward to the next attempt with more determination. I don't know if that's normal or not, but just wanted to share my own process.

Soverthis · September 2015

I feel ya. I am so up and down with my emotions. I am so tired of feeling sad and even envious. I try to remind myself it is OK to let myself feel my feelings. I feel bad for feeling bad and then I just feel worse....if that makes any sense. I try to think of all the positive things in my life. I try to remind myself no matter what the outcome will be that I am mother whether naturally, with help, with a donor or through adoption. I try to remind myself not base my happiness on being a parent. I need to be happy and focus on not just getting pregant. Easier said than done though! Projects have really helped me. I have done yard projects, painted rooms, finished rooms, made improvements to my home, got a new pet, crafted, joined a gym. My husband has also started new hobbies. Oh, and I journal. I just let everything out. It is probably the raving frustrations of a lunatic! But it helps me. Good luck dear. Hang in there. I frequently ask my husband "everything is going to be alright, right?" He says yes and then I actually do feel a bit better. I hope you are able to get pregnant soon.

lovelifewife · September 2015

So sorry you are feeling this way. I have no wise words, other than I've been there, and it stinks. I feel I kind of go back to the sadness each month. The past few months, I've actually just been keeping myself so busy (cooking new things, started a career-related blog and business, exercising) I don't know what cycle day I'm on, and I think that's the only way this journey isn't nagging at me today (although who knows what tomorrow brings). I'm 30, and all has checked out with me and my hubby, and we had 2 miscarriages almost 2 years ago, after which we have not been able to get pregnant. I think a lot of the women on this board are so informative and supportive, it's a great place to go to get advice and some sense of normalcy. I personally feel that many of them are so much braver and have such greater resolve than me. I've done clomid cycles (x5), progesterone and letrozole, and I'm kind of wondering if I have what it takes to do IUI (was supposed to start this month, and could not due to a scheduling conflict), which will likely lead to IVF. I hope you find an intervention that works for you, and can keep your chin up. I always try to remind myself when others are pregnant (since it seems everyone is right now, including about 5 of my unmarried, very young co-workers), that I don't want their baby, and don't envy their situation, I want MY baby with my husband. Somehow, that makes it better for me. I hope some of my rambling helps some.

misshopeful1 · September 2015

I agree, own your feelings. I've been mad, selfish, depressed, etc. I'm handling the stress and hurt of unexplained infertility the best way I can.
My husband is wonderful but there's such a difference in how we handle our feelings.
I got my period Monday and we'd done our first IUI. I've been a mess all week: crying at work, home, not exercising, cooking.
Some things are too awful to explain away and awful things happen to good people. I worry how I will be impacted if we really are unable to conceive.

Caroline351 · September 2015

I was at a family BBQ when I saw my cousin's toddler wearing a shirt announcing he was going to be a big brother. No one had said anything and it was such a surprise. I quietly went to the bathroom and had a nice little cry. I ended up leaving early because I just didn't want to hear everyone talking to her about her growing family (we have a strained relationship anyway, and I find myself asking why her and not me. We've been compared our whole lives. Not fun.) . I think it's ok to just do you sometimes. I'll be at work and just close my door to be alone, I'll cry to my husband. I overreact to my close friends. Having a nice support system helps and sometimes I'll run out and get ice cream.

Best of luck as you journey on. I'll be thinking of you.

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