How to professionally not come back from Maternity Leave

eebaby · September 2015

anybody out there take maternity leave and think about becoming a stay at home mom? I work for a great company but not sure it will be financially worth it to continue working after my maternity leave. How do you professionally quit? I have been with this place 4 years and I hate breaking up with people -aka quitting:) any advice on what to say to the boss?

Miz_Liz · September 2015

I would reach out to them and ask if they have some time to talk. I would then say something like, "DH and I have been interviewing a lot of day cares and nannies to watch our LO; however we are finding that the cost of child care is far more than we ever anticipated. We have been doing a lot of number crunching and honestly at this point we feel that financially it makes more sense for me to stay home with our LO than to return to work. Obviously this isn't something we planned or expected, but after a lot of discussion, it is just what makes the most sense right now for our family. I am so sorry to be doing this while on leave, I think by now you know the kind of person/worker I am and I would never intentionally leave you in a hard spot, but I wanted to tell you ASAP so that you can work on replacing me. If you need me to return for a week or two to train my replacement and get them up to speed, I would be happy to do so." Or something similar.

eebaby · September 2015

Seriously that is perfect! And I think offering to come back for a week or two to help train or find a replacement is a great idea

Ambermom043 · September 2015

I had (professionally) quit my job a couple months before baby was due, and a couple weeks later they actually asked me to come back and train my replacement. I happily obliged!

emschmeid · September 2015

You may be required to return to work for a weekweek (or specified period) in order to receive any maternity leave benefits. I learned that from my SIL who does employee benefits for different companies. It might be worth checking into before cutting ties.

cseley321 · September 2015

Miz_Liz said:
I would reach out to them and ask if they have some time to talk. I would then say something like, "DH and I have been interviewing a lot of day cares and nannies to watch our LO; however we are finding that the cost of child care is far more than we ever anticipated. We have been doing a lot of number crunching and honestly at this point we feel that financially it makes more sense for me to stay home with our LO than to return to work. Obviously this isn't something we planned or expected, but after a lot of discussion, it is just what makes the most sense right now for our family. I am so sorry to be doing this while on leave, I think by now you know the kind of person/worker I am and I would never intentionally leave you in a hard spot, but I wanted to tell you ASAP so that you can work on replacing me. If you need me to return for a week or two to train my replacement and get them up to speed, I would be happy to do so." Or something similar.

This is exactly what I told my bosses when I put my notice in prior to the baby being born. I think the most important thing is to offer to train your replacement.

KateDerek · September 2015

I have been toying with the same idea or at least cutting back. I currently work 4 days. I believe I am required to go back for the two weeks before making any sort of change otherwise I jeopardize my three months of maternity leave and benefits I've kept through it. I am planning on going back though. I return beginning of November and would ideally like to work through the holidays before deciding what we want to do. There are a few medical things and dental things we want accomplished before switching things up (I carry the benefits) and I feel that giving it time will make me see if I really want to stop working altogether or not. It may just be my hormones talking right now. LOL

PixelPosy · September 2015

I can't make up my mind on what I want I want to do. I've been with my company for 12 years and have a wonderfully flexible fufilling job... but the kids are only small once, argh! I also found out this week they laid a bunch of my coworkers off. I wasn't one of them, which darn the luck, would have made this decision much easier and I would have received severance.

What @Miz_Liz said is spot on... though I doubt I'd be able to articulate it so eloquently when actually speaking to my boss!

eebaby · September 2015

@PixelPosy to be laid off right now would make the decision so much easier!

KateDerek · September 2015

PixelPosy said:
I can't make up my mind on what I want I want to do. I've been with my company for 12 years and have a wonderfully flexible fufilling job... but the kids are only small once, argh! I also found out this week they laid a bunch of my coworkers off. I wasn't one of them, which darn the luck, would have made this decision much easier and I would have received severance.

What @Miz_Liz said is spot on... though I doubt I'd be able to articulate it so eloquently when actually speaking to my boss!

Me too, been there 12 years and I have Wednesday's off and like what I do. But they grow so fast and she is my last baby. Plus when I'm working I'm always thinking of being home more, but not usually the other way around. Even though I never pictured me at home.

ErikaB123 · September 2015

Great advice Miz Liz! Op, don't feel guilty about this. They will understand you are doing what's best for your family. If they aren't supportive then that's on them. I will also not be returning to work, can't wait to be a SAHM!

tsiviaw · September 2015

I work for my dad's company so I couldn't quit of I wanted to, but another girl just had a baby a week before me and she sent him a text explaining her situation and she couldn't afford to come back. Needless to say, that's NOT the way to go. He was going to offer her part time or options for working from home but the text left a bad taste in his mouth so he didn't.

Moral of the story- if you're going to do it, do it face to face and don't wait until the day before you're supposed to return.

Miz_Liz · September 2015

@PixelPosy and @Katederek I have always been an extremely career oriented person. I was very fortunate that right after college I landed a great job and I was able to move up the ladder rather quickly. Once I had DS (3 years ago), I struggled with what was the right thing to do - keep working and make money to provide him with anything he could want or need in life, or quit and stay home with him. I can't even tell you how many nights I cried, especially when my baby was sick from something he caught at day care. Then in one year at work we lost quite a few people (one guy died of cancer, one guy's son was murdered, another died of EEE, and more...), it made it even harder for me because as I attended all of these funerals, I couldn't help thinking that if these people could do it over again, they would proobably spend more time with their families. I also thought o myself how you never hear a Eulogy where someone says, "I am so glad they missed so many of my games because they were working...I am so glad they spent most of their awake time at work..." and if you did hear that, how sad would that be?! I struggled even more. I was literally living vicariously through the slips my day care would send home with my DS saying what he did that day - and man was I pissed when they did not fill them out!! Bonus was if they sent me a picture of him during the day. Other than that, I often left before he woke and got home between 6 and 7 - the witching hour! I was home just in time to fight with him to eat dinner if he hadn't already before I got home, bathe him, and get him to bed! I was missing all of the fun times with him...the funny things he said/did, everything. Fast forward awhile and I accepted a new job as a regional manager again, but this time no overnight travel. I was LOVING my new job and (brag moment), kicking ass at it too! I was making a name for myself quite quickly and life was good (work life that is). Then I found out I was pregnant again - the struggle continued. Well, about three months into my new job one of my counterparts left the company and they were not going to replace him so they were changing our regions around and suddenly my region was going to be 2+ hours away from my house. I was devastated. That weekend two things happened, first, DH and I decided that everything happens for a reason and this was the push I needed to quit and be a SAHM. The second, I miscarried. That Monday I gave my notice. They tried to keep me by offering me a job at corporate, but by that point I had wrapped my head around it and was ready to give being a SAHM a shot (and I am not wired for cubicle life). Everyone told me they didn't think I would like it because I was so career oriented, and truth be told, I didn't know if I would either (I knew I would love being with DS, did not know if I would miss working). This November will be a year since I quit and I have never looked back! I got pregnant again right away and I was so glad I wasn't working since I got insanely sick and I didn't have to worry about the stress and wondering if that caused my miscarriage. If they had not changed my region, I probably never would have quit. I walked away from a great job and really good money, but this year has really shown me how much that money doesn't mean shit in comparison to the moments I have had with my DS (and now DD). It has made me realize how much I was missing and how much I had already missed that I would never get back. I am sure that someday I will go back to work when my kids are older, but for right now, I have no doubt in my mind that I made the right decision. Sorry for the really long post, but I wanted you to know that from someone who has been through that struggle, I get it, but if you are feeling that strongly already, I doubt you will regret the choice if you can swing it financially - at least I know I have never regretted it for even one moment. I also am not saying you are a bad mom if you continue to work, I have been on both sides of that coin and both are hard work!! I have nothing but respect for both sides of that coin!! Good luck in your decision making, at the end of the day you have to do what is right for you and your family!

eebaby · September 2015

@tsiviaw I definitely won't be texting my boss

but I think meeting with him a month before I come back is a great idea-part time just might be a possibility in his mind too!

@Miz_Liz I am so happy you shared your story. I have frequently thought about how this time in our babies life is short and soon they will be in school all day and not needing us that much. To be able to take some time and enjoy this stage of life is a real blessing

WSatisfiedP · September 2015

I left my career as a corporate accountant Sept 1. I wrote a nice letter to my boss & the Dir of HR. It basically said that I appreciated the opportunity to work with their company, but it became apparent to me while on maternity leave that I could best serve my family by staying home with my newborn. Short & sweet.

amk013 · September 2015

I decided not to go back to work. I haven't told them yet though. I'm glad for this post I've been nervous about it. I don't think they'll care honestly, but I hate confrontation. I went back to school last year for my masters to be a nurse practitioner. When I did that, I quit the hospital and started working for a home health company on an as needed basis. I told them when I come back from maternity leave that I will only be taking call. So they're only losing a one weekend a month employee anyway. I have to go to some very dangerous neighborhoods for my job, and DH said he doesn't want me doing that now that I have a baby. The last day I worked, I was 38 plus weeks pregnant, and had a man come up to me cussing me out for being on his street. That was the end for DH.

PixelPosy · September 2015

@Miz_Liz I appreciate you sharing your story. I remember a lot of those feelings with my daughter in her first year of life. I actually refused to throw away the daily daycare slips and had a giant stack of them. DH thought I was nuts, but I'd burst into tears if he tried to throw them away because "they were my baby's days". Now that she is older, daycare enriches her life in a way I'm afraid I won't be able to match. I no longer keep every slip, just a few for memories.

I even wrote out a pro/con list to SAH earlier this week, and can talk myself out of just about every con. For example no sick or personal days... answer to that is all the grandparents we have nearby. Loss of seniority and benefits that come with it... no job or benefit is guaranteed, proven by the latest round of layoffs and benefit cuts at my company.

I think what I need to push me to say yes I want to SAH is for DH to feel that way. He's in the camp of do whatever you feel is best, which isn't what I need from him.

Miz_Liz · September 2015

@PixelPosy I would tell him that. Maybe he is afraid you will blame him if you regretted it? I would just say, "That isn't what I need from you right now, I need you to tell me that you agree that it is an good idea if we can swing it for me to be a SAHM." Maybe then he will realize and be more supportive.

How to professionally not come back from Maternity Leave

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