Community› The Bump Month Clubs› January 2016 Moms
January 2016 Moms
New Discussion

MomZilla planning my baby shower.

EzrieeMayEzrieeMay member
in January 2016 Moms
So my mom is deciding to plan my baby shower. It's in 2 months and she hasn't really done much. I'm thankful she's planning it but I feel like I can't have the baby shower I want and I told her if me and her can just compromise and I'll pay the extra fee and she just yells at me and tells me I'm being ungrateful. I just wanted it to be a both gender baby shower. She says I shouldn't worry if my concern is getting more stuff but that isn't my concern. I just want my family there. Am I being unreasonable? She says men only go for the food anyways. Lol which might be true but I don't see the big deal if I just pay for the food? Am I in the wrong is my mom being unreasonable? She does have bad PMS and is supposedly going through premenopause (so she says and she's only 40 by the way!) But also my boyfriend wants his friends to go too. So I don't really know what do? Should I just let mom take over?
Report Reply to Post

Re: MomZilla planning my baby shower.

  • EzrieeMayEzrieeMay member
    I'm sorry he's my fiance..I'm not use to saying it. We got engaged a few months ago X_X
    Report Reply
  • Loading the player...
  • EzrieeMayEzrieeMay member
    Lol she's the one who blames it on that not me.
    Report Reply
  • EzrieeMayEzrieeMay member
    edited September 2015
    I get that I am to blame but seriously I'm not trying to blame everything on her PMS but she blames everything on that as well. I'm not allowed to have any kind of emotion or discuss any sort of ideas I have without her getting offended. Same goes with my partner. It's OK for her to be upset when she's pmsing but when I'm upset I need to grow up and get over it. I have no voice with her or with my partner and the problem I feel is a lot deeper then just my baby shower. I'm tired of being degraded, being called names and being called ungrateful by her. I've been dealing with this my whole life. I have been very very depressed. The only thing I asked for is just for that one thing and I'd pay the extra fee. And honestly you're right I could give two shits about my fiancés friends i don't want them there anyways. I just want my family there. I'm OK even if it's just the men that are close to me. Like my brothers and my dad . And some cousins I grew up with. That's it. I'm sorry for being a devil
    Report Reply
  • ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    Mine is not mixed gender, but my husband's friends actually wanted to go--- football is on at the same time and it is at my ILs so I think they were thinking big screen tv, free beer and food haha
    Report Reply
  • djdawn29adjdawn29a member
    I say invite them anyway. What's she gonna do, tell them to leave?? They r ur friends and if they want to attend and u want them there then she has no right to say no. Nothing worse then having a party u r unhappy with. Whether she is throwing it or not. It's suppose to be ur party. Sheeesh!!
    Report Reply
  • apinkpelicanapinkpelican member
    edited September 2015
    @MyCousinVinny I don't see how offering to help financially is rude.

    OP I think your mom should be more considerate of your desires as she is planning this for you, and not her. However, ultimately if she is hosting the party she gets to plan the party.
    Can you have the guys in your family all show up at the end to help clean up (ie:eat all the leftovers) and help pack up the car?
    Report Reply
  • EzrieeMayEzrieeMay member
    Thank you to those who were supportive and even thank you to those who gave me a bit of a rough time. I got to see both sides. I didn't know a baby shower was a comparison to a gift from another person before I never had something like a "party" "get together" where I'm the center of attention I honestly don't know how it goes. But now that I understand it's a gift. Than I am very much in the wrong. I guess it's a bit hard because me and mother never really got a long. I've been out on my own since 16. I know she's trying and it's hard for her. It's hard for both of us. I will just let her plan everything and keep my mouth shut.
    Report Reply
  • maddisonwallacemaddisonwallace member
    I can see how your mom would've perceived you as being ungrateful. But maybe it's just me, I guess my opinions tend to be a little more laid back sometimes, but I really don't see the big deal with men coming to a shower. If they don't want to go they don't have to, it's just an invite. I know my husband and I will be having a shower with both his friends and my friends there. All of our friends are really supportive and want to be there, so I'm not going to be like "NO YOU CANT BECAUSE YOURE A MAN". Just make sure you come from a place of gratitude when you speak. My mom is ultra sensitive about that stuff too so I always have to stroke her ego before I say stuff like that.
    Report Reply
  • MyCousinVinnyMyCousinVinny member
    edited September 2015
    apinkpelican said:
    @MyCousinVinny I don't see how offering to help financially is rude. OP I think your mom should be more considerate of your desires as she is planning this for you, and not her. However, ultimately if she is hosting the party she gets to plan the party. Can you have the guys in your family all show up at the end to help clean up (ie:eat all the leftovers) and help pack up the car?
    I find it rude because it comes across as, "What you're doing isn't enough so I'm going to chip in to make it better than what you are planning."  If my mom told me she was going to gift me a diamond necklace, I wouldn't say, "Oh well I'll pitch in some money because I want diamonds and sapphires."  Her mom may have felt that what she was doing wasn't enough and I can see how that would cause some hurt feelings.

    OP, I'm sorry that you and your mom have had a rocky relationship in the past.  Perhaps this can be a time where you can both try to heal some of those wounds and move forward together towards building a healthier relationship.   I wish you both luck.

    And @djdawn29a, just.....no.
    Report Reply
  • djdawn29adjdawn29a member
    Well, if she gives in on this then what's next....she gonna name the baby also??? Come on... :D
    Report Reply
  • MyCousinVinnyMyCousinVinny member
    djdawn29a said:
    Well, if she gives in on this then what's next....she gonna name the baby also??? Come on... :D
    First, there is no 'giving in' when it comes to a gift.  You accept it graciously and gratefully.  You don't get to dictate how the gift is given to you or alter it prior to it being given.

    Her mother is doing something nice for her by throwing her the shower; she isn't required to do this and by no means has to change her plans.  Now, many times the host does ask the MTB for her opinion on various things but she isn't required to do so and if she doesn't, it doesn't mean she's going to dictate other things in the baby's life ie. name, parenting style, etc.

    You seriously think OP should just invite whoever she wants without regard to what her mother is planning and can afford? 

    Come on....
    Report Reply
  • djdawn29adjdawn29a member
    edited September 2015
    Hmmm... /:)
    Report Reply
  • djdawn29adjdawn29a member
    @EzrieeMay good luck, I hope u have a
    great party!
    Report Reply
  • nickilynn0516nickilynn0516 member
    you are making a big deal out of nothing! Which is what pregnant women are known for. Just let it go and try not to control everything. Let her do her thing. She is a proud grandma! Tell your fiance to go out for beer or do a guy thing with his buddies!
    Report Reply
  • Krisdee123Krisdee123 member
    SummerFall03 said:


    nickilynn0516 said:

    you are making a big deal out of nothing! Which is what pregnant women are known for. Just let it go and try not to control everything. Let her do her thing. She is a proud grandma! Tell your fiance to go out for beer or do a guy thing with his buddies!

    Really? I thought pregnant women were known for growing humans. Hmm.


    This whole time I thought it was morning sickness. :D
    Report Reply
  • nickilynn0516nickilynn0516 member
    @summerfall03 Do we not have a sense of humor?!?!?!?!!? it was sarcasm Genius!
    Report Reply
  • SummerFall03SummerFall03 member
    nickilynn0516 said:
    @summerfall03 Do we not have a sense of humor?!?!?!?!!? it was sarcasm Genius!
    I feel like my sarcasm went way over your head? lol
    BabyFruit Ticker
    Baby Birthday Ticker Ticker
    Report Reply
  • nickilynn0516nickilynn0516 member
    that was not sarcasm, that was being a smart A$#....
    Report Reply
  • UptownPearlUptownPearl member
    Since this is the jan BMB I'm counting down how long it takes for this thread to get shut down
    Report Reply
  • SnoopylovesbelleSnoopylovesbelle member
    nickilynn0516 said:

    that was not sarcasm, that was being a smart A$#....

    If you are going to be a "smart A$$" it should at least be funny instead of a lame stereotype
    Report Reply
  • kodariahkodariah member
    edited September 2015
    Some of you are just ignorant! And I guess I'm a spoiled brat. I told my mom and my sister in laws what I wanted cause its something they are doing FOR me! Is giving someone a gift nice if your not being thoughtful of them instead just giving them what you want. Umm I don't think so...
    Report Reply
  • ntyravgspntyravgsp member
    Snoopylovesbelle said:

    nickilynn0516 said:

    that was not sarcasm, that was being a smart A$#....

    If you are going to be a "smart A$$" it should at least be funny instead of a lame stereotype
    image
    Report Reply
  • ccoleemanccoleeman member
    *You're
    Report Reply
  • cassdabycassdaby member
    All of you on here can be so rude. My husband and his friends are coming to our shower. Along with all the men in our family. Just because you don't agree with it, doesn't mean she's being ungrateful. I'm certainly not by wanting a jack and jill shower. My husband and I had 8 miscarriages before finally having a healthy pregnancy. So we want all of our family there to celebrate our sons life. Stop being so judgemental and harsh when you don't even know the person or their story.
    Report Reply
  • ChrissyD1203ChrissyD1203 member
    @cassdaby I love the idea of a Jack and Jill. Although my shower isn't one, I've been to them before both for weddings and babies and I've always had a blast so has my husband. In my experience they have tended to be less formal which I like and just a bunch of friends being happy and getting to see one another. I'm so glad you and your husband are going to be able to celebrate together with all of your friends - I can't even begin to imagine how excited and wonderful this is for you... And I'm so sorry for your past losses.
    Report Reply
  • LljbeanLljbean member
    ntyravgsp said:
    Mehhhh, me too. I'm calling a maximum of 4 more comments before close of business. Hope @ntyravgsp saves me some popcorn....
    Out of popcorn. But I have other snacks... image


    *Yawns* You caaaaaaaaaaaaallllled?!  ;)
    Me:28 DH:35
    Married: 7.23.11
    DD:10.17.12
    EDD #2!:1.17.16 







    Report Reply
  • ChiccoBeanzChiccoBeanz member
    wassuphoes said:
    While offering to help offset costs probably came from a place of well-meaning, your mom probably interpreted it as "what you're planning isn't good enough. Let me fix it because you're wrong ". It sounds like you and your mom aren't on the best of terms. I don't think a party is worth straining relationships over. I would either step back and let mom plan what she wants or decline the shower.
    I'm lurking from from another board, but I am with Wassuphoes on this one. Also, it seems to me that while you both are trying to be nice and well intentioned towards each other, you and your mom are both being rude. You can be seen as rude for offering money and she took it the wrong way, hence the "ungrateful" and other name calling. As for her, she is being rude for not including your family, especially if you made that as your 1 main request. But I also think it is weird to have a baby shower thrown by family and not have family there... my family is also very close, so no judgements on your family, I just think that set up is weird. My advice is in line with @wassuphoes said: Either fall back and accept the shower as a gift and just be surprised or decline the shower. 
    Lilypie Pregnancy tickers
    Report Reply
Sign In or Register to comment.
Choose Another Board
Search Boards
"
"