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Guilt over Sleep Training

NLB2009NLB2009 member
in March 2015 Moms
I'm not looking for advice on this so much as a place to express what I'm feeling.  Last night, we began sleep training my 6 month old son using the Ferber method.  Up until now, we've been doing a modified attachment parenting style where we co-slept with baby.  He outgrew his co-sleeper bassinet and he doesn't sleep well anymore in the bed with me (I think I wake him up).  Two weeks ago, I got bronchitis and we made the decision to move him to his own room because my coughing was really messing with him.  It has been hell since.  He was doing pretty well, sleep wise, going down at about 730 and up once at 2am-ish to nurse.  I could totally live with this.  But since moving him to his own room, he's impossible to put down, wakes every 30 minutes if we're lucky and just seemed really unhappy.  I know he can put himself back to sleep because he would do it often in his co-sleeper but it seemed like he forgot how to.  It was exhausting, going in every night over and over, rocking him and nursing him to sleep, all while I was really sick.  So last night, while my husband was still at work, I put the baby down like usual and he slept about 30 minutes, then woke up.  I went in, gently shushed him and explained it was bedtime, and then left again.  And he WAILED!  Like I've never heard before.  You'd have thought I was hurting him he cried so loudly.  I waited three minutes and went in again, patted him and scratched his head, and left again when he was calm (after about a minute).  The second the door closed, the crying started again.  I waited five minutes, the whole time pacing outside his door.  (I know they say you should distract yourself but I figured if he was suffering, I shouldn't get to relax, I should be there with him even if he didn't know it).  Repeated the process and he cried even louder.  I cried after I left and determined I would only let it go on a hour and then give in and nurse him.  Went in after the ten minute mark and he clutched my hand like he was terrified I would leave again.  I cried again after leaving but this time the crying was a little different and after three minutes he stopped.  I watched him on the video monitor and he was just rolling around and sucking on his hand (which he used to do all the time when he was a newborn but stopped at some point).  Then he fell asleep.  And he slept the whole night.  From 830ish to 630.  It was amazing.  I actually woke up at 4am and panicked, thinking something was wrong but we have an AngelCare monitor so I could see he was still breathing.  So it was a success, right?  Except all day today I've been feeling horrible, even though he was as happy as a clam this morning.  I feel so guilty about putting him through that and I'm dreading doing it again tonight.  I keep reading all these articles about how psychologically damaging CIO is.  I never wanted to do CIO but I couldn't think of what else to do.  I'm just heartbroken.  Part of me wishes it hadn't worked so I'd have an excuse to abandon it but now I feel I've got to keep it up.  Any thoughts?  
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Re: Guilt over Sleep Training

  • secretbabasecretbaba member
    Welcome to my world! No seriously it's nice someone feels the same as me. So far (like you) it seems to be working. But the guilt is there. The only reason I even tried was because she was waking every 1.5-2 hours and feeding more than she was in the day!
    Tonight will be night 3. The first night she did the same as your son. Last night I only needed 10mins worth of fussing. It does seem to work and she, like your son, wakes up SO happy in the morning and that is why I'm continuing. Her mood during the day wasn't great up till yesterday.
    I would never let her completely cry it out, I think that's mean. But keeping soothing and being there and helping them soothe themselves seems important to me. If you feel like in the long run it benefitted, then stick with it. You can do it!

    PS that was as much a pep talk for me, as for you ;)
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  • currcurr027currcurr027 member
    I'm going through the same exact thing! Last night was night 3 of the screaming and caring on. I go in every 10 minutes and comfort her and then she just wails. I've been unsuccessful for 2 nights and My husband was the one to give in last night. I feel awful though. I'm also weaning her right now, and she's gone from waking up once a night to 4 or 5 times a night, which is what has prompted the crib training, hoping she'd get better sleep at night. Maybe I'm changing to much at once. A girl I work with is letting me borrow a little thug that plays music and projects a moving image onto the ceiling, so I'm going to try that tonight to help comfort. I'm reining out of ideas or tactics though! But it gives me hope that you guys have had some success! Puts a light at the end of my tunnel!
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  • sken1230sken1230 member
    I feel you mommas!  The struggle is REAL!!  This is baby #3 for me and by far my biggest sleep training challenge.  My first two was 2 nights of hell and then it was great.  #3 is giving us a run for our money!!  My biggest struggle is that we used the swing waaaaay too much and he got reliant on being rocked to sleep and now can't fall asleep independently.  I have been decreasing the amount of rocking and putting him down when he's just about to fall asleep so we are making progress, but it is frustrating and we are all exhausted at this point of the day.  I really felt like we would be further along in the sleep training at this point so it feels good to hear other mommas struggling with it too.  Our other issue is that he insists on taking 3 short ass naps throughout the day so he's up till 9!  I would really love to get to a place where we can put him down before his older siblings.  May have to cut the early evening nap and see what happens ;)
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  • myjessesgirlmyjessesgirl member
    I know the excuse that our parents did it and we all turned out ok is not a great one, but I am beginning to doubt the psychological distress that CIO dissenters claim. It sounds like you are so great at being a mom, and your feelings of guilt prove it! But hopefully after a week or so you won't have to endure any crying; keep it up! Enjoy your good sleep and dote over your little man today.
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  • NLB2009NLB2009 member
    Thanks for letting me know I'm not alone, ladies!  Last night was a success again.  Only cried hard for a minute and then just a little fussing for five before cooing himself to sleep.  The cooing part was adorable.  And he slept 8 to 630!  @secretbaba, Thanks for the pep talk, it gave me the courage to keep it up and I'm glad I did.  @sken1230, I'm sorry it's going so hard for you!  I actually had to cut the last nap, too.  My LO used to take a nap at 5 until 6 and then start the bedtime routine at 730.  But after a while, I couldn't get him to relax at 730 so I cut the 5 nap and it's been a lot better since.  @AGM0616, I can't tell you how nice it was to read those words this morning.  Despite seeing how well rested by little guy seemed, I was still questioning myself.
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