Circumcision rant.

sterjacks21 · September 2015

Today I feel guilty. I feel like a horrible mother for going against my gut instinct when it came to getting my son circumcised. Since I found out I have been having a boy I have been skeptical about the procedure. After doing my research I really decided that I didn't want him to have it done. My boyfriend insisted on it. My pediatrician said my son should look like his dad so today I went ahead and had the procedure done today. Before the circumcision began the pediatrician that was performing it (another doctor in the practice) reminded me that circumcision was not medically necessary. This made me feel terrible and I wanted to tell her I wanted to take my son home. Instead I told her "I know". They didn't let me stay in the room and I could hear my baby screaming from the waiting room. My heart is broken. We have been home since 10am and he's been asleep the whole time only to waking up to feed twice. I know he's in pain and I just really feel like I made the wrong decision.

Sorry this is so long. I just really needed to let this out! Thanks for listening. Here's a pic for cuteness

JBelanger2015 · September 2015

That's very disheartening to read. I'm surprised a licensed pediatrician used the example of baby matching daddy as his reason to perform a circumcision. I think he just wanted some more cash in his bank account.

Sadly it is done, but at least if you should have another son in the future you will know in advance what to expect in regards to this.

I personally will not be having my son circumcised. Jesus himself could tell me it'd save his life for me to do it and I still wouldn't. It's just simply unnecessary. We are born the way we are born for a reason.

Sorry to hear of your experience. He will heal, and you can't take it back. So forgive yourself and know that you did mean well. It's nothing to feel inadequate over. You have the rest of your life to be a wonderful mother. Enjoy it

Boobopgirl · September 2015

Honestly though...I might find a new pediatrician. The fact that they wouldn't let you in the room AND used a stupid excuse to justify circumcision leads me to believe that maybe this pediatrician is not so trustworthy.

chelseajeanene · September 2015

You're not allowed in the room where I'm from and I honestly don't think I could have been in there. I wanted it done and my hubby insisted on it but I did feel guilty afterwards but the recovery is nothing. He slept when he was finished and never made a peep about it afterwards, it's really okay. Don't beat yourself up so bad

sterjacks21 · September 2015

I've already thought about it and am actually researching new ones after the ordeal I went through today.

booksandcleverness81 · September 2015

Good idea! But don't feel too bad, you had to take your SO's opinion into account too and in the grand scheme of things it doesn't make a huge difference. We decided not to, but if hubs felt strongly about it I would respect his feelings. That being said, the ped weighing in on it was completely unnecessary. I hope he doesn't advise everyone in the same way!

BeachBabe22 · September 2015

You can't be in the room because it needs to be sterile. Our sons was done in the hospital and he was away from us for about a half an hour. He was super sleepy that day but the doctors said that's normal after getting it done. It's been pretty easy to take care of and its healing nicely. Just make sure you use a lot of Vaseline every time you change his diaper so it doesn't stick to the diaper.

Boobopgirl · September 2015

Our hospital definitely lets at least one parent be with the baby when it is done (or at least to watch from behind glass) and so does our pediatrician's office. So this is new to me.

PregNancyClark · September 2015

I'm so sorry. You're a great mom. If you'd been able to know before hand how this would make you feel you never would have allowed it. You didn't know. He won't remember. He'll only know how much you love him.

ebrosten33 · September 2015

We're allowed in but I wouldn't want to be in there to be honest it's more traumatic on us the mom and dad then the baby and u hear baby crying becuz thy strap him down so what newborn child or even adult wants to be strapped down on all 4 no one but for the procedure ur child will not feel it or remember it at all I did research and a paper about it with my first and yes u don't need to do it that's y it's now confirmed an not a medical necessary procedure and most insurance won't pay for it but in my opinion cleaning it now isn't hard but as he gets older and him being a boy it will get harder to clean and no 13 year or older wants there mom in the shower cleaning it to make sure there's no infection.

mamadeez · September 2015

f I was in your position, and my partner felt strongly about having it done, I would feel very confused. Putting your own research and opinion against his would be difficult - and deciding to have it done would be hard.

I think that was a huge deal as far as parenting as a team. I think you should be proud that you both care so much.

Random but: I know a few "grown" men who think they can't get HIV at all from unprotected sex because they are cut. So the main thing I think that is important is to develop an open dialogue with your son as he grows up. Let him know the positive reasons why his father wanted it to happen, and the realities of protecting himself. He doesn't need to remember the event the way it has effected you right now if that's your wish.

bnwillia3 · September 2015

I am so sorry for your experience. That sounds truly terrible. Please try to forgive yourself - you were acting upon the information you had available and made the decision with your partner. You didn't do anything "wrong" and you can only go forward from here.

I think looking for a different pediatrician may be a good idea - if only to ensure that you are taking your son to a doctor that doesn't make you feel pressured about what choices you should be making for your child.

Thank you for sharing your story. It is invaluable to hear such an honest reporting of such an experience. I am just so sorry you had to go through it.

mgade001 · September 2015

I agree. Don't beat yourself up. At least he won't remember. My husband was 5 when they did his, at home, with a house full of people watching!

els831 · September 2015

The whole "son should match dad" thing just blows my mind and kind of grosses me out. What about, you know, pubic hair and all of the other changes that genitals go through during puberty? Should we be putting breast implants in newborn girls? How often are little boys getting an up close and personal look at their father's penis enough to notice a difference in the skin?

neira66233 · September 2015

I'm so sorry your little guy is in so much pain. And while circumcision isn't necessary, I'm planning on having my son circumcised when he's born. My fiance isn't abd is the one who suggested it because of hygenic reasons he snd his brothers encountered growing up.

Don't feel like a bad mother for going through with it. I'm sorry that your pediatrician coerced you into getting it done to look like dad, that shouldn't be the reason for getting it. You made a decision for your child based on information you are given at the time. Idk if it'll make you feel better but being so young, he won't have any recollection of the experience and won't hate you for the decision you made.

str13 · September 2015

Please don't feel bad. This breaks my heart for you that you feel this way. Try not to be hard on yourself. At some point you and your DH would have to have come to an agreement on whether to have it done or not, and at that time you may have chosen what you've chosen today. Please try to make peace with your decision, momma. I know this is a hot topic with many passionate views. But he is not maimed. He'll grow up happy and love you no matter what you had decided!!

babs02 · September 2015

We decided on circumcision from the beginning, it still breaks my heart knowing he's probably in pain. I'm going through the same thing, he's been sleeping and not eating quite as much. But on an unrelated note I dressed my son in the same onsie today!

jen83mn · September 2015

We had our little guy's circumcision done in the hospital before we were discharged and it was definitely tough! We had made the decision a long time ago and were confident in our decision, but it was still hard because of course you don't want to inflict any pain on your child! Our hospital lets the parents accompany the child so my husband went with (I was way too hormonal and sleep-deprived that day to be able to handle it!). If it gives you any peace of mind, my husband watched the entire thing and our baby only cried while he was being held down at the beginning and given the numbing shot. Once that was over with, he totally calmed down and just quietly stared at my husband the whole time and didn't appear to be in any pain whatsoever, and was totally fine once he came back to our room. We didn't have any issues with his circumcision or him being more fussy, etc., in the days ahead.

Today we brought our little guy in to get his tongue tie checked out. I was super nervous again because of course I didn't want my little guy to be in pain! I even watched a video of the procedure ahead of time to prepare myself. He ended up crying for a few seconds when they held his arms down, then didn't cry at all when they snipped it, fed right afterward, then slept for a few hours and has been acting totally normal since.

It's impossible not to worry about our kiddos or that we're making the wrong decisions, etc., but you're doing the very best you can and your baby will recover and be just fine so don't worry! But I totally agree with pp ... if you didn't feel comfortable with the periatrician, definitely find a new one!

TabulaRasa25 · September 2015

I'm sorry for what you are feeling, and I would probably feel justified in finding a new pediatrician, in this case. "A baby should match his daddy," is NOT a call for an ethical medical professional to make.

We have been going back and forth on circumcision for months, now, ever since finding out sex...neither of us has felt strongly on way or another - my husband is uncircumcised, but doesn't have adamant feelings about it one way or the other. We did meet with our chosen pediatrician, and it was one of the things we discussed. She is neither pro nor against, gave us all the info she had on either choice, which matched what we'd researched, and noted that while circumcision is still slightly more common in our region, it's moving toward a more even split (60-40), so either way we went, our son wouldn't be an outlier. I was happy with how level she was. An ethical pediatrician shouldn't have an agenda on a wholly elective surgical procedure, IMO.

As the day draws nearer, I am leaning more and more strongly toward NOT doing it. The sole hesitation I have has to do with a friend whose twin boys developed penile adhesions and had to have it done older as a treatment, which was even more painful.

But I am now strongly leaning toward no unnecessary surgical procedures.

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